( Long chapter ahead )
The hospital lobby stretched before him like a sterile labyrinth, all white surfaces and unending humming of fluorescent lights.
Approaching the information desk, Wooyoung gripped Mrs. Choi's voucher in his pocket, the paper warm from his perspiring palm.
His stomach growled audibly for the first time and it sounded so strange he almost searched about to see if it had originated from another person.
She might have been right. Perhaps he did need food in his body before confronting whatever came next. With its warmth, the third-floor cafeteria startled him; nothing like the medical frigidness that appeared to pervade every other area of the hospital.
The scent of fresh bread and soup struck him like a physical force, automatically watering his mouth and reminding his body of all it had been lacking.
Finding a quiet table by the window where he could watch the world go by, he ordered a basic dish of kimchi jjigae and rice, the voucher shaking slightly in his hands as he passed it to the cashier.
Every spoonful of warm broth seemed to awaken parts of himself he had forgotten existed as he consumed his first genuine meal in three days.
Wooyoung found himself pondering the lady who had made all this possible. Her words rang in his head with amazing clarity: Everyone deserves compassion, especially when they are brave enough to attend to their health despite being terrified.
When was the last time anyone had considered taking an HIV test an act of bravery rather than a humiliating proof of his worthlessness? For days, that something within him had been frozen with terror; the warm soup appeared to melt it.
Wooyoung felt like he might actually survive this for the first time since that bastard had dropped his bombshell in the alley casually as chatting about the weather. Whatever the outcomes showed, whatever followed he would have to face. He had to.
He sat for another moment after completing his dinner, gathering courage like gathered coins. Then he headed toward the sexual health clinic on the fourth floor.
Designed for discretion, the waiting room had soft lighting, cozy chairs placed to provide patients utmost seclusion, magazines meticulously picked to appear informal rather than clinical.
Wooyoung still felt the weight of judgment from the other patients, real or imagined; it didn't matter. Shame had its own weight, drawing every look towards an accusation.
He kept his head down as he checked in with the receptionist, a middle-aged woman whose expression remained professionally neutral, but he saw her eyes briefly glancing to his worn clothing, his toothless frame.
Forty minutes later, Jung Wooyoung's name sliced through the meticulous silence like a sword. His legs seemed wobbly as he stood.
Behind wire-rimmed glasses that suggested both intelligence and approachability, the doctor was older than Wooyoung had expected—probably only a few years older than him.
Dr. Park opened his handshake a real connection, not the limp, preoccupied grip of someone going through the motions.
Dr. Park said, gently settling into his chair and examining Wooyoung's papers without any indication of judgment,"So you are here for HIV screening?"
Though somehow better to than how fake sympathy would have been, the words were matter-of-fact clinical.
"What inspired this visit, please? " Wooyoung's throat closed up. Three days of cognitive practice later, the words felt like glass shards rising from his torso. "A... someone I was with tested positive. Over the past few months, we had been together several times."
" I understand. When did you last get in touch with this person?"
" Roughly a week ago."Wooyoung's hands closed in his lap, knuckles turning white. "He insisted he was clean. He told me three days ago like it was nothing, then he claimed he was clean and there just was no protection. As though it had no meaning. As though I had no significance."
Dr. Park nodded and wrote down comments without glancing up. Something about his approach seemed more reassuring than the pity would have provided.
"Hearing that must have been quite terrifying. Getting tested is the right thing. The appropriate action. It's not humiliating. Exactly the right thing.
Wooyoung sensed some of the tension in his shoulders vanish into something more tolerable.
Dr. Park went on, his voice calm and professional, "And I need to questions about your sexual history. I know they could seem intrusive, but the information helps me to offer you the finest care available"
He then answered the questions: number of partners, kinds of sexual contact, drug use, protection strategies. Each one seemed like a little confession, but Dr. Park's expression remained unchanging, showed no disgust or regret.
With each response, Wooyoung's voice got calmer over time; he was just a doctor carrying out his work.
Setting down his pen with a gentle click, Dr. Park said finally. "Today we will do a full panel of HIV, syphilis, hepatitis B and C, gonorrhea, and chlamidia tests. While some results will be released today, others will need a few days."
" How long does the HIV test take?"
"We employ a rapid test with results in around twenty minutes.The rapid test is extremely reliable;m, you will also send blood for a confirmatory test."Dr. Park bent forward a little, reducing some of the distance between them.
"Mr. Jung, regardless of what the results show, I want you to know there are other possibilities. HIV is not the death sentence it once was. There are drugs available that will maintain your health for decades if you test positive. "
" So should you test negative, we can go over prevention measures to protect you moving ahead."
