PoV - Uriel, Guardian of an Empty Garden
Sandalphon once said to me that you cannot appreciate music if you cannot appreciate silence. I did not comprehend what he meant at the time - how could I, when all of my life had been vibrant and loud?
Now, as I look over the empty Eden, devoid of animals, I think I understand.
Father was clear - if Adam and Eve were no longer a part of the Garden, then the creatures they named must be released as well. No creatures remain bereft of names and identities, for Father swiftly finished what Adam had begun.
No bird calls.
No mammalian cries.
No reptilian snorts.
No buzzing of insects.
No croaking of amphibians.
The silence of a forest bereft of all but the green and brown.
I would get used to that silence. In all likelihood, Father would pull me from my duties, assign one of my six or eight-winded siblings, and order me to go somewhere new. I would likely be on the frontlines of the war against the demons, or the skirmishes with the pagans over territory. I would reap the battlefield of all who oppose Father. I would burn away the flesh of corruption where I found it.
I would. I would.
For years now, those words had been a constant companion to me in my duty. I would get used to the silence of my vigil. I would be called to battle. I would scorch the world of corruption and heresy.
I would stop yearning for my missing brothers.
The loss of Helel and Samael amongst our ranks was more painful than any of us suspected. Samael, for all his nasty attitude and solitude, was a stalwart Watcher. His duties were completed in an exemplary manner, and no angel complained about his work ethic, even if most of our siblings did not like him overmuch. Likely, though, he had done such to keep attention off him as he communed with the Great Enemy. It… was hard to fathom such a thing, even now, even after his betrayal. Michael visited him often in the Second Heaven, and I wished my brother all the luck in whatever he was doing.
If Samael's betrayal was a stinging burn, Helel's Fall was a grievous wound. He was the greatest of us, without question. Where Michael would falter, Helel would command. Where Gabriel would lose words, Helel would rally. He was a natural rallying point for all of our brethren, an amplifier to any of our efforts. Only when Father took to the field against our foes was Helel outshone. He was our Morningstar, the Light we could always find if needed.
And now he was gone. Lost in his own ambition.
Our younger siblings were nervous, now. How could they not be, when the greatest of us was laid so low by their base desires, the sins that Father warns us of?
And our final loss was one we did not consider until he was no longer there.
Rachumel. Our dearly stupid little brother… who made us laugh.
He was not here to distract our younger siblings when they witnessed the horrors of demons. Raguel could no longer argue law and justice with him with cutting and barbed words as they bantered. Raphael lamented the lack of new healing ideas. Zadkiel was worried for our young brother, and one of the first to volunteer to chase after him before Father denied him. Even stoic Sandalphon lamented Rachumel's loss, the grouch complaining that "for all the little brat messed with me, he did introduce new music."
Michael openly opined that Rachumel should not have left. Azrael had closed herself off again, tending to her deathly vigil in lieu of spending time with us. Gabriel was miserable without her favorite little brother, and petitioned Father at least once a week about retrieving him from Earth. Some of our younger siblings, like Kalawarna and Paymel, actively volunteered to look for him during their missions. Penemue of the Watchers was obsessed with scrying for him, and only Father Himself coming to remind her of her duties returned her senses to her.
I missed punching Rachumel in the face. I did not like harming my siblings, but I must admit there was something satisfying about knocking that grin away from his lips. Does that make me a bad person? I wondered privately, before the remembrance of Father's words from before reassured me.
"No. Hit that little shit harder, he used an explosion to shove his face between My breasts. Beat him up!"
…I am beginning to think Rachumel may have deserved a lot of the pain that he brought upon himself. He, too, used a magical explosion behind him to launch his face between my breasts.
I looked down at the perky orbs hanging on my chest, and shivered at the memory. Rachumel once asked me if I minded being naked, or being groped by, and I laughed his words off. "Anyone who grabs me best be prepared to be groped in turn!" I boasted. "Test your grip, brother! I do not mind at all." I did not mind, even today, but I was not prepared for the depths of my brother's desire for me. Truly, to have not Fallen to his lusts speaks of an iron will beyond my ken.
I remembered grappling him in turn, both of us nude from the power we had thrown about in our spar; I dangled that weak point of his between his legs in front of my face… There was a lecture on the tip of my tongue, but… The smell… that manly spice…
I knew my face was burning red, but I could not help the memory. That day I pressed my nose to his… his t-testicles, I believe I understood that desire he held for me. Scrying on him rutting with Adam's former mate did not help these matters, especially when my loins soaked my robes.
