"You're still up?" Ben turned to face me fully on his side of the bed and opened his arms for me to move towards him.
"You know if it helps to take the guilt away. I too could have answered the call" he sighed.
"So you're saying I should shift the blame on you"?
"No one is blaming anyone Sheila, she's dead!"
"Christ Ben, you just blast it out like its normal".
"What…but she is…..ok. Consider that the call never came in. Does that help"?
"No it doesn't because the call actually came in." we enjoyed the quietness for a while. Each person drifting to their own thoughts.
"Why didn't you Ben?" although my head was resting squarely on his toned chests, I could feel him raise his brow bone in that familiar confused state of his when he was lost.
"You said you could have answered the call. Why didn't you pick up?" I raised my head to his face seriously waiting for a response. That was an emergency and he knew it and sounded worried himself that night. Why did he feel the need to wake me up than attend to it? Tracy has never called that late.
"Since when did I start picking up your calls?"
"Don't shit me Ben, you sounded worried that morning and you had suspicions it was an emergency. Why didn't you pick it up?"
"And the same you who is her friend and has been for years ruled it out as a heart break call. I just didn't think to answer ok. Moreover, you weren't the only one tired that night. I just wanted the phone to stop buzzing." He paused to look at me in disbelief for a while.
"You can't be serious. Are you seriously blaming me..because that sounds like lawyer instincts kicking in. I'm I under interrogation now?"
"Oh come on….I'm sorry…..it's just…."
"It's ok. I understand you. You felt you could have done something if you picked up the call, I get it but what's done is done. You don't need to beat yourself up for it. She won't have wanted that". My stomach shrugged at the reality of talking about Tracy in the pasts tense.
"The best thing you can do for her now, is getting that brilliant head of yours some rest, waking up tomorrow, put on your superman suite and finding out the motherfucker who did that to her and locking up that sonofabitch ."
He was right. Wailing about it in the wrong direction will get me nowhere and oh certainly ffing yes! That motherfucker will regret the day his unfortunate mama brought him to this earth by the time I'm done with him.
I certainly will make sure of that.
~ Sheila ~
"Great you just arrived on time. Pete's hosting a party this week-end for all the staffs and he's invited you and of course hotty-me too". Sussie giggled as she followed me with my to-do board.
"Pete"? I looked inquisitively at this jumpy red haired; my eyes and ears at Sandor D.Krauss for the past six-years. She was already calling nicknames with a newly recruit. Typical Sussie!
"Oh give me a break, he's been here a week." She squirmed again flinging her red two-inch stiletto manicure in the air.
"He invited the whole firm's staff?" I was deliberate with the sarcasm.
"Of course not silly. He selected some. He'd even said you were one special guest who shouldn't miss. By the way, you haven't told me that back-story". She leaned in close to me with a crucked smile tossed on her lips whispering like she was hiding some sort of girl-to-girl dirty secret only two besties should know about.
"What's he celebrating?" I cut her off not wanting to get into that topic.
"His transfer and apparently he's using this as a chance to get to know his colleagues and the one's the firm consider important. Can you believe it, hotty thinks I'm important". Sussie giggled excitedly again. I would never understand her obsession with newly recruits or frolicking at the work place at all.
"Hmm-mm and he couldn't do that at the office during office hours while working. You know, something small like coffee, tea- or something since he isn't even inviting many people"?
"Well actually on a more informal note. I think he wants to throw something lavish. His words exactly-not mine". She didn't say a word again but retired to her desk as I entered my office.
"Typical Pompous Mac Peterson"! I yelled within me.
I knew exactly what you were you doing and so did you. Indirectly putting me in a confined space where we have to talk without giving me the choice of saying no. You knew too well that I'm guaranteed to be there since you had openly made me a guest of honour and made sure everyone was aware of our non-existential soothing years of friendship. Ohh... I was definitely going...because the Pete who knew me well knew the last thing I needed was office gossip explaining reasons why I didn't come to an event hosted by one of my generous associates.
***
I could count on Pete to put up a show when it mattered; 'Cocktails and whine'. He guaranteed and certainly delivered. The small meet and greet was hosted in his petite court-yard. There was a tent for cocktails and light refreshments and another with a long dining table for reception and probably all the acquainting. The golden embellishments used to dress the white tents, tables and chairs added a classy vibe to the entire theme of the occasion and the gold cutlery didn't help either.
The greater part of the courtyard was occupied by a pool with deck chairs aligned adjacent for relaxation and probably for those who can't swim but still want a tan. He encouraged people to bring their swimming suits and bikinis if they wanted. As for his house, no body aside a petite French lady entered. From the outside, it looked like a regular suite for an average family but recalling the Pete I knew, I concurred the interior deco will completely distract you from how small the house truly is.
After a series of boring conversations, Mac the Great Peterson decided to make a toast. Nigga pulled out a (name of very expensive whine) that caught the attention of Krauss D.Calvador. The bloody bastard certainly did his homework. If there were two things Krauss loved, it was luxury and praise.
