I pointed at them with trembling hands. "...Then what's THIS?!"
Rias blinked, clearly lost.
"What's… what?"
I waved my arms like a lawyer presenting damning evidence.
"You! Both of you! Naked! In my bed!!"
Rias's cheeks flushed, not in embarrassment but sheer indignation.
"W-We just… It's more comfortable that way, that's all!"
Akeno stretched with a lazy yawn, completely unfazed.
Her chest bounced as if on cue, like she was doing it on purpose.
"Mmm~ that's right, fufufu. Clothes are so restricting. You'd sleep so much better without them~"
"Stop encouraging him!!"
Rias snapped, her voice high-pitched with frustration, her face red enough to light up the whole room.
I clutched my blanket tighter, gasping like a scandalized victim.
"So you admit it—you stripped down and crawled into my bed while I was unconscious! This is outrageous!!"
Rias buried her face in her hands, groaning.
"No one 'crawled' in—we just… ended up like this while we were sleeping!"
"Mm, and you didn't seem to mind at all," Akeno added sweetly, her smile far too mischievous.
"AKENO!!" Rias roared.
My voice cracked as I hugged myself tighter, eyes wide with fake horror.
"Then… then! Don't tell me—you took my virginity while I was asleep!!!"
The room went dead silent.
Rias's face turned scarlet, steam practically rising off her head.
"W-Wh-WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING?!"
Akeno immediately choked on a laugh, clutching her stomach.
"Pfft—oh my… oh, this is priceless. Ufufufu~ You still had one?"
"GHHH—!!" I staggered back like I'd been fatally wounded.
"Of course I had one!! And now it's gone—stolen in my sleep by you devils!!"
Rias slapped her palm against her forehead, groaning loud enough to shake the walls.
"WE DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING!! Nothing happened! We just SLEPT!!"
"Exactly what a guilty person would say…"
I whispered darkly, narrowing my eyes like a detective in a crime drama.
"WE'RE NOT GUILTY!!" she screamed, her voice cracking from sheer humiliation.
Akeno collapsed onto the bed, literally rolling as she laughed, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Ara ara~ Rias, your face… ufufufu~ you really look like you're confessing to a crime~"
"AKENO STOP LAUGHING AND HELP ME CLEAR THIS UP!!"
Rias shrieked.
I threw myself back onto the bed, covering my face with my arm as fake tears welled up.
"...Take responsibility now! Sniff… no one will marry me anymore after this… I've been defiled… ruined… sniff sniff…"
Rias nearly fainted on the spot.
"Wha—DEFILED?! W-We didn't do ANYTHING!!!"
Her voice hit such a pitch that it rattled the window frames.
Akeno was wheezing by now, clutching her stomach as she slid halfway off the bed.
"Ahahaha—ara~ this is priceless~! Rias, you should see yourself! Haaah—I'm actually going to die—"
"AKENO!!"
Rias turned beet red, stomping her foot so hard the floor shook.
"STOP ENCOURAGING HIM!!"
Meanwhile, I peeked through my arm, trembling dramatically.
"So this is how it ends… my pure, untouched self… stolen in the night. No priest would bless me now… sniff… no bride would ever look at me…"
"PURE?!"
Rias shrieked, pointing at me like I'd just insulted her ancestors.
"You—YOU are the least pure person I've ever met!!"
"Exactly what a heartless defiler would say…"
I whispered hoarsely, letting the words hang like a death sentence.
Akeno fell backward onto the bed, legs kicking as she howled with laughter, tears streaming down her face.
"Ufufufu~ Rias, if you keep yelling like that, he's going to convince me something actually happened~"
Rias looked one inch away from bursting a vein.
"IT DIDN'T!! NOTHING HAPPENED!!!"
Honestly, at this point, I just wanted to tease her more.
Besides, having them both naked right in front of me while I stirred the pot?
That was a treasure worth engraving into my memory forever.
Rias grabbed my collar, her whole body trembling with frustration.
"LISTEN TO ME!! NOTHING. HAPPENED. YOU'RE STILL—"
She froze, words catching in her throat, her entire face going scarlet.
The phrase "a virgin" hovered unspoken like a curse she couldn't bring herself to finish.
I gasped so loud it echoed.
"So you admit it!! You checked!! You really did something to me!!!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!!"
Rias shrieked, shaking me back and forth so violently my teeth rattled.
Her face had gone beyond tomato—it was full-on nuclear meltdown red.