And now, he was gone, too, and Heaven was quieter. There was a silence in my home I did not realize was unwanted. It was low and keening, a mournful loss of something we could not understand until we lost it.
Every Angel was working harder. They took longer missions away from Heaven. They labored longer hours in the workshops, the forges, in all areas they were assigned. The Seraphs moved to their duties with efficiency. The Watchers threw themselves into observation and technological advancement.
We toiled to fill the unsettling quiet.
We strived to forget the lingering loss.
We stood in an unceasing vigil with thoughts awashed in mourning.
The grieving of innocent days of joy long past.
PoV - Adam, Who Is Probably Missing A Rib When You Think About It? Like, Did God Just Forget To Make Him A New One? Aspiring Minds Really Need To Stop Asking Dumb Questions.
I shoved my hands into the dirt, and sprinted across the land. In the span of a few minutes, I had done the work of an entire team of oxen or men. I scattered seeds into the holes I had similarly crafted, just as I learned from watching other villages, and then dumped water over this dry and cracked ground from the clay pots that had been ferried here before the morning began.
With that done, I stood up, and brushed off my hands before I paused. With a flex of energy, I cleaned off the dust and dirt clinging to me.
"...Never stuck to me like this back in Eden," I murmured, and shook my head to dismiss the thought. I turned to look over the nearby humans, the people in awe at my work. "There, the field is set. Tend to it diligently! Any lapse in work will see your efforts wasted!" I said, my voice ringing clearly. "Be sure to not use the same field for every planting! Letting the earth recuperate is how you respect it!"
I learned that last bit of knowledge from Rachumel, during one of the rare times he spoke with me without Eve mobbing him for attention. For all he acts the fool, the winged brat knows more than he lets on.
"Y-Yes, my king!" they answered. These humans, my subjects, were weaker than me… but that only gave me more reason to protect them. So long as they followed me, I would protect them, from demons and monsters and more. It's what a King does, right?
…King. I suppose it is correct, but it is an odd title. I shook my head once more. After making certain I was far enough away, I shifted my magical energy to spiral, and leapt. I cleared over a dozen smaller farms, landing near a hill that contained a smaller hut of dried clay and reeds. It was hardly the grand castle of stone and metal that Rachumel would invent in his stories, but it was enough for now. I made way towards my home, scratching at the animal hide that now girded me. Was it strange to think being naked was simpler?
I pushed aside the long, dried out reeds that served to cover the entrance, and smiled at the woman who was busy creating some bread, the sustenance flat on the board. "Just got done with the last of the fields," I said.
Eve lifted her head up to smile at me before turning her attention back to making lunch. "The wells?"
"Identified and dug."
"The animals?"
"Abuya took over after I handled the wolves hounding the flock." I began to move towards her, intent on a hug from behind.
"What about Sara and Pasi? Are they pregnant yet?"
I stumbled mid-way and choked on my spit. "Eve?!"
"What?" Eve turned back to look at me, an eyebrow raised. "You're the strongest man around. Women like that." She stopped, one hand wiping her forehead as she finished preparing the bread. "Remember all those tribes we came across? Each chieftain had at least three wives."
"And they tried to add you to them."
"Meh." Eve shrugged, then slapped her own moderately shapely ass. "I know the kind of bakery I got back here. Every man wants these buns."
I decidedly didn't comment on her body, lest she realize Rachumel meant the fluffy bread he made and not the flatbread that Eve was crafting on the board behind her. Her breasts were far more impressive, anyway. "You really need to stop using Rachumel's strange sayings."
"But the words are funny!"
"…Alright, they are," I said, chuckling at her pout. "But no one else gets them."
"They will if we use them and share them." Eve rolled her eyes, and shifted the bread on the flat rock behind her to over the hot rocks. "And do not think I missed you shifted the subject." Eve narrowed her gaze at me.
"I just… I don't love them the same way I do you?" I said, shrugging at her stare. "It is true."
"And?"
"…And?" I repeatedly. Clearly, I was missing something.
"Adam, you do not need to love them. You need to get them pregnant." My wife leaned back against the counter. "Right now, these people are in awe of you, but so long as you don't adopt their ways, you'll just be 'The Outsider King' or whatever title they'll make up." She smirked, then pointed her finger at me. "So chop chop. The Lord says be fruitful and multiply. So go round up those ladies desperate for some of my husband's dick and give them what they crave!"