"To great leadership, many more settlements and more bloody cases" Pete yelled raising his glass up as the crowd followed. "Now let's feast. Feel free everybody. We are all family". He added motioning for us to move to the receptionist area.
Most of my time was spent avoiding any circle that had him in it. I clung tight to Sussie like a pack a gum, restraining her whenever she wanted to make a move towards her 'hotty' as she puts it. Unfortunately, that went to hell when we reached the tables. This motherfucker had the tables labelled. Bustaine and Krauss took the head tables as Managing and Senior partners; Other board members took the first-three chairs on both sides of the table, then our hosts followed and guess who was to sit beside him? Nods began to form in my belly as I saw my name engraved on that paper tag next to his. I was certainly going to need a lot of that whine to get through the rest of day.
The food was amazing, the dishes a variety. At least there was something consoling about this day. Conversations again were mainly between Pete, Krauss and other board members. The rests of us remained silent. To my surprise and relief, Pete didn't even acknowledge me despite the fact that we sat just a kilometre from each other. His attention was completely taken by Krauss.
"Between Settlements and Trial cases, were can we guarantee you'll bring in more money from Peterson"? Krauss asked probably trying to start another conversation.
"Settlements…. I find them more peaceful and beneficiary, you know; to the firm, client and his defendant" Pete said with confidence after chewing on a fork of bacon.
"Where I come from, that's called gambling. They are for pussies who hate risks. SANDOR. D.KRAUSS is not looking for a team of cowards". Bustaine chipped in.
"Cut the guy some slag man". Krauss Chuckled
With a charismatic grin, Pete decided to charm his way out of it. "On the contrary Sir, not all risks are evidence of strength and capability. In as much as trial cases puts any firm on the map in the world of law, settlements bring in the money. At the end of the day, this is a business and I believe the goal of every business is making that cash."
There was tension in the room. Very few people had the guts to smart talk their way over Bustaine. That was one of the reasons I still remained his bests. The silence broke with another attack. This time from Krauss.
"Is that all you see SANDOR D.KRAUSS as? A business?"
"Mr Peterson-" Laura the CCO chimed in.
"-Call me Pete please"
"Sorry…Pete. I'm not sure what values Gordon VAN Schmidt has but this institution is a legal system aimed at putting the interest of the unjust above ours"
I swallowed down on a glass of water. This was beginning to look more like a debate program rather than a conversation and it wasn't looking nice for Pete.
"Is it"? Pete asked sarcastically. He's reckless abandon and boldness brought both shock and admiration to some faces on the table.
When it came to given a law and justice rights lecture, Laura was the one. You didn't want to mess with her in that department. She was COO for a reason. Ten years in the game. "Mr Peter-"
"Let the man talk Laura". Krauss cut her off sharply and she didn't seem to appreciate it.
"If that's what we like to tell ourselves at the end of the day, if it makes us sleep well at night, then go for it. It's good for peace of mind but I like saying it as it is. At the end of the day, whether Managing Partner, Senior Partner, Junior Partner, Attorney, COO, Associate, Paralegal, We all fall under one name… and what's that…. Lawyers!" he muttered while making gestures using his hands in the direction of the people who occupied those positions. "Lawyers are not just, we are business people. How many times have we defended criminals, murders, high and low society thieves, embezzling systems and institutions, rich spoiled rapists just because they have the funds to pay for our high-value services."
The sadness of that reality he was talking about was felt in the silence of the table. Guilt was heavy on our faces. Sometimes, I used to question the integrity of this job. It felt good when you were on the right side but when the tables turned, every little piece of good you may have ever done before was just blown out to shits and the guilt came slapping you back in the face. There were times I took a whole bottle of pills just to put myself to sleep after winning a murder case were I was on the wrong side.
"Don't mean to sound rude or condescending Mrs Lauretter, but justice is what they preach to us in Law school when at that time, that's all we intend to give back. In the field, it's a whole other type of grace to actually uphold that. Now if you want to do business and continue to stay in the position SANDOR D.KRAUSS has held for decades, those people I mentioned earlier are your go-to, if you want to talk of peace of mind, you CLOSE! Everyone walks away happy and peacefully. The firm, your client, his opponent regardless of whose guilty or not. It's a win-win situation" he spat that out; this time, more politely moving his intimidating brown eyes from Laura to Bustaine.
Again, the tension ensued but this time not from underlining animosity at his intimidating presence and rude way of expressing himself but out of admiration. I myself was impressed at how he articulated himself and backed up his points, making everyone to gradually see reason with his ideology.
I knew Krauss was silently taking the idea of settlements into consideration but not Bustaine. Bustaine was a hard-headed man. Some get into the profession for business as Pete earlier said. Others for the illusion of serving justice like Laura and then there are the ones who get into it for the wins. Bustaine likes to win and so do I. Being Innocent was icing on the cake to properly enjoy the victory but despite the guilt, a darker and greater part of me would have felt worse if I had lost a case even if I knew my client was guilty.
