Sand whirled in circles across the desert, as the sun shone radiantly upon the dunes. On that gigantic painting of yellow and brown, one could see the marks of a single organism dragging their feet through the sandy terrain.
A man in his early twenties is walking through the desert heat, struggling to drag his feet out of the ever-swallowing desert sand. A sight some might think is very motivational, however, for the party involved, might cause them to beat up the spectators.
It has been a few hours since Ray managed to get out of his slump and started to walk towards the unknown. He quickly got into a state where he managed to only focus on walking, and since then it has been the same, until he couldn't keep himself from commenting on his decision.
(This was the correct choice)
Thought Ray as he slid down the previous dune.
He noticed that doing „something" has been keeping his emotions at bay. The concentration on the most efficient way to move forward has kept him free of any unneeded thoughts and suppressed his desires for food and water. He could keep himself sane and slightly emotionally satisfied in this way.
Sane, because he didn't despair.
Emotionally satisfied, because he would feel no self blame for indecisions.
Ray looked solemnly towards the distance before a sudden gust of wind shoved a spoon of sand down his throat.
*Cough* *cough*cough* *cough*
(Taking it back! Fuck sand!)
cursed Ray inwardly as he proceeded with his march across the desert dunes.
Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned to hours. The desert heat slightly subsided as the ever-present sun slowly disappeared behind the dunes in the distance. Ray could only rejoice as the cooling winds brought him relief.
The unending journey had taken its toll on him for the last half a day, and that cool wind helped him with the muscle aches he had been accumulating until now. He bowed down and started lying on the ground before him, exhaustion clearly visible on his face.
Hours later Ray still lay there, sprawled in the sand, looking up at the sky. The sun had dragged its curtains away, allowing the starry sky to bring forth its shimmering beauty.
Ray could only look stunned at the scenery before him
„….truly..beautiful…"
He never imagined that something so ordinary as the night sky could look so breathtaking in a lightless environment. He never understood why people would fight a losing war for the environment, or why people enjoyed camping in the wilderness, however at this moment, he realised the truth.
Before this canvas of the universe itself, his struggle, his grudges, the journey to this point in time, seemed utterly hilarious.
A tiny individual in an infinite universe—that's what he was.
Why did he overthink so much? Why did he go crazy for a bit? Why didn't he immediately start walking?
Thought Ray as he brought his arms under his head, lifting it slightly.
Sure, it was only human to do so, but faced with the sight before him, he couldn't help but ponder.
In what felt like ages, Ray had the clarity to furthermore think about his life up to now.
Behind the jokes he so frequently made and the unending self-deprecating thoughts, he noticed a single common trait: inaction.
The universe before him, that enormously small part of it, didn't come to be without its first action.
From nothing to something, boom, as simple as that.
While Ray, compared to that, had the biggest problems starting anything in the first place.
Truly laughable. Was it really so hard to take the first step?
(Yes! Definitely.)
He thought. But faced with the statement before him, that is the endless depths of the universe, he started to feel that he should start doing something, instead of leaving the idea in his headspace.
(What is there to lose?)
thought Ray to himself, as he got reminded of his reflection before he started this walk towards the sandy horizon.
He strengthened his resolve at that moment.
No more hesitation.
No more laziness.
And definitely no more mouth breathing in the windy desert.
Thought Ray as he kept on looking at the starry sky, before his exhaustion took him, and he fell into a deep sleep.
The Next Morning
Ray finally woke up from his sleep. He didn't know how long he had been asleep for, but considering the rough position of the sun, he argued that it should be around early midday. A lot later than he anticipated his sleep to last, but he couldn't complain; his body needed the sleep.
He didn't ponder too long and decided to take immediate action.
He looked around and roughly determined where he should continue heading towards. He made sure to look again before he shrugged and continued his „walk".
Hours? Later.
Ray had underestimated the toll that dehydration and hunger would bring him after a single day.
His throat was dry, every movement torture.
His exhaustion doubled in comparison to yesterday.
His stomach, hurting.
His muscles were sore from overwork.
His lips were dry and cracked.
His head was hurting like crazy.
It was thanks to his body forgetting about his hunger and thirst in the first couple of hours after he woke up that he even managed to start walking.
(Water…..water…..water…won't...drink...piss....)
Thought Ray to himself as he got reminded of a certain man who could live off of basically anything in the wild.
However, this was no wild, or anything really.
Only dunes after dunes, with nothing in sight. Ray wished there was some cactus or something like that; it didn't even matter if he hurt or poisoned himself trying to eat that thing.
He needs something. Anything.
But whenever he started to fall into complete utter exhaustion, he would think about last night and continue walking.
"Walk until you can't anymore."