"How do you even know they like me?" Sure, they offered me something to eat whenever I passed by, and batted their eyelashes at me, but that doesn't mean they wanted to have sex with me.
"Women's intuition." Eve's smile turned lascivious for a moment before she frowned. "Oh, right. I will get the bride price ready so their family doesn't complain."
"Okay, Honey, how do you know that I am attracted to them?"
Eve gave me a flat look. "Big boobs. Giant titties. Milky mammaries. Chesty melons. Large jigglies."
"…Stop being correct." Yes, okay, those women in particular had rather noticeable mammaries. "And you stole those words from that brat."
"Stop being easy to correct," she countered, and I inhaled a laugh that threatened to escape. "And that brat was our friend." She hesitated for a moment before sighing. "I… I thought maybe he, at least, would visit us. He never seemed to care for any decrees."
"Maybe something happened to him," I reassured her, and though I would never admit it aloud, I missed the loud-mouthed angel. He had a way of making me laugh, and… to his credit, he did accept it when I turned him down.
I have met a lot of humans since we arrived that did not accept my wife saying no.
"Maybe." Eve bit her lip for a few moments. "Just… I did not think leaving the Garden would be so lonely. I miss all the company we used to have."
Yeah.
So did I. "We will make new friends, I promise. And when we are ready, a family of our own."
"Yeah," Eve said, laying her head on my shoulder. "We will."
I held her just like that for a few minutes, relishing in the contac-"
"Hey, do you wanna fuck my tiddies to make us both feel better?"
"…If I ever say no, I might be insane."
"Heheheeee~!"
PoV - Aphrodite, All According to Keikaku.
I had no intention of deceiving anyone. It is just that none of them could understand… My true self.
Love, beauty, lust, passion, pleasure, desire, sex, fertility, prosperity, prostitution, war, and victory… Does any man, any god, truly understand these things? Victory was simple, of course - it was To Win. War is the violence that consumed all, unrivaled in its voracity - for even Tartarus only devoured the guilty, but War feasted on innocence and ignorance. Prostitution was the exchange of money for a favor - often sexual, but so many things could be exchanged.
Hyperion tumbled into a spare bed into Kronos' palace on Mount Orthys, arms groping and encircled around a blonde goddess with tits bigger than her head and hips flared to mother broods. I flicked my gaze to where Theia, his wife, pressed another copy of the same blonde woman between her legs.
I rolled my eyes from my seat in my personal guest room when Hyperion began rutting at the puppet, the fool thinking he would impregnate "me." A promised tumble and bliss, and both he and his wife would fall into the same trap many Titans had fallen into since I arrived. Stacking favors and oaths, carefully curated for me to use as I needed. Where was I…? Ah, right. Amusing myself.
Prosperity, of course, was wealth in abundance - yet more still, was success, to be fruitful in endeavors. Fertility and Sex, well, they were obvious in that they were for having children, and enjoying the process of making them - and so many Titans desired loyal progeny with their partners. Pleasure was the satisfaction in anything one desires, not simply the easy satiation from Sex. Lust was the sexual want, the need for copulation - of which Titaness' were no different from their men. These were easy, almost straightforward things, and things most deities think they understand.
But what did it mean, for Beauty, then? Was it as simple as the others, only the pleasure of the aesthetic sense? Passion could not be so crude as emotion, no?
And what of Love? That deep affection that mortals strive for, and gods suffer for?
Even gods only see what they want to see. As Theia and my puppet embraced each other with sapphic passion, and as Hyperion climaxed into nothing more than a mimicry of divine power, I smirked, letting my hand rest on my chin.
No. My domains should be feared. From the moment I arrived at Kronos' court, my true appearance had been hidden behind what they all wanted to see - a lascivious, teasing goddess who cared only for her Pleasure. A sexual appearance exaggerated, a monument to Sex, to Fertility, to their Desires. Enraptured by my Beauty, so easy to pluck to a dance that none could see…
Well, Prometheus did, but he was a bore who cheated.
In truth, I bit my tongue when I bowed to Kronos. The King of Time was moderately handsome on the outside, but inside… there was nothing of inner beauty I could see. He was a craven pit that had not yet realized his own cruelty and malice. His Love was a twisted and pathetic thing - and I suspect that were his bride and sister, Rhea, not there, he would have demanded of me to satisfy him.
