All those entries were as if not a human but a robot had written them, zero feelings, zero emotions until the entries of around the time when I was about to move in came here.
His way of describing changed, his writing changed and feelings became more visible in them.
It was as his friends had said, he changed, everything about him changed.
The way he wrote his entries now, the way he describes things as, before it was just as if it was a burden for him but now, reading the prolonged passages, those beautiful words he used.
All for me, it was a sign, he changed... because of me.
Today, my friend Kalix's sister, Laurel has shifted in my complex, until this day, she was just another random girl who looked pretty after using some cosmetic products.
However today, for the very first time, I saw her without any makeup...just her being herself...in comfortable clothes when I had went to pay her a personal visit to know if she had settled well and she did.
She was comfortable, arranging her house, and since that moment she was no longer another girl with makeup on, she became Laurel... not a girl anymore.
Just Laurel, a woman who not only looked, but actually was pretty.
Her way of talking, it was different, as if it was alluring me, without even trying.
There was a smile yet tears in my eyes, reading the entry was like a rollercoaster of emotions.
Every word, each sentence sent me back to that day, the day when I shifted here and Luca came to give me a visit, a small visit.
And really, him coming into my life was actually a really small visit.
Tears stained my cheeks before dripping and getting soaked in the black dress shirt, I was still wearing from the funeral.
There was a knock on the door, and then it was opened as I quickly wiped my tears away with my right hand, after closing the jounral quickly.
Kalix peeked inside my room but his body tensed up as soon as his eyes went at my red eyes.
Straightening himself, he walked to me as I also sat up straight on the bed.
"Want to visit his grave?"
Kalix sat Infront of me as he questioned, making me shook.
"Can I?" My eyes were once again filled with tears and my voice broke down with it too.
Was it possible? Can I really?
"Hmm, yes you can...and I think you really do need it...but first come on let's go, the takeaway order is going to arrive anytime soon, so first go and freshen up, eat your lunch, take your medicines and then we will go okay?"
He said softly, patting my shoulders gently and went out of the room.
I sighed as soon as he left, glancing at the journal for once before getting out of the bed and went to freshen up.
Hurrying my every step, I took out a change of clothes and just before I was about to walked inside the cubicle, I heard Kalix from outside.
"Don't forget to cover your plaster before taking a shower! It shouldn't be getting wet!"
Without answering him I took a shower.
And of course after covering my wound, protecting it from water.
The comb glided through my hair, the soft rustling filled in the quiet of the room.
I was getting irritated by only being able to use a single hand for combing such long hair.
While combing my hair, I stared at myself in the mirror, the face that I had envied ever since I started reading the novel... After living a life with the same face, I have grown to hate it more than I ever hated my lonely self.
Long red hair, Ocean blue eyes, and the skin that was once flawless and pale had now changed since the day those incidents happened with me.
Dark circles around my eyes, dull skin and red surrounding the blue iris.
I quickly made a low pony tail of my hair, and walked out of my bedroom, right in front of the room, Kalix was sitting on the dining table with three dishes set on the table.
And right before I could pull out the chair for myself, Kalix did it.
And his actions, those actions left me feeling uneasy.
Luca was the first thing that popped up in my mind as he pulled the chair for me.
As he sat down in front of me, he frowned staring at my blank, emotionless face.
"Don't worry, Laurie...stress ain't good for you...you know that right?"
He filled my plate with some steaming hot pasta.
"Relax...we will go to his grave as soon as we both are done."
Smiling at me, he pat my hand that was on the table and served himself too.
It only took me less than 10 minutes before I was done eating, Kalix then handed me medicines as I took them and rushed toy room and came back with my phone.
There was a brightness on Kalix's face after looking at me and got up from the table.
Without saying anything he picked up his coat, and car keys and walked to the door.
While following him out I don't know what came in my mind and I looked behind, staring at the guest room's door and just a single glance was enough to creep me out.
Hurrying out of the complex, Kalix drove us to a graveyard.
We were on the way, when the same flower shop caight my eyes and I told Kalix to stop.
And by chance, the place where Kalix had parked the car, was the same palce where Luca had parked the car on the day we went to the party and he bought flowers for me.
"You wait here... I will come back after buying it."
I said to him, undoing my seatbelt while he did the same.
"It's fine, I had to go anyway."
Saying that he got down with us, walking inside the building I was welcomed by the strong and mixed scent of all the flowers there.
The shop owner was a middle aged woman, who was arranging flowers at the counter.
When she saw us coming, her eyes widened filling with pure joy making me confused at her reaction.
"Oh daughter it's you!"
I frowned as Kalix also looked at me shocked.
"You were with that gentleman that night weren't you?"
She said as my face fell at her words.
"Oh my god! He was so smitten by you."
She laughed at her own words, while I was frozen on my place.
She was talking about Luca.
About that night, the welcome party.
"You...saw me in the car?" I finally gathered the courage and spoke up.
"In the car?" Her brows dipped together, making her wrinkly forhead more wrinkly.
"No no! His phone's wallpaper was you." Swatting her hand in the air she said.
"Are you here to buy flowers for him?" Her eyes had another type of excitement visible in them.
"Y-yes." With a sad smile I nodded making her smile deepen.
"Then what is it today? His birthday? Any promotion? Or just a normal happy day?"
"I'm visiting his grave." Controlling my tears that were ready to drop out from my eyes, I said as my voice trembled.
Her eyes widening in shock, and she almost broke her neck as she jerked her face in my direction.
I forced a smile at her and then walked away from the counter looking at all kinds of flowers there, and then stopped in front of the beautiful bouquet.
Blush pink roses.
"Can I have a bouquet of these flowers?"
I asked the woman, almost a mutter but she had heard it.
After making my bouquet, she handed it over to me, it looked the same as that day...just the same as the one Luca had bought for me.
Kalix had bought four bouquets that were already prepared, but I didn't ask him about why he had bought that many bouquets.
Soon we were back in the car as he drove us away to the graveyard.
Parking his car right Infront of it's gate he got out of the car, as I did too.
Graves were to be seen at a huge distance.
Every single one of them looking old, names carved on the headstone, some with smilar surnames and some total strangers.
The winds that felt more cold and freezy than usual, and oddly crooked looking trees.
After walking in the inner area of the cemetery, we came across the newly settled grave.
Luca Black...
Taking a deep breath I sat near the foot of the grave, where there were already many bouquet lined up, as I looked beside his grave, there were two more graves, with similar last names.
Isabella Black and Lucien Black.
His parents...