The flickering light of a candle cast a soft glow over the writing desk, illuminating La-Orchan's tear-streaked face. She inhaled deeply, struggling to suppress the overwhelming pain in her chest. Her trembling hand moved slowly as she wrote each word on the parchment, her sorrow weighing heavily on her every stroke.
.
"La-Orduen has discovered the truth about us. We must stay apart for a while."
.
The message in La-Orchan's letter to her beloved Phiengwad was brief yet carried the weight of her despair.
Once she finished writing, she folded the letter carefully and handed it to her maid with a trembling voice.
"Saiyood... deliver this letter to Phiengwad tomorrow morning," she instructed, her voice wavering.
Saiyood took the letter from her mistress's hand, her own heart heavy with concern. She noticed the faint marks of tears that had soaked into the paper.
"Is this all you wish to tell her, my lady?"
Saiyood asked gently, her tone filled with worry.
"What about the oath you were forced to swear by Lady La-Orduen? And the fact that Lady La-Orduen has feelings for Lady Phiengwad as well?"
"If I tell Phiengwad everything, she will worry. It might only make things worse," La-Orchan replied through sobs, her tears streaming down her cheeks once more. "I have no other choice, Saiyood…"
Saiyood looked at her mistress with a heavy heart. She could see the immense burden La-Orchan was carrying, but there was little she could do. She could only watch helplessly, filled with pity and sorrow for the woman she so loyally served.
…
Gulab hurriedly delivered the letter she had received from Saiyood to her mistress, Phiengwad, her heart racing with worry. The moment Phiengwad unfolded and read the letter from her beloved La-Orchan, her eyes widened in shock. Her expression quickly shifted to one of deep concern.
"Gulab... did Saiyood say anything else to you besides delivering this letter?" Phiengwad asked, her voice trembling slightly.
The letter from La-Orchan contained only a brief message—La-Orduen had discovered their secret, and La-Orchan requested that they distance themselves for the time being.
Phiengwad's sharp gaze lowered in contemplation. If La-Orduen knew about their relationship and La-Orchan felt compelled to ask for distance, the situation was undoubtedly dire.
"Saiyood didn't say much, my lady," Gulab replied softly. "She only mentioned that Lady La-Orchan had entrusted her with delivering this letter to you."
Phiengwad sank into a chair, her mind racing as she tried to find a solution to this unfolding crisis. The more she thought, the more trapped she felt, as if there were no clear way forward. Yet one thing was certain—she couldn't leave La-Orchan to face this storm alone.
"Gulab,"
Phiengwad finally said, her voice resolute,
"I'm going to Lord Noradit's house."
Her decision was firm. She was determined to confront La-Orduen, the twin sister of her beloved, and resolve this matter once and for all.
…
Phiengwad arrived at Lord Noradit's Thai house with a troubled expression etched upon her face. As she stepped inside, she found La-Orduen carefully stringing a floral garland with the help of her loyal maid. La-Orduen looked up at Phiengwad, her demeanor calm, but a fleeting glint of coldness flashed through her eyes.
Phiengwad drew in a deep breath before speaking in a gentle voice.
"La-Orduen… may I speak with you privately?"
La-Orduen set the garland down and replied in a composed tone, though her gaze carried a hint of reproach.
"How curious, Lady Phiengwad, that you wish to speak with me privately today. Usually, when you visit, it seems you use me as an excuse—when your true intention is to see La-Orchan."
Her words hit Phiengwad like a slap, leaving her momentarily speechless. A pang of guilt swept through her heart, and she quickly apologized.
"La-Orduen… if my actions have ever caused you offense, I deeply apologize. That was never my intention. This time, however, I am here because I truly need to speak with you about something important."
La-Orduen remained silent, her large eyes fixed on Phiengwad, a flicker of resentment briefly visible before she regained her composure.
"Very well," she replied in an even tone, her voice and expression unreadable.
.
.
Once the two agreed to speak, they walked to a riverside pavilion away from the main house, seeking solitude for their conversation. As they sat down, Phiengwad took a deep breath before asking La-Orduen in a trembling voice,
"La-Orduen… you know about me and La-Orchan, don't you?"
La-Orduen raised an eyebrow, her gaze laced with sarcasm.
"Did La-Orchan run crying to tell you, P'Phiengwad? And this time, when did you sneak away to meet her? Was it during the day or at night?"
Phiengwad chose not to respond, even though she wondered how La-Orduen had discovered the truth. It was futile to press for answers now. Instead, she reached out and clasped La-Orduen's hands firmly, speaking with resolute sincerity.
"I owe you an apology, La-Orduen, for my inappropriate actions and for never telling you about my relationship with La-Orchan sooner."
Her voice softened, her eyes filled with guilt.
"I know… I know that I'm a woman, and La-Orchan is a woman too. I wasn't sure if you could ever understand our love if you knew. I understand how strange—how unacceptable this love must seem in Ayutthaya society."