I studiously repressed the memory of him summoning some poor human traveler just to eat him.
An entire feast before the Titan King, and he chose to simply devour a human.
I will not pretend I care overmuch for humanity, but I balked at the sheer gluttony.
I turned away from where my puppets had the two Titans of Light and Sight enraptured, and back to the other deities moving through Orthys. Rhea and Kronos, despite a recent marriage, seemed in no rush to have children. Such a thing struck me as odd, but I did remember rumors that my progenitor cursed Kronos with a son that would usurp him. Perhaps that is why he did not sow his seed, despite Rhea's desire and fertility, a domain she commands much more than I do.
Thank goodness I stole that idea of a "blonde bimbo" from my beloved dove. Kronos practically melted in relief when he thought I was just an air-head. Ah, but what male doesn't underestimate a female?
…Probably Rachumel, considering most of his sisters are stronger than him.
I watched my love chase his Falling brother. I almost reached out my hand to aid him, but the gaze of the Jealous One pushed many into hiding, and I was not willing to test her wrath.
Many times, I wished to visit him, now that he was on Earth and away from his Mother's smothering embrace, but many of his siblings kept a careful watch on him. Something that surprised me, considering how often he copulated with that black-haired human. I figured the Jealous One's children were more prudes, yet I was delightfully wrong in that regard.
And what a show my lovely dove put on. Watching him break the haughty human on his magnificent cock was better than any of these deities could ever hope to match. Mmm, every time I watched him just made me want him more, but I counseled patience to myself. We were all still in the opening moves on Mt. Orthys, and showing such blatant favoritism to my future husband would… "rock the boat", as Rachumel said.
So many delightful sayings he gave me. Ooh, I could just pinch his adorable cheeks.
Patience. Patience, Dite. He will come to you.
Prometheus had already told me this, as a peace offering between us - I would not interfere with his plans, as he told me parts that might concern me, and in turn, he would offer use of his Foresight.
What a delightful bargain. I accepted, of course. He was no more a fan of Kronos than I was, and was preparing for rebellion in the far future.
Hrm… Perchance… I stood up, and made my way out of my room. Rhea should be free right about now. I should see if she is willing to be friendly. She will be birthing part of the next generation of gods, and would it not be beautiful if those children and their mother trusted that lovely Aunt Aphrodite? And of course, in the future, the children will adore Uncle Rachumel and his good advice.
Oh yes. I think the loyalty of the future rulers of the Theoi will be a fine husband-price to YHWH.Last edited: 22 Dec 2025Yes, I do in fact really hate Wakanda.
AngelxAneurysm - a DxD story featuring one horny angel shota saving(?) the world Like ReplyReport Reactions:FistOfZeus, NeroUmu, Voidsoul and 1,614 otherskilokilop31 Oct 2025Add bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 11View content10 Nov 2025Add bookmark#2,944kilokilopReal Wakanda Hating HoursJoined21 Mar 2022Messages2,867Author's Note: Sunday didn't work out. Blame Indra.
Shorter chapter because life says I'm not allowed to have fun things.
College is hitting the "final week" schedule for me, so this chapter and probably the next two will be a little shorter, but hey, that just means when December hits I can crank out bigger ones. Woo-hoo?
Anyway, it's a-me, Angel Brainrot!
PoV - Helel, Clinically Depressed Yet Not Murderous
Surprisingly, I was entertained more often than not during our journey. I attribute this to both Rachumel's antics and the many demons that were all too eager to offer their lives to my lance.
Our pace was slow and placid, to be honest. We had been moving for a decade already, but we felt no need to rush our journey, for our provisions were well-stocked. We slaughtered monster nests quite frequently on our apparent "Roadtrip." Oftentimes, we stopped only to take in the "beauty of the natural world", as my brother said. I replied that it was nonsense, Eden was superior. He agreed, but said I should appreciate nature as it is before humans destroy it with their greed.
I let the brat have the point for that one; humanity certainly appeared dumb enough to destroy their world.
Much to my displeasure, we disguised ourselves as humans while we traveled, Lilith pointing out that most humans feared anything that did not look exactly like them. And they feared things that looked almost like them even worse. Rachumel's adorable looks drew a great deal of attention as we traveled
Attention that Lilith jealously dragged him away from, much to the disappointment of many human women.
