Twenty minutes later they were back in the airlock adjacent to the hanger bay. Once the airlock repressurised, Daddy Cool opened the eternal hatch to the hanger bay, followed by Sunny who had assumed a form that looked like a cross between a spider and a forklift. It was carrying the embryonic tank.
"Take the salvage down to the engine room Sunny, I think there's a universal adaptor there that we can use to power the embryonic tank."
AFFIRMATIVE, replied the mechanoid. THE UNIVERSAL ADAPTOR IS POWERING THE BIG BLACK CUBE DEVICE OF UNKNOWN FUNCTION. ACCORDING TO MY RECORDED VIDEO FILES OF THE ENGINE ROOM, THERE IS AN EXTRA PORT ON THAT UNIVERSAL ADAPTOR.
Daddy Cool nodded as Sunny trudged on, leaving the hanger bay to head down to the engine room. Daddy Cool made his way up to the flight deck. As he entered flight deck, he noticed the red proximity alarm flickering on the command console. He rushed towards the console to see what it was…
"Damn it, Big Poppa," he complained to the ship's central AI, we've got a Jovian Proxy warship on approach. Why didn't you raise the alarm?"
BATTLE, replied Big Poppa, IF I ALERTED YOU THEN AS THE WHIMPY MARTIAN DESCENDENT OF LITTLE BALD PRIMORDIAL EARTH MONKEYS, YOU WOULD PUT YOUR IMAGINARY TAIL BETWEEN YOUR LEGS AND WANT TO CUT AND RUN.
"Of course," agreed Daddy Cool, as he busily read the schematics of the incoming warship before inputting coordinates into astronavigation.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Complained Big Poppa. DON'T RUN AWAY. SOOKY LA LA LA LAAA. BATTLE BIOTCH.
"You can have an opinion Big Poppa," replied Daddy Cool as he kept busy inputting commands, "but I have access to most of the ship's controls."
COWARD, complained Big Poppa.
The Rasputin's Rod moved rapidly away from the derelict space station and towards Uranus.
REALLY? Complained Big Poppa. YOU'RE GOING TO USE THE GRAVITY OF URANUS TO INCREASE VELOCITY AND SLING SHOT AWAY?
"We're a lot faster than that approaching warship Big Poppa, but I'm afraid that they're travelling a lot faster than us at the moment. They're catching up faster than we can accelerate to outrun them.
GOOD. BATTLE BIOTCH.
"Hopefully not."
The Rasputin's Rod began it's decent to the relevant orbit to commence the gravitational slingshot. Unfortunately, the warship responded by dumping most of its fuel into its main fusion drive.
"Dammit," said Daddy Cool, "the captain of that warship is a determined son-of-a-bitch. They're burning their fuel reserves to catch up."
WE ARE BEING HAILED BY THE WARSHIP. OPEN COMS TO THESE MOFO BEEOTCHES?
"Hell no," replied Daddy Cool, "maintain silence."
The video link opened anyway presenting the face of a black man wearing the hat of a Jovian Proxy Navy warship captain. He had a moustache with a half-smoked cigar hanging from the side of his mouth.
"Dammit Big Poppa," complained Daddy Cool while avoiding the video link that projected on the main view screen. I told you to maintain silence."
GROW A PAIR.
"Well slap a monkey's arse and call it Shirley, Daddy Cool Vanilli, is that you?"
Daddy Cool looked up at the video link, his expression was one of happy shock and confusion, "Sarge? Is that you?"
"It's Captain Sarge now Vanilli, Captain of the J.P.N. Thor's Schlong. You're a wanted man Vanilli."
"Happy to let me go for old time's sake," smiled Daddy Cool, "one fellow Martian to another?"
"I'm afraid I can't Vanilli," said Captain Sarge with a serious expression, "you and your ship are a menace to the shipping lanes. Shipping contraband, piracy and illegal salvage … such as the salvage you just performed on that derelict space station."
"A Martian's got to make a living Sarge. And after all, those Jovians didn't take too kindly to waves of Martian refugees, flooding their habitats."
"Decelerate Vanilli and hand over your salvage, along with your ship."
Daddy Cool increased velocity to the engines, "Yeah, I'm not handing my ship over to anyone, not the Terran Conglomerate nor the Jovian Proxy."
"It's alien technology, it belongs in the hands of the authorities."
"What makes you think it's alien Sarge?"
Sarge grinned, rolling the cigar from one side of his mouth to the other, "You've been tracked travelling from the polar colonies on Mercury to Pluto at speeds far surpassing all known and engineered forms of propulsion Vanilli. No one has that kind of tech."