Wooyoung nodded, not sure his voice would stay constant if he tried to talk. The blood draw was surprisingly gentle and swift. Dr. Park maintained a flow of small talk that seemed like a kindness rather than an intrusion concerning the weather, regarding how busy the hospital had been lately.
Sitting all in the exam room while his fate was being decided by proteins and antibodies dancing in a plastic cartridge somewhere down the hall, Wooyoung's longest twenty minutes of life came then. He pondered once more Mrs. Choi's comments.
You are stronger than you realize.
He considered the way she had seen past his circumstances to something worth caring about, the warmth in her voice when she called him child.
He considered how the soup heating his hungry stomach felt like the first actual food he had received in months not only physically but emotionally as well.
One person had looked at him and viewed a person worthy of compassion. The clock in the examination room ticked with aggressive accuracy.
Eighteen minutes. Nineteen.
Dr. Park returned with a controlled expression, but something about his shoulder posture made Wooyoung's heart thud against his ribs.
"Your HIV test came out negative result. "
Wooyoung felt all the air leave his body in one, shuddering rush and the words struck him like a physical force.
The room looked to tilt somewhat, hues more vivid, noises crisper. But Dr. Park went on, and Wooyoung's world shrank back to a pinpoint,
"But I would like you to return in three months for a follow up test to be entirely sure since your last exposure was only a week ago. "
Negative .
Wooyoung repeated, the word feeling strange on his mouth like speaking a language he had only read in books. It's not good.
"Yes, but I need to discuss the other results with you."
Dr. Park's tone changed somewhat to a more professional one." You tested positive for chlamydia. The good news is that antibiotics totally cure it. I am going to recommend you a course of therapy please contact any sexual partners from the last sixty days so they may be tested and treated as needed."
Wooyoung hardly caught the chlamydia-related remarks. His head had fixed on that one word negative and was reviewing it like a priceless stone, scrutinizing it from all perspectives.
The HIV test yielded no results. The nightmare that had been playing in his head for three days of dying alone, sick and abandoned was not going to occur, his body betraying him in the most visible and stigmatized way possible. Not today. Not now or ever.
"Are you all right?" Dr. Park gently inquired from him. "It's a lot to think over. "
Wooyoung's voice shattered like frail ice. He was quite convinced it would be good. He looked so at ease about it, as though it hardly mattered. Like it had no impact.
Dr. Park stated, his voice firming unexpectedly,"Mr. Jung, the person who put you at danger without your knowledge acted irresponsibly. "
" That's on him, not your own. Getting tested let you take charge of the circumstances. That demonstrates actual maturity and strength."
That word appeared again, trailing him like a soft ghost.
Dr. Park gave him an instruction sheet and a prescription bottle. Take all the antibiotics; even if you stop them early, you may feel better.
"Regarding everything, I would like to discuss something else with you."
Wooyoung glanced up from the prescription, fighting and holding back tears he hadn't realized were welling up in his eyes.
"Based on your sexual history and present circumstances, it appears you might benefit from PrEP-preexposure prophylaxis. Even if you come into contact with the virus, this daily medicine can sheild you from HIV infection."Considering your... work conditions, it could offer you extra calm and protection."
Another little grace in a day full of them was Dr. Park's clinical approach to work conditions free from judgment or intrusive inquiries." Would it cost a lot?"
"There are ways of help. We can guide you in application." With messy and unintelligible, Dr. Park jotted something on a referral pad.
"I would also want to introduce you to our social worker,a counselor and doctor too. If you are interested in investigating other possibilities, he can direct you to resources including healthcare aid, counseling services, even job training programmes. Alternative choices. "
The word hung in the air like morning mist, fragile and full of opportunity.
What if there could be other options? What if this negative test result was more than just dodging a bullet and it was a doorway to something different?
Wooyoung said softly," I don't know if I'm ready for all that."
" That's perfectly okay. The resources will be there when you are ready." No timetable, no pressure."
Dr. Park had a real smile that went to his eyes." I want to see you back here in two weeks to verify the antibiotics cleared the chlamydia, then again in three months for the followup HIV test. Will that suit you?"
Grabbing the info sheets and prescription like lifelines in stormy sea, Wooyoung nodded. As Dr. Park got ready to leave, he stood and reached once again.
"Wooyoung, there's something I want you to recall. These are all acts of selfrespect, taking care of your health, getting tested, seeking treatment. Nobody should make you feel bad for standing up for yourself. "
Wooyoung felt like he was living in a different body than the one he had arrived a few hours earlier as he walked back across the hospital corridors.
The anxiety of an unknown future had transformed from the intense terror of confirmed infection to something more controllable, though the fear still remained.
The follow up test is three months away. Three months to figure out what followed. Three months to perhaps, maybe, hopefully get started on something resembling a life.
As he strolled past the cafeteria, he thought about visiting Mrs. Choi to express gratitude but then recalled he had no idea where to find her or if she was still in the building.
