"Huh? Kihara-kun, you're taking the 25th off?"
"Just the afternoon."
"I can't believe it. I want to take it off too."
"Then why don't you?" I shot back at Mikimoto-senpai, who was nagging me.
"My boyfriend isn't taking it off, so I'm not either. Well, have fun with your Christmas."
The senior, clearly annoyed by my reply, said that and returned to her desk. For some reason, she doesn't seem to like me.
I used to think it was about Mita-senpai, but it seems there's more to it than that. Well, whatever.
I basically don't care what women say. I have no interest.
I wish the world was made up of only men.
"Kihara-kun, are you taking time off for the party?"
"Yes."
"...I don't think you need to go to all that trouble."
"But Nada-san said he's taking the whole day off."
"He's different. He likes that kind of thing. Just... try to go along with it in moderation, okay?" Mita-senpai gave a wry smile at my words, but I had already arranged to take the afternoon of Christmas Eve off.
What am I even doing?
The thought crossed my mind too.
But I'm a man who keeps his promises. So, I'll make the cake. That's all. There's no ulterior motive.
However, a flash of Nada-san's happy smile when he mentioned Bûche de Noël made my heart waver.
It's my imagination, just my imagination.
He's not my type.
"Whoa. Nada-san, this is amazing."
The next day, on Christmas. I arrived at Nada-san's apartment to find that all the vegetables and other ingredients had already been chopped, and I was surprised.
"Oh, there. I cleared a space for you. I think the oven's ready to use too."
Nada-san, wearing an apron, said that while stirring a pot.
He's so serious about this.
I'll have to do my best too.
"Oh, you brought an apron."
"Yeah, well."
Seeing me pull an apron out of my bag, Nada-san's eyes went wide.
He's wearing one himself, so no need to be so surprised.
"Hmm. It starts out flat."
He nodded to himself as he watched me mix the sponge cake ingredients and pour the batter onto a baking sheet. It was four o'clock in the afternoon, and Nada-san, having finished all his prep work, was now watching me bake the cake.
"Next is making the chocolate whipped cream."
After putting the baking sheet in the oven, I took chocolate out of the fridge. Then, I chopped it finely and put it in a bowl over a bain-marie.
"Wow, it's melting. Can I have a taste?"
"I guess so."
I handed the wooden spoon with the melting chocolate to Nada-san, who was getting excited like a child. He popped it right into his mouth.
"Nada-san?!"
"Hot! But so good!"
With a mouthful of chocolate on his lips, Nada-san smiled.
In that innocent smile, I felt a strange sense of sexiness, and I quickly looked away.
No, no, I'm getting into a weird mindset.
My type is either cute or beautiful.
Nada-san is not my type.
I took the wooden spoon back from Nada-san, washed it, and resumed the bain-marie process.
"What's next?"
He said that with chocolate still on his mouth, and with a sigh, I grabbed a tissue box from a nearby counter.
"Wipe your mouth. Next, I'll make the whipped cream. Mixing this melted chocolate into it is the tricky part."
I put on a calm facade and took the heavy cream out of the refrigerator.
"Whoa! It's getting hard! Can I have a taste?"
This guy is really just a child.
Nada-san, who was staring intently at the chocolate-laced whipped cream I was beating with a hand mixer, was exactly like a kid.
Honestly, what am I going to do with him?
Feeling my energy drain away, I used a spoon to give Nada-san a taste of the cream.
"So good! Man, I'm glad I asked you, Tadashi. I'm so happy~"
He ate it with a pop and was so delighted he practically jumped.
His reaction was so genuine that it made me laugh.
I thought Mita-san was cute, but this guy...
"Oh, smells good~ Is the cake baked?"
Turning his back to me, Nada-san approached the oven.
"Ah, it's almost ready."
I put the finished chocolate whipped cream into the fridge, stood next to him, and checked on the cake in the oven.
A 'ding' sound went off, and I took out the baking sheet.
"Whoa! Awesome!"
The sponge cake had baked beautifully, and I felt a sense of relief.
Now all I needed to do was let it cool. I flipped the sponge cake onto a wire rack and covered it with parchment paper.
"Are you putting the cream on now?"
"Later. If I put it on while it's hot, the cake will get soggy."
"Oh, that makes sense."
"Well, let's take a little break then. You want some tea or coffee?"
"Ah, tea would be great."
