I watched the clock on the wall, the late afternoon sun shining in through the window and bathing my messy flat in warm light. Busy organizing the wedding, Seonghwa had already left for the Kim's family's house, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the burden of loneliness that hung around.
The doorbell jolted me from my daydream. I stopped myself and checked the clock once more. Who might it be? Except for those local guys and creeps who want more of me even after screwing me over and over, nobody ever came to see me at this time. I sat up with a sigh and went toward the door.
Opening it revealed a man in somewhat nice attire holding an insulated bag. He seemed self-assured, so I was quite cautious right away.
"Good afternoon," he said calmly. Mrs. Choi sent me here. She wanted to make sure you had something to eat but she couldn't come herself.
Mrs. Choi? The name caused me to feel a rush of warmth, but as I grabbed the bag, guilt knotted at my stomach.
"Uh... thanks," I mumbled as I nodded at him stupidly, experiencing an odd combination of shame and appreciation. I slammed the door behind him and put the bag on the table.
Inside was a bowl of hot kimchi jjigae, which made my mouth growl loudly. Days had gone by since I had had a respectable meal. With this wedding Seonghwa was planning, the bish had become quite busy, but not to worry, he was a good friend and roommate.
I grabbed a spoon and gingerly tried a taste. The tastes explode in my tongue and surround me in warmth. While the wonderful taste stayed, thoughts of happier times—family gatherings around a table, laughter ringing through the air—floated across my head. That love, however, soon turned into remorse.
I couldn't help but hear the voice in my head reminding me that I didn't deserve this generosity as I gulped the following mouthful. Leaving the bowl alone, I focused on the other counter where my phone rang. A client's message blinked on the screen and brought back memories of the life I had selected.
Available tonight?
My heart speeded up. The way I loved it, it was rapid cash and simple money. I wrote, I'm available baby,~.
Though the relief came upon me, my regret grew the more I stared at the bowl next to me, an uneasy reminder of it. I opened my closet and ran my fingers across the lines of clothing. I fell into a snug black top that clung to my body and fitted jeans that highlighted my form. The blend seemed perfect: sensual yet strong.
I stood in front of the mirror, adjusting my hair to let it cascade a little across one shoulder, then I put eyeliner and lip gloss to make me look even naughty. The image looking back was quite intriguing.
Once more I checked my image in the mirror as I kept getting ready. Though my appearance seemed strong, I had a heaviness in my chest. I turned back to the bowl of food, feeling the guilt return to me .
What is wrong with you?
I wondered, scolding myself.
Mrs. Choi is trying to be friendly, and you're dismissing it aside for this?
I dismissed the emotions right away and reached for my leather jacket, its weight keeping me in touch with reality.
The city throbbed with life—the sounds of laughing, music, and the smell of something alive—as I entered the evening. I had the same excitement curl in my tummy. This was the path I selected, and tonight I would really accept it.
When I eventually entered the club a short while later, the same combination of laughter and music greeted me like an old friend. Colleagues flocked to me practically right away, their eyes lighting up with excitement and amazement.
One of them yelled, drawing attention from people close to the bar," Wooyoung! Look who is back."
Another said, "Yeah, we were wondering if youd gone missing for good!"
I smirked and let my natural charm come out. "I know you're all happy I'm not here. After all, now the men will book you instead of me," I said, grinning. Laughing burst out around me, clearing any trace of uncertainty.
One of the guys remarked, patting me on the back, Even if you are the most popular slut in Hongdae, we still love you. We could never be envious of you."
"Right? You keep stealing all the attention," another said, their lighthearted repartee engulfing the surrounds.
I chuckled, let friendship's warmth surround me. "Well, I have returned. Time to remind everyone why I am the best.
"Please do!" Yeosang's voice sliced through the din and he pushed his way through the throng, a brilliant grin on his face.
"Yeosangie~! " I grinned; he hugged me; the familiar comfort lit up the delight I had yearned for while I was gone.
He stepped back to examine me and declared, "I missed you so much! "Where were you? We were anxious and you didn't even respond to my calls!&"
I answered playfully, "Just resting, but I am back now to keep you amused,". "Good! Let's go to the back room to talk," he said, tugging me by the hand, his eyes sparkling with joy.
As we dropped to the rear, the noise faded to a faint thrum behind us and the mood changed. I breathed deeply and leaned against the wall, appreciative of the change from the mayhem outside to a more private setting.
Yeosang started, his countenance serious, "Okay, what really happened? You vanished and I became worried."
I shrug in an effort to seem nonchalant, but the truth is always present. "To be honest? I just wanted some rest. Everything was too much."I paused and massaged the back of my neck, feeling the weight of my problems weighing down.
Head tilted, Yeosang whispered, "Come on Woo, You can talk to me."
I grabbed the social service card from my pocket that had been there since the hospital and said, "I found out about this and thought about going, but what's the point? I'm a slut, and that's all I'll ever be."
I gently chuckled and stuck my tongue inside my mouth. My family kicked me out and I lost my parents when I was little, so my life feels worthless. This hustling company gives me a roof over my head."
Yeosang softened, his direct look set off my defenses. "That does not mean you cannot turn around your life. You are far more valuable than you now know."
I chuckled without amusement and shook my head. "Though I appreciate your saying that, lets be honest. I am in this life better. I get it. I have come to terms with it."
"Maybe it's time you accept you deserve more," he said softly, challenging me with a direct look.
I experienced a flutter of something, a hope together with doubt. For the present, however, I yearned to appreciate the moment therefore I replied with a teasing sneer. "Well, I know my clients are missing my ass... I have to give the people what they want!"
Yeosang scoffed cheerfully, not restrained in his teasing of me. "You're impossible!"
"Yeah, but you love me for it," I replied, savoring the solace of this moment in the midst of the turmoil outside as our laughter filled the dark room. The weight of my history seemed a little lighter as our laughter filled the room and the discussion flowed. This link was a lifeline whether or not my life had gotten chaotic, for the time being, that was more than enough.