Enter a Psychotherapist's Office.
"Good afternoon. I am here for my appointment with you today."
"Good afternoon. Glad to meet someone who is taking care of their psychological health so proactively."
"Me too, I'm very glad that the access to such services finally exists."
"Have you ever done therapy before?"
"No, I haven't."
"What brings you to therapy?"
"I think, I am depressed."
"In three words, how would you describe your emotional condition at the moment?"
"Depressed, depressed, depressed."
"Please, try saying it in your own words."
"Sad, sad, sad."
"Alright, I understand (that you have a very limited vocabulary for articulating your emotional states). What are a few of your happy childhood memories that you would like to share with us today?"
"Ahhh... could you give me a minute, please."
While the Psychotherapist kept patiently waiting for the answer to their last question the minute hand of the clock on the office wall had moved forward by a quarter of an hour. Serenity noticed that the Psychotherapist was looking at the clock on the office wall.
"Could you give me some extra minute, please? I haven't anticipated such complicated questions on my first visit to your office."
"Sure, please, take your time."
Another quarter of an hour had passed. The Psychotherapist interrupted the silence.
"How about we leave that difficult question for the future and proceed onto the next one?"
"Sure, I prefer."
"Have there been family precedents?"
Finally, an easy question that Serenity could answer with absolute certainty.
"Of course, not. I am the first from my family to try psychotherapy."
"I see... Is there anything else that you would like to tell me today?"
"I have been depressed for years and it has started seriously affecting my day-to-day life recently. I continuously feel sad, very tired and unmotivated. Can sleep for three days in a row without getting out of bed, cannot focus on my studies. I am a hostage of very disturbing thoughts and feel that my "life is not worth living", if you understand what I mean."
"The situation is clearly serious. Would you like to continue with additional talk therapy sessions or would you like to try a medications based approach?"
"I have great difficulty expressing my feelings verbally as you must have already noticed. Hence, I prefer the medications based option, please."
"Here is you prescription for the three months' supply of medication. You are encouraged to contact our office if need be."
"Thank you, goodbye."
"Goodbye."
I usually try to avoid what looks like "quick-fix" or "easy" solutions. But this time I have made an exception since I was under the deadline pressure from the school curriculum and needed some "efficient means" that would help remove all the emotional obstacles out of my path to success.
After the unsavory first attempt of obtaining a higher education degree at home, Serenity has rekindled all the remaining life force in her and opted for a study abroad loan from the Government. After having obtained her first higher education degree in a discipline where "beauty lies in simplicity" she opted for a second degree and had met with what seemed like an insurmountable challenge again. That was an even more complicated romantic life. Upon "learning her lessons" from the first failed relationship Serenity decided that the new "prospective partner" cannot be in possession of any of the criteria that were even remotely similar to the characteristics of the first "romantic interest". Moreover, the "standards were raised" by adding the additional requirement for the prospective partner's family background: they must come from a culture with centuries of spiritual tradition regarding family matters. She believed this could only be found in the Eastern tradition. Harmonious family relationship models were absent from her environment.
Medications worked for a month: emotions were stabilized and mind was productive. However, at the beginning of the second month there was a plunge into a state of tension and turmoil even more intense than prior to the start of therapy. The decision was taken to continue with the "snail-paced" talk therapy despite the intense school curriculum deadline pressures. For the very last appointment covered by the insurance carrier the Psychotherapist recommended a "couple's therapy". The Partner reluctantly agreed and the two of them entered the Psychotherapist's Office at the appointed hour.
"Good afternoon."
"Good afternoon to both of you. You have made the right decision to put the necessary effort in order to make your relationship work. Relationships are a hard work, you know. And some are much harder than the others. Today's starting question is about the techniques that you employ to nurture a healthy communication in your relationship. Who would like to go first? Ladies, first, perhaps?"
"The first thing that comes to mind is seeking the psychotherapist's guidance."
"Very well, and what is the Gentleman's opinion?"
"Transparency, of course. To be honest, I am so tired of her depression. She sleeps for hours and days on end, has very unstable moods, cancels our social engagements at the very last minute (thus killing our sociallife and alienating friends), keeps making mockery of my family's rituals and traditions. I have difficulty focusing on my work because of her behavior. Is it so difficult to just make a decision and get up, get out of bed, take a shower and go about one's daily business like everybody else? This is not much to ask or is it?!"
"Not much to ask?! I feel drained from analyzing your work situations on a daily basis like an in-house therapist. Afterwards, there is no energy left for my studies. And I do not like going out because of the social scrutiny by all those people on the streets and in the buildings. This feels like thousands of acupuncture needles piercing my body all at once. The anxiety makes my lips tremble and I cannot uphold a normal conversation. I just want to be left in peace by everybody."
While the atmosphere in the Psychotherapist's Office kept heating up the appointment time was coming to an end.
"Everybody, let's take a few slow and deep inhales and exhales. One... two... three... four... I must say, that our collaboration was very productive today (despite the remarkable levels of your emotional immaturity given your chronological age). We have understood that the source of your relationship problems is unstable emotions. Since it's our last meeting for the time being, my recommendation is for both of you to start daily journaling practice and do yoga or any other exercise of your preference and try practicing more empathic communication. Wishing you all the best."
"Goodbye."
While her Partner was away on their business trip, Serenity was alone with her thoughts.
We have only gone full circle and are back to the square one. I have been journaling and doing yoga for a number of years. It certainly has been helping stabilize those moods but the new more intense ones would appear with time. That's why I kept seeking additional support. And my Partner at the time only wanted to "enjoy life that they live once" without wasting any of their precious time on some marginal activity like Self-Development.
After having spent three days sleeping Serenity decided to try a centuries-tested course of action in comparison to which psychotherapy seemed like a relatively new method, i.e., a visit to a Fortune-Teller or a Psychic as they are known in contemporary times. A friend from college recommended one residing on the outskirts of the city.
I need to be open-minded and "have all grounds covered".
A knock on the door of a modest dwelling.
"Please, come in. I have been waiting for you."
"Good afternoon."
"So what kind of question do you have for me today?"
"I would like to learn about the source of my extreme emotional instability, please?"
The Psychic immersed themselves into a state of meditative trance.
"I see there is a man in your life with whom you are not compatible energetically. Both of you are on very different energetic levels that's why there is the constantly increasing friction in your relationship. Next, I sense the presence of a Generational Curse in your family of birth. Those terrifying emotions causing you so much tension and turmoil carry the messages from your ancestral spirits that you need to learn to decode. And that is why you need to go back..."
The next day the exam results were out. Half of them were below the passable level. The dream of a fulfilling professional life had crumbled again. The "Wishing You Best of Luck and Goodbye" letter was placed on the table, the bags were packed and the door to that chapter of life was closed.
Why is the past haunting me in my dreams? I have been trying to practice the "ancestral clearance my way" for the last decade. Why those dreams again? I deserve some rest from all this. The doorbell is set to silent mode. The "cultivation of artistic sight" can be put aside for a day.
A very scary low frequency sound came out from the wild bushes followed by Serenity's scream during the not so peaceful walking meditation in the park that morning. Two animal creatures have crossed the footpath. Slightly bigger than a cat in size. Nothing to be afraid off.
How can such relatively small creatures produce such a low frequency scary sound?I hope nobody heard the echo of my instinctive scream. Perhaps, it's the Ghostly Apparition venting their anger at me. I have noticed that after I complete drawing an image then some kind of a portal opens allowing that entity to cross over to this side of the energy barrier and into the World of the Embodied. Not today. It's been a while since I have binged on romantic online dramas desperately trying to fill the Void Within. This is how I am going to spend the rest of my day today.