Jeremy's P.O.V
I am, Jeremy Lutman.
There was a time when Lutman meant much to me. The name that spoke grace, wealth and power. Power, the real cost of the name Jeremy Lutman.
A rewind back to the past, as a young boy, Jeremy had had an uncertain fancy for art. Not very quickly was he able to identify his inconsistent feelings but he knew the emptiness he had to fill.
Jeremy was a smart child. The most intellectually well off amongst the siblings but that was all to it. His art was trash.
The social groups at school never peaked his taste for a second and for that, he paid a price.
Most dreaded having to sit with him. The cold silence was excruciating enough much less his gaze.
Pompous, Obnoxious, Self-centered, all already at the early age of 10.
Deep down in the young boy, there grew a complex hostility and void and at the tender age of 16, the lad saw his interest for art rather more of a means of failed expression.
Failed?
What was the problem? Was there even a problem?
The school awarded Jeremy periodically for the art he conspired. They were grateful to kiss the fingers of a name with power.
Was this enough? No.
Whenever he climbed that podium at school to take his award, he would see his mother smile with joy, his siblings applaud systematically. Father, silent.
"Well, aren't you a smart one aye?" Harry joked "Jack of all" He pulled Jeremy into a rough tight hug from the side. Biceps across his shoulders and around his neck.
Noone saw what he saw. Noone except his father.
"William" Jeremy called out as he leaned slightly into Williams room from his door ajar.
"Mm?"
He stepped in and closed the door afterwards. William laid flat on his front against the sheets of his bed. In his room stood shelves with books, a desk filled with a classic electronic typewriter, papers, files. His swiveling chair at a questionable distance from his desk.
William was a writer, disheveled and unstable.
Jeremy knew only a few about him and the most he didn't need to know. They kept a comfortable stillness in both their lives that they both came to enjoy.
Jeremy sat on the swiveling chair.
"William" Jeremy called
He sat up slouching and for a long moment, William watched and waited.
"Want to walk outside?"
Jeremy nodded and in a short minute, William got dressed and they both walked out of the room, into the hallway and down to a certain window. Over into the green and yellow landscape, cut through by a wide cobblestoned path, Ruby sat on a widespread blanket with her fiancée at the time, Ryan Harris.
Ryan, the first son to a renowned doctor of the nation, the family doctor to their family. Mr. Kane Harris.
He watched them chitchat, eat and after a while the twins came over.
"Are you dissatisfied?" William spoke, catching Jeremy mid thought
He turned and inhaled lightly, his eyes darting away.
"You want more" William leaned forward, closely at Jeremy.
His eyes had sunken, to Jeremy, something had changed or instead- had surfaced.
"You couldn't get more could you?"
Something was clear between the both of them.
William handled the editorials of the Lutman newspaper but he ached for his own, something he never managed to achieve.
My words hurt him, as he withdrew with a soft smile, his gaze tired and dehydrated.
"Do you feel unworthy of your dissatisfaction?"
William turned quickly to Jeremy on hearing that question. His smile hinting at delicate frustration.
His fingers trailed up to Jeremy's cheeks, cupping with affection.
"Give up" his voice now a shaky whisper sat in the depths of Jeremy's mind "The void will only grow stronger" he paused "Understand it", "Feel it, …till it overwhelms you"
Jeremy smiled faintly "I will not be what you are?" is all he said and walked away.
William leaned over his stomach in the light of the dusk as he panted hard, breathing shakily attempting to drown his empty screams in the hollow of his fingers.
Down the stairs, into the gardens, Jeremy witnessed his grandfather play about with his caretaker while in the restraints of his wheelchair.
He walked forward quietly.
On noticing the lad, the caregiver stood uprightly, causing his grandfather to turn
"Ah! Jerry-my boy"
Jeremy smiled warmly as his old man reached out to him, his strength still sustainable. Quickly, he held unto him and sat on a bench beside him alongside his caretaker.
"I love the evenings truly"
Jeremy nodded. The skies were clear, orange and birds howled across.
"Danielle here tells me that sounds are carried by the wind, beautiful, isn't it?"
Jeremy stole a glance at Danielle, his caretaker as she smiled at him shyly.
"He likes to listen so I tell" she spoke.
"The estate is a little far off the busy side of the city so we barely hear most of the excitements of the others" the old man continued, averting Jeremy's attention.
Jeremy smiled briefly.
"Grandpa"
The old man turned to him.
"Something's going to happen tonight"
In that moment, the silence, the wind, the sound. Everything slowed as the old man's brows furrowed in worry, so much to ask, yet he couldn't find the words. The certitude in the young lad's voice made the answers clear to Ludwig. Jeremy was a good boy, over and over, he told himself the same thing. Jeremy is a good boy.
Turning to Danielle, Jeremy nodded and gradually spoke "Take care of my grandfather as you should" he paused "No mistakes, anywhere, medicine when necessary"
"Yes sir" she replied.
Quietly, they watched Jeremy walk away, till his silhouette disappeared into the house. A storm was coming.
