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Chapter 4 - Shovel! Dig!

"THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME!!! What the fuck am I supposed to do with these logs?! - loudly expressing my opinion, I dragged Sebas to the sofa, where I threw him down with pleasure. - FUCK!!! You fucking dragon, I hope you shit yourself, you overgrown lizard, I hope your mother gets fucked in the ass by Dovakin!!! Do you even know how much a person should weigh?! You're silent?! Well, keep quiet, you scaly freak!!! And what the hell was that crap about rage and hatred in front of my eyes? What, you're silent too, you shitty reptile! Okay, go to sleep, just don't fart fire, or I'll fail my fire safety class!

Kicking the sofa and sending everyone to the depths of Azura, he went to fuck the girls, because it's not right for girls to be lying on the floor, although he's a bit scared to touch them, because they might tear his arms off, shove a dick up his arse and fuck his brains out, and that's FATALITY!!!

"OK!!! Who should I start with?" - looking around at this picture of sleeping monsters, reading a litany about how fate flew past my ass, so that the great Eternal One would protect me from the arrival of the evil devourer who brings pussy to the stars. - What do we have here? A headless corpse - one piece, head included. A werewolf - one piece, tail included (don't stick it up your arse, there's a risk of getting your balls bitten off, and not only that). Arachne - one piece, seems to be a complete set (I don't advise checking, because the Zerg can fill in the gaps with you, you lazy bitch!!!). Slime - one piece, no idea what's supposed to go in it (BUT DEFINITELY NOT ME!!!). Robot - one piece, platform fully assembled (SOMETHING LOOKS STRANGE TO ME, IT MIGHT JUST STAND UP AND SAY: I AM SKYNET!!! AND YOU... ARE OBSOLETE MODELS!!!). And in the end, there's something that looks like a human, but I don't know who it is, and I don't really want to check.

Looking around this sleepy kingdom of monster princesses, I asked myself again:

"Where to start? Okay, I'll use the ancient shamanic ritual of all vocational school students, ahem. Eniki beneki ate vareniki, eneki beneki... damn, what's next? F*CK!!! Oh well, screw it, I'll start with the smallest one, and that's... fuck... SKYNET... oh gods of indivisible chaos, Slaanesh, I beg you, if I die, turn me into a cute loli trap, but with a small dick, because I'm gentle... YES!!! ASS IN A PILE!!! BALLS IN A FIST!!! AND THE FIST ON THE DICK!!! AS THE GREAT COSMONAUT SAID, but a very shitty one, as it turned out, a pilot, LET'S GO!!!

Carefully approaching the pink-haired girl, I exhaled and slipped my arm around her shoulders, while pressing the other one into the crook of her knee, and with a sharp jump, I straightened up.

"S-s-s-s-bitch... you heavy bitch! Or am I that skinny? Do you hear me, princess? How much do you weigh? Two or three tonnes? Do you know you need to eat less or swallow less lead? So, cursing and swearing, knocking the princess's head down with my own, I crawled to the maids' room and found this little bitch's bed and threw her on it. She jumped up a few times but didn't wake up.

"Hmm... what a sleepyhead, or rather, sleep mode ON OVER 9000! All right, sleep well, little terminator. I kissed her on the forehead (I don't know why, she just reminded me of my sister, or maybe I like lolis, although... one doesn't interfere with the other, and there's no Roskomnadzor here, so... heh-heh-heh) and covered her with a blanket.

And then I froze...

(HOW THE FUCK DID I FIND THE WAY HERE?! AND GUESS THE RIGHT BED?!) - I should note that I did all this as if on autopilot, as if my body knew what to do...

(But this is kind of creepy, what if someone is watching me from the darkness? Waiting... FUCK, THIS IS NONSENSE... although... no, no, no, get that shit out of your head!!!) 

(sound of a slap)

"THERE!!! THAT'S BETTER!!! I feel refreshed, the old Russian method of "give him a slap so he stops messing around" works every time! So... how was it on MTV... I REMEMBER!!! NEXT!!!

Returning to the sleeping beauties and making sure that they were all sleeping peacefully, even the old Russian swear words with threats didn't work, I took up the zerg... I mean, the arachnid, or arachnidka, do they even have a gender? Okay, screw it, let's get started...

"So, I beg you, Arachna Rahner (or vice versa, damn it, I don't remember what they called this BDSM chick in "Everyday Life with Monster Girls"), don't spin your web and please don't eat me, I'll sacrifice humans and angels and demons to you, I've got just the right asshole in mind, his name is Issa.

Taking her in my arms, I read a prayer for the repose of my nerves and steel balls that kept my farts under lock and key, and carried her to the bed.

Then I discovered something amazing... she... it... well, let's just say she was very light, as light as a feather, damn, I could carry her with one hand, and the second... she hugged me and pressed her face against my body and started sniffing me greedily!

"Sniff-sniff... master... sniff-sniff... delicious... sniff-sniff... master... I want to eat... sniff-sniff...

(FUCK YOU IN THE FACE!!! DON'T EAT ME!!! PLEASE, ANDROID, EAT HER!!! BUT NOT ME, BITCH, WHERE'S THE DIHLOFOX!!!) - I panicked and threw her on the bed, or rather... I tried to.

This is a representative of the arthropod race, hanging on me... not even holding on to me properly!

(What kind of spider girl is this! Although... she is a spider... damn, then it makes sense...)

In an unequal fight with the arthropod, I had to lie down on the bed and wait 5-7 minutes for her to let go, and then I hugged the blanket and continued to dream.