We stopped by many tribes and villages, but I ignored whatever was occurring unless the word "Demon" was uttered. Lilith could babysit the idiot as he tried to heal any wounds and spread Father's Word to the humans. I supposed that humans understanding the glory of Heaven, as limited as they can understand it, was not the worst use of our time traveling. It certainly passed the time between the weeks we paused to train and practice. I spent most of my time aiding Rachumel in gaining better control over his power, growing as it is.
"Stop. You are putting too much focus on the spearhead, likely because of your ranged aptitude." I laid a hand on the shining platinum lance in Rachumel's hands, dispersing it with a touch. "The design of a throwing spear is not the same as one meant for melee combat when it comes to the thickness of the handle. Again."
Rachumel nodded, and brought his hands together again. A good dozen meters away, Lilith was harnessing her own magicks, lightning sparking in her hands. She was working on her elemental skills after Rachumel made note that they were not as strong as her "blood magic", the vile sorcery. Turning my attention back to my brother, I watched my young four-winged sibling calmly etch into reality a shining platinum throwing spear.
"Better," I said. "Thinner spears for distance, just so." I dispersed the weapon again with a wave of my hand. "Once more."
"Unto the breach?" Rachumel said, and it must be another quote from wherever he pulls his esoteric nonsense.
Again, a spear was made, and again, I dispersed it. "Too thin."
Again, a spear was made, and again, I dispersed it. "Too thick."
Again, a spear was made, and again, I dispersed it. "Spearhead is too broad."
Again, a spear was made, and again, I dispersed it. "There is no need for veins."
Again, a spear was made, and again, I dispersed it. "...Rachumel, that is a penis."
My brother grinned at me. "Sorry, I got bored, lemme try again."
"...Rachumel, that is a bigger penis."
"Good for thrusting, though!"
"Then why does it have a handle."
"To slap people with it, duh. Cock slap!"
I forcibly destroyed the tool. "Brother, take this seriously."
"I am!" He pouted, arms crossing. "But we've been doing this for three hours, and I got bored of not making the 'perfect' spear. I'm not letting perfect be the enemy of good, Helel."
I sighed. "Fine." The sun was setting soon anyway, even if it did not mean much to all of us. We had natural nightvision, and I am fairly certain that Lilith modified her body some time ago to be the same. "Get the domiciles set up. I will do a swift patrol."
"Standard twenty meters?"
"Thirty. I genuinely do not know how you made the woman scream louder, but I am not impressed." I gave Rachumel a flat look when he returned my gaze with a smug grin.
"I can hear you, you grey-winged bastard," Lilith said, turning and glaring at me from where she was practicing.
"Good. Perchance Rachumel shall muzzle you like the bitch you are." I did not deign to listen to her fiery retort, as I launched myself into the sky on my… dark grey wings.
Do not pay attention to them. I reminded myself again, and forced my attention ahead. Just do not think about them at all. I forced my attention ahead, to not think about how my shining light had dimmed. To not think of what I had lost.
For the moment, the lands were quiet, the beasts of the wild moving to rest, the nocturnal animals readying for their foraging and feasting-
Wait. I brought my magic to my eyes, focusing the Light there to peer across the distance instantly. Fire erupted a solid few kilometers away, only a few minutes by air, seconds for I. But I could taste the corruption from here.
Demons. That familiar disgust washed through my body, and with a single thought, I had rocketed back to where Rachumel had set up camp. I landed with nary a sound, but my voice was anything but silent. "A new demon nest is to the South of us."
"Ah, fuck," Rachumel said, dropping the thick leather of the tent to the dirt. "Perry, Stella, watch over camp." As the two familiars grunted and squeaked their answers, Rachumel extended his white wings. Why does Father still favour him and not ME?! No. I am better than this. He flew over to Lilith, who merely extended her arms. Once she climbed onto his back, he flew back to meet me. "Alright, lead the way. We'll see if we can close this fast."
…Indeed we will.
PoV - Rachumel, Locked The Fuck In
I dropped Lilith off on the edge of the incursion as Helel made circles to summon wards of containment. Already, tiny, intricate javelins fired themselves from my brother absentmindedly to cull any of the demons that had spread before we got here.
Big brother would make sure none escaped. Lilith would hold their attention at the front.
Me? I was hurling spearheads at demon dicks. If they wanna just have 'em dangle in the open, I don't mind tiny targets, hehe.