The phrase 'our love' drew a bitter laugh from La-Orduen, a dry, hollow sound devoid of joy. She looked at Phiengwad with scorn, as though mocking the very notion of what she'd just heard.
"Love?" La-Orduen said, her tone dripping with disbelief. "Are you joking, P'Phiengwad?"
Her heart shattered when she heard the word love from Phiengwad's lips, knowing that it wasn't meant for her.
"And how long do you think this... relationship with La-Orchan will last?" La-Orduen asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm though her eyes betrayed a deep, unspoken pain. "Sooner or later, the two of you will have to part ways and marry men, just like everyone else."
Her words, though laced with derision, carried an undercurrent of pain that shone in her eyes.
Phiengwad fell silent for a moment.
The phrase 'the two of you will have to part ways and marry men' stung like a dagger. It felt like an insult, a dismissal of the genuine love she shared with La-Orchan. Still, she took a deep breath, steeling herself to respond.
"I am serious about La-Orchan. I love her. I want to be with her, to care for her, for the rest of my life."
La-Orduen's lips twisted into a bitter smile, her hands clenched tightly, nails digging into her palms. The bitterness and disappointment swelling in her chest threatened to spill out as tears. She fought to hold them back.
"P'Phiengwad, you speak as if you could marry La-Orchan," La-Orduen said with a sharp, mocking tone, though her voice quivered. "Two women cannot marry. It's impossible."
.
.
Despite the sharp sting of La-Orduen's words, Phiengwad remained as composed as ever. Her face betrayed no anger or irritation, for she understood how difficult it must be to explain something as unconventional as love between two women to someone who could not fathom it.
"If we cannot marry as men and women do, then so be it,"
Phiengwad said softly.
"All I wish for is to be by La-Orchan's side, to care for her, to love her in the way that I feel. That would be enough for me."
Her voice carried a gentle resolve as her gaze met La-Orduen's. Determined to continue, she spoke with patience and sincerity.
"I understand that you may see this as something unusual or against the customs of our society, but the feelings La-Orchan and I share are genuine. I only ask for your understanding."
Phiengwad's words were tinged with a quiet plea as she slowly extended her hand, hoping to bridge the gap with a gesture of sincerity. But La-Orduen pulled away, recoiling from the touch with deliberate swiftness.
"And do you truly believe your family would agree to this, P'Phiengwad? No family would allow two women to be together. Never."
La-Orduen's voice was sharp, almost biting, yet it trembled slightly. Her tone carried more than just defiance—it was laced with an undercurrent of anguish, as though the words she uttered cut her own heart as much as they did Phiengwad's.
Her question hung heavy in the air, fraught with unspoken pain. Beneath her outward strength lay the weight of a cruel reality that La-Orduen knew all too well. Lord Noradit, their father, would never accept a love that defied the conventions of society. Whether it was her or La-Orchan, there was no path to a happy ending.
In the end, their father would stand as the immovable barrier, blocking any chance of fulfillment for such forbidden love.
.
.
Phiengwad fell silent for a moment, a flicker of uncertainty crossing her face.
"I... I haven't told my family yet," she admitted softly, her voice tinged with hesitation. "But I believe—no, I am certain—that I can talk to my father and mother. I'll make them understand."
Her words carried a fragile hope, wavering yet determined.
La-Orduen, however, cut her off with a voice firm and resolute.
"But my father will never accept this."
Phiengwad responded just as firmly.
"And what about you, La-Orduen? Can you accept it?"
La-Orduen's expression hardened, her lips pressing into a tight line. She hesitated, then spoke with difficulty.
"Whether I can accept it or not doesn't matter."
Her voice faltered slightly, and then she lifted her gaze to meet Phiengwad's directly. Her next words landed like a blow.
"Because I, too, have feelings for you, P'Phiengwad."
The confession stunned Phiengwad. Her heart sank under the weight of surprise and confusion. Never had she expected La-Orduen to harbor such feelings for her.
Part of her felt sympathy for La-Orduen's unspoken love, but another part was overcome with guilt for causing her pain.
"When... when did you start feeling this way?"
Phiengwad asked, her voice tinged with regret. She had never noticed La-Orduen's feelings before—never even suspected them.
"Since the first time we met at the temple,"
La-Orduen confessed, her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
"You were so beautiful, P'Phiengwad. I fell in love with you at first sight." She lowered her head, unable to hold back her tears any longer.
Phiengwad's heart ached. She understood that she could not reciprocate La-Orduen's feelings, for her own heart belonged entirely to La-Orchan.
"But you already know," Phiengwad began softly, her voice heavy with guilt, "that I love La-Orchan."
La-Orduen raised her tear-streaked face, her gaze filled with sorrow and frustration. A single tear slid down her cheek.
"What does she have that I don't?" La-Orduen's voice cracked with anguish. "We're twins. We look the same. If anything, I'm superior to her in every way. I don't understand." Her words trembled with heartbreak.
"I'm sorry, La-Orduen," Phiengwad whispered, her own voice breaking. "I... I don't know how to explain it."
