Yumi
In my dreams, the Moon tribe temple is always bigger than it is in my memories. The small room that I had spent the last five years of my time there only had one window, outside which my only view was a large tree whose leaves obscured the majority of the sky from me.
In my dreams, there's no tree. The window is larger and I can see the moons drift over the sky far faster than in reality, almost as if they were caressing the stars with their smooth journey. The walls of the room at some point cease to exist and I am barefoot on grass and running with freedom I never had a chance to experience. I don't dance. Even in dreams, I don't know how.
I've had this dream more times than I can count. It's why when I find myself staring up at the waning moons above me, grass between my bare toes as a chill wind hits my thin underclothes that for a second I'm not sure if I'm awake or dreaming.
In the two weeks since coming to Venathca, I had left my rooms only a handful of times. The first full day I had explored the gardens – they were immense and I had to compliment whomever took care of them because they were beautiful. The second day I had ventured back out but noticed new guards stationed in places they hadn't been before – faces that were familiar from the venture through the forest.
Shin wasn't wrong that I had been attempting to get the lay of the place, at least the best way that I could have. It's not as though I would have known what to do with that knowledge. It was frustrating, though, that I had been that transparent.
I took it as a warning not to wander around too much – and I didn't want to press my luck. Still, the gap between hedges near the backend of the palace stuck in my mind as the days passed, overgrown just enough that maybe, maybe, no one else had noticed it. If I hadn't wandered near it to look closer at a flower I probably wouldn't have noticed it either.
But I had noticed it.
The routine that I was given was confusing in its simplicity – morning comes and Renma enters the anteroom to lay out breakfast. When I'm awake, she brushes through my hair and I dress myself despite her saying it's her job. I eat. She watches. I sit in the room and watch the garden from the open doorway that taunts me.
No one summoned me. No one asked me to do anything. I got three meals a day and a bath. There was no shouting, no one telling me what my responsibilities are blaming me for the fates of others.
It was bizarre and unsettling.
Given the theatrics of my arrival I had assumed that I'd have been pulled away at some point to show off my abilities – not that I was able to really do so at will, and even if I could I felt it would be best to avoid doing so. If I wouldn't give the moon temple what they wanted after seventy years, why change now?
Though it seemed the princes did not like the king nor court all that much, I doubted they had much choice when it came to playing their roles or not. In that I at least felt some sort of kindred understanding, but that was where it ended.
Ikuto had not had an 'episode,' and I wondered how rare they must be if there had yet to be a need for me to try and balance his mana. Perhaps it was some sort of trick to make me feel useful? Sometimes, when a new attendant had been assigned to me in the temple, they'd try and do the same – make it seem like they needed me, try and get me to defend them in case they weren't able to serve in a way the priests deemed fit.
As if I had had any more power over that place than any of them had.
As if I had any power at all.
It was the monotony that got me to steal away in the middle of the night, knowing that the chambers Renma used were close but not close enough to hear the sliding of my door nor my footsteps on the wooden breezeway. I knew this because I had spent three nights testing this fact, wandering just far enough with my bare feet that I could run back into my room at the first sign of activity.
On the fourth night I made a run for it – or rather a stealthy scrambling behind trees and bushes. My memory wasn't all that great. The break in the hedges wasn't exactly where I had mapped in my head so I groped around in the dark for a bit before I found it.
It seemed as though at one point it had been a well trodden path, but there were no signs that anyone had traversed it any time recently. The light of the moon was bright enough the outline of the path was faintly visible, enough for me to follow but not clear enough to prevent me from the occasional stumble.
Was it really so easy?
It was maybe ten, fifteen minutes of walking when I came over a large hill and a break in the tree line. I hesitated before stepping into the clearing, carefully stepping through the flowers that peppered the grass.
I didn't recognize them, which wasn't all that shocking to me, but they were beautiful. Translucent and wide petaled flowers that opened wide for the sky above. It was only when I was midway through the meadow that I looked up and saw what the flowers themselves saw.
The moons – one large, whitish yellow, a sharp crescent that showed how much time had truly passed since that night. The other, smaller, red in hue but less so now that it was no longer full. It was halved, its cycles moving slower than that of the other and thus making a dual full moon, when a Devora's power is at its maximum, a rare occurrence.
It was so quiet that I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself.
Venathca was a large city, larger than I had ever imagined a city being, but wherever I stood outside of it was silent, the trees and the wind breaking through them being the only things I could hear and muffling out anything else.
The humming songs of insects broke the silence occasionally, that and the sound of my own breathing. It had to have been five minutes of me just standing there looking up before I let myself close my eyes and really feel the air around me.
How long had it been since I had just… been outside?
