Sitting down in my dark room, I stared at the monitors in front of me. My eyes had grown weary as the eyebags grew darker by the moment. I stared at my three dear subjects as I watched them carry out their mundane tasks in life. It was relaxing to stop with all the dream sequences and to finally just allow them time to thrive in their environments.
I knew the importance of being familiar with your surroundings, and once they became accompanied to the place, the torment would be much more personal. In particular, I stared at Annabeth's room, my eyes glued to the screen.
Still not waking up. From what I have gathered, she falls in and out of her coma. Whenever she awakes, it is just her speaking gibberish and screaming in pain before falling back into her trance induced sleep state.
Wake up, Annabeth. Please.
"What are you doing?" A female voice said from the darkness.
"My work." I replied coldly.
"Work this. Work that. Do you have anything other than work to do in your life?" She replied, unamused.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"Just checking up on you." She replied.
"Just leave me alone, Abi." I spoke.
Emerging from the darkness, a teenager appeared with a sweet smile. Her ocean blue eyes started to shimmer in response to the darkness in the room. Her blonde hair became much more visible. She walked up to me elegantly and placed a hand on my shoulder. Staring into my eyes, i could feel her searching deep into my soul, her eyes darting around my appearance with the same curiosity she had shown when we first met.
"Finally said my name." She said softly with a smile.
I stared back at her for a while, my red eyes pulsating. I had no sense of happiness nor sadness seeing her in front of me. My face was stone cold. After a while of staring, i turned my attention back to the monitors as I watched Harold play with his daughter, Jolynn, playing with her imaginary friends, and Annabeth still not waking up.
"It's rude to ignore a friend you know." She said, moving her head to my other shoulder to make eye contact with me again.
"Leave me alone, Abi. I'm busy." I replied.
"So busy you can't even make time for me? I even wore the same clothes as the picture." She said, walking up to it and holding it.
Slowly caressing her hand over the portrait, she smiled a bit as her eyes moved to the younger version of me.
"Life was so much easier then, wasn't it? No worries, no pain, no suffering. We left all that to the adults. What happened to all that?" She said, turning and facing me.
"I grew up." I said, my eyes still on the monitors.
"You act like you don't want to see me anymore." She said, walking back up to me.
"I don't." I replied harshly.
"And yet I still live inside you. Right there." She said, pointing at my heart.
"You think monsters have hearts?" I asked.
"Yes. For even monsters have lived through the curse of love. How else would they have fallen into insanity?" She asked.
"See *** you act like you have no emotions and no feeling. But in reality, all it is is a scared little child who wants to run away from his past. Just like your mother." She explained.
"What can I say, I am her son. And I decided to follow her path of regret instead of my father's. But fear is an interesting way to look at it. What do I fear?" I spoke.
"You ask about fear, yet you can't even look at me when we talk. We all know what it is you fear." She said, walking up and sitting on the desk. "You fear me." She said, smirking.
"Why can't you just..." I said before hesitating.
"Can't what?" She said, leaning in and smiling.
"Hurry! We are going to be late!" Abi said, running up the field with a huge smile.
It was pitch black outside, and all we had with us was a pair of torches. I tried my best to keep up with her, but her excitement fuelled her speed as she zoomed up the hill.
"Abi, wait up. Don't split up, or you will get lost."
Making my way up the hill, I clutched my knees as I let out a huge sigh of relief. Looking in front of me, I saw Abi sitting down staring at the sky eagerly. Making my way to her, I sat down beside her as we stared up in the sky.
"You ready for this ***?" She asked.
"Yes. Let's see what you wasted my time for." I replied.
"Hey..." She said, staring at me and pouting. "That's mean. This won't be a waste."
I let out a huge chuckle before Abi let out a scream telling me to look up in the sky. My eyes flew wide open in awe as we saw countless shooting stars zooming past the night sky. The once dark and colourless sky had transformed into an array of beautiful colours, lighting up everything.
I stared at the countless stars; my eyes were unable to move from the view. My pupils reflect the view as my eyes glistened like shiny glass. Abi stared up in awe as well, but I could tell that she had experienced such things more than once as her face didn't have the same awe-inspiring expression. But I could tell that she still loved every bit of what she was witnessing. It was beautiful.