Knowing Bustaine, he wouldn't allow a smart-ass out talk him anywhere. Even in a debate, he just had to win.
Bustaine just finished the last spoon of mashed potatoes on his plate keeping his eyes focused on Pete as he grabbed his glass of (whine name)
"And you think every case can be settled?" he cut cunningly. Conveying, there was more to where that statement came from and he was eagerly waiting for him to take the bait with a wrong answer.
"Yes Sir. All cases can be settled." Pete took the bait waiting for another debate.
"Ok Mr Peterson, I want you to put that smart-ass mouth of yours where your money's worth". He reached for his pants removing a couple of gran which he tossed on the table. Men and their stupid show of power. Pete eyed the green notes lying on the far end of the table carefully then with a provocative grin, he accepted the challenge.
"What do you have in mind Sir"?
"Close a murder case. Homicide to be précised. Your client is diseased, no family, friends or relatives!"
Krauss chuckled while I almost chocked on my drink. At the moment, there was only one case at the firm that had that description. My case! No...ffing Way… Bustaine better not do this to me!
"So who I'm I closing then"? Pete chuckled as he got the crowd to follow suit at the impossibility of that tasks.
"Close… That's what you do best right? You close between the defendant and the law"
While the crowd grew quiet again amused by all their shenanigans, my heart was throbbing in drum beats at where all of this was going.
"Please Bustaine not my case…" I silently prayed.
After a brief moment of silence, probably from considering the pros and cons of taking the offer, Pete agreed.
"Well who represents the law in this case"?
Krauss took over from Bustaine as he raised his hand in my direction. "I've heard all the tails between you two rather than see it. I guess this should be a perfect opportunity to put that friendship into play. Mr Peterson, you'll be taking this case with Mrs Graine."
Yup! It happened, I finally chocked on my drink. The crowd was stalled. Pete yelled inside for the French lady to bring a towel and more water. The lady spent most of her time inside probably cleaning. He called her Agnes. I initially thought she was some catering service but from the familiarity with which they responded to each other, I doubt that. Agnes rushed out with a roll of paper napkins and a jar of water.
"I'm so sorry" she said uneasy while she rushed down the fleet of stairs. Despite the blurriness of my vision as a result of the choking, I could still visibly see a big shift from an anxious and tired facial expression while coming down those stairs to the death cold look she shot me when she realised I was the person who needed those items. She just stood there holding them and watched me cough hysterically. Pete seized the items from her, poured me a glass of water and motioned to help me dry my wet skirt. Oh no….I wasn't going to feed into that statement Krauss just made about us being close, I could handle my own mess. I seized the napkin from him and began padding my skirt after taking down a glass of water.
"Thank you", I acknowledged the French lady but she just nodded dismissively and went back in. That was odd.
"Sir, this is a high profile case. Allowing an associate on internship to handle this type of case on the basis of a mere bet is little unreasonable don't you think"? I tried to reason with Krauss and Bustaine.
"That's why we have you to make it reasonable and Mrs Lauretter as well." Krauss said casually. Now Laura's involved. That was an indirect apology after embarrassing her like that. Now my case is truly screwed. Bustaine knows I don't like working with any ethics board on my cases. Sometimes you needed to get your hands a little dirty to get things done. Bustaine of all people should know that. I don't need any pompous, self-righteous Laura snooping into my cases. Why is he doing this? He knows how sensitive this case is. Of all cases, why this one to gamble with?
"This case is extremely sensitive", I turned to Bustaine. Krauss cut in.
"On what grounds? And since when did you start working on sentiments Mrs Graine?"
"It's not a matter of sentiments Sir; he lacks the experience to handle a case like this. I know I'm in charge of the interns but even at that, there are babe steps to these things. You can't just expect a child to live the womb and immediately start walking". I know that sounded rude but I didn't care.
"Look, if Mrs Graine is not ok with it. You can give me another murder case."
"Shut up! You're only making things worst" I wanted to say that to Pete so badly but kept it within me to avoid more drama.
"You're closing yourself out of this one so soon?" Bustaine cut in. The crowd laughed at his statement.
"Sir-" I tried to reason with them again before Krauss cut me short, this time looking pissed.
"It's settled Mrs Graine. You're handling the case with Mr Peterson. Moreover, if you were actually doing a good job of handling those interns as well as you say you are, you'll know Peterson here is just as qualified as you".
I turned to Pete waiting for an answer
"I was a Junior Partner at GORDON VAN SCHMIDT before taking the training program". Of course….! How convenient.
He looked at me with those big brown eyes that said he didn't mean to hurt me by doing this. I didn't care... If he was truly sorry, let him deny the case or go back to his firm for Hell's Bloody sake!