"I do cook my meat, it just doesn't taste good if you cook it so long it's no longer dripping blood." Lin Si, 13, to a martial artist friend
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She glanced up, shocked. What did this mean? He wore a complicated look, his eyes boring into her earnestly.
"I have gotten urgent news, and I have to leave today, it may take a while to return. Take care of my brother, just this night, and the next, my friend should come by. Just one night, I need you to watch over him, let no harm come to him, if it does…" He loomed from above, waves of killing intent washed over her. "None of your family will rest in peace until the days that they die in agony, and even then they will have no graves, but will be fed to the dogs!"
She didn't respond with words, just nodding.
He turned away, pausing at the door as he left.
"This once, I'll trust you, don't disappoint me, please." He sounded almost pitiful, like a little lost boy, who had lost so much, he was hoping for scraps. Completely different than his killing intent earlier belied.
"Wait." She called out, walking forward. "Take these," handing him all the best of her recovery and strengthening pills, "Just in case."
He left before the evening fell. It was a Friday night. She turned to Li Junli, who was focusing on his next move on the board in front of her, leaning forward, "You," she teased playfully, "Did you know the arenas will be doing something special tonight?"
He glanced up, curious. "But isn't my brother not fighting anyone tomorrow or Monday this week?"
She grinned, finger to lips. "It's pretty under wraps to your brother and house, but tonight they are doing a major ranking tournament, people can get challenged endlessly if they dare to show up!"
Li Junli grinned excitedly for a moment, but then glanced over to the side where Sun'er was sweeping.
"Sun'er…" She spoke. "Does he have any family?"
Li Junli nodded. "Not much, but he has two grandparents that live in a village, a half a day's walk out."
She called over Sun'er. "Sun'er, what do you say for a short vacation?"
Sun'er glanced at her, fidgeting. "But, young master…"
She smiled meaningfully, "Don't worry, I'll take care of all the young master's needs!"
He nodded, excitedly, and after only a little more coaxing, he left without a moment's delay, to visit his old home with a promise to return before Monday. She winked at Li Junli.
"Got you."
He winked back. "Love you."
"Heehee."
+++
They arrived as the event had just begun, it was right outside the town, so the sellers were even more abundant, coming from all the surrounding towns as well. Martial artists swarmed the area, often pausing at the leadership boards to make passing comments or show off their name.
It was right then, that she considered she might be making a mistake by bringing him there, after sighting sage Gongli out of the corner of her eye, but she was confident in her own strength. Maybe she could bait out the enemies of Li Junlong this way. No one knew his brother, except those that had bad intentions.
She glared back arrogantly until he looked away. He didn't seem happy either. She wondered if they both were locked in a self-constructed cage, surnamed duty.
They continued on their way. It was a wonderful night. She couldn't remember a time she had had more fun. Each moment her heart beat quickly to the sound of the drums and blades, and glancing down, she saw that Li Junli was the same.
She took up several challenges from others, he placed bets so large, she felt he had more confidence than she, and she steadily rose in the rankings, so high everybody had to take a bite that was lower, and even made it to 89 ranking points, finding only one other man with 66 points, she finally instigated him enough to challenge her, and thus she finally reached the legendary 100 points, the first to reach it, which got her a plate of gold, sponsored by Long Wen himself. Everybody had far too much fun, and soon the Lin Si name was spread on everyone's lips. Few remembered a time of such blatant, one after another, victorious matches from a newbie in the martial world, since the Black Dragon Emperor at the martial meet, 3 years ago in the north.
She returned to sit by Li Junli again finally, panting a bit, the thrill of it still on her tongue. She had made sure to not even use one bit of qi to defeat her opponents, no matter the temptation; only internal qi exercises to enhance her body. She had a couple close encounters, and Li Junli lent her his handkerchief to wipe clean the blood trailing from a new scar on her arm.
"Thanks."
"No problem."
"Did I do good?"
"The best."
"Had fun?"
He chuckled, as she sat in front of his chair, back against his legs, he played with her hair. "I really like watching you fight, even more than my brother."
Something in her jolted when she heard that, she remembered Li Junlong's hand around her waist tightening when speaking of the letter. Why did she care? She was being dumb, that was all. How could her worth be greater in his eyes than his blood brother?
She leaned back, pushing her chin up, "You gonna do anything with it?" She asked curiously. She was already surprised he was still willing to touch her hair after she sweated all throughout it.
He just grinned. "I don't know how to do much, but I learned some braiding from madam Wang." After all, he had gotten bored often, not being able to move or take part in studies, he had learnt every kind of craft, including instruments and hair dressing. His embroidery was rather good, but he felt far too embarrassed to admit it to her. He had requested his brother always buy him plain, unembellished clothing for this reason.
They stayed up much too late, when Lin Si finally rolled him back, and he didn't for one moment, look forward the entire time back, simply gazing up at her. "I still can't believe you decided to marry my dunce of a brother."
She flicked the hair off his forehead, lightly, "Who are you calling a dunce, give him some respect! He's the no. 1 strongest in all of the central plains!"
He just grinned. "And…You being around, you've changed us so much, it's only been around 5 days, and yet, I've seen my brother smile continually for the first time in 11 years, I've seen Sun'er become more respectful, and madam Wang hums now every time she tends to her work, aren't we lucky?"
She smiled. Things always changed when she was around, she didn't know why, they just did, it was like she couldn't help but want to mess with things a little, but…Why was it, she kept leaving after they were righted? Why couldn't she just stay still in one place? Could she really settle down with Li Junlong? She didn't know.