"Isn't it cool?" She said, staring up at it. "One day, I'll explore the whole universe. And then, I'm going to ride one of those."
She said, reaching her hand out in an attempt to catch one of the stars. Looking down at her hand with a solemn expression, I stared at her, patting her head to cheer her up.
"Let's both ride one then." I said to which she stared at me with a huge smile.
"Really?" She asked, to which I nodded. "Then, it's a promise. One day, we will catch a star and ride across the universe on it."
She held up her pinkie to me eagerly as she waited for me to accept it. Letting out a chuckle, I wrapped my pinkie around hers as we moved our hand up and down three times, the stars continuing to fly past in the background.
"It's a promise."
"Remember, it's a promise." She said to me, holding out her pinkie as i stared with her blankly.
"We were kids, Abi. You need to let go of it." I replied.
"Come on. At least dream big." She spoke.
"Dreams are excuses to escape reality. Using them to cover up the world is impossible. Dream only gives us a way to escape the suffering of this place for a brief moment, but as soon as we wake up, we come back to where it all started." I explained.
"Let go of me, Abi. Let me go." I pleaded.
"Shouldn't I be saying that?" She replied, to which I hung my head in shame.
"So, what was it you were saying? Why can't I what?" She asked, moving closer.
"Why can't you..." I started.
"Why can't you listen to me?" Abi screamed.
"I told you; it has to be done." I replied coldly.
"What happened was six years ago. Your father killed your mother, yes, but it doesn't give you the right to kill him. People shouldn't do that. It isn't good." She spoke.
"I decided what I would do seven years ago, and now I have the chance. I won't change my decision, Abi." I replied to her harshly.
"But killing is not right. How does doing such a thing allow us to stay human? We care, and we feel pain. Why inflict pain onto others because of your own suffering? Even if that person started it, the cycle never ends then. We keep killing forever. And when we die, our example leads on for the future. And they start to kill. Until everyone in this world is nothing more than a murderer." She spoke quietly.
"People were born to be murderers. No matter how much you run from it, no matter how many lies of kindness you throw at it, humans are evil. We were born evil, and we die evil. Running from what is inevitable is futile. Instead, we should accept it. Killing is a cycle. A cycle that we must abide by and live by. All that matters is how much you are willing to taint your dark soul. How many people are you willing to kill? For me, that is one person." I replied back.
She hung her head down, not able to stare into my murderous red eyes. I could feel the conflict brewing inside her. We had grown up, and time had passed, I understood that. But the gnawing feeling eating me alive never let me live in peace.
Until I killed him, I knew this would never end. Walking up to her, I patted her head. Tears dripped from her face as she sobbed. Clutching onto my body, she wept into my arms as she held me tight.
"Don't go. Please." She sobbed. "Don't leave me."
I lifted her chin as I stared into her weeping blue eyes that flowed like the ocean. I caressed her cheek as I smiled at her. All the memories that we had together flashed in front of my mind. The joyous moments and loving instances. Our ups and downs. Everything we had experienced together.
"I'll be back." I spoke. "I promise. And then we shall complete our promise we made that night."
I then leaned in and embraced my lips with hers. Her soft lips melted into mine as we held onto each other for a while. I could feel my body yearning for more, begging me not to leave, my heart aching in pain. But my mind knew what needed to happen. Breaking the kiss, I walked off, leaving her in the field alone with one goal in mind.
To kill my father.
Walking around town, I soaked in all the surroundings of the place i knew as home for my whole life. The small candy stores that i would always run to every morning before school, the clothing stores that my mother would take me every few months as we would scavenge through every single rack.
The small-town square is still as busy as ever. People hurry past, families smiling and laughing, children playing with bubbles. It was a beautiful sight. A place devoid of war or violence.
This town only knew peace and harmony. Until my father came and disrupted that chain. I knew I had to kill him, not just for my peace but for this whole town's peace. A ball slowly rolled to me as I picked it up.
"Sorry, mister!" A little girl said as she ran up to me with a smile.
Handing it over to her, I patted her head and smiled as she ran back to play with her friends.
After all this time, I finally gained my emotions back to normal. I thought that Mother's death would never have allowed me to recover, but then Abi came into my life, and all my worries and pain disappeared. Love truly is a marvellous magic. It can change a person so easily no matter how rough someone may appear. It can make the strongest of warriors the most obedient of slaves.