'Knock-Knock'. 'Knock-Knock'
Jeremy sat up, "Come in"
"Hello darling" a soft yet mature voice spoke as she stepped into the room and shut the door behind her.
"Hello mother"
"How are you, love?" with concise steps, she sat on the outer corner of his bed.
He nodded. She waited, clearly dissatisfied with the silence.
"I'm alright"
She smiled with a short sigh.
"Dinner's almost ready, come down when you're dressed alright"
He nodded lightly "Mm"
In the warm silence, his mother shifted in, leaned forward and with her left hand roughing up the back of his hair, kissed the top of his forehead.
"I love you" she smiled at him for a long minute before standing from his bed "Get ready quick alright, there's going to be an announcement"
Jeremy watched her walk out the door.
In a minute or two, he stood to his feet and packed up his bags as he felt his heart race. He had made all arrangements.
Jeremy walked over to the long window on the left of corner of the wall. Outside was somewhat dark and soon this was going to be a final memory.
In the still of the dining room, since there were no guests, the chairs were reduced to just about every member of the nuclear family. Mother and Father sitting on the far ends of the table while the four children, Ruby, William, Harry and Jeremy sat overlooking each other.
The first few light meals were served. Sweet potatoes with goat cheese, warm soups and a few other sliced dishes. Some salads were brought with candied carrots and honey before sea foods; grilled salmon stuffed with sauces and lemon garlic in spiced crabs.
"Everyone" mother spoke before anyone could begin "It pleases me to share such great news with everyone"
With a warm smile, she turned to Ruby who sat to her right and held unto her fingers gently, "With joy in my heart, I announce the wedding of our daughter and sister, Ruby on the last day of this month, ushering a dawn into the new month with the celebration at hand"
Everyone clapped.
Harry, just on the other side of Ruby, shook her shoulders vigorously in a side hug while William who sat by the left of Jeremy, took her hand across the table and leaned forward to place his head on it.
Ruby turned to Jeremy, sharing smiles.
"This could only mean" father spoke, driving everyone's attention to him in a short silence "Celebration" he smiled
With a small clap, Red wine was served leading everyone to applaud once more before Father put them all to a stop.
"Heavenly father" he began with the prayer, a familiar routine before they all began eating.
Jeremy stared at his empty plate.
"Something wrong?" Mother asked
"Father" he called,
"I desire to school in France"
His words echoed as every soul knew the answer to that insufferable request.
"What for?"
Jeremy sat back on his chair, his eyes distant.
"Art"
A stifling silence clouded the room, making each swallow harder and harder.
"You will study at the best art school, here" His father continued on his food.
Jeremy turned to Reece "No"
"Jeremy!" Mother exclaimed "What has come over you, apologize this instant"
Jeremy watched Reece sit up, wiping his lips with a napkin.
"Have you no manners" he leaned forward, his knuckles against his lips as his eyes now sat on Jeremy "-Boy?"
Everyone watched while Harry ate nonchalantly.
Jeremy took up a glass of water, leaning forward as well
"With all due respect sir" he began "It's either you disagree and kick me out or You agree and I go along"
His mother gaped, astonished by the boy who sat to her side.
His father stared at him. The clarity in his words, pride in his every movement proved something to Reece, something he had long ignored, now, igniting something in him.
"Jeremy" the boy's mother whispered softly in shaky breathes.
He turned and met her eyes.
"Do you know what it means to leave the family, the outside world?"
Jeremy gazed at her, his face rid of emotions. Cold.
"I am not Whitney"
The dining hall grew windy. Whitney was an abandoned name, riddled with bad omen as it was known to have had a bad past and always, always broke Reece to rage.
Jeremy stood to his feet.
"Where do you think you're going?" Reece spoke softly
"Unfortunately, I've lost my appetite"
"Sit"
Jeremy stared at him for a long second before taking his sit.
"Eat"
"I'm not hungry"
Reece leaned back, his fingers now twirling over his thick, wavy lowball, now empty. He seemed almost relaxed, composed.
"What made you so mad to think to refuse me?"
At this point, no one could eat a grain of cold food.
"I made a choice"
Reece smiled faintly. Remembering.
"The last person who made this mistake couldn't bear the cost of life outside of the name"
Reece finally raised his gaze to Jeremy "I understand 16 to be a rebelling age" he paused "Apologize and eat"
This was a warning. Settle this before his anger takes control. Jeremy understood this, everyone knew.
"I am not Whitney"
Harry swallowed hard with his head down in frustration. Ruby sat in silent tears 'How did this go wrong?'. William watched, his eyes sunken in fear as he shook in angst. Mother held unto Jeremy's fingers, shaking her head rapidly while Jeremy locked eyes with Reece.
In a split second, Reece's lowball flew across the table. Jeremy dodged halfway through before rising to his feet and bursting into laughter, laughter incomprehensible, shocking everyone just before turning to Reece, his face stifled.
"You knew what I was capable" he paused with a bright smile, "you trained me" he paused again "I know you", "and now- I will walk away from you"
These were the last words of Jeremy Lutman before he walked away, into his room and out the door into the vast unknown, shaping him into the being, Jerome.
I am Jerome.