Akeno had completely lost it.
She collapsed onto the floor, pounding her palm against the tatami as she howled with laughter.
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she wheezed, "Ufufufu~! I can't—! This is comedy gold! Rias, you're absolutely finished~!"
Rias, still shaking me like a ragdoll, screamed, "DON'T TWIST MY WORDS!!!"
I yanked the blanket over my head, curling up like a victim in a tragic drama.
Only my muffled voice slipped out.
"…Should I… call the police? After all… I was violated in my sleep… I should report this to the authorities…"
The room went DEAD silent.
Rias' jaw practically hit the floor.
"P-P-POLICE?! Are you COMPLETELY INSANE?!"
Her voice cracked so sharply it could shatter glass.
Akeno choked mid-laugh, coughing between wheezes.
"Pfft—cough—AraAra~! Don't kill me, please—Rias, you're going to die of embarrassment, ufufufu~!"
"YOU TRAITOR!!!"
Rias shrieked, her crimson hair sparking with fury as she lunged at me.
She grabbed my shoulders, shaking me like a madwoman.
"NOTHING HAPPENED!! STOP SAYING CRIMINAL THINGS OR PEOPLE REALLY WILL BELIEVE YOU!!"
I peeked out from under the blanket, trembling theatrically.
"…But my innocence… my virtue… how can you say nothing happened when I can still feel the trauma… sniff sniff…"
Rias's face went full nuclear, her whole body shaking with rage and humiliation.
"TRAUMA?! TRAUMA?! You were SNORING like a dying bear!! Don't twist this into a crime scene!!"
Meanwhile, Akeno was gone, literally rolling on the floor, clutching her stomach as tears streamed down her face.
"Ara~ Rias, your reputation is finished! He's framing you for—pffft—rape! You'll never live this down~!"
I glanced down at myself, patting my shirt, my pants—everything intact.
"…Wait. My clothes are still on… so maybe… maybe nothing happened?"
For the briefest moment, the girls visibly relaxed—Rias even exhaled in relief, shoulders sagging.
Then I froze.
Narrowing my eyes, I leaned back suspiciously.
"…Or did you… Put my clothes back on after you were done? To trick me into thinking nothing happened?!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"
Rias's scream nearly shattered the windows.
Akeno collapsed back onto the bed, wheezing with laughter.
"Ara~ that's… evil! Hahaha—Rias, you monster! Redressing him after assaulting him in his sleep… that's straight out of a crime drama! Ufufufu~!"
"WE! DID! NOTHING!!!"
Rias shrieked, grabbing fistfuls of her crimson hair in frustration.
Her face was so red that it looked as though it was about to combust.
"STOP MAKING UP THESE INSANE SCENARIOS!!"
I gasped, hugging myself again with trembling arms.
"…Unbelievable… I really was defiled, wasn't I? Rias Gremory, the so-called noble devil… a criminal all along…"
Rias collapsed face-first onto the mattress, screaming into a pillow with raw despair.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
I crossed my arms, glaring at them with a wounded expression.
"…So let me get this straight. You're saying you all slept on top of me… naked… pressed against me… and didn't do anything?!"
The room went stiff.
"…Am I… am I that unattractive to you?"
I muttered, letting my voice crack just right.
"…You didn't even feel a single urge? Not even… a tiny spark?"
Rias's face went from red to nuclear crimson.
"W-WHAT?! T-That's not it at all!! D-Don't twist it like that!!"
She flailed her arms like a malfunctioning windmill, eyes darting everywhere but me.
Akeno covered her mouth, shoulders trembling as she tried to hold it in.
"…Ara~ you're so cruel. Turning rejection into self-pity bait… that's just delicious~"
Then, suddenly, her tone dropped serious.
"…But honestly—you really aren't that attractive."
"URK!!" I staggered back like I'd been struck, clutching my chest in agony.
"Ghh—tch… the final blow… delivered mercilessly by the greatest pervert of them all…"
"STOP MAKING THIS SOUND LIKE A SOAP OPERA!!"
Rias screamed, grabbing my collar and shaking me so hard the bed creaked.
"YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE, OKAY?! SUPER ATTRACTIVE!! THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!"
The words hung in the air like a bomb going off.
Everything froze.
…And then Akeno broke.
She collapsed to the floor, howling with laughter, tears streaming down her face as she kicked her legs helplessly.
"Ahahaha~ Rias, you confessed without realizing it—ufufufu, priceless~!!"
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