CHAPTER 15
Cup in hand, Cait returned to find the gang waiting on her.
HAVE FUN?
"Catch!"
Cait mimed throwing the cup to Breastman, who flailed frantically before he realized she hadn't actually done it. A cloud of nanobots swarmed over her hand, and the sample cup was just gone.
"Huh. Interesting." Gwyn squinted as she tapped at a tablet. "I don't think you have a prostate."
"I don't know why you think that would be news to me," Cait said. "I was a regular person with regular medical checkups until yesterday."
"Point!" Gwyn conceded, dropping the tablet, which swirled into a cloud of nanobots the second it was out of her hand. "Alright, I'll escort you guys out to make sure the MedCorps haven't laid any traps."
Cait thought she was joking, but a wave of bots swept the hallway in front of them. A few bursts of sparks implied it wasn't for nothing either. Gwyn sighed, and opened the door for the trio.
"You have PR next right? Flatiron building is to the right, you pretty much literally cannot miss it." She gave them a broad smile, blushing as her gaze crossed Breastman. "See you guys at the party tonight!"
Cait started the conversation as the trio headed in the indicated direction, Dawn walking alongside her and Breastman. "So, PR huh? You guys got ideas on names?"
Dawn nodded, a gesture made grand by her crown of antlers. "The settlers near me called me the Wilds Witch. I will keep this name in their memory."
Cait winced,. "Shoot, sorry if that brought up a rough time."
Dawn returned Cait a smile that radiated peace. "It is painful, but it is a pain that will heal. AEGIS saved many of them, and this helps the process."
"That is an incredibly healthy mindset," Cait responded with respect. "If you need to vent about it, I've been told I'm a good listener."
"I will tell you of the Risen River and New Davenport's fall another time, Cait Smith." Dawn deferred, but her smile remained.
"How bout you bud?" Cait turned to Breastman, to find he was ready with a tableau. His hat had its default BREAST MAN emblazoned on it, and every tentacle save two were pointing at it. The two odd ones out formed his customary thumbs up.
Cait laughed and extended a hand for a high tentacle, returned with gusto.
YOU?
Cait rubbed at her right shoulder, a childlike grin creeping across her face.
"Yeah, I've got an idea."
10 minutes later, Cait sat across an oak desk from a bald man with the body of a snake. Given the building, and general vibe of PR, Cait had expected a slick lawyer or an agent type, but actually found she preferred Isaac's quiet competence.
"I must admit, Cait," he said, with not even a hint of sibilance. "You are likely the easiest sell we've had since Freeflow."
He used the surprisingly dexterous tip of his tail to shuffle papers on his desk.
"As far as powers go, yours isn't flashy, but it also isn't destructive. Nothing will kill a Guardian's reputation like a stray energy blast taking down a building with 2 families and a puppy inside. What's more, it is uniquely suited to hazardous situation rescue. The footage of you from last night is trending everywhere that matters. I'd of course be remiss to ignore the other reason for that, which is your looks." He gave her a once over, but it was clinical and assessing, rather than appreciative.
"Thank you!" Cait grinned.
"A statement, Cait," Isaac's lips formed a thin smile. "Though I don't mind if you find it a compliment. However the fact is that sex sells, and people are finding you extraordinarily sexy. All in all, I wouldn't be surprised if we see your likeness on action figures within the year, should we decide we aren't too worried about them being used as sex toys."
"I'd find that pretty flattering actually." Cait said enthusiastically. "There's this old movie where a frat makes molds of their dongs to fundraise, and-"
Isaac made a calming motion with his tail.
"Peace, Cait." He said. "While I won't deny a market may exist for that, it is unlikely to be produced by AEGIS affiliates. You of course may negotiate with outside vendors, although we here in PR would appreciate a heads up should you choose to do so. We probably could have spun Warhawk appearing on Kink much better had we not been the last to know about it."
Fair point, Cait nodded, embarrassed about getting ahead of herself. Not about people sticking action figures of her up themselves though, that actually was flattering.
"What we need to do now, is decide on what direction you need to take your image." Isaac continued. "A good starting point will be an outfit, and, of course, a name. Do you have thoughts on those counts?"
Cait grinned, pulling the strap of her tanktop off her right shoulder and turning her back to Isaac. Displayed there was a beautiful, detailed greyscale tattoo. It was the kind of illustration you might find in an old botanist's sketchbook, depicting shoots of long clustered flowers that flowed across her shoulder blade and down towards her arm.
