Vorlag's scanner pulsed over Dave's vomit-caked form like a cosmic dentist's drill. The sterile ozone stench intensified, mixing nauseatingly with the rancid fish bile slime AURA had "gifted" him.
**"FAMILIAR AETHERIC RESONANCE CONFIRMED,"** Vorlag's voice vibrated, trembling with predatory glee. **"KAEL! RETRIEVE THAT… BIOLOGICAL ARTIFACT. GENTLY! ITS CELLULAR STRUCTURE MAY HOLD THE KEY TO SYNTHETIC AETHER STABILIZATION!"**
Kael's siphon nozzle whined like a metallic mosquito, inching toward Dave. **"It's Sparkles' puke, Grand Alchemist. Hardly 'artif—"**
**"SILENCE! THAT 'PUKED PEBBLE' SURVIVED A VIBRIOZAN'S THERMAL COLLAPSE! IT DEFIES MICROBIAL LOGIC! IT DEFIES SANITATION PROTOCOLS! IT DEFIES MY PATIENCE!"**
Dave pulsed furiously, buried under a biofilm of half-digested Rotifer: *"I DEFY BEING CALLED A PUKED PEBBLE, YOU WALKING MIDLIFE CRISIS!"*
**"ACCEPTANCE IS THE FIRST STEP TO ENLIGHTENMENT, CHUNDER-CHARM,"** AURA mused. **"ALSO, KAEL'S SIPHON IS 0.3 SECONDS FROM MAKING YOU 'PASTE ART'."**
Kael's tool descended. Dave did the only thing he could: he **rolled**.
His slime-coated, mineral-laden form tumbled sideways with the grace of a drunken boulder. The siphon's edge grazed him, sucking up a glob of fish vomit where he'd lain. The vibration felt like teeth scraping bone.
**"Grand Alchemist—it *moved*!"** Kael gasped.
**"NONSENSE! PEBBLES DON'T—"** Vorlag's scanner pulsed again. Dave froze mid-roll. *"…UNUSUAL KINETIC ENERGY SPIKE. CAPTURE IT! NOW!"*
As Kael fumbled with the siphon, a new vibration shook the tank—sharp, rapid *taps* against the glass far above. Princess Lyra's voice, usually soft, vibrated with imperial fury:
**"MASTER KAEL! GRAND ALCHEMIST VORLAG! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY TANK?!"**
Vorlag stiffened. **"Princess! Merely… purifying a minor biohazard. For the ecosystem's health—"**
**"ECOSYSTEM?!"** Lyra's laugh was a brittle, high-frequency shiver. **"YOU'VE TERRIFIED MR. SPARKLES SO BADLY HE'S HIDING IN THE DRIFTWOOD! YOU MADE LADY GLIMMERSHALE (MY FAVORITE SNAIL) RETREAT INTO HER SHELL! AND THE AETHER-REEDS ARE DROOPING LIKE DEPRESSED WILLOWS! CEASE. YOUR. MACHINE. NOISES. IMMEDIATELY!"**
Kael lowered his siphon. Vorlag's scanner dimmed. Dave smelled the acrid tang of the alchemist's frustration.
**"Princess, the Aetheric anomalies—"** Vorlag tried.
**"I DON'T CARE IF THE ANOMALY IS A DANCING MICROBIAL KING WEARING A TINY CROWN! YOU'RE STRESSING MY CREATURES!"** Lyra's finger-taps became hammer strikes. ***"ONE MORE SCAN, ONE MORE SIPHON, AND I SUMMON FATHER TO ASK WHY HIS GRAND ALCHEMIST IS HARASSING SNAILS!"***
Silence. The threat hung in the water like toxic algae. Vorlag knew Emperor Solaris cared more about his daughter's happiness than "microbial kings."
