CHAPTER 6
ZANIAH POV
I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE GOING OUT AT ALL TODAY, IT ALL FELT SO STRESSFUL. EVEN THOUGH NATE IS LIKELY TO GET ENGAGED TO MY BEST FRIEND AND HE HASN'T EVEN ONCE COME TO SEE ME OR AT LEAST EXPLAIN...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? EXPLAIN? I'M NOT A GIRLFRIEND HE LIED TO OR CHEATED ON, I STILL MISS HIM AND THAT IS ONE THING I AM NOT SCARED TO ADMIT, IT'S NOT BAD TO MISS SOMEONE. "ZEEE, COME ON WAKE UP I NEED YOUR INPUT ON MY DRESS" BECKY'S SCREAM ISN'T ONE OF THE BEST THINGS TO HEAR EARLY IN THE MORNING. I GROANED GETTING OUT OF BED, I DIDN'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO WASH UP SO I JUST WENT DOWN THE STAIRS TO SEE BECKY IN A BLUE MINI DRESS WITH HER HAIR IN A PONY TAIL WITH BLACK HEELS "WHAT DO YOU THINK SLEEPY HEAD?" I WAS CONFUSED "I THOUGHT YOU HAD GIVEN UP ON NATE" I NEEDED TO KNOW IF LAST NIGHT WAS JUST A DREAM "YEAH BUT STILL I SHOULD LOOK GOOD, RIGHT?" BECKY'S CHEERFUL ATTITUDE MADE LAST NIGHT SEEM LIKE A DREAM "RIGHT, SO WHAT HAVE YOU PLANNED TO DO?" I DON'T WANT TO KEEP MY MIND HIGH RIGHT NOW CAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME THESE DAYS "I'M GONNA TRY AND TALK TO NATE SINCE TALKING TO MY DAD WAS POINTLESS, I KNOW NATE'S GONNA MAKE THE PLAN A SUCCESS. I DON'T REALLY BLAME NATE FOR ACTING COLD TO ME BECAUSE I'D DO THE SAME THING IF I DIDN'T WANT TO GIVE A GUY THE IDEA OF ANYTHING HAPPENING BETWEEN US, IT'S BETTER TO CATCH THE BIRD BEFORE IT FALLS I GUESS" BECKY CEAZES TO AMAZE ME, SHE ALWAYS GIVES HERSELF A CHANCE TO UNDERSTAND THE OTHER PERSON..SOMETIMES, I AM NOW 100% SURE SHE DOESN'T LIKE NATE ROMANTICALLY, BECKY HAS ALWAYS HAD A THING FOR SOME SPECIFIC KIND OF GUYS BUT SHE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN TO QUIT. BECKY WAS JUST HAPPY AND THAT'S WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED FOR HER, TO BE HAPPY. THEN THERE'S ME, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT, I'M JUST AN ASSIST AND NEVER THE ASSIST COMMANDER. I'VE ALWAYS FELT PITIFUL OF MYSELF, "I HAVE TO GO ZEE OR MY DAD IS GOING TO BITE MY HEAD OFF, WISH ME LUCK" BECKY CHEERFULLY PICKED UP HER BAG AND STRUTTED TO THE DOOR "GOOD LUCK" I SAID AS SHE SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND HER, NOT BEFORE FLASHING ME A SMILE OVER HER SHOULDER. I WALKED OUT OF THE HOUSE LATER THAT MORNING FOR MY LECTURES THAT DAY, LESLY ALREADY INVITED ME TO HANG OUT LATER THAT EVENING, I FELT BAD, MY BEST FRIEND WAS SAD ABOUT THE FACT THAT HER FIANCÉS CLOSEST AND ONLY SIBLING DIDN'T WANT TO MEET WITH HER WHILE I'M HERE HANGING OUT WITH HER LIKE WE ARE BESTIES.