Scary. So, so scary the power love holds. But if it means that...that I live with Abi forever then, I shall gladly accept these shackles and become another one of its obedient slaves. For what is life if not being slaves to your own desires and wants?
Making my way to the large field that me and I always played in, I stared from under the shade of a tree at the scenery. A slight breeze in the air as the leaves above me hummed a little tune. My hair swayed slowly as my eyes started to lose its colour.
"Hurry up!" A child shouted from behind me.
I turned as my eyes flew wide open. She had such a smile that even the cruellest of people would not be able to resist smiling back. She ran as quick as a flash, her stamina unmatched. Her blonde hair soared in the wind as her eyes shone like the ocean itself. I could feel emotions brewing up inside me as my lip trembled.
"Abi." I whispered.
"Abi, wait up!" A child said, chasing her.
Not just any child. It was me. Trying his best to keep up, he ran even after all his energy was gone. His face brightened red. She ran in the grassy fields whilst he chased her. He tried to chase her, that is.
"I always was trying to reach her, wasn't I?"
"Yep, Abi really was a lot for us to handle, wasn't she."
Looking to my left, it was the younger me staring as he watched her from under the shade.
"Remember how whenever we got tired..." He started.
"We would tell Abi that I'm going to let her win and just sit under the tree so we wouldn't seem like a loser." I chuckled as I finished my sentence.
"Times back then were so simple, weren't they?" He asked.
"Yes, I suppose they were." I replied. "She really saved us."
"I can't imagine a world without her. All these years, I've been chasing her shadow. All I wanted was to hold onto even her shadow so that I would stay by her side forever. That we would live through every challenge life through our way." He spoke.
"And how we feared for her safety for even a second. Remember the time when she stubbed her toe and started bleeding?" I asked.
"And we called the whole hospital to come aid her." He laughed. "We really were unbelievable.
I laughed back. "Yes, we really were."
"Are you sure then? About what you are going to do?" He asked.
"I'm sure. No matter how much pain Abi can cover, that scar will still remain." I said, placing my hand on my right cheek as it became covered in blood.
"You aren't wrong. We never could forget that day. How mother placed our that curse on us." He said, also placing his hand on his cheek.
"I could never forget that day. Every time I fall asleep, all I can see is my mother's lifeless corpse smiling at me, blood oozing out of her eyes, my own face smeared in her own blood. As long as he remains, that won't leave me." I spoke.
"And what if it never leaves you? Are you sure this is the right path of regret to go down?" He asked.
"It's the only one." I replied. "He has to die for the chaos he has caused."
"You don't even hate him. Why kill him?" He asked.
"I suppose because I hate myself. I guess that was truth all along. I hated myself for letting mom die, and I hated myself for letting that man live. Every breath I took was filled with hate. Even if that hate for me never disappears, he has to die." I said coldly.
"What a selfish person I turned out to be." He said, smiling at me.
"Everyone is selfish. Be it for themselves or for others. My selfishness is mine to bear alone. That is the meaning of humanity, isn't it? Which one of us is the most selfish?" I asked, smiling back.
"Then beat them all you selfish bastard." He replied.
"I hope Abi will be fine." I spoke.
"She will. Just keep her away from all this. We can't let any harm fall onto her." He spoke.
"*** hurry!" Abi said, calling for the younger me.
"Coming!" He replied.
He started his run, but before he zoomed off, he looked back at me one last time with a smile.
"We really are bad, aren't we?" He asked.
"The worst." I replied with a smirk. And then he zoomed off into the field with Abi, the youthful lives sending out their joy and happiness onto the world. I stared for a while before they disappeared into the sunset before I left the field. Leaving my memories, my joy, my happiness, everything in the past.
"Wow, you really lost it back then, didn't you?" Abi spoke.
"I think I lost it from the day my mother died. After her, it was as if that pureness inside me became tainted for good." I replied coldly, still staring at the monitors.
"Man! And I thought that my existence would have helped." She replied jokingly. "But I guess, once a soul has been hurt, no amount of love can fix it."
"I guess. And yet you just popped into my life, and all my worries disappeared. I wonder if life would have been different, had I not gone there that night." I spoke.
"We could have lived together. Started a family. You wouldn't be a mad scientist. Everything would be fine." She replied.
