Chapter 13: VIP Room
"Even if I don't quite understand what you plan to do with the gel, my instincts are screaming that this is very dangerous."
"Alright, you got me,"
Eikou said,
"I do plan to use lubricant gel to attract the attention of the censors, so we'll get to skip ahead to the part that goes: [After a day of hard work, Eikou successfully earned 3000QP and returned to the dorms with Mo-chan, living happily ever after!]"
"..."
Mordred could no longer understand a single word coming out of his mouth.
But trusting her instincts, she silently snatched the basin full of lubricant gel from his hands.
"Don't do anything stupid. Don't forget, you still owe me a pack of cigarettes."
"Let go! I want to solo the Lostbelt King and the Grand Assassin!"
Both of them had B+ ranked Strength — their physical power could be considered evenly matched — yet the basin of water caught between them immediately began to stretch and distort.
[You and Mordred are engaged in a fierce tug-of-war.]
[But Mordred clearly holds the upper hand — you quickly run out of strength. She tugs on the basin of lubricant gel, dragging you along with it.]
[You're about to collapse from exhaustion.]
"Why the hell… I've got B+ Strength too! Don't tell me it's because I stayed up too late last night?"
Even though Mordred was a girl, her Strength was truly monstrous. She pulled the basin full of gel, forcefully dragging Eikou forward, while a bit of gel splashed out from the rim.
"Mordred, this is dangerous! Maybe you should let go first..."
"If I let go, you'll just snatch it back — not a chance."
"Then how about I let go first, okay?!"
Eikou felt his strength draining fast — his fingers could barely hold onto the edge of the basin anymore.
Bang!
But before he could release it, Mordred stepped on the gel that had splashed onto the floor. Her balance suddenly faltered, her wrist twisted, and the entire basin of gel spilled out.
In that instant, gel splashed everywhere.
SPLAT!
All of it landed on Ivan the Terrible and the Mountain King!
Eikou's heart stopped for a moment.
In his mind, only two words remained:
I'm Fucked.
"Mordred, you're unbelievable — how dare you commit such sacrilege against our Grand Servant!"
"This was your damn idea to begin with, okay?"
Mordred, now soaked like a drenched cat, wiped her beautiful face with an utterly grim expression, then grabbed her now-slick opponent by the collar.
"You bastard, what the hell just happened here?!"
"…Mordred, calm down first. You're covered in lube, I'm covered in lube, even they're covered in lube. This entire scene is a disaster from every possible angle. It feels like… we've all lost our purity now."
Eikou said.
Looking at the two guests who radiated overwhelming presence yet were now soaked in lubricant gel, Eikou braced himself to display the utmost Japanese-style devotion…
But Ivan the Terrible and Mountain King didn't react at all.
"Are they… asleep?"
"Mountain King is hard to say, but Ivan the Terrible is definitely sleeping."
Eikou thought to himself that this wasn't too surprising — after all, this guy was known for sleeping through his entire Lostbelt.
He looked at the unmoving Mountain King. The man stood like an immovable fortress, likely already entered a meditative state — such trivial disturbances outside probably couldn't faze him at all.
"Phew..."
Eikou let out a deep breath, the pressure in his chest easing slightly.
Maybe he'd been overthinking it — these two Servants probably didn't care about petty things like this.
In that case, he should just quietly get to work massaging them and get this job over with.
But as he looked at the huge, muscular, elephant-shaped figure of Ivan the Terrible, Eikou couldn't help but fall into contemplation.
"Beni-Enma really overestimated me..."
He muttered.
"Mountain King is fine — he's at least humanoid. But this giant elephant… where the hell am I even supposed to start massaging him? My 'Human Anatomy' skill is completely useless here."
This question was way outside his pay grade, so Eikou decided to temporarily set it aside and turned to the Mountain King beside him.
He carefully lifted the Mountain King's dark cloak — beneath it was pitch-black heavy armor.
Eikou fell silent.
Who the hell wears full armor to a massage? This guy clearly came here to cause trouble.
"…Um, Grandpa-san?"
He tried nudging the man a bit.
But there was zero response. The level of concentration this man had was terrifying.
BANG!
Eikou punched the wall beside him.
"Damn it! Where the hell am I supposed to even begin?!"
If he'd known it would turn out like this, he would've rather switched jobs to the Kinoko workshop next door.
Mordred stood by, also looking awkward. "Maybe we should just give up. These two aren't exactly people you can handle easily."
"No. We've come this far — we can't just back out now. I have a duty to see this job through to the end."
Eikou said, face dead serious.
"No other choice then… let me try prying off his armor!"
At that moment, he really was curious to see what lay beneath the armor of the Grand Assassin – Mountain King. If he could get a glimpse, even if he got decapitated, it would still be worth it.
[You try to pry open his armor with your hands.]
[Strength check failed.]
[You try using a crowbar, relying on leverage to pry the armor open.]
[The crowbar snaps.]
"Too strong…"
Eikou looked at the broken crowbar, a sense of awe rising within him.
"So this is the power of the Grand Assassin… truly terrifying…"
"When you're standing on top of him trying to pry open his armor with a crowbar, there's nothing terrifying about it, okay."
Mordred rolled her eyes, then lit a cigarette.
"Mordred, take out your Clarent."
"What are you planning to do?"
"I think, if we can't pry open the Mountain King's armor using ordinary tools, maybe a Noble Phantasm can break through his defenses. Basically, just fire a beam cannon at him."
"...What kind of customer service are you trying to offer here, this is already attempted murder. Want me to blast your head first instead?"
Mordred couldn't help but mock him.
"Then come lend a hand. If the two of us join forces, maybe we actually can pry it open. Anyway, someone with a king's aura like you isn't just going to sit idly by when one of your citizens is asking for help, right?"
That line clearly worked—Mordred immediately stubbed out her cigarette and almost leapt over to help him.
Too easy to coax… Eikou thought silently.
Mordred flashed a bright, prideful smile, revealing a little fang.
"Fine, I'll give you a hand!"
[You and Mordred begin working together to pry open the Mountain King's armor.]
[But against the heavy, thick armor of the Grand Assassin, the two of you still find yourselves powerless.]
[High-difficulty Strength check.]