Instead, he stared at her business card, the simple white rectangle seemed heavy with promise. Maybe he would call her. Maybe he would find a way to repay her for the meal, which had given him strength when he most needed it. Or maybe he would just try to carry her kindness forward somehow, ready to help another like she had helped him.
The rain had stopped while he was inside; pale afternoon light was at last breaking the clouds with something like conviction.
As Wooyoung exited the hospital, he breathed deeply the frigid October air and tasted opportunity on his tongue.
Negative.
The word sunk into his chest like a warm ember, always brilliant against the darkness he had been enduring. He yanked out his phone and looked once more at Mrs. Choi's card.
Before he might lose his nerve, he sent a short note to her thanking for today.
He was bound to be all right. This time three days he truly felt it.
---
Seven stories higher, where Wooyoung had only recently received news that would change his course, Mrs. Choi was completing her own appointment with her cardiologist after chemotherapy session.
Mostly good news, her heart condition was stable, her cancer was not going take her early because her medicines were effective, and she could continue living alone for the foreseeable future .
"Mrs. Choi, any questions?" Dr. Ha asked as he grabbed his coat, already mentally prepared for his next patient.
She halted and chose her words carefully. "Programs here to help people without enough compassionate insurance or family support? A young man i encountered earlier today seemed too need it... "Dr. Ha watched perplexed, hid pen poised over his prescription on the writing notepad.
"Which young man?"
"Oh, I was outside and ran into him."
Mrs. Choi's smile was soft and as she remembered. "He was clearly here for some medical concern alarming him, he seemed to have little or no support system. I gave him a meal coupon but, I have been thinking about him all afternoon."
She paused as she felt her phone ring and then disregarded the soft buzz in her purse.
San could wait several more minutes.
Dr. Ha replied, his tone somewhat warmer as he noted actual concern rather than indifference, "We do have social services and financial aid systems. Certainly, I cannot discuss specific patients."
" Sure thing. " Mrs. Choi sighed and fiddled with the strap of her bag.
" You sometimes run across someone and can see they are at a crossroads. As though they are one act of kindness away from believing in themselves once again or one more disappointment away from giving up totally."
Dr. Ha glanced nodded, his face relaxed. Many of my patients need more than just medical attention help. If you want to assist with the volunteer projects at our hospital, I can connect you to someone."
Mrs. Choi opened her eyes and smiled at the doctor."Please do."
Mrs. Choi finally looked at her phone as she came down the lift. Three missed messages from San, each more frantic and shorter than the last
Sannie : Grandma, how was the appointment? Call me when you are done.
She smiled as she responded back: All good news, dear one. The heart can bounce back. I'll tell you more tonight. Working late once more?
His response always came right away.
Sannie : Yes but I'll call later.
Mrs. Choi found herself thinking about the young man once more as the elevator descended. Something about his immediate concern for her safety, even in his own suffering, reminded her so strongly of San at that age.
San would put others ahead of his own, help fast and apologize fast even when he was having problems. He is still monitoring her all through the day, but right now he is working himself to death.
She mentally decided to bring up the volunteer opportunity her grandson brought up during their discussion tonight. San had been working too much lately, maybe even too much. Participating in something that helped others might help him to view things differently and remind him that life is more than corporate dealings and profit margins.
It might even help him remember the nicer sides of himself that appeared to be buried deeper under ambition each passing year.
Mrs. Choi stepped out into the lobby as the elevator rang gently to ground level, her heart full with plans to help both the stranger she had encountered that day and the kid who meant everything to her. She picked up her phone to check the time and saw a text from an unknown number:
Woo: Today, I'm grateful for your help and appreciate your presence. For now. I am going to be all right.
Mrs. Choi gazed at the note for a long moment, her throat closing suddenly. She did not know what medical emergency the young male had been dealing with, but something in those plain words indicated to her the news had been favorable.
She was flooded with relief, rushing in its full force.
She typed back fast: I'm so glad. You deserve all the kindness this world has to offer; you are stronger than you know. Look after yourself, little one.
She would have stayed longer in the lobby if she had known the young man who had just texted her would soon become her grandson's most significant influence.
She should have tried harder to find him before he left, to verify he was indeed fine, and to obtain his name and contact information.
Still, other times the most significant relationships develop in their own time and fashion when both individuals are at last prepared to accept what the other has to give.
For the time, it was important that San and Wooyoung each had someone in their corner someone who believed they deserved compassion and had the power to create better life for themselves.
The rest would arrive when it was supposed to. Mrs. Choi had learned, the universe had its own timetable for gathering those who most required one another.
Outside, the October sun was at last winning its struggle with the clouds and casting all in warm, golden light that promised better days ahead.