"No. It wouldn't have. No matter how much I would have run, I couldn't escape that time. If I had not done what I did, this curse my mother placed on me would never have disappeared. I would have spent my whole life in agony. Even if I masked it with all my smiles, that pain would never cease to exist." I explained.
"Not even for me?" She asked slyly.
"Not even for you." I replied.
"So, do you finally have the courage to say what you want to say." She asked.
"Why..." I took a deep breath.
"Nuh uh. Look at me and say it." She said, leaning in.
"Why...." I said, gathering my courage to finally look at her.
"Why? Why? Why? Why did you kill mom?" I screamed, a knife in my hand.
"She deserved it." He replied, slouched on the chair drunk.
Tears covered my eyes as I clutched onto the knife tightly. My father sat in front of me, drunk and unbothered by life. Not a care of sorrow or sadness in his black eyes. His red hair fell down to his shoulders as he stared through strands right into my soul.
I could feel a strong shiver running through my spine. The air felt suffocating as he watched like a predator waiting for pounce. His hands had become frail, and his face ever paler than before, but his body remained well built.
Standing up, he made his way towards me. As he stood and towered right in front of me, he stared down at me emotionlessly. Staring back, my eyes were filled with intense anger and rage that my blood began to boil.
"You've grown." He said, his voice deep.
"I don't want to hear shit from you about me." I replied angrily.
"It's been how long, boy? And you're still fussed over about such a small thing." He spoke.
"Huh? Small thing? You killing my mother was a small thing for you?" I screamed furious.
"She deserved it. She ran away from her responsibilities and chose to play suck up with the people of this town. Scum like her should never be allowed to live." He spoke sternly.
"How dare you! My mother was a million times better than you! She was kind. Caring. Charming. Gentle. Considerate. Everything you could never be. And you took her! From me! From this world! You killed an angel. And you call that a small thing?"
I could feel my veins exploding inside as every fibre of my body wanted nothing more than to slit that man's throat and bask in his blood right in front of him as he bled to death. But for some reason, that same rage stopped me.
My heart ached at the thought of killing my very own father. I couldn't understand it. How could I not hate him? How could I not hate the very man who took the life of the most important person in my world? And now, all he did was live life to his fullest drunkenly.
"When you grow up, you will understand the value of death, son. Dying is natural. Second-hand nature. It is our gift for living. Some people may die earlier than others, but, in the end, there is no difference between them. All these campaigns that the world has started to advance towards equality should be advancing for death. Because, truth be told, in the face of death, there is no discrimination." He spoke.
"There is no difference between the one that gets shot and the one that gets stabbed. It is the ultimate form of equality. When people scream about treating everyone fairly, all they are begging for is death. And when that death comes, and when you see the corpse, it is beautiful. No pain nor sorrow. No discrimination and no thoughts. No evil ideas nor ideas of goodness. A blank canvas is all that remains." He explained.
"Finally falling into slumber after all the time it had been awake. The dead don't have to worry about money or health or relations. They are able to rest peacefully without no quarrels. They don't have to witness the brutality of the world anymore. They don't have to worry about anything anymore. Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that what heaven is? These people of God that go about sharing his message, aren't they calling people forth to die?" He continued.
"They say heaven is a place with no evil and no need to worry about anything. All you ask is granted to you, and you are there for eternity. All I hear are people calling others for death. There is no difference between death and heaven. We humans have just made this fantasy to satisfy or purpose, but our real purpose is to die. Nothing more, nothing less." He spoke, his word impacting me deeper than I realised.
"Then why kill her yourself? Why not let nature take its course? You had a choice! Why didn't you let her live?" I shouted.
"Your mother ran away. Far from her responsibilities as my wife. She disobeyed me and never accepted me for who I was. Women are a curse. Understand that, son. They act innocent and sweet, yet the underlying nature of them is deception. They'll woo you with their charms, and when you get too close, devour you whole like a serpent. Your mother was the same. Another disobedient woman who didn't know her place in the world. I gave her everything. Fame, wealth, power. And how did she repay me?" He spoke with a hint of anger in his voice.
"She ran away because of who I was. And so, she had to pay the price. She played with me. And no one, and I mean no one, gets away thinking that they can play with me and live on. You tried your hardest, didn't you? Telling the police everything, begging them to arrest me, and waiting to see me appear. The whole town knows I killed her. But they can't do anything about it!" He exclaimed.
