I am thinking of nothing. For I have no thoughts. To be more precise, I am emptying my head so that I have no thoughts.
I'm sharing a bed with a girl whose looks I can confidently say would triumph over any celebrity I've ever seen. The kind of guy who could handle this situation nonchalantly is probably one of two things: gay, or a top 0.01% alpha male.
But I'm neither of those things! I'm so nervous I'm about to lose my goddamn mind!
Honestly, having to sleep on my side because of these wings, when I'm used to sleeping on my back, is uncomfortable enough. But if I were to lie face-to-face with Nagisa on top of that, I'm certain I wouldn't get a wink of sleep. I might even get caught secretly staring at her face and cause a huge misunderstanding.
Ah, not that I'm looking at Nagisa as an object of lust. With the thing down there gone, I feel a little freer from libido, I guess? I think it's closer to the perspective of purely appreciating a work of art.
Well, Nagisa is just that beautiful, so I'll cautiously make the excuse that my heart fluttering while looking at her is just an unavoidable physiological response.
Anyway, since I don't know the female psyche, I have no idea how she'd react to someone of the same sex staring at her face while she's trying to sleep. But from the perspective of a normal, heterosexual man, that's a situation so creepy I don't even want to imagine it.
Besides, considering most of the students in the Blue Archive universe are in "I love Sensei" mode, it's safe to assume heterosexuality is the default here. If that's the case, wouldn't Nagisa feel something similar? That's my careful assumption.
It should go without saying, but I have to avoid a situation where we have a falling out because she discovers her friend of ten years is supposedly a lesbian. If my relationship with Nagisa goes south, I can't even begin to guess how twisted the main story—which is already going to be warped because of me—will become. I don't have a single shred of intention to follow the main story as it is, but if even more variables pop up, how am I supposed to handle that?
In the end, I couldn't bear the pressure and turned my back to her. But it seems Nagisa did the same, because every time I shifted my body, our wings would brush against each other. I've got this organ I've never had in my life, and this constant ticklish feeling coming from it feels seriously weird.
...Haah, Nagisa is probably sleeping soundly by now, right? It's not her first time sleeping in the same bed as Mika, and she doesn't know the contents are different.
Dammit, sleep is a lost cause tonight. Please, just calm down, my heart. After somehow steadying my nerves, I squeezed my eyes shut and began counting roll cakes flying through the sky.
One roll cake... two roll cakes...
No, what the fuck, am I going crazy? I don't know what's wrong with my head. Even the real Mika would probably see some guy counting roll cakes instead of sheep and think, "Yeah, that's a bit much..." before running away.
Giving up on sleep entirely, I started to ponder my role in the main story.
In the Eden Treaty arc, Mika is, without a doubt, one of the characters with the biggest role. The things Mika did, and was going to do, are what lead to most of the events in that storyline.
In the end, she walked a path of self-destruction, but I have no intention of doing that. As long as I'm in the princess's body, I have to end this with a happy ending. That way, even if I return to my original world, the princess will be happy. And if I can't go back, well, it has to be a happy ending for me to live.
I've determined that there are three major factors at this point in time.
First, the disappearance of Yurizono Seia.
Second, Mika's Gehenna-phobia.
Third, my completely unexpected position as the current Tea Party Host.
First off, Seia's situation is something I have to judge entirely on my own. To put it simply, if everything works out well when nothing happens to Seia, there's no reason not to choose that path. But the fact that Seia is missing for a year, and that Nagisa becomes the Host during that period, bothers me.
What if the changes stemming from that create a huge turning point in the story, and things get twisted in an unexpected way?
My greatest weapon is knowing the general direction the story will take, up to a certain point. Mika's body, with its top-tier combat abilities, has the potential to be a weapon just as great, but that's a story for after I've fully adapted to it.
The closer the story follows the original, the easier it will be for me to guide it to my desired conclusion. But the closer it is to the original, the less satisfied I'll be with the ending.
Frankly, asking Arius to take care of Seia just for my own convenience is insane. Just because Seia survived in the original story, what guarantee is there that she'll survive this time? If, by some chance, something were to happen to Seia, the responsibility would fall entirely on me. I don't have the confidence to live with that kind of guilt.
If possible... no, no matter what, I want to handle things in a way that Seia doesn't get hurt. But I don't have much time for this. From what I can tell, the time when the General Student Council President proposes the Eden Treaty isn't far off.
Anyway, this is a problem I need to keep thinking about. It's an extreme choice that could lead to irreversible consequences if I don't deliberate carefully.
Next, Mika's Gehenna-phobia. This is truly the root of all evil. Simply building friendships with the Gehenna side behind the scenes could make the future much more hopeful.