AFTER ALL MY CLASSES HAD ENDED I WALKED INTO MY USUAL RESTAURANT FOR LUNCH, I HADN'T HAD BREAKFAST BECAUSE MY MIND WASN'T IN IT'S RIGHT STATE, IT STILL ISN'T THO BUT I HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF TO EAT SOMETHING, I SAT IN MY USUAL SPOT. I REALISED THAT THERE ARE ONLY SIX CUSTOMERS HERE TODAY EXCLUDING MYSELF, I GUESS PEOPLE JUST AREN'T HUNGRY TODAY. I ORDERED A CHEESE BURGER WITH FRIES AND A COKE WHICH DIDN'T SEEM LIKE A FOOD TO ME BUT HEY IT'S WHAT I CAN AFFORD. I HAVEN'T CALLED MUM IN A WHILE, I WONDER HOW SHE'S DOING, PROBABLY STILL WORKING ANDI HOPE NOT TO DEATH CAUSE MY MUM IS A WORKAHOLIC. AS I ATE I COULDN'T GET NATE AND BECKY OFF MY MIND, IF NATE AND BECKY WERE TO GET MARRIED WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME, I WOULD LOOSE MY BEST FRIEND AND A GUY WHO LIVES RENT FREE IN MY MIND, ALL THESE THOUGHTS JUST MADE ME FEEL WORSE AND WORSE ABOUT MYSELF, IF BECKY AND NATE WERE TO GET MARRIED I WOULD BE HAPPY FOR THEM, BECKY HAS DONE A LOT FOR ME AND I'M NOT WILLING TO FORSAKE ALL THAT FOR A GUY I RECENTLY JUST MET. MY MOM HAS ALWAYS TOLD ME TO MAKE SURE I DO THINGS THAT MAKE MY LOVED ONES HAPPY EVEN IF IT MEANS PUTTING MY OWN HAPPINESS ON THE LINE. THAT ADVICE HAS NEVER SAT WELL WITH ME BUT I'VE ALWAYS FELT IT HAD A DIFFERENT MEANING WHICH HASN'T YET BEEN ESTABLISHED. I WAS SO LOST IN THOUGHT AS I ATE MY BURGER I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO ANYTHING AROUND ME UNTIL "HEY ZEEE" THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE APART FROM BECKY CALLED ME BY THAT NICKNAME, I LOOKED UP SHOCKED TO SEE LESLY SEATED OPPOSITE ME "HI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" I REMEMBERED OUR HANGOUT WASN'T UNTIL LATER IN THE EVENING. LESLYS SMILE BAFFLED ME, IT MADE ME FELL SELF CONSCIOUS "WH--WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME LIKE THAT?" MY VOICE SOUNDED NERVOUS AND CONFUSED WHILE LESLY KEPT HER SMILE "YOU KNOW WHEN I CAME HERE THE LAST TIME, I'D JUST WANTED TO SEE THE TYPE OF GIRL MY BRO LIKED, HONESTLY I WASN'T EXPECTING SOMEONE SO CALM BECAUSE MY BRO CAN BE A HANDFUL SOMETIMES BUT NOW I ACTUALLY SEE THAT YOU ARE PERFECT FOR MY BRO AND MOM IS GOING TO LOVE YOU" HER WORDS MADE MY BRAIN HITCH BUT ONLY ONE THING KEPT REPEATING IN MY HEAD 'NATE LIKED ME' "ARE YOU HEAR BECAUSE BECKY'S AT YOUR HOUSE?"IF THAT IS THE REASON WHY SHE'S HERE, I'D RATHER NOT HANG OUT WITH HER AND LEAVE "NO, THE REASON I'M HERE ISN'T FULLY BECAUSE OF THAT THO, WHEN I MET YOU YESTERDAY THAT WASN'T THE MAIN REASON AT ALL AND IT ISN'T NOW" I WAS RELIEVED THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE "WHY ?" "IF I STAYED I WOULD HAVE BEEN DRAGGED INTO THE CONVERSATION WHICH WILL THEN LEAD TO BEING ASKED ABOUT MY DATING LIFE WHICH I DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED IN RIGHT NOW" I GUESS BEING MADE THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION ISN'T FUN AT ALL "I UNDERSTAND THAT" I DIDN'T WANT TO ASK MORE INFORMATION WHICH DIDN'T CONCERN ME "LET ME TELL YOU A SECRET" LESLY LOWERS HER VOICE LIKE SHE'S ABOUT TO TELL ME SOMETHING HUGE "I HAVE A SECRET CRUSH ON ONE OF NATE'S FRIEND'S, HIS NAME IS TYLER" I NEVER EXPECTED THIS TO BE THE SECRET BUT I GUESS I'VE HEARD STORIES OF HOW MOST BROTHERS FORBID THEIR FRIENDS FROM DATING THEIR SISTER, SO I GUESS THAT NATE IS ONE OF THOSE BROTHERS "SO IS THIS CRUSH ONE-SIDED OR MUTUAL?" "I DON'T KNOW, IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE WE'VE SEEN EACH OTHER SO I DON'T KNOW IF HE STILL FEELS THE SAME WAY WE DID WHEN WE WERE KIDS. MY BROTHER DIDN'T HAVE ANY ISSUE WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP WHEN WE WERE KIDS, SO I DON'T KNOW IF HE'LL HAVE ONE NOW. I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING THAT WILL UPSET MY BROTHER" I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SIBLING'S RELATIONSHIP, BECKY IS THE CLOSET THING I HAVE TO A SISTER AND I KNOW I'D DO ANYTHING FOR HER. LESLY AND I KEPT TALKING FOR MORE HOURS, SHE ORDERED CAKE FOR THE BOTH OF US AND WE HAD A EATING COMPETITION WHICH I WON BECAUSE I LOVE CAKE ALOT. LATER THAT EVENING, "YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ACTUALLY REALLY FUN TO BE AROUND, I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN INTERESTED WITH BEING FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE FROM MY CIRCLE CAUSE THEY'RE ALL SUCK UP'S AND FAKE, THEY ONLY USE ME TO GET TO MY BROTHER THAT'S IT AND I HATE IT" HER VOICE SOUNDED SAD BUT RELIEVED. I UNDERSTAND HOW SHE FEELS BUT UNLIKE ME THEY BECOME FRIENDS WITH HER BUT WITH ME THEY MAKE IT CLEAR THAT THEY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME OTHER THAN FOR ME TO BE THEIR MIDDLEMAN AND IT WAS ALWAYS ANNOYING BUT I DIDN'T WANT ANY TROUBLE SO I DID WHAT THEY WANTED BUT I ALWAYS TOLD BECKY AND ALWAYS STOOD UP FOR ME. "YOU'RE A FUN PERON TOO" I SMILED A REAL SMILE AFTER A FEW DAYS "WE'LL BE BEST OF FRIENDS I CAN SEE IT" SHE SMILED TOO AND SHE HAD THE CUTEST BUCKTEETH I'VE EVER SEEN "YEAH" I BELIEVED HER "LET ME DROP YOU" SHE OFFERED BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO IMPOSE ON HER "NO-NO DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT, I CAN GO MYSELF, IT'S NOT FAR" I TRIED TO CONVINCE HER BUT THE LOOK ON HER FACE TOLD ME SHE WASN'T BUYING IT "LET'S GO" SHE STOOD UP, GRABBED HER KEYS AND BEGAN TO WALK OUT AND I KNEW THAT I HAD LOST THE ARGUMENT SO I JUST WENT WITH HER. AFTER SHE DROPPED ME OFF I WENT INTO THE HOUSE, BECKY WAS PREPARING SOMETHING IN THE KITCHEN WHILE A SONG WAS PLAYING FROM A SMALL SPEAKER AND SHE WAS DANCING AROUND WITH A WIDE SMILE ON HER FACE "WHAT'S GOING ON?" IT