She took Li Junli out of his chair and began to wipe him down, as was normal before he slept. Even his chest was thin, emaciated, with discolored skin. "And you?" She asked curiously. "Did I change anything for you?"
He thought for a moment. "...Yes, I now…Have a purpose for living." He had finally found his strength, his strength despite all the weakness of his body. Growing up, he'd never thought one day he could look at himself and say, wow, you've become a strong person, but now, now he could almost see it. And it made him the happiest in the world, tears began spilling out of his eyes with the thoughts, along with exhaustion.
"Shh," Lin Si comforted, wiping his eyes gently, and then wrapping him in a hug. "Shh, you've done so good till now." Before, he was only living for his brother, since he knew his brother would go mad without him. But now, now he had something more.
His sobs didn't sound cute, they sounded absolutely wretched, and they quickly dissipated as fast as they began in her embrace.
Finally, he spoke again, as she continued tidying him for bed. "But you, have you had a change to yourself since you've come here?"
Ah, was that what she was waiting for? Was she waiting for someone else to change her? Why was it that she had already been changed so much by the people of her past, but she still wanted something more, what was it that she wanted?
"A happiness that you could never achieve here." Her father's voice soft once more rang out in her ears. As if he were here, still standing in that open window, piercing through her with those hollow, untouchable eyes, so similar to her own.
"A happiness…." She mumbled.
"You're happy?" He asked, hopeful, as she redressed him in sleeping wear, after changing his diaper (he was unable to use the restroom himself), in this awkward silence between them, - even if he was used to the lack of privacy- and she remained silent, not answering his question, until she finished, setting him in bed.
"...I don't know." She shook her head. "I'm always happy, so I don't understand what my father meant that I wasn't."
Li Junli nodded, understandingly, "Perhaps, he wants you to feel?"
She glanced at him, confused. "Feel?"
"Yes, I've got this strange itch since I met you that you don't feel a lot.
"You don't feel angry, you don't feel sad or upset. If you lose your temper, every time it's sort of an act. You get tearful sometimes, but each time you do, you don't even know why, isn't that the case?"
Yes, in fact, she had cried because of Li Junlong. But she didn't know why. No, was it rejection? She couldn't bear rejection? Why was that? Wasn't she the one who abandoned her family first? Was it the people she met on the road, the numerous betrayals? Was it because of that man in the past? Perhaps this rejection now was karma for the blood of those she cared for on her hands. It wasn't as if she deserved to be loved. So why should she care?
She wasn't sure.
Li Junli patted her head, bringing her out of her thoughts. "It's okay, maybe one day, you'll understand why you feel the way you feel and maybe, one day, you'll understand how to be angry or upset."
Angry? She didn't want to be angry. When her mom got angry, things flew around, people got hurt. When her sister got angry, her work got messed up, her pills came out burnt. When the one she used to love got angry, the world burned, when her friend got angry, she died, when her boss got angry, he annihilated a city. Why would she want to be angry? What was the point of anger? Anger forced Li Junlong to slam her into the weapons holder, to bruise her wrists, to send killing intent her way. She didn't want to do that. To anyone.
"Maybe…" She finally spoke. He was a kid afterall, one year younger than her, and only living inside all his life. What would he know?
She left the dark room, this time though, she surprisingly didn't trip, as if she already knew where everything lay. As if while in there, somehow, something had changed in her qi.
+++
Rather than sleeping, she practiced all night, leaving her room rather late in the morning, only to see Li Junli's room still closed, she glanced at madam Wang who looked to be departing. "Yo, is Li Junli alright?"
Madam Wang chucked, waving her hand nonchalantly, "No problem no problem, he's just tired. Come, have some breakfast in the kitchen."
Lin Si stretched, heading after her.
She got some congee, and tasted it, although it was a bit less watery than usual, she ignored it, watching madam Wang wash the dishes. "Say," she asked, "The flowers, will you water them this afternoon?"
Madam Wang glanced up, smiling again. "Of course of course, who do you think I am? Now hurry on out, I must ready the afternoon meal."
Lin Si shrugged, and headed over to the inner courtyard again, to relax and practice her arts gently, while waiting for Li Junli to wake up. Noon came around, madam Wang sent her out to get some extra ingredients for lunch, she kept her eyes out for the one that Li Junlong had mentioned that other day, his friend, who would show up to help protect Junli. She checked on Li Junli, but found his form really was still fast asleep.
But by the time noon came around, his friend still wasn't here. A small scent of rain was in the wind., but she dozed off a little in the still shining sun overhead, her stomach growling in hunger from waiting for Li Junli, the scrape of madam Wang nearby awoke her.
She glanced over to see Madam Wang watering the flowers. Her eyes turned sharp, and she stood up, walking over.
"Who are you?" She asked.
Madam Wang glanced up, hunched over with her back as she was, a confused expression on her face. "What do you mean?"
Lin Si released her sword from her back, placing the sheathed tip to her chin. "You aren't madam Wang, who are you?" A wind blue fiercer, clouds thickening on the horizon. It might miss them though, she noticed it was heading a little to the north.
Madam Wang merely trembled, innocently. Lin Si had enough, she lifted up her blade to slam it into her, slow, deliberate, with killing intent. But right at that moment, madam Wang moved, swift as lightning, she leapt away, cackling as she went, "Hahah, you may have noticed now, but it is already too late! He's as good as dead already!"