However, I'm a little worried that I might go berserk if I ever meet any Gehenna students. I don't know how much of an influence Mika's Mystery has on me, but if the hatred for demons, presumably originating from the Archangel Michael's Mystery, affects me too, then this part might be completely unsolvable.
So I can only pray that's not the case. If I were to meet Hina and suddenly see red and pick a fight, wouldn't that just make the situation worse than the original story? Based on the lore, it's hard to say who would win or lose, but since it's me controlling Mika's body, the possibility of Hina winning is higher.
Other than that, forming an amicable relationship with the Arius Squad? I don't know if it's possible, and honestly, I'm not very confident. But if I succeed, the return would be pretty huge, wouldn't it?
Finally, the fact that I am the current Tea Party Host. This is a huge variable. At the same time, it's a rather difficult position to handle.
If I were to officially bring up improving relations with Gehenna, it wouldn't be strange for the hardline Pater faction to move to impeach me. And empowering Nagisa, who will take over later, is in some ways political suicide.
But if I don't empower Nagisa, there's the problem of how to care for her paranoia later. Having experienced it firsthand, she's such a kind-hearted girl that, honestly, I don't want to see her suffer.
The fact that I have to take the full brunt of Trinity's high-level political maneuvering is already giving me a headache. A normal guy in his twenties doesn't know anything about politics. In the first place, why does a bizarre world where high school girls try to tear each other down and slander each other through politics even exist...?
Still, there are probably many things I can do using my position as the Tea Party Host. The problem is figuring out which choices will yield the greatest benefits, and which I should avoid so they don't come back to bite me in the future.
Actually, if something I do thoughtlessly comes back like a boomerang and turns Blue Archive's "bright and wholesome" world into a "dark and unwholesome" one, the one who'll have to clean up the mess is Sensei. But if Sensei managed to clean up the messes the original Mika made, couldn't he handle this too?
...is what I almost said. No, that would be too shameless. But when I think of all the students fawning over that bastard Sensei, maybe he deserves to suffer a little.
It was in the middle of these myriad thoughts that I heard it.
"Mika-san...?"
"Heeik?!"
"Ah, I'm sorry for startling you. I couldn't sleep, and I happened to see that you were awake too..."
I'm not kidding, I thought my heart was going to stop. No, I was lying still as if I were dead, how did she know I was—
Ah, dammit. I forgot for a second that students have that. Aaargh, damn you, Halo...!!
"N-no, it's fine. I was just a little surprised, and I couldn't sleep either. Um, is it because of me, maybe? Because I kept tossing and turning..."
"It's not that. It's just... my heart feels a little troubled, I suppose. It seems I'm done sleeping for the night. I was thinking of doing some reading so as not to disturb you, Mika-san."
"Huh? What's that about? If you're not going to sleep, Nagi-chan, then I'm done with sleep too."
Before I knew it, Nagisa and I had turned to face each other. I feel like I'm going to die from the pressure, but Nagisa probably doesn't feel that way, right? I'm so jealous I could die.
And to be honest, if Nagisa just got out of the bed, I'd be able to sleep just fine. In the end, Nagisa's presence was a big reason I couldn't sleep.
But if that actually happened, it would be like I was kicking Nagisa out of bed. In that case, I'd rather just stay awake with her. As for tomorrow... I guess I can get by on the power of energy drinks?
"...You'll be tired at the academy tomorrow, you know?"
"And what about you, Nagi-chan? Will you be okay tomorrow?"
"Pfft, that's true..."
Nagisa let out a small laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. Seeing that, she really is a classic prim-and-proper lady character.
"You know, Mika-san. Would it be alright if I told you a story from the old days?"
"Huh? An old story...?"
"I was thinking that hearing about things that happened in the past might help you find your memories."
"Ah..."
What do I do? Honestly, I feel terribly sorry. But it's not like the Mika you know is going to come back just because of that.
I can't tell Nagisa that fact, and it's an awkward proposal to refuse. In this situation, is the best thing to do just listen to her story?
"Yeah, tell me. No! I'd really like you to."
What can I do? It's not what I wanted, but it's a karma I've come to bear. I can only hope that this gentle-hearted girl doesn't get hurt.
"To be honest, it might not be a very interesting story. I'm not very good at storytelling... Anyway, this is something that happened back when we were in kindergarten."
She said she wasn't much of a storyteller, but I never once felt bored while listening. And just seeing the smile that never left Nagisa's lips as she recounted the past made me think that her story was well worth listening to.
The next day, on the train to school, a few Trinity students saw us dozing off while leaning on each other, which nearly started a nasty rumor that Nagisa and I were dating. I personally stepped in and vehemently denied it. For some reason, Nagisa seemed uncharacteristically passive about it, but I guess it was because I was handling it so well, right?