The door exploded before Hwan Do could finish stealing plums.
Splinters rained down as three hundred pounds of furious spirit beast pig came flying through the wreckage silk chef's scarf fluttering, hooves sparking with culinary qi and landed in a perfect battle stance.
WHO DARES IGNITE THE ANCIENT FLAVOR WAR WITHOUT ME?!
Hwan Do blinked at the pig now glaring at him with the intensity of a starved wok master. ...Was that you knocking?
Earlier That Morning
The sun had risen over the mountains with the enthusiasm of a lazy cat stretching. Birds chirped. Crickets sang. Somewhere, a spiritual deer probably achieved enlightenment.
Hwan Do drooled on a mossy log.
He'd chosen this cliffside camping spot for two reasons:
The view was breathtaking.
It was directly beneath a wild plum tree.
Seo Rin practiced her sword forms fifty paces away, movements so precise they could slice sunlight.
Hwan Do watched her for a while then flopped onto his back like a dying starfish.
I've decided, he announced.
I don't want to hear it, she replied, not missing a step.
I must master a new technique.
That made her pause.
...Really?
Yes. He sat up dramatically. I shall call it... The Heavenly Cooking Fist.
Seo Rin's sword nearly slipped from her hand.
That's not a real martial art.
Yet.
Down in the village, while restocking supplies, Hwan Do caught whispers at the food stall
Did you hear? The sect's cooking master has returned... and he's accepting challenges.
Seo Rin didn't even look up from inspecting radishes. No.
I didn't say anything.
I see the spark in your eye.
I did not spark.
You have the spark of a man who once challenged a beggar king to a rice eating contest and lost.
In my defense, he was very hungry.
And then
BOOM.
The bamboo hut door exploded inward.
There, framed by splintered wood and dangling hinges, stood Zhu Bao Spirit Beast of the Fragrant Path, legendary Pig of the Hundred Stews.
He wore a chef's hat the size of a thimble. His hooves sparkled with flour and flame qi.
I HAVE RETURNED, the pig bellowed, TO RECLAIM MY TITLE AS THE GREATEST GOURMET UNDER HEAVEN!
Hwan Do's jaw hit the floor.
That pig... talks.
Seo Rin sighed. He's a spirit beast. That's normal.
No, I mean he talks better than I do.
You talk like a panicked goose.
Exactly! How does he have better grammar?!
The Duel Begins
Zhu Bao's beady eyes locked onto Hwan Do.
You. The fool who mixed Thunder Root and Wrath Pepper.
Hwan Do blinked. That was an accident
There are no accidents in the Flavor War! The pig's chef's hat trembled. Those ingredients were sealed by the Gourmet Sage after the Great Noodle Rebellion! By tasting them, you've invoked the Trial of the Unworthy Tongue!
Seo Rin sighed. Let me guess now you have to fight him.
FIGHT?! Zhu Bao gasped. This is a sacred COOKING DUEL! He spun toward Hwan Do, wok materializing in a puff of steam. Prepare your worst dishes, mortal. We settle this... on the cutting board of destiny!
Cook-Off Rules
Judge: The village elder (half blind, fond of spicy things) Time Limit: One incense stick Theme Ingredient: Celestial Radish Forbidden: Poisons, illusion herbs, martial interference
Zhu Bao somersaulted into his cooking stance, wok gleaming.
Let the Wok of Fate turn!
Hwan Do's Style: Chaos Cuisine
While Zhu Bao performed knife-qi techniques that would make a master chef weep, Hwan Do rummaged through his bag of ingredients (read: things he'd accidentally stolen from monks).
One suspiciously glowing mushroom
Three lotus seeds (slightly chewed)
A potato that might have been a rock
A single pickled egg wrapped in what looked like a monk's spare robe
He shrugged. Chaos it is.
What followed was less cooking and more alchemical warfare. A squirrel brought him herbs. The wind shifted directions three times. At one point, the pot started humming.
And yet somehow the concoction began to glow.
The dishes were presented.
Zhu Bao's: Celestial Radish Congee with Phoenix Oil Drizzle a masterpiece so perfect it made the judge weep tears of joy.
Hwan Do's: A bowl of... something. It pulsed ominously.
The elder tasted Zhu Bao's first.
Perfect. Heavenly. A symphony.
Then he tried Hwan Do's.
He paused.
Blinked.
Levitated slightly.
...I see my ancestors. They're dancing. In a spicy fog.
The Result
A draw?! Zhu Bao squealed. "With a human who boiled a pickled egg in plum rainwater?!
Hwan Do grinned. I call it Improvised Survival Stew.
The pig stared.
Then
Snorted.
...You are worthy. He bowed. I, Zhu Bao, shall accompany you. You shall be my disciple. Together, we shall stir the heavens!
Seo Rin buried her face in her hands. I hate everything.
Meanwhile... In the Shadows
Far away, in a chamber darker than a chef's worst nightmare, a hooded figure read a scroll bearing three names:
Hwan Do
Moon Seo Rin
Zhu Bao
The scroll crumpled in his grip.
The chaos begins. The prophecy... was true.