She repeated her apology, helpless against the weight of La-Orduen's pain. How could she articulate that love was not about superiority or comparison? It simply was.
But for La-Orduen, the sting of rejection was too much to bear. The bitterness of jealousy and disappointment unraveled what little composure she had left. If she couldn't have Phiengwad, then La-Orchan wouldn't either.
La-Orduen wiped her tears away with a sharp, furious motion, her mind swirling with thoughts of retaliation born from heartbreak.
"If you truly love La-Orchan, then stop seeing her," La-Orduen demanded, her voice cold and unyielding. "Do that, and I won't tell anyone about this."
Phiengwad shook her head, her resolve unwavering.
"I can't do that, La-Orduen. You know I love your twin sister."
Rage flared in La-Orduen's eyes. She shot to her feet, her tall frame casting a shadow over Phiengwad. Her lips pressed tightly together, trembling with the weight of her fury.
"In that case, I'll tell Father!" she declared with venom. "We'll see how he responds to this scandal!"
Phiengwad's face went pale. Panic seized her heart as she reached out, grabbing La-Orduen's hand in desperation. Her wide, pleading eyes met those of her adversary.
"Please, La-Orduen, don't do this," she implored, her voice trembling. "You, too, have known what it's like to love another woman. Surely, you understand this feeling. Don't destroy us... I beg you."
La-Orduen stared at her, her gaze a storm of conflicting emotions—love, hatred, and bitter disappointment swirling within. Finally, she spoke, her voice like ice.
"If you truly wish to keep me silent, then kneel before me and beg for mercy. Perhaps I'll reconsider."
Phiengwad froze, disbelief flashing across her face.
"La-Orduen..." she whispered, her voice shaking with a mixture of shock and sorrow.
"If you won't," La-Orduen continued, her tone resolute and unwavering, "then don't waste another word on me."
Phiengwad felt the walls closing in. She had no other options. If sacrificing her pride would protect her love for La-Orchan, then so be it. Slowly, she lowered herself, ready to kneel and follow La-Orduen's cruel demand.
But just as her knees were about to touch the ground, a hand reached out and grasped her arm, stopping her.
"Don't do as P'La-Orduen says, P'Phiengwad."
The voice of La-Orchan broke the tension as she stepped forward, pulling Phiengwad back from kneeling before her elder sister.
"La-Orchan?" / "You wretched La-Orchan!"
Both Phiengwad and La-Orduen gasped at the sight of her.
"This has gone too far, sister,"
La-Orchan said firmly, her eyes hard with resolve—a look La-Orduen had never seen before. It made her hesitate for a moment, but only for a moment. Her anger flared back with greater intensity, and her lips twisted into a mocking sneer.
"Well, aren't you both protective of each other?" La-Orduen snapped, her voice dripping with venom. "P'Phiengwad and wretched La-Orchan, united in your deceit!" She pointed an accusatory finger at her sister.
"Have you forgotten your oath, La-Orchan? You swore never to betray me!"
La-Orchan met her sister's glare, her own eyes brimming with sorrow. "Do what you will with me, sister, but leave P'Phiengwad out of this," she said firmly, refusing to waver.
Furious, La-Orduen stepped forward, her hand raised, ready to strike. But Phiengwad caught her wrist mid-air. Their eyes locked in an intense stare.
"Don't you dare lay a hand on the one I love," Phiengwad said, her tone calm but filled with steel.
That declaration was like fuel to La-Orduen's fire. She yanked her hand free and swung her other hand, slapping Phiengwad across the face with all her strength. The sound of the slap echoed in the air.
La-Orchan's eyes widened in shock as she watched Phiengwad's face turn with the impact, a red mark blooming on her cheek. Phiengwad slowly turned back to face La-Orduen, her expression a mixture of pain and disappointment. But when she saw the tears streaming down La-Orduen's face, her anger softened.
Without a word, La-Orduen tore off the gold ring Phiengwad had given her and hurled it at her.
"Take it back!"
she screamed, her voice breaking with bitterness.
"A ring that means nothing! You only gave it to me to hide the fact that you made one for that wretched La-Orchan!"
Her words were sharp with grief and anger.
Phiengwad stood in stunned silence, her gaze dropping to the ring that now lay on the ground. After a long pause, she looked back at La-Orduen, her expression steady but her eyes filled with compassion.
"La-Orduen, you're mistaken," Phiengwad said gently but firmly. "I made that ring for you, truly. It was meant as a symbol of friendship—a bond of respect and affection for you, as a sister to the one I love."
With that, Phiengwad turned to La-Orchan and took her hand. Without looking back, she led her away, leaving La-Orduen standing alone.
La-Orduen watched their retreating figures until they disappeared from view. Then, her strength gave out, and she sank to the ground.
Tears streamed down her face as she cradled her chest, her voice trembling with anguish.
"Take it back... I don't want it... Take it all back..."
She sat there, utterly alone, her heart drowning in a sea of pain and despair, consumed by the darkness of her sorrow.
…
Hojicha Writer
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