"Tadashi, you're seriously amazing. I'm so excited for the finished cake."
"Nada-san, you really love cake, don't you?"
"Yeah, I'm honestly so impressed watching a cake being made in person for the first time. It's incredible." We sat on the sofa and chatted. It was five o'clock. Since the party starts at seven, it was perfect timing.
"Seriously. It's a waste that you're a man. It would be great if you were a girl."
"...You think so?"
I smiled vaguely and let the comment pass.
I have more interest in men than women, so I don't really understand his line of thinking.
Well, it's clear that Nada-san is interested in me.
But I figure it's just as a friend. I guess that's a good thing.
He's not my type anyway, and it wouldn't do any good to be liked by Mita-senpai's friend.
"Or if you were like Wang-san."
"!"
Huh? What did he just say?
"A year ago, when Wang-san had just come to Japan, I confessed to him. It was a complete failure, of course, and it hurt like hell."
"..."
Wait, Nada-san is straight? [T/N: It's more of a rhetorical question]
And he was rejected by Xiuxiong, just like me.
[T/N: For people confused the full name is Wang Xiuxiong, yes he is Chinese and I hope you all aren't as confused as me.]
"Wang-san is incredibly beautiful, isn't he? So I thought, even if he's a guy, it might be okay. But when he yelled at me, 'I'm not interested,' it scared me. That's why I was against him dating Isamu, but now when I see them together, I guess it can't be helped. I was worried that Isamu, being so innocent, was being deceived by Wang-san. But they're genuinely in love with each other. Wang-san might be scary, but he's devoted."
Yeah, yeah. He's scary.
But his devotion is definitely real.
I was laughing, because I felt the exact same way as Nada-san.
Even our pattern of heartbreak is similar, it's almost funny.
"What's wrong?"
Nada-san looked surprised as I suddenly burst out laughing.
"I was also rejected by Xiuxiong." [T/N: Don't get confused, I think Tadashi did confess to his senior Mita Isamu but got chased away by his boyfriend Wang Xiuxiong. That's why he said Xiuxiong rejected him. Some kind of nuance we missed I guess.]
"Huh? You too? Wow. He's a real heartbreaker."
"Exactly, a heartbreaker, right? Wait, Nada-san, are you okay with guys?"
"What?! No, no way. But Wang-san, you know... he's beautiful, right?"
He looked startled by my question and stood up. He seemed a little on guard, and it made me feel a bit uneasy.
"Wang-san is certainly beautiful, you're right. Don't worry. I'm only interested in beautiful people myself."
I said that with a sense of irritation to Nada-san, who was about to head back to the kitchen.
"That's a relief. Well then. I guess I'm off the hook," Nada-san replied with a relieved tone, his back still turned to me.
After that, for some reason, we both just worked on the cooking in silence.
We managed to finish all the dishes a little after six.
"I'll put the cake in the fridge now," I said.
"Wow, that's amazing. I can't wait to eat it. Go ahead and put it in."
While I was putting the Bûche de Noël I made into the fridge, Nada-san started arranging the food on the platters.
"Do you want me to help?"
"Ah, yeah. Could you put the dishes on the table?"
"Sure."
I grabbed four sets of dishes from the place he pointed to and set them on the table.
And at seven o'clock, just as we finished arranging all the food on the table, the doorbell rang.
"Cheers!"
With that, Nada-san's voice started the party.
"Wang-san, is that baijiu good?"
"It is delicious."
Why did Xiuxiong bring baijiu? I wondered, as I put some food in my mouth. The fried chicken was perfectly crispy, and its savory aroma filled my mouth.
"So good!"
"Yeah, seriously delicious. Nada, you're amazing."
"Really? I'm glad," Nada-san smiled at our compliments.
I was suddenly distracted by his innocent smile, and I felt that unpleasant feeling again.
No, I'm really being weird.
I should have a drink and distract myself a little.
"Alright! Let's have cake," Nada-san said after about two hours had passed, and he took the cake I made out of the fridge.
"Huh? It's homemade?"
"It is. Tadashi made it," Nada-san said for some reason, puffing out his chest, which made me laugh.
He really is like a kid.
"Kihara-kun, that's amazing. You can make a cake?"
"Right? I never knew you had such a talent."
Mita-senpai and Xiuxiong looked at me with admiration, and I felt myself blush.
"It was like watching a divine craftsman at work. Come on, let's eat."