"Walk until your legs can't carry you anymore."
"If you can lift yourself, then you haven't reached the limit."
Said Ray in an ashy voice, devoid of moisture as he dragged his body.
By now he had created himself a face mask with his shirt to keep the sand from getting into his nose and mouth and the sun from shining directly on his head. He managed to somehow tear his long pants and turn them into shorts instead. Who knows how much his legs would have lasted if he kept them like before?
His skin had already taken on a red hue, sunburns slowly showing up everywhere on his body.
(this will hurt like a bitch.)
He thought to himself as he noticed his arms red color.
Evening.
Weak groans could be heard in the desert.
„nghhhhh...ah...ah...ah...it hurts...damn...it…."
Ray sat there, in pain, not even able to comfortably lie on the ground. The sunburns had already covered his entire back, making him hiss in pain every time he so much as shifted. At least the cooling temperature gave him some much-needed relief as the sun gradually fell on the horizon. When the sun finally disappeared, he couldn't hold it anymore and fell face first into the sand so he could continue letting his back get cooled by the wind.
It felt like a dreadful kind of repetition, but there he was, sprawled on the ground.
Again.
Not much to see this time, considering he lay there, his face almost eating sand.
Did he regret it?
No.
(action is better than inaction)
he spoke to himself like a mantra.
Nothing could keep him from moving forward.
Anything behind him is death.
Stagnation is betrayal towards himself.
Himself, the „I", him, Ray.
„...I won't stop..."
Said Ray as he searched for solace within himself.
A search for a power deeper inside him, for that spark that might make him push forward, for just a little more.
The second morning.
A figure could be seen dragging its ragged body across the sand.
Ray could not think.
He didn't dare to.
A little spark of thought risked him getting immediate confirmation from his body.
A pain that spread to every part of his body.
He subconsciously decided that it was better to keep himself in a mindless state of stupor than to further acknowledge this predicament.
Every thought made is a wasted bit of energy he needs to survive.
And so he continued his now shakey walk towards uncertainty.
Night
Ray felt scared.
It felt like he was approaching the end.
He couldn't move anymore; strength had long forsaken him.
The cooling sensation of the night breeze has become a numb feeling.
He felt anguish like never before.
Every part of his body felt heavy like lead.
His eyes felt dry and hurt.
A weird kind of intense pain was constantly wrecking his entire body.
Most concerning was that he was slowly losing his touch with reality. He would trip and fall many times because of sudden flashes of something or realize that he hadn't moved at all, even though he imagined that he did.
Sleep didn't feel like an escape anymore, but a silent gesture towards death.
Paranoia kept gnawing on Ray's mind as he tried to calm himself down again.
(…..)
The "Third" morning
(...….)
A figure could be seen in the sand, dragging itself up a dune with its hands.
Eyes glazed over.
Slowly.
Slowly.
Until he reached the top and let himself roll down the dune.
He didn't notice that before him a giant sandstorm was slowly approaching.
At some time in the day.
The winds were howling like screams from Hell. The unnervingly calm desert had become a nightmare filled with a raging storm.
And in the middle of it all lay Ray, sprawled, probably for the last time.
Strength had already left his body at this point; however, for some reason, his fingers were still digging into the sand as if to drag himself forward.
Ray hadn't slept since yesterday, the thought of death taking him in his sleep unnerving him to no end. His will, the only thing that kept him moving forward for the entire day.
He didn't know when he collapsed.
And he honestly didn't care about that right now.
He had long lost his touch with reality. Hallucinations have been messing with him for far too long now.
So he moved his ragged body and closed himself up in his thoughts for the last time.
Nothing to think about but his goal and his path to reaching it.
No delusions covering reality.
No hallucinatons.
Close your eyes, lock yourself in your mind space, and….
KEEP.
MOVING.
FORWARD.
A little flash of brilliance, a last dash to the top of the dune.
*Swish* *roll* *crash*
(This is it.)
His eyes could only dart around as his head remained unmoving.
A smirk slowly rose on his lips.
Then.
„HahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"
He started laughing uproariously with all his might.
Ray took his last bit of strength and let it all go. He took everything in, no longer numbing his sensations.
The noise of howling winds.
The pain of razor-sharp sand streaking across his skin.
The full plethora of all his suppressed emotions.
His despair. His Anger. His fear. His Sadness.
However that was not all. He let out:
His happiness.
His gratitude.
And most predominately
HIS WILL.
At the end of his last push, his last glimpse of 'humanity,' he fell over, not moving again. His eyes started to dim slowly, and as Ray began to fall unconscious, he could've sworn that a light had started shining beneath him.
(0Δ0) „aaaaawaaaaaaa"