In the temple, I was sometimes brought outdoors in the pavilion for the people to see that I was still alive, that some god or another still favored our tribe. I wasn't allowed to talk, barely allowed to wave, and certainly wasn't allowed to attempt to balance anyone's mana if they asked. Divine rights reserved for the clergymen and all that.
It was always daytime when it happened, and the view from my rooms rarely if ever included a sliver of a moon. Then when I was able to begin using my powers I would split the space in front of me to watch the moon through it – though never for long as it tired me out so thoroughly to do so. Even after the invasion, during the travels through the forest, I had never really been under the moons. Never really been able to just… do this.
Except…
Visions of moonlight reflecting off of the lake played behind my eyelids. When my mana had overloaded and Shin had helped me, I could see the moon then. I could feel the breeze as if it were coursing through my own body. It was short, and I was feverish, but it had to count, right?
Almost seventy years, then.
I open my eyes.
My mana is all prickly – not in an unpleasant way, almost as if it's singing inside me. I wouldn't know how to describe it if someone were to ask, but it was… nice. Like tension from my body that I didn't know was there relaxed all at once.
My feet flex in the grass, toes curling as I take in the cool sensation and lightly dig into the dirt with them. The sense of déjà vu is so intense for a moment that I forget that I am awake. All at once my heart starts to hammer as I realize the truth of the moment – I'm free.
I don't have to go back.
I could just not go back.
So many guards and no one even noticed that I had left. How was that even possible, truly? I was a prisoner, but the door wasn't locked and I wasn't bound. What kind of backwards place was this?
I thought about the house on the hill. It was gone now, I had seen as much when I had been able to peer through space, and knew that it had been burned down the night I came to the temple. But the moon tribe was gone, I could go back. I could build myself a home overlooking the ashes of that place and watching the moons every night.
But how does one build a house? And if I did build it, where would I get food? Who would supply it to me? Where would I get clothes, or the materials? How would I protect myself from the weather when it got cold and I needed fire?
All at once I realized how little I knew, and all at once I realized that a prisoner didn't need to be bound by tangible restraints.
I laid back in the grass to take a few more minutes for myself. I wanted to imagine that reality a little more – the reality where I had a home to myself and didn't have to worry about the how. A reality in which I remembered my mother's face, in which Kotaka would bring sweets and pat my head and…
My throat felt tight and it took me a moment to realize I had started crying. It had been weeks and I hadn't truly realized that he was gone and I'd never see him again. Everything happened so fast that I hadn't understood until that moment that I had lost my only connection. My only family.
Kotaka was the reason I had been sent to the temple, and the reason my mother had died. That truth existed alongside the fact that he was the closest thing that I had to a father, that he loved me, and that he had loved my mother. The temple made sure that he had no insight into my life other than the glimpses at public events – he had been a lord over land and responsible for the well being of the people that lived in it.
I couldn't fault him for his actions. As a saintess it was my duty to exist for the people, even if I did so on my own terms when I could.
I wondered how he died. It would have been one of the advanced guard who killed him – one of the men I traveled along with. Maybe even the captain himself, or Valdeer. Did they realize who they were killing? That he had people who would miss him?
Faces of various attendants flashed through my head. Faces I wished I could forget but couldn't. Who was I to ask these questions? Who was I to feel as though I deserved to mourn?
It was easier to make my way back into the palace than it had been to make my way out. My heart raced with the possibility that I had been discovered or that anyone had been looking for me, but I managed to crawl into my bed with no hassle save for having to hastily clean my feet and hope that Renma wouldn't notice the grass stains on my sleeping robes and hope this wasn't some elaborate scheme to trick me into making a mistake.
Reality reared its head shortly after breakfast with a summons from the crown prince.
I could practically feel the excitement rolling off of Renma in waves, my sudden nightmare likely being the best news she'd had since I'd gotten there. She had continuously lamented my denial of fancy hairstyles and layered thick robes, but was now able to use words that a prisoner couldn't exactly argue with: court protocol.
My bangs I didn't let her pull up, but the rest she braided and layered with ribbons and beads. The robes were thankfully lighter than I had expected but it became clear that she had decided to throw me a bone on that one – I was at least grateful she had realized I preferred to wear things on the lighter side.
I had then been escorted through the garden by two guards that looked vaguely familiar – I was starting to recognize the armor of the advanced guard, which was different than that of the palace guards themselves – I carefully avoided shifting my gaze over to the back of the garden where the split in the hedges lay, as if doing so would be equal to telling on myself.
The courtyard where Ikuto was hadn't been an area I had yet seen – it was smaller and more intimate than the courtyard that Renma had shown me previously. There was a small stone walkway that was slightly overgrown, though that seemed to be by aesthetic design as opposed to being unkept. Trees blanketed it throughout, and very little sunlight found its way through. Cater-cornered to the path itself was a small stone pavilion, shaded well but surprisingly the area in the courtyard that got the most sun.