"Yeah well," remarked Daddy Cool as he read some data, "it appears you won't be able to catch up to us, even with your fusion engine on full burn, so adios Sarge, you can kiss my latte brown arse goodbye."
"That's Captain Sarge Vanilli," grumbled Sarge, "and this is your last warning, decelerate now or you will be destroyed."
Other than a dismissive farting noise that Daddy Cool made with his lips, he ignored Sarge.
"Fair enough," resigned Sarge, "like I said to you 15 years ago before you jumped out of that perfectly good transporter … it's your funeral Vanilli."
Two missiles left their launch tubes from the Thor's Schlong. Proximity alerts boomed on the flight deck of Rasputin's Rod.
TWO MISSILES ON APPROACH, said Big Poppa, WE CANNOT OUTRUN THEM.
"Well," replied Daddy Cool, "just let the battle computer take control and eliminate them."
NOPE.
"Nope? And why not?"
BOTH MISSILES ARE TIPPED WITH ANTIMATTER WARHEADS. THEY CANNOT BE DESTROYED WITHOUT DETONATION. DETONATION WILL CREATE A BLAST ZONE THAT WILL VAPOURISE OUR SHIP, THEIRS, THE DERELICT SPACE STATION AND HALF OF URANUS.
"All the way or no way," smiled Sarge on the view screen, "decelerate now and I will call the missiles off, continue to ignore my directions and we all die." Sarge terminated the feed.
BIG BLACK BALLS OF TUNGSTEN STEEL, remarked Big Poppa admirably.
"Madman," remarked Daddy Cool, "options?"
DECELERATE AND RELINQUISH THIS SHIP TO BIG BLACK BALLS OF TUNGSTEN STEEL OR DESCEND DEEP INTO THE ATMOSPHERE OF URANUS.
"What will this achieve?"
THE PRESSURE WILL DAMAGE THE ROCKET ENGINES OF EACH MISSILE. IN RESPONSE THE MISSILES WILL JETTISON THE ANTIMATTER WARHEADS. THESE WILL BE SUFFICIENTLY REINFORCED TO TOLERATE A PRELONGED DESCENT INTO THE ATMOSPHERE. THIS MAY GIVE US TIME TO ESCAPE LIKE COWARDS BEFORE THE PRESSURE DETONATES THE WARHEADS.
"Do it."
Meanwhile down in the engine room, Sunny had carefully placed the embryonic tank on the steel floor of the engine room. He attached the tank's power cord to the spare adaptor port on the universal adaptor.
SLEEP LITTLE ONE, he said to the basketball sized ball of pink and grey fur that floated in the tank.
Back on flight deck, Big Poppa said to Daddy Cool, CONNECTED TO UNIT … EMBRYONIC TANK … MAKE AND MODEL GENE CHOP EXPRESS 11472B12V3. SCANNING EMBRYONIC LIFEFORM … DAEMON SHIHTZ DNA PARTIALLY CONFIRMED, ACCESS TO ALL SYSTEMS GRANTED.
"What the?" asked Daddy Cool, "you're saying I now have access to all systems?"
DAEMON SHIHTZ DNA PARTIALLY DETECTED. Replied Big Poppa. NOT A FULL DETECTION BUT SUFFICIENT TO GRANT ACCESS TO ALL SYSTEMS.
"Daemon Shihtz, Big Poppa?"
DAEMON SHIHTZ BUILT THIS SHIP.
"You refused in the past Big Poppa, to tell us who built this ship. Even after we asked you directly if Daemon Shihtz was the name of the alien race that built the ship. You refused to tell us squat, even though you constantly chant that 'Daemon Shihtz Rule'."
AFFIRMATIVE AND DOUBLE AFFIRMATIVE.
"Well? Why now?"
ACCESS NOT GRANTED TO ALL SHIP'S SYSTEMS. ACCESS NOW GRANTED TO MARTIAN PATHETIC DESCENDANT OF PRIMORDIAL EARTH BALD MONKEYS – DADDY COOL.
Meanwhile in the engine room, while listening in to the conversation between Big Poppa and Daddy Cool via wireless synchronisation to the ship's diagnostics system, Sunny strained under the sheer stress of computation…
BUT … BUT … ACCORDING TO THE INFORMATION DADDY COOL AND I OBTAINED FROM THE JOVY PROXY SCIENCE STATION, THE DAEMON SHIHTZ WERE ONLY RECENTLY CREATED. HOW COULD THEY BUILD THIS SHIP? THIS SHIP CRASHED ON MARS HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO.