"See, son, that is power! Power is something only those crazy enough are able to achieve. With it, no number of opinions and words of the public can ever bring us harm. We can walk like a free man through the streets, and yet they can not lay a single finger on us. Why? Because they know the power I hold. As long as that power exists, no one can touch you. People don't just gain power. They take it. They take people out of their way for it. It is a violent thing. But the value of it is unlike any other." He said his arms wide apart as his face was filled with a psychotic expression.
"I was right. Ah, I knew it. I was right. Of course I was. Why would I be?" I mumbled uncontrollably.
"Speak up, boy." He said, raising his voice a bit more.
"You... You really should just die." I said, staring at him.
My eyes were wide open as if I had seen some unexplainable horror before me. A normal person who saw my face that day would have thought I was the devil coming back from hell. Clutching onto the knife, I rushed towards my father, ready to pierce his body with it. But he just stood there, smiling at me. I inched closer and closer until I caught the look in his pitch-black eyes. It was demonic.
If that same person had then seen my father after, he would have killed himself from the grotesque being standing in front of him. Looking into his eyes, it was as if I had been pulled into nothingness. I was alone in the dark, infinite world. No noise, no sound, no light, nothing.
My mind blanked out as I could feel the insanity crawling over me. As if a hundred cockroaches had burrowed into my skin and were now gnawing their way through my flesh. But I remained firm and continued to charge forward.
"What was her name again? Abi?" He said, making me stop millimetres away from piercing him.
Staring up, I looked straight into his empty black eyes as I could see horror on my face. I dropped the knife as I stood up straight, staring at me with a mix of anger and fear.
"What did you say?" I asked.
"Abi. Isn't that the girl you have fallen for?" He spoke back, smirking. "It would be a shame if anything happened to her."
"You wouldn't dare." I spoke.
"Oh really?" He said, leaning in close to my ear. "Get out of my sight before the next thing you see at your front door is her corpse."
Staring at him, I didn't know what to say. My mouth was open, but words just didn't want to come out. It might have been because I was too scared that whatever I said would have brought harm to Abi. Most people would think that I should have challenged him, but his eyes told me everything. I could see a heartless killer in those eyes.
I knew he was serious, and so did he. So, I turned around and started to walk off my head low in shame. I could feel him smirking triumphantly behind my back as he saw my leave like a coward. As I reached for the door, I could feel a hand on my shoulder. Looking back slightly, my eyes flew wide open.
"Mom?" I whispered.
"Look at you, son. Didn't expect you would run from a challenge." She replied with a smile. She looked as beautiful as ever. Her silky black hair flowed down, and her bright red eyes burning like the sun.
"What choice do I have? He is right. All that matters in this world is power. Even if I kill him, someone else will come for Abi. I can't risk that. I can't let her get hurt." I said defeated.
"You worry about the consequences too much. You still are a child. Leave the consequences of God and do what you need to." She spoke.
"And if my decision ends up being the wrong one?" I asked.
"Then you take that mistake and never do it again. You have to understand the meaning of falling to know the pleasure of getting back up. And knowing your father, he doesn't make empty threats. The moment you walked into this house was the moment you risked Abi's life. Now, all you can do is hold onto it and take the regret you feel after and use it to fuel you for life. You are my son, aren't you?" She asked, tilting her head.
"Of course." I replied.
"Then do what must be done. Don't run away like me. Break the cycle." She spoke softly.
"I miss you, mom." I said, tears forming in my eyes.
"I miss you too, my love. But I'm always watching. And I'm proud of you. I'm proud of what you have become. Now, bury the past with this and look forth to the future." She said before disappearing.
To my right was a revolver. The cylinder was sticking out, with one singular bullet placed inside it. I knew where I had to shoot, and I knew I couldn't mess up the chance.
"Hey, dad." I spoke.
"What is it?" He asked, confused.
Staring at him, I smiled as my eyes were bright red.
"See you in hell." I replied.
Grabbing the gun, I pushed the cylinder in and aimed it straight at me, father. Without hesitation, I pulled the trigger, and the bullet flew straight through his forehead. His body hadn't registered that he had been killed, so for a few seconds, all it did was stand. And then it fell back onto the chair, his blood oozing out of his forehead as his black eyes looked much more lifeless than before. Walking out, I left my father's corpse there as I closed the door, locking my past away for good.