"Ahh, Amaranthus, sacred flower of Artemis. An apt marking for you, given its connotations." Isaac nodded sagely, an odd motion given his lack of a neck. "It does seem the Waves have a sense of humor, or at least flair for the dramatic at times."
"It's always been my favorite flower, mostly due to the mythology." Cait readjusted her tank, turning back to face Isaac. "Immortal, undying, eternal beauty."
That last bit was said with a smirk and a wink.
"It only seems more appropriate now." She continued, then looked pensive. "Although to be fair, no clue if I'm immortal, but it sure as hell doesn't look like anything is gonna outright kill me."
"I agree. So you are thinking…. What? Simply Amaranth?" Isaac asked.
"I'm leaning towards Amaranthine." Cait responded, grinning wide in excitement. "I'm no flower, just have the mythological properties of this one."
Isaac nodded again. "I believe that will play extremely well, and my records show it is not now nor has it ever been in use by another Guardian. Please allow me to welcome you to the ranks of the Guardians, Amaranthine."
Cait beamed, a tingle of frisson running down her spine at those words. How often had she daydreamed about hearing that exact phrase? Imagined people chanting the name Amaranthine in adoration and adulation? Countless. It had been her impossible dream since childhood, and now it was coming true in ways better than she had ever imagined.
"Now, let's move onto the issue of costume…."
Cait had some ideas on that front too. Her grin grew sly, and she wiggled her eyebrows at the snake-man.
"Well, not like there's any fabric out there that's gonna be tough as me, right?" She said.
"Miss Smith, I will stop you there." Isaac said, raising the end of his tail in front of her face. "While sex does indeed sell, AEGIS would prefer you not plan on meeting every Guardian engagement fully in the nude."
"Hah!" Cait barked out a surprised laugh. "No! I wasn't gonna go that far, gotta keep em guessing you know? Nobody likes an unwrapped Christmas present. That said, seems a shame to have to make a new full body costume every time I jump into an acidic shit monster, I think we should go minimal."
"On that point, you, myself, and Fiberfix agree." Isaac circled something on the notepad in front of him, and spun the pad around for Cait's inspection. There were a few sketches on it, all variations on the theme of supersuit. The one circled was a racy number, leaving legs and arms bare, in addition to a large cutout over the abdomen. All in all, it would really only cover her breasts and unmentionables, although it did shoot up to cover her neck.
"What do you think of this?" Isaac asked, tapping the circled design. Cait nodded excitedly.
"Yeah! This rules." She was genuinely pleased with the presented option. "Says 'superhero' for sure, and leaves the heavy lifting of looks up to my best feature."
Isaac raised an eyebrow. "And what would that be, Miss Smith?"
Cait felt like her eyebrows had been doing a constant 80's aerobics course for all the wiggling they'd been doing recently. She didn't let that stop them from dancing as she just gestured to her entire body, though. Isaac just rolled his eyes, but Cait could see his thin lips allow a little smile onto that droll face.
"Very well, Miss Smith." He brought the notepad back over to himself. "I'll send this design over to Fiberfix, and maybe talk to the Bunker to see what we can do about durability. You're correct, it would be nice if AEGIS didn't have to provide you with a new costume after every single fight."
"Cut down on the public nudity, got it." Cait nodded sharply. "Anything else you need from me?"
"Not need per se," Isaac worked the button on his pen with the tip of his tail, body language betraying a bit of anxiety his face didn't. "However, while you are an easy sell, your friend Breastman is decidedly not."
Isaac sighed. "The fact is, there will be very few people who haven't lost loved ones or livelihoods to Altered Beasts that look much like Breastman. I truly believe that he has the potential to be an excellent Guardian, but his image will need some help. You seem to be heading this way already, but Director Swan and I would like to suggest you formally team with Breastman."
Cait was surprised, and showed it on her face. "Honestly, I thought you'd try and dissuade me for the same reason."
"Would that have worked?"
"Lol, fuck no! He's my boy, and deserves support!" Cait responded without a thought. Instead of vexed, Isaac smiled softly.
"We concluded as much." He nodded "Since its a forgone conclusion, we do believe your own image will do a lot to buoy Breastman's. We wanted to throw our lot behind the winning horse, as it were."