Ikuto looked up at the sounds of the guards clanging weapons, having been reading a book while an attendant near him poured two cups of tea. Our eyes met and he gave me a warm smile that had my insides filled with grim anticipation of whatever punishment I had garnered for my adventuring the night before.
Because he had to know, right? Why else would I be called out now? I wasn't sure what I had missed, what guard saw me sneaking around or if Renma had been tricking me by playing quiet in her room but the smile he gave me reminded me far too much of those the priests had given me in my earlier days of the temple before meting out some punishment to myself or whatever servant had been unlucky enough to attend me.
"Your highness," I greeted with a small bow as he gestured at the seat in front of him and waved the attendants away. They retreated to the other side of the courtyard, giving us space.
"Lady Yumi," he greeted in return, sliding the tea towards me. I took a sip to be polite but was pleased at the floral flavor. "I realize it has been some time since you came to the palace without having been called on. I apologize for that."
I wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, considering the last two weeks had been the most peaceful two weeks I had had in over seventy years, but I gave him a nod in acknowledgement. Despite our agreement around balancing his mana, I wasn't fool enough to assume I was truly indispensable.
He had paused as if he expected me to respond, and when I didn't he cleared his throat and continued with an air of awkwardness. "I've been a bit more busy than I would have hoped. There's a lot of policy work that made its way to me that I hadn't been responsible for previously. Thankfully, I've been able to get most of that squared away so I should be more available now." He said it as though it would be a good thing to me, not the thinly veiled threat I could see it as. Don't step out of line any more, he may as well have said, I will be around to watch you closer.
"How fortuitous," I muttered, looking over him as I took another sip of my tea. His long hair was tied in a red ribbon that was the same vivid hue as his mismatched eye, his frame was slender and his skin vaguely pallid. Perhaps the two of us combined would make one, healthy person, I thought with some bemusement. Beneath the damage to his health, I could see that he was a generally attractive man.
"Indeed," if he found my tone impertinent he didn't show it. "Renma has told me you seemed to quite enjoy the gardens. Admittedly, they are a bit of a pride point for me as I am the one who manages the staff that maintains them." He paused, just slightly, a tone of worry painting his voice, "She tells me you seem content to overlook them from your room most days."
And there it was – a subtle mention to get me to admit my guilt before he brought it up himself. I had thought of some half-truths to deliver in an attempt to lessen any punishment my wandering would bring… I had decided to play dumb about sneaking out until he said it himself though, just in case.
"I apologize if I've overstepped my bounds," I bowed my head lightly, the picture of contrition built from years of experience. "The gardens are indeed lovely. I had asked Renma if I could see them, and she was gracious enough to show me around. Any fault lies with me as she was merely doing as she was told."
Ikuto cocked his head in confusion, his eyebrows knitting together. Perhaps he had expected me to immediately mention the late night venture. "I'm afraid I don't follow – what bounds could you have overstepped by asking to look at flowers?" His tone was almost genuine, challenging me to find the truth beneath it.
"I'm your captive here," I said simply, "I've been given more than adequate interim lodgings and meals. It's not Renma's fault that I pushed her past that boundary."
The look on his face was an expression I didn't have a name for. Anger, but not quite. "Lady Yumi," he started, and then stopped as if unable to word his thoughts. He took a sip of tea before continuing. "I will not deny that you don't have the freedom to leave Venathca. Unfortunately it would be unwise to leave the grounds of the palace annex, as well. However, anything from here to the main palace you're more than welcome to traverse at any time."
Now it was my turn to knit my eyebrows as I contemplated his words. What sense did it make to allow me such freedom? I supposed they already knew what I had come to realize the night before, that it wasn't as though I would know what to do if I ran off. It seemed, though, that he was none the wiser to my late night escapade.
"I'd ask, of course, that you bring Renma or another attendant with you while you wander. But as you are for all purposes my wife in the eyes of the court and people, I would also enjoy getting to know you. Perhaps we could make it a habit to walk through the gardens together on the mornings that I am free from my duties?"
He was asking, and waiting for an answer, but surely he wasn't truly asking. I nodded, knowing that I didn't have a choice but finding that I didn't particularly think his company would be too troublesome if I were to stay here. It would be wise of me to stay in his good graces.
Ikuto smiled, "That's settled then. Please don't think you have to stop yourself from enjoying the gardens on my account. In fact I believe far too much time and effort goes into maintaining them for them to not be appreciated." He seemed to remember something as he spoke, waving over an attendant who carried with them a small bundle of cloth and a small box.
The bundle of cloth opened up to reveal several scrolls and a few thick bound books, clearly of various ages, as well as a clean brush and ink stone. I gazed at them curiously and then back up at the prince who seemed pleased with himself.
