And so, with those thoughts, Oren continued through the void, but as he did, an unshakable discomfort began to creep in.
Aggh...!
His thoughts stuttered, and for a moment each step became a blur, each movement felt as though he apart of him would slip away into the trial.
But it only made Oren desire for nirvana more...
A sour expression slowly etched across his face.
It was as if he had bitten into a lemon.
Not from bitterness, but because even the act of moving began to tear at him... his mind, his consciousness, naked in a place were he felt like he was falling apart.
And the pain was excruciating.
Worser than when he fell into the ruined realm.
Think...! He thought adamantly.
At this pace I will fall apart and loose myself in this trial...
How can i ground myself to something?
Damnit, think!
As he thought that, an uncanny transformation happened within the void, it was as though fragments of thoughts and ideas wrapped round his mind craddling it protectively like baby in distraught.
That was because he had imagined his body parts... thoughts, moving in sync, his feet and legs first, then his torso and arms, finally his face.
He felt a sudden ease in his new state, ahh, relief...
He could finally reach nirvana in peace.
Oren suddenly grinned with his familar face, then shook his head, calming himself, it wouldn't be long until he was overcome with suffering again, each time he would have layer himself in something comprehend.
The trial was a place were hus own thoughts were used against him, stripped from his body, he was there a purest state of being.
His mind.
The trial really was a trial of mind.
He chuckled bitterly.
It does not matter, the pain was trivial at most. The expanse however, it seemed to take more of an effect on Oren, but that too felt extremely exaggerated.
As he drifted further, he looked out into the abyss of the Trial of Longing.
But he was met with the familiar impenetrable darkness, one that resembled a void.
It still had not changed.
Am I going to fail?
Oren glanced behind him. Is this pointless?
The blank trial grounds made Oren question whether he had endured such pain for nothing.
It had always been there, a faint, almost ignorable pressure in his mind.
But with each step, it grew, swelling beyond control, until it felt as though his consciousness itself was beginning to tremble under its weight.
Pulling himself together, Oren continued forward, indifferent, or at least pretending to be.
I do not mind it, he thought.
This pain is nothing compared to what I will gain. In the end, I will leave with enlightenment.
I will also reach my nirvana.
This place benefits me more than anyone. The least I can do is bear this pain.
Oren let out a quiet chuckle, even as his mind trembled in agony.
He could not help but feel as though he was exploiting the Trial of Longing.
Because in the end, he would leave with two things.
But there a was a chance Oren wouldn't leave at all.
With nothing to do but think, his mind drifted to the endless stretch of what lay ahead.
Before long, his thoughts turned to the changes he had undergone, and the path that had led him here.
Yet when Oren reflected on the past, it no longer felt the same as it had before entering the Trial of Longing
It was as if a part of him had been stripped away, a missing piece that once made his memories whole.
And thinking on it caused Oren's mind to tremble, stirring a quiet sense of fear for future and for some reason... the past.
The feeling felt foreign to him.
Because this… was not like him.
He had already moved past his past.
Yet now, unease lingered.
Even as Oren's emotions grew vast and indistinct within the trial, whether from the sheer expanse of his mind or something else entirely, it did not change the truth.
He no longer felt anything toward his past.
And yet, for some reason, an immense desire to return took hold.
An uncontrollable urge to think of it.
To go back to where he came from… and remain there.
Oren had never considered that multiple emotions could exist at once within the trial. Until now, each feeling had always resolved into a single, dominant state.
Now, it was different.
His thoughts and sensations overlapped, pulling Oren's perception in opposing directions, shaping the moment without his consent.
In less than an instant, they became involuntary.
He could not stop them. And in a place governed by consciousness, he could not simply cease thinking.
It seemed he would have to choose between two paths.
Attachment… or detachment.
In the end, he suppressed the countless emotions, wincing as though it pained him to do so.
Oren trembled forward.
A thought guiding his mind.
Step 365.
He continued counting, despite saying he would not, assuming it would help him remain unattached.
But even when Oren reached step 456, he remained attached.
It seemed he could not dismiss it so easily.
Dark thoughts bombarded his mind as he took yet another step forward, then another, and another.
And then suddenly, Oren felt a sinister shift in the void around him.
His thoughts were projected into the surrounding areas. Yet the memories he saw felt more and more real as the world converged.
Even as he dismissed the memories, the projection remained absolute. Like a picture already taken, it would only fade once forgotten.
His eyes darkened with an indescribable animosity.
Longing, desire, nothing? Whatever this is, I do not want it. I do not care about the future.
Orens body tensed.
His face grew cold and empty, brimming with unknown emotions as he demanded.
Change it, now! Change it, so I can continue walking toward nirvana.
Orens eyes shimmered. That was his main reason after all, was it not.
To reach nirvana...
To gain that serenity, nothing else mattered to him if nirvana was guaranteed.
But despite his thoughts, the surroundings reformed just like before, trying to persuade him.
…
The void faded, bringing forth a verdant field that stretched endlessly, beautiful in a way that felt rehearsed.
New, vibrant flowers materialised beneath his feet, swaying as though breathing with life.
Golden sunlight spilled across the surface of the quartz blue lake Oren stood before.
"It's very cold today, isn't it?" he murmured to himself.
Oren crouched down at the lake's edge.
His hair was short, only reaching his neck, swaying slowly as a gust of wind rushed past him, throwing flowers and leaves into the air.
Ripples flowed backwards and forwards across the waters surface, not from the breeze, but as though Oren being there was unnatural.
But he did not question it.
Instead, a faint smile spread across his face.
His golden eyes were like the sunrays that spread across the river, and yet, at the same time, they were dull and lifeless.
There was no delight in them, no reverence for life, no regard for his own insignificance.
Nirvana.
The thought shifted into his mind. It confused him enough to change his calm demeanour.
Why am I thinking of nirvana?
His smile brightened.
...Nirvana, oh yes.
Then his smile dimmed.
But...what is nirvana again?
He stared at the fish beneath the water's surface, then the frogs that leaped from lily pad to lily pad, as though they would answer.
They did not.
Instead, a new question filled his silent mind as he grew bored of the frogs and looked at the flowers reflected along the curved rim of the water.
Every reflection drifted ever so slightly. Even the sand did not shift in the depths of the lake.
Oren's reflection, however, was nowhere to be seen, because he did not have a reflection.
Reminiscing on the emptiness where his reflection should have been, he remembered something.
Then forgot.
His thoughts felt strange and unsettling, as though they were no longer entirely under his control.
Oren lifted his gaze to the sky. White clouds veiled the blue expanse.
Golden sunlight blazed overhead, casting vibrance across the world, reaching even the furthest cities.
His expression shifted slowly as he turned back toward the field of evergreens.
Something was there.
Someone.
No… who was it?
That face was so familiar, yet only through careful focus could he discern who he was truly looking at.
It was himself.
The man standing indifferently in the distance by the green trees swaying in the wind had long black hair and dull golden eyes nearly identical to his own.
His thoughts halted upon seeing him.
Then his lips twisted into something unholy.
His jaw slackened, revealing teeth once pearly white, now chipped, as though he had bitten down hard enough for them to chatter and fracture.
The smile widened. Madness flickered across his face.
Then, within moments, it was gone.
His jaw tightened. His lips relaxed.
His expression returned to what it had been, calm... almost indifferent.
Almost.
... as if nothing had happened.
But as time passed in the ethereal world, the man's body began to convulse, to shiver, to tear.
Somehow, even the identical figure standing in the distance across the great field did not notice the subtle changes, as if he was yet to realise..