Mom's burial day arrived, and everyone was present - Uncle Tammy, Grandma, Cousin Tony , uncle jammy, Aunt Laura, and the neighbors. They all gathered at the cemetery where my mom was to be laid to rest. It made me wonder where they were when Mom suffered at the hands of Dad. Where were they when Dad kicked, slapped, and punched Mom? Where were they when Dad pushed Mom off the staircase or locked her up in a room for days without food or water?
I remembered the nights I spent without Mom by my side, the nights I'd fall asleep hearing her shouts and screams, but no one came to her aid. No one cared then, but now that she's gone, they're all here. What for exactly? To mourn the death of the woman they deserted when she needed them most?
As I sat on the ground, watching them stand above her corpse from a distance, Grandma walked up to me and pulled me up. "Dear, what are you doing here on the floor?" she asked. I gave her no response, just gazing at her. I could feel the pain in her eyes, the sorrow she felt within her. But why didn't she stop it when it was happening? Why didn't she stop Dad?
She pulled me toward where the others stood, and as she did, I asked, "Grandma, why didn't you come? Mom suffered, she was in pain. I went to sleep every night hearing her scream and shout, but you didn't come, Grandma. I needed someone to talk to, someone to care for me, and you never showed up. Why?"
As these questions flew through my mouth, Grandma's face turned pale, and tears started dropping down her cheeks. "Dear," she said, "you will get to know the answers to these questions in due time. And I'm sorry I wasn't there to comfort you, but I'm here now, and I'll never leave your side."
Grandma gave me a tight hug and pulled me to the place where the others stood. They all cast their sorry looks at me, but I looked away. Their sad faces made my heart boil. Yes, indeed, I wanted to pull them out.
We all took one last look at Mom's corpse before she was lowered into the ground. As I stood above her corpse, tears flowed down my face. Images of Mom's smile, her ever-happy countenance, her long black hair, and her beautiful blue eyes flooded my mind. Images of the times we spent together went to and fro in my mind - the way she'd sing me sweet lullabies, the way she'd hug me tightly and sit beside me anytime I had a nightmare.
"Mom," I shouted, "why did you leave me?" I fell to the ground and started kicking my arms and legs to the sky. Cousin tony and Grandma rushed to me and pulled me up.
I clung to Grandma, pleading with her to take me with her. "Grandma, please take me with you... I want to live with you, please take me with..." But Grandma stroked my hair and assured me that she'd come fetch me soon.
I watched her leave with the others from a distance, feeling a pang of sadness. The reality of living in the same house with Mom's killer was daunting. Traumatic thoughts crept into my mind: what if he starts maltreating me like he did with Mom? What if he throws me down the stairs? What if he eventually kills me? Maybe I wouldn't be away from Mom for long.
Dad walked up to me, grabbed my arm, and took me into his car. I sank into the back seat, staring out the window, wondering what fate had in store for me. I hoped Grandma would come get me soon, just as she had said.
As we returned home, I quickly rushed into my room, shutting the door behind me. I ran to my bed and tucked myself into my blanket, soaking the foam with my tears. I was scared; no one would protect me now. I was all alone with him... Oh, I wondered what he would do.
As I cried, I heard a knock on my door, followed by Dad's deep voice. "Mia... if you're there, please listen to me," he said, his voice still shaky. I could feel that he was still shedding those crocodile tears he had shed earlier. "I just want you to know that I loved your mom with all my heart... She was very dear to me, and I will always love her even unto my last day on earth... I'm here for you, dear... Please don't be scared," he said, and his voice withdrew, followed by his footsteps.
What did I just hear? Did Dad just say he loved Mom? Or was it all an illusion? I honestly didn't know what to feel. Should I feel happy that he loved Mom despite all he put her through and that he didn't entirely lose his humanity? Or should I feel sad and disgusted that he's saying all this after he murdered her? Or should I feel a sense of security that he's not going to treat me like he did with Mom? I was confused, shaking in bed as I thought about these things.