LOOKED LOOKED LIKE A HAPPY CLOUD POODED IN HERE "I'M IN LOVE ZEE" I COULD FEEL MY HEART FROWN BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO SHOW IT ON MY FACE. "WITH NATE?, DID HE CHANGE HIS MIND?" I TRIED TO LIGHTEN UP MY MOOD "NATE? NAH WE CAME TO A TRUCE TO BREAK THE ENGAGEMENT. IT'S A GUY NAMED DIYAN, HE'S A FRIEND OF NATE'S, HE JUST CAME BACK FROM FRANCE TODAY AND HE'S SO HOT, HE CALLED ME A PRETTY FAIRY ZEE, HE SAID I WAS PRETTY" I WAS A RELIEVED THAT IT WASN'T NATE BUT I WAS WORRIED "BECKY, I'M HAPPY FOR YOU, I AM BUT BE CAREFUL ABOUT THIS GUY, HE MIGHT BE A PLAYBOY" I DIDN'T WANT BECKY GETTING HURT "DON'T WORRY BECKY, I'M NOT DUMB, I DECIDED TO PLAY BY ZANIAH'S RULE BOOK, I DIDN'T BLUSH PROFUSELY WHEN HE CALLED ME PRETTY, I KNOW I'M PRETTY BUT HEARING A GUY AS HOT AS HE CALL ME PRETTY MADE ME FEEL BUTTERFLIES, I JUST TOLD HIM, I KNOW THAT'S ALL. I'M NOT GOING TO LET MYSELF GET HURT BY A GUY LIKE THAT, NATE IS HOTTER THAN HIM BUT SINCE I CAN'T GET NATE I'LL TRY MY LUCK WITH DIYAN BUT I WON'T BE A MAN CHASER OR A MAN'S BITCH" I AM ACTUALLY PROUD OF BECKY BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS HAD A WAY OF PLAYING GUYS WHICH MADE OTHER GIRLS HATE HER. THE FIRST TIME SHE'D ACTUALLY REALLY LIKED A GUY SHE FOUND OUT THAT HE WAS ONLY GETTING REVENGE ON HER FOR REJECTING HIS FRIEND AND HE ALREADY HAD A GIRLFRIEND WHO WAS ALSO IN ON THEIR PLAN, BECKY HAD HER HEART BROKEN AND REFUSED TO DATE ANY GUY SINCE THEN, SO THIS DIYAN GUY SHOULD AVOID HER IF HE KNOW'S HE'S NOT SERIOUS ABOUT HER "PROMISE ME YOU WILL BE CAREFUL, IF YOU CAN.. AVOID HIM, I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING HEARTBROKEN OVER A GUY WHO ISN'T WORTH IT, DON'T AGREE TO ANYTHING HE SAYS, OKAY?" I CUPPED HER CHEEKS, I KNOW THAT WORRY HAS OVERSHADOWED ALL THE SADNESS I'D ORIGINALLY FELT, I COULDN'T BARE TO SEE BECKY GET HURT SHE'S MY SISTER AND MY BEST FRIEND "DON'T WORRY 'MOM' I'LL BE FINE TRUST ME. I'M NOT GOING TO GO AFTER HIM, I'LL JUST DO WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO AND IF IT'S MEANT TO BE HE'LL COME TO ME IF HE DOESN'T COME I'LL KNOW IT ISN'T MEANT TO BE AND I'LL GIVE IT A REST" BECKY'S SMILE AND THE LIGHT IN HER EYES MADE ME BELIEVE HER AND HER AIR QUOTES ON 'MOM' MADE ME CHUCKLE A LITTLE "I PROMISE I WON'T LET MYSELF FLY TOO HIGH ON THIS SO I WON'T GET PUT DOWN, I WON'T LET YOU GET WORRIED ABOUT ME, YOU'RE LIKE MY BIG SISTER AND I LOVE YOU" I FELT SO PROUD AT THIS MOMENT THAT I HUGGED HER TIGHTLY "SEEMS LIKE YOU"RE BECOMING A MATURE WOMAN" I FELT HER CHEST VIBRATE AS SHE CHUCKLES "AND YOU'RE BECOMING MORE OF A MOM". LATER IN MY ROOM, I DON'T WANT TO LET MYSELF THINK OF ANYTHING THAT WOULD PUT MY EMOTIONS DOWN SO I JUST WASHED UP AND CLIMBED INTO BED, I PLAYED A SONG ON MY PHONE TO KEEP MY MIND OCCUPIED FROM ALL UNNECESSARY THOUGHTS.
