"Sis, why do people eat food instead of bigu pills?" -Lin Si, 8, when watching her sister pill-making
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They relaxed together outside, at the same table that Li Junli enjoyed playing weiqi. The courtyard was small, but it was cozy, and gave a gentle feeling of peace and home.
She handed the wine to him, starting off the conversation. "You got any interesting news from outside?"
He sniffed, they were sitting next to one another, almost touching, he took a good gulp, he hadn't drank in a long time, but the stinging of his throat quickly reawakened his desire for it. "Nothing much, people are scrambling to discover what happened to the tattered ghost; most claim he must have died or been greatly injured after the fight with the water magician."
She laughed. "The water magician? Is he strong though?"
Li Junlong shrugged, they kept passing the wine back and forth. "I wouldn't know, he's one of the past's 5 heavenly kings, but since he mostly keeps to the south right now, we haven't fought as of yet. I think it may have been the Mudman, finally making a move after over 2 decades of silence."
She glanced up. "You have a favorite star sequence?"
He glanced up as well. Some diviners often said they could read the stars, he hardly felt that made sense, but he did have a favorite, it had just barely gotten dark, but since it was spring, his favorite stars were already close to setting, he pointed out. They were brighter than the rest around them, drawing one's eyes to themselves. "Them, the three lucky stars, they are my favorite, when we were younger, my brother, I, and my sister, after we escaped, would often glance up at the sky, claiming we were the three lucky stars to escape alive…" He suddenly thought of his sister's death, falling silent, Lin Si leaned toward him, hand encircling his in comfort. He didn't move away. He finally continued. "And you? Do you have a favorite?"
She smiled, also glancing up. "You can't see them now, but sometimes, at the dead of night, there is a very faint cluster of stars to be seen. They don't have a name yet, I've asked several diviners, but they exist anyway, and I love…how close they all are. Maybe others can't see them, but when it's dark enough, they shine bright and clear, as someone, who maybe one can't see them in the brightest of times, but they shine through so bright, in the darkest of times," she squeezed his hand here, and he smiled, understanding what she was saying, his face already had a small red tint from the wine, and she encouraged him to have more, he agreed readily now, "It is so sweet, how close those stars always are, never leaving one another, no need to shine brightly alone, if they can shine together, faintly."
She never really understood why she loved this about them so, but perhaps, one day, one day she would. Afterall, what could be better than being a bright, lone star?
She was already leaning on him, and she considered for a moment, with her hand on his, was this love? Was this the happiness her father spoke of? She remembered wanting to do this with her past love. Well, a futile crush more like. She didn't know. She'd always been bad at comprehending emotions, but she decided she quite liked this moment, it would be nice if it lasted forever, but… "Tch, the crickets are much too noisy tonight."
Li Junlong snickered at her, taking another swig. "They always are, been getting worse recently, did you know there's a way to count how many are chirping?"
She chuckled back, "Oh?"
He was still smiling, perhaps it was the wine, perhaps it was the mood, but for the first time since he could remember, he was completely relaxed, and genuinely enjoying a stupid conversation. "You see, if there is only one cricket, they will chirp once, and go quiet for several breaths, when two, they will chirp twice in a row and then, once again go silent for a breath , when there are three, the same will happen but with three, but when there are four, they will chirp continuously, without one single beat missed, and when there are more than four…"
She chuckled back. "What? They sound like right now?"
He laughed too. "Yes, yes, they will be so raucously noisy, it's hard to talk over them."
"Stupid crickets."
"Stupid people who decide to sit out here and listen to them."
"Stupid people who haven't bothered to kill them."
"Stupid people who only judge others for not doing something they wouldn't do themself."
"Stupid people who don't take responsibility for their things."
"Stupid people who don't understand it will soon be theirs."
At Li Junlong's last sentence, suddenly Lin Si had no response, blushing hard, she glanced away. He laughed at her, pushing her with the wine jar, "What? Shy now? Says the one who proposes and then immediately duels me to the death for it?"
She huffed. "You were being unreasonable to begin with!"
