BOOOOOOM! CRAAAACK!!
Thunder tore through the sky like a toddler discovering bubble wrap. Each boom echoed with unreasonable aggression, as if the heavens themselves were on a warpath.
Inside a lavish bedroom, Yun Yi jolted upright.
He gasped. Cold sweat clung to his skin. His heart hammered like it was trying to punch through his chest. He blinked rapidly, breath catching, eyes darting around.
Where the hell am I?
Polished jade tiles stretched beneath him, glowing faintly under the moonlight. Thick goldenwood pillars towered toward a high arched ceiling. Soft silken curtains framed open windows, embroidered with phoenixes mid-flight and lotus blooms drifting on invisible wind. The air was scented with something warm, woody, and faintly spicy.
His eyes slowly settled on the jade incense burner. It was shaped like a yawning dragon, lazily releasing fragrant trails into the room.
He stared at it for a long second.
That's Divine Sandal-Jade wood incense. Thirty thousand spirit stones per stick, at minimum.
His gaze drifted to the ornate bedframe. The wood shimmered faintly beneath the polished lacquer.
Imperial Cloudwood? Wait, that's… that's at least forty thousand…
He blinked. Once. Then again. A third time, slower.
"Wait. How do I know that?"
A sharp inhale escaped his lips. "What?! Why do I know that?!"
His hands flew up to his head, clutching the sides of his skull like he could wring the truth out of it. Something was wrong. It was a disorienting sensation, like reading a book and suddenly realizing the words forming in your mind weren't your own.
He looked again and this time noticed the three maidservants kneeling near the foot of his bed.
They were perfectly still, heads lowered in silent submission. Their outfits were elegant, styled like high court uniforms: layered robes of pale green and ivory, their hair pinned up in flawless buns with jade clasps. They looked like they had been plucked straight out of a historical drama.
Why are there maids?
His gaze dropped to his own body. White robes, flowing and pristine. The material shimmered faintly with strange, arcane inscriptions woven into the threads. Not printed. Not stitched. Woven. Like they had always been there. He ran a hand over the fabric. Smooth. Cool to the touch. Faintly humming with qi?
Qi?
He staggered up from the bed, bare feet touching cool jade tile. As he moved, he caught his reflection in the tall bronze mirror mounted on the far wall. White skin. Clear eyes. Hair darker and longer than he remembered, tied neatly back with a jade clasp. A lean, toned physique he definitely hadn't earned.
He blinked.
Then, just to be sure, he rolled up his sleeve and pressed a hand against his stomach, fully expecting the familiar softness of a sedentary life. Instead, his fingers met hard, defined muscle.
Abs.
Like, actual, visible abs.
A choked cough escaped him.
One of the maids turned red and dipped her head even lower.
W-wait. That wasn't what it looked like! I'm just checking for battle damage or... alternate reality displacement injuries!
He turned away quickly, face flushing. His thoughts scrambled for purchase, desperately seeking a logical explanation in a situation that defied logic.
Okay. Think, Yun Yi, think.
He paced slowly across the room, his bare feet silent on the cool jade. He avoided the gazes of the maids, forcing himself to focus.
Last thing I remember... I was going out for tacos. Street tacos, the spicy kind with double chili oil. I was halfway across the street, texting my friend about a new game release. Then, a blinding headache. A loud noise. Lights?
He stopped, his body going cold. The pieces clicked together into a picture he refused to accept.
Don't tell me...
He shook his head violently, a gesture of pure denial.
No. No way. That only happens in webnovels. This is a dream. A hyper-realistic, full-sensory dream. He pinched the back of his hand, hard. Pain, sharp and undeniable, flared up his arm. So, not a dream.
Okay, next logical step: coma? The thought was terrifying, but plausible. Maybe I was hit by a truck and this is all an elaborate neural hallucination while I'm lying in a hospital bed. But the detail... it felt too coherent for a simple coma dream. Which led to a darker possibility. A drug-induced hallucination. He started patting his arms, frantically looking for a needle mark he couldn't find. Maybe I wasn't just in an accident. Maybe some shady corporation or a black-market researcher is testing a new psychoactive compound on me. This whole 'Xianxia' world could just be the drug's architectural signature on my consciousness.
His gaze shot up to the ceiling, searching for any inconsistency. Or maybe it's a government experiment. A full-dive VR simulation. The idea wasn't as crazy as it sounded. He'd read articles about neural interface technology. Maybe the CIA? The CCP? Are they running cultivation-themed immersion trials now to train some kind of psychic super-soldiers?
He narrowed his eyes, examining the intricate carvings on a nearby pillar. But why would they make it this accurate? The detail is insane. Even the floor has a distinct spiritual texture alignment that my brain is somehow interpreting. He ran his foot over the jade tile again. Who programs spiritual texture alignment? The processing power required would be astronomical. It's not logical. It's not efficient.
The incense smoke shifted suddenly.
The air in the room turned cold.
Not breeze cold. Empty cold. Like the warmth had been vacuumed out.
The shadows on the wall stretched unnaturally, like they had suddenly remembered they weren't supposed to behave.
Then it came.
A voice. Inside his mind.
Heavy. Ancient. Cruel. Not loud, but loud enough to echo against the bones.
[Compatibility confirmed.]
Yun Yi froze mid-step.
[Soul-binding complete. Host synchronization in progress...]
He whipped around. Nothing. The maids hadn't moved. Not a twitch. Were they deaf? Brainwashed? Did they not hear it?
His breath caught in his throat. He grabbed the incense stick from the burner and held it up like a weapon.
"Who said that?! Who's there?!"
The maids looked up, startled. One opened her mouth, but Yun Yi held up a hand.
"Don't pretend you didn't hear that! There was a voice! A terrifying, demonic, soul melting voice!"
He looked down at the incense stick.
"Back! I have... spiritual fire... probably!"
No response.
Just the hum. The hum growing louder in his skull.
The voice returned.
[Initializing core interface.]
[Version: Obsolete.]
[Core Type: Origin.]
[Restrictions: None.]
[Stability: Unknown.]
[Compatibility Risk: High.]
His hands trembled.
Obsolete? Origin? Compatibility risk?! Why does that sound like it came with a user warning from hell?
[Initialization complete.]
[System activated.]
Silence.
Not peace. Just absence. Like the room had exhaled and decided to never breathe again.
Yun Yi dropped the incense stick. It hit the floor with a gentle tink.
He sat down.
Not dramatically. Just numbly. Limbs giving out under the weight of too much too fast.
He stared blankly at the floor.
"Okay. Okay. Not a dream. Not a simulation. Not a CIA brain probe. Definitely not tacos-induced food poisoning."
He dragged his hands down his face.
"I really got isekai'd. And my system sounds like it eats souls."