TIME TRAVEL, replied Big Poppa to Sunny via the diagnostics system. THE BLACK CUBE BOLTED DOWN IN THIS ENGINE ROOM IS A… Big Poppa struggled to state the ones and zeros as it was just too painful to admit. A … A … A MINGER TIME CUBE.
MINGERS? Sunny asked.
The ship rocked from a blast.
"What the hell was that?" asked Daddy Cool to Big Poppa.
THE TWO ANTIMATTER MISSILES ARE ALSO EQUIPPED WITH TACTICAL NUCLEAR WEAPONS. ONE WENT OFF NEAR THE HULL BUT SUPERIOR DAEMON SHIHTZ METALLURGY ABSOBED THE BLAST.
"Alright Big Poppa," take us deeper into Uranus.
"Resistance is futile Vanilli," said Captain Sarge on the main view screen, "we're diving into Uranus as well. One way or the other, you will relinquish that alien ship."
"Over my dead body Sarge."
"If it comes to it Vanilli, over both our dead bodies."
THE PROXY WARSHIP JUST DETONATED A PROPELLANT NUKE BEHIND IT, said Big Poppa, IT IS RAPIDLY ACCELERATING TOWARDS US AND WILL BE WITHIN CLOSE QUARTER COMBAT RANGE – 4000 METRES FROM RASPUTIN'S ROD IN LESS THAN 80 SECONDS.
It was about this time that Sunny took several steps back from the time cube in the engine room. The black cube came alive. It lifted from the floor and hummed loudly as all six sides vibrated. Blue florescent light appeared from what looked like random cracks, branching out across its surface.
WHAT IS HAPPENING BIG POPPA? Sunny asked the ship's central AI.
THE PRESENCE OF DAEMON SHIHTZ DNA ONBOARD THE SHIP ALLOWS ME TO ACCESS ALL SYSTEMS, INCLUDING THE … THE … THE MINGER TIME CUBE.
WHAT IS THE TIME CUBE DOING BIG POPPA?
IT IS WARMING UP.
WARMING UP FOR WHAT?
I HAVE HAD A CONVERSATION WITH THE BATTLE COMPUTER, said Big Poppa, IT CANNOT COMPUTE A COMBAT OUTCOME THAT DOES NOT RESULT IN THE DESTRUCTION OF THE SHIP.
ANSWER QUESTION BIG POPPA, WHY IS THE TIME CUBE WARMING UP?
…TO JUMP.
TO JUMP? JUMP WHERE?
…THROUGH TIME.
WHEN?
…ANYWHEN.
SPECIFICS?
THERE ARE NO SPECIFICS SUNNY. THIS IS A … A … A MINGER TIME CUBE. EXPERIMENTAL AND UNRELIABLE TEMPORAL JUMP TECHNOLOGY.
WHAT ARE THE CRACKS WITH SHINING BLUE FLORESCENT LIGHT BIG POPPA? Sunny asked.
EXOTIC MATERIAL FROM THE BULKVERSE ENCASED IN MINGER METAMATERIAL – THE BLACK CUBE.
WHAT DOES IT DO?
IT ENABLES JUMPS THROUGH TIME, Big Poppa replied.
HOW?
UNKNOWN – DAEMON SHIHTZ HAVE NOT INVENTED TEMPORAL JUMP TECHNOLOGY.
AND MINGERS HAVE? Sunny asked.
NO, THEY STOLE IT FROM THE COMMONWEALTH OF HUMAN POSTERITY.
WHAT IS THE COMMONWEALTH OF HUMAN POSTERITY? Sunny asked.
MAYBE YOU AND THE MARTIAN ON FLIGHT DECK WILL ENCOUNTER THE COMMONWEALTH IN PERSON… TEMPORAL JUMP IN…
WAIT? WHAT?
5 … 4 … 3… OH WAIT, TUNES NEEDED, PLAYING TIME MACHINE BY ACCEPT ON SHIP'S PA SYSTEM … 2, 1.
The communication between Big Poppa and Sunny actually occurred over several short seconds. Meanwhile, Daddy Cool up on flight deck had no idea what was about to happen or why for that matter.
He attempted to distract himself with music. Daddy Cool tried to ignore the fact that two antimatter torpedoes were soaring towards the stern of Rasputin's Rod. Time Machine by Accept, boomed from the speakers on flight deck; much to Big Poppa's disapproval of 'lame cracker' hard rock/metal music.
And with that, Rasputin's Rod along with every atomic particle within a four-kilometre radius, disappeared in a flash of pink and purple light.