On a more serious note, I was the distraction. There were some orcish pig demons that raced out as well, but they were even slower than imps. The little bastards weren't fast enough to catch me, and I was still faster than the stronger fodder could catch. Those fuckers were half-praying mantis, half anglerfish, all nightmare beasts. Beasts, because I've already shot down their female oni-looking riders, because I hoped they would just eat other demons in their frenzy.
But no, I am, clearly, too much of a snacc.
Thankfully, they were still dumb, so with convoluted loops and a dash of daring, I had managed to round up most of the beasts still attempting to discover what seasoning I go best with. Surrounded on all sides, I flared my holy magic and spiral, and summoned a single giant light maul, twice the size of my body and flaming with my spiral energy. "Cataclysm!"
The maul hit the ground like the eruption of a volcano, holy magic erupting through the earth in shockwaves of light and sound. Those fucking nightmares evaporated under the explosion that annihilated imps and orcs for over a dozen meters.
Which sounds impressive until you realize even imps could be taken down by a normal human with a spear. An orc might need three. But demons weren't dangerous because of their individual power, but because you were always outnumbered.
I turned my head to look back to the dimensional breach to Hell, where a massive, almost three meter tall demon pulled himself towards the world.
A high class demon.
He emerged from this dark portal, a giant minotaur-esque bastard covered in blue fur and the head of a leopard, but with giant bullhorns and three eyes. They didn't pay attention to me, despite the fact I could hear them ordering the fodder imps around in some cock-garbling tongue - they were laser focused on Lilith's fat ass.
Which I took exception to.
That's my fat assed Goth mommy, get your own!
I launched up from my standing position to fly five meters away from the demon leader, and fastballed a flash grenade towards his face. He swatted at it contemptuously, which is exactly what I wanted.
My big fat ball blew its bright load all over his stupid face.
The demon leader's roar of pain was heard across the battlefield, and I immediately executed a tactical retreat once the big bastard sent a tsunami of fire in my general direction.
"I DIDN'T EVEN SHOOT YOU IN THE DICK, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT RESPONSE!" I screamed, managing to out-race the wave of fire that was not friendly to other flying demons. Then I paused, looked back at the still-blinded demon boss baddie…
And threw a lance of light at his loincloth. That I enhanced with spiral energy. That then exploded.
Did you know demons can screech high enough to strip the bark from trees? I do, now, after watching the demon lord clutch his now smoking groin. Which kinda concerns me, considering a bunch of daggers of the same mix of Light and Spiral completely wiped a smallish horde of smaller bastards, and this dick shot probably only stung the bastard.
…Well, it's not a war crime yet, so I'm not gonna feel bad!
"Rachumel!" Lilith called, a whip of blood decapitating half a dozen imps that got within 10 meters of her. Not gonna lie, I popped a little chub at that. "Left flank!"
I spun with a swift, almost seamless motion, wings flaring out. Within seconds, dozens of arrowheads launched like bullets from an MG-42, turning imps, orcs, oni-bitches, and fucking angler-mantises.
…For good measure, I sent another barrage toward the nightmares. Fuck those things in particular.
I turned back to start another strafing run on the demons, and instead caught Lilith engaging in combat with the big demon bastard. Whips of blood and bone spikes ripped themselves from demonic bodies to attack the… leotaur? Whatever the fuck it was, it was throwing waves of fire like it was going out of style, but Lilith wasn't phased at all.
Wind blades impacted the fire to disperse it, and with a giggle that sounded menacing enough that even my boner was hesitant to react, Lilith subsumed the demonic magic, before launching her own hellfire. Earthen spires slammed into the back of the demon's knees, knocking it off-balance, and prevented it from dodging. It screamed again, and I understood why.
My hands covered over my own groin as I winced. Cauterization isn't fun.
Before she could deal a finishing blow, the air changed.
Helel now floated above the dickless demon, and the whole battlefield took in the twelve wings spread wide. "Disgusting things," my elder brother stated, hatred curling on his lip. "Back to the damned pits that spawned you.
Then he fucking aura-farmed on me.
How do I know this?
Because that jackass copied my Cataclysm attack, but did it over a hundred times, and in an area! Dozens of mauls rained from the barrier above, crashing everywhere but where Lilith and I stood as Helel utterly eradicated their numbers. Granted, there was a lack of spiral energy, BUT THE POINT STANDS!
When all that was left was ash in the wind, I knew what I had to do.
