Well, whatever. If things go south, I'll just buy Arceus and edit reality.
Easy fix.
A couple of years of waiting at most—two, three tops—and boom, problem solved.
So… where am I currently?
…Picture this: you wake up one morning, open your eyes, and on both sides of you are naked, drop-dead-gorgeous super beauties.
What do you do?
Currently, I'm in exactly that position.
Rias and Akeno.
Naked.
On either side of me.
Wrapping themselves around me like I'm their personal body pillow.
How the hell did things turn out like this, you ask?
Well… last night, Rias, Koneko, Akeno, Sona, and Tsubaki all came over to hang out.
Yes, that's right.
My relationship level has officially reached "girls casually dropping by my house to chill."
Achievement unlocked.
When night fell, a thunderstorm rolled in.
Asia got scared of the lightning, so they all decided to stay over.
We ate together, laughed, messed around a bit—wholesome stuff.
I was exhausted from Rias's hell-training in the morning, so I went to bed first.
…And then, when I opened my eyes this morning—
I don't know if it's because I forgot to unlock the extra rooms before sleeping or some other detail I missed, but somehow, I found Rias and Akeno like this.
…FUCK!
My hands—my hands are sinking right into their naked chests!!
It's incredible!! Squishy, soft, silky, warm—words just keep flooding into my brain nonstop!
NO! Calm down, me.
If I wake them up now, I'll definitely be branded a pervert—regardless of the actual circumstances.
I've watched enough anime to know exactly how this plays out.
Spoiler: the guy never wins.
So, I force myself to take a deep breath, clamp my eyes shut, and make the ultimate decision…
Just go back to sleep.
Yes. Ignorance is bliss.
…Or so I thought.
Because even with my eyes closed, it's like their naked forms are burned into my retinas.
Every curve, every detail—my imagination is working overtime!
And then—AHH!! She moved!!
Her chest bounced right against me!!
I can't—I can't think straight!!
Damn it!! I can't endure this anymore!
Akeno's thighs pressing against me… Rias's warm breath tickling my neck… and their chests—oh god, their chests!!
Every second feels like torture.
My body's on fire, my brain's melting, and my soul's about to ascend straight to heaven!
At this rate—at this dangerous, beautiful, lethal rate—I won't be able to hold back!!
Sorry, my future self…
Forgive me, but I've decided to walk the criminal path.
The temptation before me is simply too much for my fragile soul to resist.
Two peerless beauties, sleeping soundly, wrap me up in warmth and softness.
What mortal man could withstand this trial?
I know this is wrong.
I know this is dangerous.
But right now… I'm already halfway to hell, and I don't even care.
Just as I finally steeled myself…
Just as my trembling hands inched toward Rias's glorious chest…
—Of course!—The gods of anime struck me down.
Because at that exact cursed moment…
Rias's eyes slowly fluttered open.
Sleepy. Red. Beautiful. And staring straight at me.
…
My brain worked overtime in panic mode and spat out one desperate strategy:
The first one to accuse is the right one, and the last one is the offender.
Yes! If I flip it around fast enough, I can dodge the "pervert" label!
I'll play the victim! …Wait. Hold up. I am the victim here!
Anyway, before Rias can open her mouth and call me a pervert, I'll just shout it first and slam the Uno reverse card in her face!
I tense my body, inhale, and raise my hand for dramatic effect—
"Good morning, Zevion."
She lets out a cute yawn, rubs her eyes, and sits up casually, as if she wasn't completely naked on my bed right now.
My brain bluescreened.
All my careful plans, gone in smoke.
Reflexes took over instead.
SLAP!
"PERVERT!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, smacking her cheek.
Silence.
…Oh crap.
Rias's eyes went wide, her crimson hair a little messy as she froze in place.
Slowly, she lifted her hand to her cheek where I'd slapped her.
The spot was glowing red hot—whether from my panic slap or from her own blush, I couldn't tell.
Before I could process further, Akeno stirred beside me, stretching like a cat.
Her sleepy eyes blinked open, only to immediately snap wide at the scene before her.
"Ufufu~? What's going on here?" she asked, her lips curling into that teasing smile that spelled doom for me.
…Well, crap. No way to back out now.
I could either grovel… or double down.
Biting the bullet, I puffed out my chest, pointed at them dramatically, and yelled, "What are you perverts doing in my bed all naked?!"
The room went dead silent.
Rias just stared at me, her hand still on her cheek.
Akeno's eyes sparkled with mischief as if she'd just found her new favorite comedy show.
I held my ground, even though my heart was pounding like a guilty drum solo.
After all, I was the victim here! Totally innocent! Absolutely blameless!
…Right?
I mean, seriously!
Who says good morning when you're all naked in a guy's bed, using him as a body pillow?
This isn't normal!
Rias froze mid-stretch, her brain visibly trying to reboot.
Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened again like she'd just blue-screened.
Akeno, meanwhile, blinked twice.
Then tilted her head.
Then that too-sweet smile spread across her face—the kind that spelled doom for my dignity.
"…Did… did you just call us perverts?"
Rias finally asked, her voice wobbling between disbelief and insult.
"Y-Yes! Exactly!"
I shot back, pointing at them like I was Phoenix Wright delivering my final objection.
"Crawling into my bed, stripping down, clinging to me in my sleep—what else do you call this, huh!?"
Rias's eyes narrowed, her crimson hair falling over her shoulders like a lion's mane ready to pounce.
Akeno let out a musical "Ufufu~," covering her lips with her hand as she chuckled.
"Ara, ara… how bold of you, Zevion. Most men would be thanking the heavens right now, but you…"
Her eyes glinted dangerously.
"…You call us perverts? My, Rias, should we show him what real perverts do?"
"W-Wait wait wait—" I flailed my hands in panic. "…Y-You're proving my point right now!!"
I wrapped my arms around myself dramatically, shivering like the tragic victim of a B-grade soap opera.
"D-Don't tell me…" I gasped, eyes wide, voice quivering.
"You… you girls did dirty things to me while I was sleeping?!"
Both of them froze—eyes widening in perfect sync like synchronized swimmers.
Then I whispered, trembling, my lips barely moving.
"D-Did you… rape me in my sleep!?"
DEAD SILENCE.
The room temperature plummeted.
Even the birds outside stopped chirping.
Rias's face went nuclear crimson.
She shot up, fists clenched, her voice cracking.
"W-Wha—?! N-No! Of course not!! H-How dare you even suggest such a thing!"
Akeno's smile, on the other hand, widened until it was practically glowing.
Her cheeks flushed pink as her voice dripped with way too much enjoyment.
"Ara~ ara~… my, my, Zevion. If that's what you want us to have done, you only had to ask…"
"Wha—NO!! That's not what I meant!!"
I shrieked, pressing myself back against the headboard like a cornered animal.
"Shut up, Akeno!!"
Rias shrieked, hands flailing like she could physically smack away the embarrassment.
I tightened my grip on the blanket, glaring with righteous fury.
"S-So you admit it!?"
"WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!"
Rias roared, her face turning so red it looked like steam might shoot out of her ears.
The room froze.
Even Akeno blinked at how loud that was.
"…Oh? So defensive," I muttered, hugging myself like the world's most pitiful victim.
"A true pervert's reaction if I ever saw one…"
Rias choked on air.
"W-Wh—YOU—!!"
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