"Ah, I'll get the plates," I said to Nada-san, who was about to cut the cake with a knife, and I ran to the kitchen.
"Let's dig in!"
"So good!"
"Yeah. Delicious."
"Oh, it really is. I'm glad."
We started eating the cake while saying things like that.
The cake turned out better than I expected, and I felt a sense of relief.
And more than anything, seeing Nada-san smile so happily made my face break into a smile too.
After we finished the cake, Xiuxiong offered us some of the baijiu, so we started drinking that as well.
"This is strong! But good."
"Ah, Nada-san. It's not a good idea to drink it all at once."
"That's right, Nada. This liquor is no joke. It's better to sip it slowly."
Mita-senpai, with his cheeks flushed from a slight buzz, said that, and I found myself getting lost in his cuteness all over again.
However, I felt Xiuxiong's terrifying gaze and quickly looked away.
"Woo! I'm feeling great!"
"Nada, I've heard that somewhere before."
Thirty minutes later, the two of them, their spirits completely lifted by the baijiu, started laughing cheerily.
I had already experienced the potency of baijiu during my time in China, so I was sipping slowly and observing them.
The two of them were very similar, and they got along well.
That's why Xiuxiong probably decided to join us today.
"Zhongshi(Tadashi). Do you like Tan?" [T/N: Wang-san is using Chinese pronunciation of Tadashi.]
"Tan? Nada-san??... Are you kidding? No way. I'm just hanging out with him today because I promised to help him with the preparations."
"That's good then. Isamu was worried. So... I don't really have the right to say this, but..."
Xiuxiong smiled, looking a little sad.
Mita-senpai lives with Xiuxiong, but it seems he still has a hard time with the idea of being seen as gay.
I'm proud of being gay, so I don't really understand it, but I guess that's how it is for straight people.
That's why Xiuxiong also suffers.
But it's the path they chose.
Thinking about it, if Xiuxiong hadn't appeared back then, I would have given in to my desires and tried to hold Mita-senpai.
He was just that cute.
"Zhongshi. If you ever try to make a move on Isamu again, you'll regret it."
Xiuxiong, having noticed me staring at my senior with a passionate look, whispered that to me in an icy voice.
The room was supposed to be warm, but I felt as though a cold wind had blown through, and my body shivered.
Yeah, if I make an enemy out of this person, I'm dead.
"Alright, I think we'll be heading home. Any more, and he might throw up."
Getting up from beside me, where I was cowering, he approached his beloved boyfriend.
"Huh? Going home? No way. I want to drink more."
"That's right. It's Christmas night. Let's have fun together."
"I'm sorry, but we both have to work tomorrow. We're going home," Xiuxiong said pointedly to the two of them, who looked displeased.
He put his hand on Mita-senpai's waist. He seemed to whisper something, and my senior's face immediately turned bright red.
...That was lewd.
He definitely said something dirty just now.
"Tadashi, are you going home too?"
Nada-san asked, his eyes turning from the two of them heading for the entrance.
He looked like a child who had been left behind, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy.
"Um, I'll stay for a while. Looks like the cleanup will be a lot of work."
"Really? Thank you!"
Nada-san's face instantly broke into a wide, crinkly smile, and he looked so genuinely cute that I quickly averted my gaze.
No, that's not it.
"Well then, Merry Christmas~"
"Yeah."
"Nada, sorry about this. See you again soon~"
Supported by Xiuxiong, Mita-senpai began to walk.
What he said might not have been a lie after all. Any more drinking, and he might have thrown up.
But wait, wasn't my senior not a lightweight?
Ah, the baijiu. He must be weak to baijiu.
That's why Xiuxiong deliberately brought it.
To get them to leave early.
He really is incredibly calculating.
"Well, let's start drinking again."
The living room, with just the two of us, suddenly felt empty.
Nada-san looked a little lonely, so I turned on the TV.
A Christmas song started playing, and I felt a sense of relief.
I'll just clean up and head home quickly, I thought to myself, watching him on the sofa, a glass in his hand, watching TV.
"Tadashi, why don't you stay over tonight?"
"Huh?! Oh, no, it's fine. The last train is still running."
"I see," Nada-san mumbled in response.
I really don't understand this person.
I'm gay, you know.
Does he think it's okay for me to stay over?
No, it's not like I would ever make a move on Nada-san.