NATE POV
BECKY AND HER DAD CAME OVER AGAIN TODAY BUT SOMETHING WAS DIFFERENT, BECKY NO LONGER TRIED TO CUDDLE UP TO ME, ONLY OUR DAD'S KEPT TALKING ABOUT THE ENGAGEMENT SHIT, THEY TOLD US TO GO FOR A WALK TOGETHER AGIN AFTER A FEW MINUTES. IN THE GARDEN I WALKED AHEAD AS USUAL WHILE SHE FOLLOWED BEHIND, IT WAS QUIET FOR A FEW MINUTES "NATE, LET'S MAKE A TRUCE" THAT CERTAINLY CAUGHT MY ATTENTION SO I STOPPED AND TURNED TO HER "WHAT?" SHE STOOD A FEW STEPS AWAY FROM ME HER EYES LOOKING UP TO ME "I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO GET ENGAGED TO ME AND NEITHER DO I SO LET'S WORK TOGETHER TO CONVINCE OUR DAD'S THAT WE DON'T WANT TO GET ENGAGED" OKAY, IT SEEMED SHE HAS FINALLY GOTTEN THE IDEA "HOW DO YOU SUGGEST WE DO THAT?" SHE SLOWLY WALKED CLOSER STANDING JUST A FEW FEET AWAY FROM ME. SHE TOLD ME HER IDEA AND IT WAS SOMETHING I WOULD RISK GIVING A TRY BUT KNOWING MY DAD, IT WASN'T CERTAIN, "OK" I NODDED IN AGREEMENT "SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACT AS THOUGH I HAVE COOTIES, IT WAS VERY RUDE" THE ACCUSATION IN HER VOICE NEARLY MADE ME CHUCKLE BUT I DIDN'T "I'M SORRY" APOLOGISING WASN'T AN ISSUE BECAUSE I KNOW I WAS VERY RUDE TO HER "OK I----" SHE WAS CUT OFF BY THROWING AN ARM AROUND MY NECK "SUP BRO"I TURNED TO SEE DIYAN "HEY DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME"I SAW TYLER JOGGING TOWARDS ME "WHAT ARE YOU GUY'S DOING HERE?" I KNEW THEY WERE BOTH SUPPOSED TO BE IN FRANCE FOR ANOTHER YEAR SO THEY BEING HERE WAS A SURPRISE "SEE TY, I TOLD YOU HE WON'T MISS US, YOU WE ME TWENTY BUCKS" TYLER LAUGHED AS SOON AS HE GOT TO WHERE WE WERE "OH PLEASE, WE CAME AS SOON AS FREDRICK TOLD US YOU WERE GETTING ENGAGED, WE'RE BROTHERS SO HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL US ABOUT OUR FUTURE SISTER IN-LAW" TYLER SOUNDED REALLY UPSET, I DIDN'T THINK BEING AT MY SUPPOSED ENGAGEMENT WAS THAT IMPORTANT TO THEM "I'M NOT GETTING ENGAGED DUFFUS" I HAD TO EXPLAIN IT TO THEM AND I DIDN'T HAVE THE ENERGY FOR THEIR QUESTIONS AFTERWORDS SO I DECIDED TO DO IT THE SMPLES WAY "THEN WHY DID FREDRICK SAY THAT" DIYAN FOLDED HIS ARMS "THIS IS BECKY, SHE IS THE GIRL MY DAD WANT'S ME TO GET ENGAGED TO" I SIDE STEPPED SO THEY COULD SEE BECKY, SHE JUST WAVED "SO YOU'RE GETTING ENGAGED?"TYLER ASKED AFTER GIVING BECKY A THUMBS UP "NO, WE'RE BEING COERCED INTO THIS, WE DON'T LIKE WANT TO GET ENGAGED, YOU KNOW HOW MY DAD IS" DIYAN WAS STARING AT BECKY LIKE A LOST PUPPY WHILE TYLER NODDED "WELL YOUR ANGELS ARE HERE NOW SO WE CAN HELP