"FUCK!!!" I exhaled, covering her with the blanket and fighting the urge to strangle this miracle in her sleep. This bitch is fucked! "So? Anyone? Is anyone jerking off to her? This is fucking crazy... fucking perverts! Although... (looking at her) it's just a habit, so stop! Next!!!

And again it's that room, and again it's a kingdom of sleeping beauties.

"Well, who's next? Let it be... let it be, Miss I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck! Okay, here goes the third one!

Taking Narberal in my arms, what can I say... she's a girl, but it's a shame that her face is completely expressionless and always indifferent, but that's kind of cool, she's always honest and pleasant, it's just a shame she's so cold.

Carefully and gently carrying her to the bed and neatly covering her with a blanket, I couldn't help but stare at her.

"You're so... beautiful." I leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek (not on the lips! Am I some kind of maniac who touches sleeping girls?), stroked her head, and went to the next one, but for some reason, before leaving the room, I stopped and looked back and looked at each one. I don't know why, but something tightened in my chest. Returning to them, I took off each of their shoes so their feet could rest. (What am I doing?) Blushing, I left the room - Next...

This is like Groundhog Day, for fuck's sake!!! Only there are fewer girls every day, and the sleeping bum on the sofa won't go away.

"And next we have... a bunch of reckless, venereally diseased, flea-ridden sluts... ahem... streetwalkers! Where to start? Oh well, let's go with... the headless horsewoman!

We need to be more delicate with the transfer here, or else her head might fall off and then what would I do? She'd be offended and chop off my "head"!

Carefully and slowly, I lifted her head and shoulders and laid her on my shoulder. (DAMN!!! She's huge!) Yuri was probably the same height as Sebas, so I'd have to call someone with Vaseline to get out of this! Picking her up by her hips, I pressed her against me and walked slowly into the room, trying not to make any noise or bump into anything so as not to endanger Alpha's head.

When I reached the room and laid her on the bed (how did I have the strength?), I slowly and gently laid her head on the pillows on her bed, of which there were many, and, making sure that Yuri's head was well supported, I took off her shoes and covered her with a blanket, not forgetting to remove her glasses. I ruffled her hair and left the room.

"You know, you could have woken up already, princess! What am I, a porter or something? (Although I used to be a mover, so I'm not that far off, career advancement my ass, first it was boxes and crates, now it's girls and tits!) And who's next...A guide on what happens when you cum in the toilet, or what happens when you love dogs? Well, I guess let's go with the toilet, hygiene, damn it! 

Approaching Solushn and examining her, I involuntarily began to pray to Grandpa Nurgl to protect me from his children and diseases, although I think that by doing so I just earned myself testicular cancer and a rotting dick. I should have prayed to Tzinch, at least he warned me about this... if, of course, he needed to and it didn't lead me to even more shit that craves my juicy ass, or was it all planned from the beginning? Hey, you, Lord of the Winds of Change? Is this what you planned? Or am I an Alpharian? 

"So... protect me, holy toilet brush, so that you may save me from Tina the slut! And may your eternal hardness come with me, and may you bestow your grace upon me and cleanse the arses of my unbelieving enemies! Amen! Most important! MOST IMPORTANT!!! DON'T!!! TOUCH!!! MY TITS!!! Or I'll die like that red-nosed alcoholic in the anime! 

Taking her in my arms and carrying her, I noticed one strange thing... about her... SHE SMELLS FUCKING AMAZING!!! FUCK, IT'S JUST A HIGH!!! Now I understand why everyone is crazy about her, but to give up your life for her insatiable womb, just to touch her tits? NO!!! FUCK YOU, MOLAGA BALA!!! AND BOETIA!!! 

Although... she is very beautiful, but her... gluttony... although... well, we'll figure it out later. But yes, she is cute, I won't argue with that. A dangerous cutie!

Reaching the bed and carefully laying her down, he couldn't help but wonder (Could such a beautiful creature be capable of killing so coldly and cruelly?). He pulled back the blanket, took off her shoes, smiled, and went after the last one.

"And here we are! Two lonely souls! We lit a fire on the road! Hey, wolf cub? It's just you and me, we'll walk across the field, just you and me..." I sang a little song as I carefully approached Regina. "So who else haven't I prayed to? Who's the werewolf expert here? Oh, yes! Hirshin! Damn, better not pray to him, or he'll wake her up just for fun, to test his hunting skills, and then... there'll be nothing left of me.

I picked her up and walked a couple of metres, and then I pissed myself!

She... she... she hugged me and buried her face in my neck and started licking and wriggling her hips, saying:

"Master... lick me... master... lick me... I missed you... I missed you... lick me... I love you, master... lick me... my master... lick me...

(WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, ANIMALS? ONE IS SNIFFING! THE OTHER IS LICKING!!! I'M NOT TASTY!!! I'M SMELLY AND SWEATY!!!) - trying to keep a straight face and my tail between my legs, I dragged her to the last bed, which for some reason was covered in scratches and bite marks (What can you expect from a dog!).

Gently and carefully lowering her onto the bed, Lupus arched her back one last time, licked my lips, and rolled over on the mattress, burying her face in the pillow. 

Smiling, I covered her with a blanket, took off her shoes, and kissed her on the ear, for which she smiled sweetly and hid deeper into the pillow, sticking her bottom out.

"Well, that's it...

Quietly leaving the room and closing the door, I quietly returned to the room with the fireplace. Where an old butler was sleeping peacefully.

"Now I can take a piss! But where's the bathroom?

***

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