"...You know, I'm not good at spending Christmas night alone. During festivals, I get restless if I'm not with people. I hate the feeling of being left behind. That's why I had Isamu keep me company last year. It would probably be fine if I had a steady girlfriend, but I always get dumped right before a big event."
"..."
I'm not fond of being alone during festive times either.
That's right, last year I think I spent Christmas at a gay bar.
"Okay. I'll stay over tonight."
I can just wake up early and go home.
Besides, I'd rather spend Christmas night with someone else too.
"Do you think Santa Claus is real?"
"?! "
What is he saying? Well, he's drunk, so I guess it can't be helped.
"I guess so? That's why stories like that are made." I answered vaguely.
I've never believed in Santa Claus since I was a little kid.
My parents always bought my Christmas presents.
Though there were some kids who believed back in kindergarten.
"I wish he were real. It'd be more fun, and happier."
Nada-san was looking at the TV screen, where a Christmas movie was playing.
Miracle on 34th Street, I remember the title.
Nada-san was staring at it so intently without saying a word, and I found myself looking at his profile.
He's not my type.
He's not beautiful, nor is he cute.
But he has a friendly face.
He's a strange person... but someone who's fun to be with.
"Ah, I'm going to the bathroom."
"Oh, yeah."
He must really love Santa Claus, I thought, as I got up from the sofa and said that to Nada-san, who was still looking at Santa on the screen.
It's already eleven o'clock.
If I'd known this would happen, I would have brought a change of clothes.
"Ah, Nada-san?!"
When I came back from the bathroom, I didn't see him, and I was startled. But as I got closer, I saw him curled up on the sofa like a cat, fast asleep.
"Honestly..."
Thanks to Xiuxiong having cleaned up a bit, there wasn't a huge mess, but there were still dishes left out, and I sighed.
I went into his room, grabbed a blanket, and put it over him.
I guess I'll take care of this after I'm done cleaning up.
"...Tadashi? My bad!"
After I had put away most of the dishes and the leftover food into the fridge, I heard a voice. Nada-san came running into the kitchen in a panic.
"It's already done. You have work tomorrow, right? Let's just go to bed."
"No. I'm staying up."
Is he a child? This person.
"Tadashi, you can use my bed. I'll sleep in the living room."
"What?! I'll sleep in the living room."
"No, I'm taking the living room. There's a movie I want to watch anyway."
"Okay, fine."
I thought it would be strange to watch TV on the sofa together in the living room, so I gave in to Nada-san's words.
I lay down on his bed.
I expected a typical guy's scent, but instead, it smelled like fresh soap.
However, even though I should have been tired, sleep wouldn't come no matter how many times I tossed and turned, so I went back to the living room.
I saw Nada-san watching TV, with his knees hugged to his chest. It was still the Christmas movie, and I thought, he really is a child.
"Ah, can I watch too?"
"Oh, yeah."
He was surprised that I was still awake, but he nodded and moved to the edge of the sofa.
"Can you see from there? Are you being cautious, maybe? It's fine. I'm gay, but I have a sense of decency."
"Sorry. My bad," Nada-san said with a laugh, and he moved closer to the center, hugging his knees again.
I really think this person is just incredibly lonely.
I am too, but he might be worse than me.
The Christmas movie was one I'd never seen before, a comedy. I hadn't watched a movie in a long time, and I found myself getting completely engrossed.
"!? Nada-san?!"
I felt a sudden weight on my shoulder and was startled.
However, I realized he was asleep and let out a wry laugh.
Honestly, Nada-san... He's probably going to scream when he wakes up.
That night, I ended up not wanting to wake up the sleeping Nada-san, so I just stayed sitting on the sofa.
Sometime in the early morning, as I was dozing off, Nada-san's eyes opened on my lap, looking completely shocked.
It seems I didn't just lend him my shoulder, but my lap as well.
Nada-san got up without a word and locked himself in his room.
He never came out, so I called out to him and left the apartment.
I kind of understand his shock.
I'm gay.
For a straight guy, it must be a shock to wake up having used a gay man as a lap pillow.
But contrary to what Nada-san was feeling, I was somehow starting to feel a little happy.
The hair I had accidentally touched was stiff and coarse. But his sleeping face was so cute, I could have watched it all day.
Yes, this was the moment I started to fall for him.
And that feeling turned into a certainty five days later, on New Year's Eve.