YOU END THIS CHARADE BUT FIRST, PRETTY LADY DO YOU CONSENT TO US HELPING YOU BOTH END THE ENGAGEMENT?" DIYAN GAVE A WIDE SMILE TO BECKY "YES, I CONSENT" BECKY NODDED "YOU KNOW SINCE HE DOESN'T WANT YOU, YOU CAN BECOME MINE, I'M NOT COLD BLOODED. YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY" I KNOW THIS WAS DIYAN'S ATTEMPT AT FLIRTATION "I KNOW I'M PRETTY AND I DON'T WANT HIM EITHER" BECKY JUST FOLDED HER ARMS NOT EVEN A SMILE ON HER FACE, I KNOW DIYAN IS A PLAYER AND I DON'T WANT HIM HURTING MY LITTLE DOVES BEST FRIEND "THAT'S ENOUGH D, LET'S JUST GO BACK INSIDE, I WANT TO GET THIS OVER WITH." A LITTLE LATER AFTER BECKY AND HER DAD LEFT, DAD STILL HASN'T SPOKEN TO ME FOR A FEW DAYS NOW, JUST WENT UP TO HIS ROOM, DIYAN AND TYLER TRIED TO CONVINCE ME TO GO WITH THEM TO AN ARCADE THEY MISSED BUT I REFUSED AND NOW I'M STUCK IN MY ROOM WISHING I COULD SEE MY LITTLE DOVE, I'M SURE LESLY WENT TO SEE HER AGAIN. LATER THAT EVENING, "NATE, YOU ARE A DOOF" LESLY LAYED ON MY BED JUST LIKE SHE'D DONE LAST NIGHT "WHAT DID I DO NOW?" I GROAN COVERING MY EYES WITH THE BACK MY HAND "ZANIAH IS A NICE GIRL AND SHE DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE HELD BACK LIKE THIS, BECKY IS HER FRIEND SHE WON'T LIKE SEEING HER HURT SO NO MATTER WHAT YOU PLAN TO DO DON'T HURT BECKY IN ANY WAY." I ALREADY GOT THAT POINT A WHILE BACK "I KNOW" LESLY TURNED OVER AND SAT DOWN ON THE BED HER BACK TURNED TO ME "I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY MORE THAN ANYTHING, THIS MAY SOUND INSENSITIVE BUT I DON'T CARE IF ANYBODY HAS TO GET HURT FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY, I KNOW IF ZANIAH IS SAD YOU WON'T BE HAPPY. I'M YOUR RIDE OR DIE BRO SO NEVER FORGET THAT, I LIKE ZANIAH SO YOU HAVE MY VOTE. GOODNIGHT" LESLY STOOD UP AND WALKED OUT OF MY ROOM SHUTTING THE DOOR BEHIND HER "GOODNIGHT" I MUTTER TO MYSELF. LESLY HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY RIDE OR DIE EVER SINCE WE WERE KIDS, WHEN SHE GOT BULLIED I WAS THERE, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I WAS VERY SHY SO I'D LET PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER ME, EVEN THOUGH LESLY WAS VERY LITTLE, SHE RUN WITH HER LITTLE BABY LEGS TO STAND BETWEEN ME AND THE BULLIES, SHE'S START SHOUTING 'LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE, GO AWAY' WHICH WOULD THEN ATTRACT THE ADULTS NEARBY. IF LESLY WERE TO SAY SHE DOESN'T LIKE ZANIAH, I'D END EVERYTHING WITH ZANIAH, NOT CARING ABOUT WHAT ANYONE SAYS. MY SISTER IS MY WHOLE WORLD.