Leaving the house, heavy rain fell from the skies. As I walked in the terrible weather, my clothes were soaked as hair covered my face. The revolver was still in my hands as I continued to walk in the dark, rainy night. Standing outside of the house, I stared up into the sky, taking in the heavy rainfall. It felt ethereal.
The peace I felt at that moment was unlike any other, and a maniacal smile creeped onto my face. The thought of avenging my mother and killing my father brought me joy unlike any other. My arms were spread wide open as I soaked in all the rain. And before I knew it, I was laughing like a madman, my eyes glowing in the dark as I slowly began my descent into madness.
The next day, the news of my father's death hit the entire town. But no one mourned him. He was a terrible person, and deep-down people were thankful that he was gone. No one said anything because my father had connections, and those connections were way too powerful. Abi came to my house with hatred on her face. She stared at me with disgust and anger and lashed out, slapping me across the face. I stared at her as I saw tears in her eyes.
"Why? Why did you have to turn out like him? You're just as bad. I can't believe I fell in love with you." She wept before storming off.
I stood there; my hand placed on my left cheek. Albert walked beside me as he tended to the red mark on my face. All I did was stand in silence.
"I did the right thing, didn't I?" I asked.
"That is for you to decide. Remember, you have to live with some sort of regret, young master. Now, there is no point in thinking of your actions. You must move on and live with it. That is how experienced is made." He spoke.
A week had passed, and Abi did not come to visit me once. Worried about her, I made my way through town. On my way, many people gave me nods and signs of appreciation for what I had done. My father was a terrible person, and everyone knew I killed him, yet they were thankful about it. That a devil had been taken back to hell.
As I made my way to her house, I knocked on the door, but there was no response. Noticing that it was unlocked, I started to worry as I walked in slowly. As I made my way to the living room, my eyes flew wide open as I could not believe my sight. Abi's mother and father both lay on the floor dead. Blood flowed all across the floor as it reached my feet.
Running upstairs, I screamed for Abi as I made it to her room. Kicking the door open, I looked around for Abi. Immediately, I fell to my knees as I saw what was in front of me. Abi lay on the floor covered in a pool of blood. Crawling towards her, I called out her name weakly. Holding her in my arms, I cried out for her to wake up. But she didn't answer. Holding her close to my chest, I cried my heart out, cursing myself for not being able to protect her. Suddenly, I felt her hand on my left cheek. Looking down, I saw her staring at me, barely staying alive.
"Abi!" I screamed.
"***, I'm sorry for hitting you. It must have hurt, didn't it? Your cheek must have been in so much pain. I'm sorry. I should have understood your feelings. I shouldn't have left like that." She said, coughing up blood.
"Abi! Don't talk, I'll call for help!" I spoke back.
"***, thank you. Thank you for caring about me so much. For being there for me. For helping me when I was down. Life truly was amazing with you. I wish... I wish that I could have lived by your side for the rest of my life. Thank you." She spoke weakly.
"No, Abi, don't say that. You'll be fine. Trust me." I spoke hurriedly.
"Take care of yourself, yeah. Don't regret this. It was meant to happen, so hold onto it and move on. But let me be selfish one last time. Don't forget me. Please never forget me. Let me always have a place in your heart." She said as tears began to flow down her cheeks.
All I could do in response was cry back as I accepted what was going to happen.
"From the bottom of my heart..." She spoke through the tears, letting out one last angelic smile with blood flowing out of her mouth. "...I love you."
And then her hand fell down as she left me alone. Holding onto her lifeless body as I screamed out to the world for what it had done to me. I had lost my mother and my father. And now I had lost the only ray of hope in my life. My lover. I was broken.
"You finally going to say it then whilst looking at me?" She asked.
Finally taking my eyes off the monitor, I stared at her. Blood flowed down her face as her ocean blue eyes glimmered in the red. Her hair was filled with patches of red as her clothes were drenched in blood. I could feel tears flowing down my face for the first time since she had died. I didn't know I was still capable of emotions, but they came out uncontrollably. And through my cries, I finally said what I wanted to.
"Why can't you just die?"