"Venathca and the Crane tribe are likely quite different from the Moon tribe. We know little about your customs, though it's well known their saints are often worshipped primarily in temples – I assume that's what you're used to." He waved over the books with a gesture of his hand, "We have our own traditions regarding saints and temples, not to mention the duties of saints and a wealth of history to go along with it. I've compiled some texts that may help you with the context of what may be expected of you."
I leafed through one of the books, my eyes skipping over the characters with a measure of uncertainty. The gesture was certainly thoughtful, and I didn't know what to make of it. "Thank you, your highness." I swallowed the words I wasn't able to say as I neatly wrapped them back up in their cloth.
"Of course if you have any questions regarding the content, I am happy to elaborate. Should you come across him at any point, as well, the captain of the advanced guard is also quite fond of history and knowledgeable in things I may not be able to explain as well." As he said this, I felt a pulse of mana accompany his words, so light that I was certain that Ikuto himself hadn't noticed. His red eye faintly glimmered almost like a jewel though perhaps I had imagined that.
"I will keep that in mind," I replied, my mind buzzing. It seemed certain now that he had not known about my wandering through the forest outside the gardens. I should have felt lucky – I should have thought to myself that I would never risk it again. Yet.
I found my heart racing with anticipation that I may again be able to make the trek out through the forest and to that meadow clearing.
"One last thing," Ikuto opened the small box the attendant had brought along with the literature. Inside it was a fruit that I did not recognize that had been cut into six smaller pieces. It was a lighter pink color with an orange hue, the inside being a more vivid orange and a clear emptiness where a pit must have been. I eyed it curiously as its sweet scent wafted towards me. "I would like to share this with you while we talk," he said cheerfully.
"What is it?"
"It's a peach," Ikuto explained. "It's not easy to import things from the human world, but I had a feeling that you would rather enjoy the taste."
I blinked a few times, genuinely shocked, "This is from the human world?" I took a piece as he offered it, glancing over its flesh. "…Is this safe for us to eat?"
At that he laughed, "I can't speak for all demons, but I can say with certainty that Devora can eat most things that humans can." He picked up a slice himself and took a bite of it, as if to show me it was harmless.
The human world – Devora were supposedly descended from human psychics who had chosen to stay among demons, thousands of years ago. The worlds themselves had split long ago into a complex system of spheres and layers that I wasn't able to put my head around – I've never needed to and that was unlikely to change – but I knew enough to know that it wasn't exactly easy to cross worlds, let alone bring something through literal dimensions.
Such a task to import something likely could take weeks. Maybe months. It spoke to the influence of the crown prince and Venathca as a whole. All of that, and he picked a fruit?
He seemed to be eager for me to try it, which frankly caused me to hesitate more. I nibbled lightly on the corner of it, the juice of the fruit sticking to my fingers as I held it. The taste was sweet – very sweet. With an undertone of flavor I had never had before, something tangy and delicate at the same time.
It wasn't like the cakes I'd occasionally get when Kotaka visited the temple, or the cookies that I had been able to get from time to time either. It was a different, refreshing kind of sweetness.
I had grabbed another piece and eaten it before I had even realized I did so. Embarrassed, I looked up at Ikuto to see him leaning on his chin and watching me with a smile on his face. He nudged the plate over closer to me.
"I'm happy to see I was right," he said, finishing his own piece. "The rest is for you to enjoy. If I'm able to acquire more I'll see to it that you're the first to know." The look on his face told me that he knew something that I didn't, but I didn't see any maliciousness there and for once I didn't want to try and look too deeply into it. A part of me just wanted to accept the kindness as just that, despite kindness being the one thing I had always been burned for in the past.
We chatted lightly as we finished the peach, though he himself only had two slices while I attempted to savor the remaining. Doing so had drawn our conversation out to a lengthy hour, of which I surprised myself with how easily I had been able to begin to converse with him. It wasn't as though I had responses for everything – when he asked me about life in the temple my replies had become one worded and vague.
Ikuto picked up on that and changed the subject to the gardens, taking the conversation over by explaining his thought process for various renovations that had taken place through the years since it had become his responsibility, the places he most enjoyed and during which times of day.
As Renma escorted me back to my chambers I realized I couldn't remember the last time I had such a conversation with someone. If I ever had, even. I had completely forgotten about the meadow or even being captive for a short while.
When the lamps were dimmed and I had gotten ready for the night, I cursed myself for letting my guard lower so thoroughly. The books that Ikuto had given me were wrapped in the same cloth bundle in the sitting room, almost mocking my complacency. It was nice to feel like a normal person for a while, but it was foolish of me to forget that they were also my enemies.
The last thoughts I had on my mind as I drifted off to sleep were:
If I'm surrounded by enemies, then who are my allies?
And:
How was he so sure I'd like the peach?