Hachiman: "Not a chance."
[Hachiman's Perspective]
Tazuna: "...Alright, everything seems to be in order. Once the preparations are complete, we'll handle the move from your current quarters to the new apartment. We look forward to working with you, Trainer Hikigaya."
Hachiman: "Thanks, I appreciate it. The arrangements for mid-January are all set on my end, so that part should be fine. That part, at least."
Tazuna: "Ahaha... I see..."
Right. What I'm actually worried about isn't moving furniture or hauling boxes. It's the three horse girls looming behind me. I'm terrified of what might come out of their mouths next.
Tazuna: "Well then, Trainer Hikigaya, I'll be submitting these documents to the Chairwoman. Please excuse me."
Hachiman: "Right, excuse me as well. Alright, better get a head start on packing."
Mr. CB: "Hey, Hachiman?"
Hachiman: "...Yes?"
Mr. CB: "So, I live alone, you know? Would it be okay if I popped by to hang out sometime?"
Hachiman: "..." (I give her my best dead-fish-eyed stare.)
Mr. CB: "Hey! Don't look at me like that! What's the harm? I just want a guided tour of Hachiman's room!"
Rudolf: "But Brother, why keep this a secret? I don't see why it would cause a stir if people found out."
Hachiman: "Because there's someone here who is the last person who should know. I knew if I said anything, she'd find some flimsy excuse to force her way into my new place."
Mr. CB: "Excuse me, Hachiman, I'm not that shameless."
Rice Shower: "Um... Big Brother? Why are you moving? Did... did something happen?"
Hachiman: "No, nothing like that. My current place was just getting a bit cramped, so I decided to rent a proper apartment. Besides, thanks to Rice's amazing record lately, I've got some extra breathing room in my budget. I figured this was as good a time as any."
Rice Shower: "O-oh! I'm so glad... nothing was wrong. I was worried that maybe I had done something to make you want to leave."
Hachiman: "That would never happen. Trust me."
Because of Rice? Not a chance in hell.
Mr. CB: "But wait, wait! If we have a strategy meeting, or a big post-race celebration, we can totally do that at your house, right?!"
Rudolf: "A tempting thought, but quite a bold proposal to make without his consent. Still... Brother, I have to agree that it's a fine idea. What do you think? Would you consider allowing it for those occasions only?"
Hachiman: "...Can't we just use the clubroom for that?"
Rudolf: "A change of pace and scenery can be beneficial. Even the Student Council has recently taken to patronizing that small restaurant you frequent."
Hachiman: "Then just go there—"
Rudolf: "To be blunt, because beating around the bush is tiresome: I, too, would like to see your room."
Hachiman: "..."
Rice Shower: "B-Big Brother? Are you okay? I... I'd like to go too, but please don't push yourself, okay?"
Hachiman: "Rice... you're the only ally I have left..." (I reach out and pat her head.)
Thank you, Rice. Seriously, how did she turn out to be such a good kid? It has to be the result of her parents' top-tier upbringing.
Mr. CB: "No fair, Rice! Hachiman, do me too!"
Hachiman: "Sorry. Headpats are reserved for good girls only." (I keep patting Rice.)
Rudolf: "Then, Brother... what about me?"
Hachiman: "..." (I continue patting Rice.)
Rice Shower: "U-um... Big Brother? Rice is okay now... really."
Hachiman: "..." (Pat, pat.)
Rice Shower: "...///" (She fidgets shyly.)
Mr. CB: "Soooo unfaaaaair!!"
Hachiman: "Alright, alright. Let's all be good and head home together."
Mr. CB: "I want a headpat toooo!!"
...Good grief, she's persistent.
—At the School Gate—
Hachiman: "Look, even though I'm moving, I'll still be in the Trainer's dorm for another week or so. It's not happening tonight. I only made the decision near the end of the year, so it is a bit of a rush, though."
Rudolf: "I'm sure you've handled the logistics well, but is it close to the Academy? It would be quite inconvenient if it were too far."
Hachiman: "It's nearby. No issues with the commute. Plus, it's close to the local supermarket and the shopping district, so groceries won't be a problem."
Mr. CB: "Ho-ho... Near the supermarket and the shopping district, you say..."
Rice Shower: "Th-then, we can still walk home together for a little while! That makes me happy."
Mr. CB: "If it's near the shopping district, there's a chance we'll just 'bump' into each other, huh? Do you actually cook for yourself, Hachiman? I've seen you do it before, but what about now at the dorms?"
Hachiman: "Of course I do. I appreciate it when meals are provided, but I'm a big believer in self-sufficiency. I try to handle most things myself."
Mr. CB: "What about laundry? Don't tell me you only do it once a week?"
Hachiman: "I'm diligent about it. Though, I don't get very dirty, so maybe two or three times a week."
Mr. CB: "And baths? Do you just take quick showers to get it over with?"
Hachiman: "When I'm tired, sure. But I heard those 'Kikiyu' bath salts are good, so I'm planning to try them out."
Mr. CB: "...Can I just come live at your place?"
Hachiman: "Obviously not. Have some self-respect, you're a student."
Mr. CB: "Ehh? But you've already turned me down, so I don't have to worry about you attacking me! I know for a fact Hachiman would never do anything like that anyway~♪"
Hachiman: "I mean, I certainly don't intend to, but where do you get this level of confidence?"
Is it just me, or am I starting to get a very bad feeling about this?
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