I... don't really talk about what happened back then.
Ever since I left, I focused on my studies, barely had the time to rest. I was once offered by a girl I just met to have.. that.
But, it seems that I have the problem about it, I rejected the offer, much to the displeasure she had when I said "no" straight to her face.
I think I have a rough past in terms of love, not much as of those who got cheated on while married or had some abuse on their relationship. Just... bad enough to make me avert my eyes from those "risque" scenery and the air of "love". Most days, I pretend it didn't shape me. But the truth is… that house still lives inside my head.
Even as I stopped thinking much about what happened.
Asahi…
her smile still hurts to remember.
Her words from that day had hurt more that it should have, and it still cause my heart to ache.
I liked her.Not in some grand, cinematic way. I didn`t have any relationship further than being classmates with her, but I think were close enough to be my friend.
Making school projects together, playing games, laughing at each other. I didn`t talk much because of my shyness, but I`m happy at those moments.
I liked her.Just… quietly.The kind of feeling you keep folded inside your chest because you're afraid that if you show it, someone will laugh.
She was warm.Kind.The sort of person who made you feel like you weren't wasting space just by existing.
And then…everything twisted.
It happened so fast I still can't fully understand it.One moment, we were just classmates finishing a project.The next, she was drifting out of reach — pulled toward people who'd always overshadowed me.
My brothers… they were always able to take whatever they wanted.
Attention.
Admiration.
Affection.
Itsuki, my older brother, are the smartest of all of us siblings, he`s very diligent and strict in academics, often scoring perfect scores in his exams, my parents often boasts about him on our family gatherings.
To me, he`s not that bad, he just teases me often.
The complete opposite of Itsuki, however, are the youngest of us three, Souma.
Brash, confident, hot-tempered, energetic.
He likes basketball and strenuous sports, building a physique that are bulkier and larger than mine, he`s strong and has an intimidating presence. He`s often the boisterous and the one who unsettles me, shoving me away when he wants to speak, pressuring me with his fists... even when I`m actually older than him by two years...
Figures.
For everyone beside me, my brothers are outstanding, Itsuki as a role model, and Souma as a wild dream chaser. Meanwhile, me? The middle child?
I don`t have much to boast, other than being an average student on my former school. I`m not that handsome, or have muscles, I`m shorter than my younger brother, and I often stutter when nervous.
Compared to them, what am I?
Nothing.
I guess I always knew that.But knowing it and watching it happen right in front of you…that's different.
What I saw that night… when my brothers each took Mei and Asahi back to their rooms. What I heard… after the moment of silence. I wish I could erase it.Not because of the acts themselves, but because of what they meant.
It told me, without saying a word, exactly where I stood.
"I wasn't a friend.""I wasn't a potential anything.""I wasn't even someone worth considering."
I was just… there.A shadow on the wall.A witness no one cared about, whose feelings never once entered their minds.
And the morning after…Asahi looked at me with the same smile she always had, speaking with that soft and sweet tone she had, looking fulfilled, happy, as she announced that she and my brother Itsuki started dating.
As if nothing had happened.As if I was supposed to be fine with it.As if my heart wasn't cracking in my chest every time she spoke about someone else like he was the sun she'd just discovered.
I tried to swallow it.Tried to act normal. But inside, something broke.
I was shaking, from head to toe, I don`t know why, but it felt cold.
It wasn't jealousy.It was the realization that I didn't matter.
"Not enough to be considered.""Not enough to be respected.""Not enough to even be remembered."
People say emotional wounds fade with time.But some don't.Some settle in your bones, twisting the way you see yourself forever.
Then after that, the other incident happened.
I was careless, stupid, and perhaps... more pathetic than I thought I could be.
I watched them.
I saw Asahi, her gaze felt like a storm piercing through me. With another emotion I slowly came to hate.
I regretted it.
And when the next day arrived, facing Asahi, whom I couldn`t recognize anymore, something in me broke.
I told her what I thought, why it was bad for them to do that kind of thing while in a relationship.
But what did I get?
It was the words I never expected she`ll say.
"You just happened to be in the same House."
It broke me, even after I left that house…
I thought the distance would help.That a new school, a new room, a new life would make the memories dull.But it didn't.
Every time I heard a laugh from next door, or saw couples holding hands, or the whispers of those who had someone to love them, or watched people talk like the world actually welcomed them…that night echoed inside me all over again.
The message was clear:
"You're the kind of person people forget.""The kind of person people step over on their way to something better.""The kind of person no one chooses."
I wish I could say I'm over it.That I've grown past it.But the truth is… those memories still define me.
They're why I flinch when someone raises their voice.Why I hesitate to speak.Why I assume I'm unwanted long before anyone says it.
Why even now, in a place like nothing of my past, surrounded by strangers and geniuses and monsters wearing human shapes…I still feel like that boy standing alone in a house where everyone made it clear:
Love isn't something meant for you.You're just… a space-filler.A mistake.
…But I'm still here.Somehow.Even if I'm not sure why.