Hidden deep in the mountains of the Hundred Peaks Province , shrouded in fog was the most prestigious ,ancient , legendary sect in all Central Lands
was what they wrote on the recruitment banner.
The Unseen Cloud Sect was so obscure even bandits ignored it. One scout they sent got lost, tripped over a cabbage, and tumbled off a cliff which happened to be where our protagonist, Hwan Do was napping like a Snorlax completely unaware of the world around him , a half-eaten steamed bun still clutched in his hand.
At nineteen, Hwan Do had the face of innocent and the appetite of a starved hyena. His martial arts skills were mediocre at best, his talent unremarkable, but his shamelessness Legendary. He was the kind of person you could smack once and then spend the rest of the week feeling guilty about it.
He joined the sect five years ago under mysterious circumstances. Mostly because by accident (he'd been chasing the smell of pork dumplings)
Officially, he was a disciple. Unofficially, he was a freeloader. And yet, despite being the laziest martial artist in recorded history, he had never been expelled.
Why
Because every time the sect master tried, Hwan Do accidentally did something miraculous.
Lightning storms? He'd yawn and deflect a bolt into a tree demon. Thrown off a cliff? His falling luggage would KO a bandit king. Punished with pig-feeding duty? The pigs broke loose, trampled through the forest, and uncovered a hidden treasure cave. Now the sect was swimming in gold.
He's either cursed or blessed by the Heavens, whispered Third Elder.
definitely cursed, muttered Fourth Elder.
But no one could deny it Hwan Do was effective. Accidentally.
That morning, birds sang, monks chanted, and Hwan Do drooled on a mossy rock until
A giant gong boomed.
GONGGGG!!!!
The sound of the sect's great gong jolted him awake so violently that he headbutted a squirrel out of a nearby tree.
Wah! Who's attacking! he yelped, scrambling upright. I only stole one steamed bun from the forbidden pantry I swear I left the chili oil alone!
He scrambled upright, brushing off rice from his robe. His stomach rumbled. His hair was a mess. And his wooden practice sword had teeth marks in it. It looked suspiciously like a breadstick .
And then a shadow fell over him..
You're late, Hwan Do.
It was Senior Sister Moon Seo Rin, the Ice Orchid of the Unseen Cloud Sect stood before him,arms crossed .A peerless beauty with glare sharper than her sword and her tolerance for Hwan Do was thinner than paper in a rainstorm.
Im not late ,Hwan Do corrected. I operate on different clock , picking rice off his robe. His wooden sword had teeth marks. His teeth marks
She sighed. The Sect Master summoned all disciples. There's news.
Is it about breakfast? he asked hopefully.
Seo Rin's eye twitched.
In the courtyard, Sect Master Longbeard's beard nearly tripped by two disciples as he announced
Hear me, disciples! A dark wind rises in the north. The Black Viper Cult has reappeared after thirty years in hiding.
Gasps.
They were the stuff of bedtime horror stories.
Their new leader calls himself The Heavenly Butcher.
More gasps.
He was said to slice mountains in half with a meat cleaver.
And they've declared war on all orthodox sects.
One final gasp followed by a small snore.
Everyone turned.
Hwan Do had dozed off standing up.
HWAN. DO!
He jerked awake, blinking blearily before raising a hand.
I volunteer to handle the cult alone, he announced through a yawn. But only if you pack me lunch.
Later
while other disciples practiced sword forms, Hwan Do practiced eating chicken with one hand and balancing a jug of wine with the other.
And that's when fate struck.
A shadow darted through the trees.
A masked assassin leapt from the forest canopy, blades gleaming.
Hwan Do ducked not from skill, but to pick up a fallen drumstick.
The assassin overshot, flipped, and impaled themselves on a rake.
I knew that chicken was suspicious, Hwan Do muttered, staring at the now unconscious killer.
Senior Sister Seo Rin appeared moments later.
You... defeated a Viper assassin?
Me? Nah. I bet it`s just someone trying to collect a parking ticket.
She stared.
Then whispered, Maybe the Elders were right. Maybe… you really are Heaven blessed.
He grinned. Or maybe I'm just a genius in disguise.
The next day
The Sect Master called him again.
Hwan Do, Longbeard said, you are hereby assigned a task.
YES! Is it guarding the wine cellar? Please say it's the wine cellar.
No. You will escort Senior Sister Seo Rin to the Celestial Lotus Summit for the Grand Sect Alliance meet.
Hwan Do blinked.
With... her?
Yes.
Can we at least pretend to like each other?"
No.
As the two set out, Hwan Do skipped ahead like a squirrel on sugar, annoying Seo Rin to death.
I still don't get why they picked me, he said. Shouldn't this be done by someone handsome, competent, and taller?
You were chosen because the Sect Master said you have 'a way of surviving anything through sheer dumb luck.'
He placed a hand on his heart. Aw. He believes in me.
No. He just wants you far away.
Still means I get to annoy you for weeks. He winked.
Seo Rin eyed the nearest cliff. Test me.
Snorlax is a Pokemon that love to sleep and eat.