"Obito, let's go back to Madara-sama."
Zetsu's moist little voice echoed behind him like a fart in a cathedral.
Obito didn't answer at first. He just stood there, quiet and brooding, like an anime protagonist with 99 trauma points and zero therapy.
"That plan… the resurrection of the dead is still possible."
Obito exhaled through his nose loudly. He didn't sign up for any of this bullshit but since he's already knee-deep in it, step one is staying alive. Step two? Not ending up like his pathetic anime version.
Now it was survival mode.
"Uh-huh... yeah, that's right."
Obito paused for a moment, as if genuinely thinking it over. Then, without a word, he slowly got to his feet, slipping into the act.
'Look at this manipulative bitch. Tryna puppet me like I'm some kind of mid-tier NPC. Fuck outta here.' Obito was angry in his heart and cursed Zetsu's sorry ass without holding back.
His gaze swept over the carnage around him. This whole "tragedy" was just Madara Uchiha's soap opera plan. Stage one: murder the love interest. Stage two: gaslight the simp into becoming a pawn.
'What a wishful-thinking, crusty-ass war criminal. Genuinely delusional gay bastard energy.'
Obito wasn't strong enough right now, so he decided to play along...just like in the anime, before Madara kicked the bucket.
But he had plans of his own.
'You wanna use me, Madara? Cool. But best believe I'm gonna reverse-Uno your old ass one day.'
"…But before that," Obito muttered aloud, "let me get something."
He turned away from the creepy twins (a.k.a. Zetsu) and walked toward Kakashi's unconscious body lying nearby.
First order of business?
Snatch that mask.
He yanked it off without hesitation.
"Hmmm... yep. As pretty-boy as I remembered," he mumbled, squinting at the little beauty mole near Kakashi's lip.
"So that's why he wears the mask. To protect the world from becoming too gay."
Then, without so much as a "sorry bro," Obito plunged his fingers in and yoinked Kakashi's left eye right out of its socket.
"Gimme that sweet eyeball, baby."
Shit, this is so gross... I seriously wanna throw up. But he held on...surprisingly.
He held up the Mangekyo Sharingan like it was a damn gacha pull. One legendary drop secured.
'No way I'm letting my only weakness sit in someone else's hands. Sharingan only hits peak power when it's a pair, and this belongs to me, bitch.'
And it's not like Kakashi could even use it properly. No Uchiha bloodline, chakra gets drained faster than a free trial.
'Honestly, I'm doing you a favor. Call it… early retirement.'
He tucked the eye away and turned to leave, not even glancing back.
Did he spare Kakashi out of friendship? Guilt?
Hell no.
He spared him because of strategy.
After all, Kakashi was still a major character in the plot and right now, Obito's greatest weapon against the entire ninja world was that very plot knowledge.
He couldn't afford to mess with the storyline too much. If things stopped making sense, it could screw over his future plans.
That's right...he already had a plan. One that would secure both his safety and a damn good life. He'd watched Naruto. He knew the shortcuts to power.
And besides, it's just Kakashi. No matter what the guy does, there's no way he's catching up.
Even if Kakashi tries to stand in his way someday, Obito's confident he could take him out without breaking a sweat.
'Better to let him live in agony, riddled with guilt, moping like a Disney sidekick. That way, I can enjoy his sad little breakdowns and laugh at him later.'
Vengeance? Maybe.
Entertainment? Absolutely.
Petty? Extremely.
But who could blame him?
A first life spent with only his left hand. A second life spent simping. You think he wouldn't hold a grudge?
'But that's for later. For now… I gotta mentally prep myself to meet the crypt keeper himself: Madara Uchiha.'
'Honestly? I'm kinda scared.'
After running through the dense forest for a while, Obito finally noticed something.
"…Whoa."
After sprinting through the dense forest, he couldn't help but marvel at his speed. No way in hell he could've moved like this in his previous life.
Only now did it really hit him...the sheer wonder of the anime world he'd landed in.
Up until now, he'd been too busy worrying about this and that. But feeling the raw power coursing through his body?
Yeah… this was real. He really was in the Naruto world. And like it or not, he had inherited Obito's insane abilities.