"Ayah, excuses, excuses, your flirting techniques need help." A thought of the first time she'd fallen in love came to mind.
She stopped, falling silent, he turned to her, worriedly, "What, did I make you mad?"
"No, no." she glanced up, and then glanced down again shyly, "I'm so happy." She whispered into the cold night air, "Thank you, thank you for accepting me." Regardless of the intentions made towards him, he was the first man who accepted her feelings purely.
They both continued to chat, dabbling into various topics, teasing one another, and the night finally turned later, their favorite stars left the sky, and Li Junlong got majorly drunk.
"You really are too suspicious!" he claimed righteously, pointing his finger at her, lording over her, and burping, each burp heavy with alcohol. She found it hilarious, but man, this guy let all his intrusive thoughts out when he was drunk! He was leaning on her hard, and with his heavy frame it was cute, but also a little cumbersome. He continued to wave his finger in front of her face, as she led him back to his bedroom. "Suspicious! Suspicious I say! I'll never trust you! Don't think you can act sweet and I'll get tricked! I'm only using you for the Lin family pills! I'll never love you! You, You, seductress, fox demon!"
"Yea, yeah," agreed Lin Si relaxedly, "I got it, you don't like me."
"Yes!" he confirmed vehemently. "I don't like you! I won't like you! You just want to kill me, you want to take my brother away, you want us all dead, you do!"
"Sure, sure," she let him say his thing, dealing with drunks often. "Let me wash your face and hands, and change you into bedwaer, yes?"
"You just want to take advantage of me!" He raged, even as she was cleaning him off.
"Mmm, I do, yes, take advantage of you, kill your brother all that."
"You're pretty face is just, it's just used to make me lower my guard! I won't fall for it!"
"So my face is pretty? Nice to know, it's to your taste~"
He wouldn't let her go, even as she changed him, "Stop taking advantage of me! You can't have my body either!" He claimed diligently.
"Sure, sure, stay a little stiller, yes?"
"Nonono, I'll find out who you really are, just a matter of time and then I'll I'll…" he was getting tired, and although she enjoyed that he was more talkative drunk she considered if she ever wanted to get him this bad again. She led him to bed, covering him. "Don't let the lamp go out!" he shouted diligently.
She nodded. "Yes, yes, I won't," brushing his hair away from his face, and tucking him in properly.
"You want to be my wife?" He suddenly asked, still somewhat loudly.
She smiled, "Yes, dear, yes, just your wife, nothing else."
She turned to leave, but he gripped her arm. "Then, prove it!"
She looked at him, conflicted.
"Sleep with me!"
"Um…about that…" She hadn't done that with a guy before, and she was kinda shy…
"You're scared? Ha! I knew you were lying!" He was attempting to sit up and leap out of bed, she quickly jumped in to calm him down.
"Fine, fine, I'll sleep with you, but the bed is kinda small..."
He instantly wrapped his arms around her waist, the moment she was under the covers, digging his nose into her shoulder. "Yes, yes, I like this."
"Oh? I thought you didn't like touching others?"
"No, no, just everyone I touch gets hurt or dies, I like it, I like it a lot. And…" He was fading, "I don't trust you, you can't leave me, what if you kill little brother…"
Suddenly she felt bad, and she also intertwined with him, finding a cozy spot. She found his chest was much too hard, and his arms too, but she had slept in worse conditions, so she made due, finding a somewhat comfortable spot to cuddle, and swiftly fell into a deep sleep.
+++
Li Junlong woke up later, groggily, warmer than usual, surprisingly having not awoken once in the night and attempted to roll out of bed, only to find something blocking his way, he looked down in surprise to almost jump out of his skin.
His stirring caused Lin Si to awake, rubbing her eyes, glancing up, "Ah, you're awake now?"
He leapt back, his back against the wall, dragging the blankets after him. She giggled, pulling the hair out of her face, her inner robe she'd worn to bed, had dipped, incredibly low, so she tightened it up. He was cute, but they hadn't done anything.