"Cynical, but fair." Cait agreed. "Kinda fucked though. I'd bet Breastman was more effective than Dustdevil and Sonder combined against that sewage beast, dude was like a blender."
Isaac, somehow, shrugged. He must have practiced the motion a ton to get the notion across with no shoulders to express it.
"Image is everything. Unfortunately, many news outlets reported that as a Beast v. Beast conflict before we got a hold of the narrative, and even now, while your cock and balls are all anyone is talking about, the heroic little horror sphere is getting essentially no play."
"Oh I don't know about no play," Cait smirked. "Gwyn seems pretty fond of him. I understand though, I'll do what I can moving forward. Anything else?"
"No, I believe that is all." He looked over his notepad. "Yes, all for now. We will meet again after you have a few excursions under your belt. Please collect Breastman on your way out, Miss Smith. Or should I say, Amaranthine?"
Cait returned his thin smile with a beaming one of her own. "You're alright, Isaac!"
She waved and left the office. Immediately, she heard a commotion from a few doors down. Moving to investigate, she found that Breastman's PR appointment was going nowhere near as smoothly.
"BREAST MAN is not going to play well with parents!" A severe looking woman's face was growing red, visible from where Cait peeked into the office window.
Never met my dad, has she? Cait thought, and pushed the door open.
"Heyo!" She greeted as the tomato woman glared at her, while Breastman rearranged to face her as well. "Here to pick up my boy from school!"
"Christ," The woman said. "Maybe you can talk some sense into him! He's a tough enough sell as it is without having a sex joke as a name!"
"What, you think kids would rather be saved by Night Terror than Breastman?" Cait shot back.
Breastman pointed all of his tentacles straight out at Cait, hat now reading:
THAT'S WHAT
I'M SAYING!
The put-upon PR agent threw her hands up.
"You're all insane." Then she sighed, turning back to Breastman. "You are completely set on it being all caps when acting as a Guardian as well?"
Cait stifled a chuckle as Breastman gave two big thumbs up. The woman angrily filled out a couple lines of paperwork, and held it up for examination.
"Fine!" She yelled in exasperation. "Now the world will know you as fucking BREAST MAN. God help your soul. Get out of my office."
Breastman slopped out of the chair and over to Cait, where he returned her waiting high five. Cait fixed the lady with a glare as they left.
"That's no way to treat a star, lady, you'll be hearing from his agent!"
"I AM HIS AGENT!" came the screamed response as they walked away. Cait imagined she could hear a rip as the woman tore out a chunk of hair in stress.
"Man, they didn't exactly give you the A-team huh buddy?" She said to Breastman sympathetically. The little guy threw all his tentacles up in response, rolling along in a huff.
"For what it's worth, I think you made the right choice. You're intimidating enough without a snappy name, and BREAST MAN rules. It lets anyone with an appreciation for boobs know you got something in common, and I strongly believe that's 90% of humanity." She continued as they entered the lobby, finding Dawn waiting for them. The deer-lady waved languidly as they approached.
"Did things proceed smoothly for the both of you?" She asked in her singsong voice.
"Yes for me, no for this guy." Cait responded and Breastman agreed with a gurgling 'hmph'. "You're looking at Amaranthine and BREAST MAN. Make sure you pronounce the capital letters."
"Amaranthine makes sense, but BREAST MAN seems an odd choice for you, Cait." Dawn replied, not a trace of guile in her voice, but a twinkle in her enormous eyes.
"Deer girls got jokes! Good work with the capitals." Cait led the trio out onto the complex grounds. They were flirting with evening, but the sun hadn't even begun to set on this Iowa summer day. Cait checked her phone and saw they had about half an hour before the welcome dinner, alongside a few exhortations from Lira to hurry up so she could get Cait dolled up for her big debut. Dawn excused herself and bounded off to go get ready, while Cait texted and walked as she headed towards the palace with Breastman.
L: i swear to god Cait if you show up to your debut dinner in jeans and a tanktop ill ruin every orgasm you have for a month
C: 1. Youve known me for less than a day 2. Bold of you to assume youll be involved in all of those
L: im confident i have been involved in every one youve had since you met me
C: Point. We are on our way from the Flatiron.
L: thank god, im in your room, you had like, one good dress. Ive got it laid out
C: how?
L: how what?
C: how are you in our room!?
L: lol
That was all Cait got back, and she picked up the pace towards her new home.