I zipped over to the closest tree that wasn't completely annihilated in the fight. Then, I perched atop it, crossed my arms, and let my wings flare out and flap in the wind. Piccolo taught me the truth, the real truth - and that was that power didn't matter if you could aura farm like a badass.
"…What is he doing?" I heard Lilith ask.
"Don't question it; he wants attention," Helel answered.
Asshole! Don't call me out like that!
PoV - Lilith, On Her Last Nerve
Thirty years we have been traveling, and I doubt it would take us more than a few days to head back to my home, if we traveled at max speed. Our pace often slowed due to Rachumel, who seemed more excited to simply help some of the human tribes with advice and healing - but never technology, never information to make their lives better.
"If I give them all the answers, they'll never think for themselves," my lover replied, a cheeky grin on his face. "It's up to them to innovate. Maybe I'll drop a hint or two, but it's their world, not mine."
It will be ours once he makes me a fucking broodmare for his winged babies.
What Helel didn't like to speak of was that we often paused for him, as well. He lingered for weeks around lands where demons launched their invasions, analyzing the magic there for a reason I care not for. He slowed us down as often as the future father of my children did. We were, however, finally back on the road again, all five of us - a human, an angel, a Fallen, a giant platypus, and a raccoon with a halo of stars about her head.
We'd have a sixth, seventh, and eighth member if he just basted my womb with his seed.
And traveling, of course, meant another of Rachumel's traveling songs.
Spoiler: Song 1
"Life's like a road that you travel on,
When there's one day here and the next day gone.
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand,
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind~"
He crowed out the words to this song again, boisterous and dreadfully off-key. It might have been more bearable, if Perry did not chirp along to every note, because yes, of course, Rachumel used his magic to create an illusionary sound. I would have applauded such unique use of magic-
"There's a world outside every darkened door
Where blues won't haunt you anymore!
Where the brave are free and lovers soar,
Come ride with me to the distant shore!"
-but I must reiterate: we have heard many of the same traveling songs over thirty years. And not a single one of them was sung on-key. Both Helel, that arsehole, and myself could probably sing along to them if we wanted, too. But the first time Helel attempted to sing along and correct the off-key sound, Rachumel just sung even louder. He wasted his small magic pool simply to irritate his older brother.
He should be spending that mana on his fertility blessing so he can bloat me with brats.
"We won't hesitate,
To break down the garden gate,
There's not much time left today, yeah!"
…I mildly respected that level of pettiness. But the songs were getting grating, and Rachumel felt no need to innovate. At all.
"Life is a highway!
I wanna ride it all night long~
If you're goin' my way,
Well, I wanna drive it all night long-"
"Enough!" Helel yelled, his eyes twitching. "Sing correctly, Father damn it!"
"How do I torture Sandalphon if I do that, though?" Rachumel asked, an eye raised while the music abruptly cut off.
"Why do you assume he's listening in at this moment?" I asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Oh please, he listens every time I sing." Rachumel gave a smug nod. "Because one time, I serenaded Mom with my perfect vocals, and Sandalphon discovered I was doing this purely to fuck with him. So now he listens in, hoping to spy on me singing correctly again."
"…You're performing psychological warfare on a Seraph?" Helel asked, his mouth agape.
"I doubt he's actually peeking on you every time you sing." I dismissed the idea.
PoV - Sandalphon, Voyeur of Singing
Dammit, how did Rachumel know?! I hastily ended the scrying spell.
"But one day, Rachumel… you will slip up! AND I WILL HEAR IT!"
PoV - Lilith, Still Horny
"But I concur with Helel, as much as the words make my skin crawl. If we must listen to you belching out words, at least do not sing off-key."
"And preferably, something new," Helel continued, both of us glancing at the other long enough to agree on this singular point.
"…Alright." Rachumel shrugged, throwing his hands behind his head. "Give me a bit to think up some sing-a-ma-jings."
Helel and I both rolled our eyes at his nonsense words, content to simply enjoy the rare moment of silence.
A good fifteen minutes later, Rachumel began chuckling, looking back at me before grinning widely. "New song? Sure. I'll put it on-key."
…Odd. That sounded… ominously embarrassing.
Helel narrowed his eyes. "Rachumel…"
"Honest to Mom, my grumpiest of grumps! It will be new!"
"…Proceed."