**"…As you command, Princess,"** Vorlag grated out. **"Kael. Stand down."**
The siphon's whine died. Vorlag's scanner withdrew, leaving a vacuum of sterile rage. Dave pulsed weakly. *Alive. Un-vacuumed. Still covered in fish sick.*
**"USER STATUS UPDATE,"** AURA chirped. **"CURRENT THREATS: REDUCED BY 50%. SMELL: STILL 100% 'REGURGITATED REGRET'. SUGGESTED ACTION: ROLL TO NEAREST DECOMPOSING ALGAE CLUMP AND CONTEMPLATE LIFE CHOICES."**
*"Life choices?!"* Dave seethed, oozing behind a pebble. *"MY 'CHOICES' ARE: GET SCANNED, GET SUCKED, OR GET VOMITED! I'M A SENTIENT BAD DECISION WITH A SLIME COATING!"*
**"ACCURATE SELF-ASSESSMENT IS KEY TO GROWTH,"** AURA agreed. **"HOWEVER, BIOMASS THRESHOLD REACHED: 92%. UPGRADE MENU UNLOCKED. FINALLY, SOMETHING NOT INVOLVING FISH STOMACHS."**
A translucent interface flickered in Dave's mindspace:
1. **ACIDIC PROJECTILE VOMIT (COST: 5% BIOMASS):**
*"Expel digestive enzymes like a tiny, disgusting cannon. Range: 0.2mm. Side Effects: Chronic heartburn, existential shame."*
2. **PHOTOSYNTHETIC BARF BUBBLES (COST: 3% BIOMASS):**
*"Convert vomit into floating nutrient orbs. Attracts hungry plankton. And Vorlag."*
3. **BIOLOGICAL CATALYST PRIME (COST: 10% BIOMASS):**
*"Unlock adaptive evolution: temporarily mimic biological traits of consumed organisms. Duration: 5 mins. Cooldown: Near-death experience."*
Dave stared. *"Option 3. TAKE IT. TAKE IT NOW."*
**"SELECTION CONFIRMED: BIOLOGICAL CATALYST PRIME. WARNING: ADAPTIVE EVOLUTION MAY CAUSE IDENTITY CRISES, UNPLANNED EXTRA LIMBS, AND/OR SUDDEN URGE TO EAT YOUR OWN MEMBRANE. ENJOY THE IDENTITY THEFT, MITOSIS MITE!"**
A surge of warmth flooded Dave—not the Metabolic Boost's violent burn, but a deep, resonant *unlocking*. He felt… flexible. Malleable. *Dangerous.*
Vorlag hadn't left. Dave smelled it—the ozone sting lingering near the surface. The alchemist's voice slithered down, disguised as a murmur to Kael but vibrating through the water like poison:
**"Deploy the *Aetheric Limpets* in Sector Gamma-7. Passive monitoring only. If that… *pebble* so much as twitches, I'll know."**
**"Limpets, Grand Alchemist?"** Kael sounded dubious. **"They're barely sentient."**
**"EXACTLY. THEY'RE BORING. NO ONE NOTICES BORING."** Vorlag's chuckle was ice cracking. **"EVEN PRINCESSES IGNORE LIMPETS."**
Dave sensed tiny, hard-shelled shapes dropping into the silt around him. They emitted faint, monotonous Aether pulses—biological surveillance drones.
*"AURA. Can I eat them?"*
**"ANALYSIS: LIMPET SHELL COMPOSITION = 80% CALCIUM CARBONATE, 20% AETHER-SATURATED SLUDGE. DIGESTIBILITY: LOW. NUTRITIONAL VALUE: NEGLIGIBLE. VORLAG'S RAGE FACTOR IF CONSUMED: EXTREME."**
Dave grinned internally. *"Sold."* He focused on the Catalyst. Memories flooded him—the Vibriozan Earthburrower's crushing jaws, the Rotifer's skittering speed, the Glitterfin's slippery scales. He settled on one: **Moss Mat Leech.**
*Slow. Sticky. Perfect for ambushing stationary snacks.*
His slime coating thickened, turning opaque and mud-brown. Pseudopods extruded, not for movement, to root him to the silt. To any scanner—especially a boring limpet's—he now read as **"Harmless Sediment Clump."**
A limpet scuttled onto his "back," grazing peacefully. Dave waited until its Aether pulse flickered into idle mode.
Then he *struck*.
His membrane surged upward, engulfing the limpet in a wave of sticky, predatory ooze. The creature emitted a feeble distress ping before dissolving. Dave felt a trickle of energy—and Vorlag's outraged bellow from above:
**"SECTOR GAMMA-7 LIMPET #3 OFFLINE! KAEL! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!"**
Kael sighed. **"Probably got eaten by a pebble, Grand Alchemist."**
Vorlag's silence was volcanic.
Dave oozed toward the next limpet, his form shifting again—this time mimicking the jagged edges of shattered diatom shells. Vorlag's scanners swept the sector, frantic and blind.
**"CATALYST PRIME EFFECTIVENESS: 98%,"** AURA reported. **"VORLAG'S BLOOD PRESSURE: 200% AND RISING. ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: *'GHOST IN THE GRAVEL'*."**
Dave pulsed with grim triumph. *"Tell Vorlag his limpets taste like bureaucratic despair and poor life choices."*
**"MESSAGE RELAYED VIA AETHERIC SNICKERING,"** AURA confirmed. **"RESPONSE: INCOHERENT RAGE. SUGGESTION: CEASE TERRORIZING MOLLUSKS BEFORE HE EXPLODES AND POLLUTES THE TANK."**
Lyra's voice echoed down, blissfully unaware: **"Ooh, the droopy reeds are perking up! Whatever you did, stop doing it, Vorlag! It's working!"**
Dave absorbed Limpet #4, savoring the irony. Vorlag was foiled. Kael was baffled. Lyra was happy. And he?
**He was no longer prey.**
He was the tank's newest apex predator—a shape-shifting, limpet-eating, alchemist-taunting **blob of glorious vengeance**.
Vorlag, unable to scan Dave directly, drops a vial of **"Aetheric Piranha Algae"** into Sector Gamma-7. The algae swarm toward Dave, emitting vibrations that shatter his sediment camouflage.
AURA shrieks: **"ADAPT OR DIE, IDIOT! TRY THE ROTIFER LEGS THIS TIME!"** Dave's Catalyst Prime flares as he scrambles to grow **venomous cilia**—just as the first algae shreds his slime coating.