Sure, he still thought Obito was a simp and a walking L, but damn...there was no denying the firepower of that Dōjutsu and everything else that came with it.
He could work with that.
Meanwhile, deep underground in the Land of Grass, a decrepit old man sat slumped on a stone throne.
His body was skeletal. His skin paper-thin. Three twisted white pipes were connected to his back, each one running from a massive, monstrous golem behind him.
Madara Uchiha.
A legend. A manipulator.
And about to meet the reincarnated rent collector with a Trolling complex and too many hentai folders.
---
"Madara! There's no hope left in this world. I want to create a world where everyone is free from pain… suffering… loss. A world with Rin. For that… I'm ready to do anything."
After returning to the underground base, Obito stood before the dried-up mummy that was once Madara Uchiha.
Without missing a beat, he slipped right into character...his voice laced with suppressed anger, quiet despair, and cold determination.
Madara looked amused, the corner of his mouth twitching ever so slightly.
"Hmph~… I take it no one else saw what happened?"
It sounded like he was talking to Obito, but the question was really for the white growth fungus beside him.
"Only I saw it," White Zetsu answered, glancing toward Obito...trying his hardest to stay out of drama. "Obito killed all the enemies."
"…Except for Kakashi," Zetsu added. "He let him live. But the guy was out cold when Konoha's reinforcements showed up, just screaming 'Who killed them?!' over and over. So yeah. No leaks."
Madara turned back to Obito, his tone colder now.
"You couldn't bring yourself to finish off your comrade?"
Obito tried his best to stay calm. He slipped right into character.
"No. I just don't care," he said flatly. "Whether he lives or dies doesn't matter. In the world I'm going to create… Kakashi will be there too."
He paused, then stepped forward, fists clenched, eyes wild.
"And Rin will be there!"
He delivered it with passion, rage, and just the right amount of fanfic edge.
Madara watched, eyes gleaming. He bought every word.
"Tell me how to create the world of my dreams, Madara."
"Hmph~. You don't need to thank me. Come here," Madara said with a sly grin. "From this day forward… you are the savior."
"Look into my eyes."
And just like that...bam! Obito was sucked into an illusion space.
Inside the illusion, Madara did what he does best: exposition dump.
Ten Tails.
The Outer Path.
Rinnegan.
The Infinite Tsukuyomi.
The whole damn lore wiki.
Obito already knew all of it. But he listened patiently, throwing in the occasional "Whoa…" and "I didn't know that…" like a good little actor.
When the lore dump ended, Madara taught him a slew of Uchiha-exclusive jutsu, forbidden arts, and secret techniques...like handing over the cheat codes to the whole game.
By the time Obito came out of the illusion, he was stacked with skills.
Madara stood up, his body creaking like a haunted rocking chair, and rested a bony hand on Zetsu beside him.
"Obito. I've taught you all of the Uchiha's arts—our ninjutsu, forbidden techniques, Yin-Yang release…"
Suddenly, a Zzzzzt— sound rang out as half of White Zetsu began to turn pitch black.
Obito narrowed his eyes.
'There it is… the bastard himself.'
The greatest backstabbing black slimeball in all of anime.
The number one "I live to betray" champion.
The dream son every Asian parent thinks they're raising.
Black Zetsu.
Madara didn't seem concerned in the slightest.
"I've injected my will into this one. You can treat it as half of me. A product of deterioration, sure but still useful. The Zetsus created from Yin-Yang chakra are now your pawns."
With a smirk, he raised his hands and formed a hand seal.
Click. Click. Crrrrrk…
At the mouth of the Outer Path Demonic Statue, a black rod slowly extended out.
"That rod is a physical fragment of my will. You'll need it when performing the Six Paths techniques."
Madara's voice was getting thinner, breath heavier.
And then, with deliberate slowness, he reached back, gripped the three thick pipes embedded into his spine, and ripped them out one by one.
Shhhk… Shhhk… Shhhk.
He dropped into the stone chair like a man done with the world and his final command echoed like prophecy.
"Whew… Phew… Go now."
"Until the day I am resurrected…"
"You are Madara Uchiha."
"…."
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