Rachumel inhaled, and his magic flared once again to… rather, jaunty music? Perry immediately began waving his head with it.
I opened my mouth to ask what this was when Rachumel sang, looking directly at me.
Spoiler: Song 2
"Her neighbors ask her why she's limping down the way!
And who that fellow was who came by yesterday!
She quickly turns her face before she starts to blush!
'Cause frankly, there is nothing she can say~!"
My jaw dropped at the implication in the song already, and I could watch Helel's brow twitch even more obviously.
"I've always had a thing for pushing the extremes!
And I've just got a thing you won't find in the magazines~
This thick fat slab o'meat has got her begging please!
Give her more of what she really needs~!"
"Rachumel, you are NOT singing a song about your penis!" Helel shouted, his face a twist of incredulity and embarrassment.
I could barely do anything but watch my lover spin and sway in place as he sang his song.
"'Cause there is no cock like Rach cock!
Send that asshole into shock!
She needs Rach cock, of course-cock!
Grab the lube and slam her day away~!"
My jaw would have hit the floor if it was anatomically possible. Rachumel had shaped a weapon of light magic into some odd form of mace, and was now singing into it while thrusting his hips.
"Her womb is quivering, her cunt is dripping goo, and
She's thinking of drinking in a foot or even two~
Her favorite stallion that I keep down below the robes
Cum so much and thick she thinks it's glue~!"
Frozen in my mortified shock, a small part of my mind did note that Rachumel's come was quite thick and sticky… And still not in my fucking baby chamber.
"As she takes more cock, my Rach cock
Shut the door and turn the lock!
That's my cock, my Rach cock!
I will never hear her saying nay!"
As my face grew redder, all I could think was, Was this truly happening? Did Rachumel truly invent a song about how much I loved his fat cock in my ass? Did I hit myself in the head when I left Heaven and this is just some coma-fever dream? Are you telling me I cannot get knocked up by a handsome fat-cocked young man even in my fucking dreams?!
"'Cause there is no cock like Rach cock!
Lift my robes, and then she gawks!
Don't stop now, Rach cock
Stretch out her insides and make her pray~!"
"ENOUGH!" Helel shouted, about as mortified as I was, but finally recovered from the perfectly on-key auditory massacre Rachumel was gyrating his hips to. "CEASE THIS BUFFOONERY!"
"My lovely Rach cock, Rach cock
Rach cock, Rach cock
Rach cock, Rach cock
Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da… GRK!"
Music and lyrics were cut off as Helel grabbed Rachumel by the throat and comically strangled him. I said comically, because Rachumel was laughing with every shake. "You… said… new!"
"In what world is singing about anal sex and your penis the answer?!" I finally shouted, snatching up Rachumel from where Helel dropped him to strangle him myself.
"No one… said… it wasn't!" He continued laughing, even as I impressed upon him how unamused I was.
Somedays, I wonder what my ovaries are thinking when they demand this moron's children.
Then I remember the fact he has a penis bigger than my forearm. And he knows how to use it.
The things I suffer for to get my cervix glued shut by a gallon of cum.
PoV - Elohim, The Incredulous One
I stare down through the scrying pool at My two sons, and the recently finished performance, and I can feel the budding headache building in My mind.
"…Somedays, I genuinely do not know what I was thinking when I let him mess with my System," I say to Myself, massaging My temples. "Who does he even think would like his adaptation of that song?!"
Truly, I was cursed with Knowledge from My shortest son.
PoV - Aphrodite, The Adoring One
That was the most beautiful song I've ever heard in my still short life.
Oh dearest Rachumel, you are just full of surprises, aren't you?
I take another sip of nectar, hiding behind my disguise.
"Well, despite his crassness, his voice is incredible," my newest companion stated.
"Oh, he is just delightful in a conversation, my lovely Rhea. Once you meet him, I'm sure you will want to know so much more about him," I replied, giving a guileless smile towards my newest friend.
Prometheus was in agreement that befriending Rhea was a good move, but I hardly needed his foresight for that. Not when I intend to ensure she ends up in my bed with my husband.
"I hope so. He'll need to amuse more than just I, if he wishes to remain alive when he visits," the queen of Mount Orthys said. The caution in her tone was noticed, but unneeded.
Rachumel would not be harmed here. I would personally guarantee it, to speak nothing of his brother's protectiveness.
And if my beloved dies… Well, I suppose this world won't have need of a Theoi Pantheon, now will they?