She smiled, thrusting her legs over the side. "Don't worry, you still have your virginity."
He grew red, she didn't know if in anger or embarrassment. "You, did you take advantage of me drunk?"
She shook her head, standing up and stretching. "No, my good sir, you're the one to take advantage of me, who am I to say no?"
She left him in the room, while he attempted to remember all that happened the previous night.
When getting to the kitchen, she greeted Li Junli sweetly, smiling at his young face. "You up?" she asked, sitting across from him. "Sleep well?"
He nodded, happy to see her as well, then, he leaned forward. "You…Sun'er said you weren't in your room last night…"
She grinned, also leaning over. "Yes, I finally got your brother in bed-" Right then, Li Junlong walked in. She quickly drew away, but judging from his face he'd heard everything. He grinned. "Really just saying anything to my little brother?" he came over to push his way to sit on the bench next to her, his arm entrapped her thin waist, leaning over to speak to her ear. "You really gonna play around out here."
She blushed, turning away. "Acting so coy, then you come out here and do this, who's the one playing, heh."
Li Junli had grown quieter across from them, looking at them both fondly.
She finally stood up, taking his face in her hands, she stared into his eyes. This…What was this feeling? She finally bent down, to kiss his lips, tasting every part of them gently, before pulling away, she turned away, her face heating up, as she sat back down. "You're a charmer, is all. I couldn't help it, okay?" She tapped the finger to the table, wishing to change the subject, with how the brother stared at them both in shock. Even Li Junlong was heating up in embarrassment. "My father's response should arrive today, I have a couple pills on me for rejuvenating energy, but the most he'll be able to deliver is some for headaches and depression." She had a couple pigeons she kept at the town mail office, that her father and mother lent her this time to take letters back, what would normally be two weeks by foot, only took a day or two by flight.
He nodded. She could feel he was drawing her closer with each of her words. His brother meant so much to him…why was she upset by this? Strange. "As for news of any other lihuo flower…I don't know if he'll have anything, but I'll bring the letter directly to you."
He nodded. Eating, and she noticed he placed something on her plate. She glanced up. "Thank you." He spoke, a gentle smile passed over his face.
She turned away. What was this feeling? She didn't understand it. She'd never really tried to get with a man other than that one time, or when she meaninglessly played around with him, nor had she ever gotten this close to marrying one. It was strange, everything was strange.
It tingled deep inside. Her heart hurt a little.
After the breakfast, she went to learn some things from madam Wang, Li Junlong went to train and Junli went to read in his room until it warmed up. Late morning she joined Li Junli in the yard, introducing him to other card games she'd learnt in a gambling den. Li Junlong joined them around noon at lunch, and mentioned that he would be dueling and maybe go to town after, Lin Si suggested he bring back some ox meat.
After he left, Li Junli turned to her. "You didn't want to watch?"
She just glanced back at him. Then said matter-of-factly. "Then what would you do?"
Well, that, also because she couldn't admit that she enjoyed having such an intelligent opponent in dice and cards.
He smiled, here, looking down at his hand and selecting something. "You know, I'm really glad you're my sister-in-law."
She nodded, also smiling. "And I'm always thankful I got a brother-in-law like you."
'He must die' suddenly words sprouted in her head, and as if on cue, a wave of demonic energy rushed out from where Li Junlong fought in the front courtyard. She instantly stiffened, her left hand rubbed the scar on her right, as she watched the innocent boy with a bright face, across the table. His skin was blotched, his eyes sunken and swollen, his hair balding over his head, he was ugly by all accounts, but she couldn't help but he shined the brightest in this broken world. Did he really have to die for it? Could she really let it happen if it came to that?
Li Junlong rejoined them shortly, with a complicated look on his face. "Lin Si," he called out. "Will you come speak with me in my office?"
She nodded, standing up silently, but cast a smile of reassurance to Li Junli.
Once they were alone in the office, Li Junlong shut the door behind him, and turned to her. "I don't trust you."
She nodded, she'd heard it enough to last 13 years last night.
"But just this once, I'm going to choose to trust you."