The newcomer didn't laugh, he just took a single authoritative step forward and cast his eye around the hall, glancing at the overturned tables, smashed plates and bottles, the battered men and barmaids, the unmarked woman with a savage look in her eye holding her stomach protectively, then the girls and finally me and the empty bottle resting beside me.
"You call yourselves dwarves!? We kneel before a king!" He shouted as he led them in kneeling to the drunkard, as I unsuccessfully tried to balance the empty bottle on my head as a crown.
"Arise my subjects, I knocked you all down enough." I said seriously before laughing.
The dwarves stood and cheered as I made my way back to Eve and kissed her whilst lifting her into a spin, then quickly put her down gently before falling backwards with more laughter.
The new arrival then appeared above me. "Can you still talk, or do you need to sleep it off first?" He chuckled.
"I can so... I can so... I can be not drunk in a jiffy." I chuckled back as I released my divine aura a bit too much. "See, right as rain, sorry everyone." I said as I rolled to my feet.
"You have got to be the tallest dwarf I've ever seen. Well, you would be if you didn't have the face of milk-drinker. Speaking of which your two are sure as stone and your wife a mountain-born mother." He smiled as I gestured for him to join us at our table.
"Yes they are, the deva is Cosmael, the feathered serpent Quatal and my unequalled wife is Eve."
"I am Ogrith, Chief-Lord of Grava...of the mountain. It's hot enough here already. Anyway, the king of the hall, earns a favour teller of tales, make yours known, then we can relish the pleasantries."
I conjured several dwarven crests, naming the families as I placed them on the table. "Gilgren, Rockrun, Mafleck, Ironblood, Orezan and Gemis. The most beloved of dwarven clans I have met. I wish them to be added to the mountains heart."
"That is no small request and I have never heard those names. I need to know what they did to earn an honour I have yet to earn."
I held out a memory orb, one that bore my memory of all the clans name, including Gemis, who were the ones I had told Eve about. He took the orb, absorbed it, then shed the single tear he was too slow to stop. "Aye! Those names earned it. Now name your favour, for remembering souls so brave is right to do and not something you should have needed to beg for."
"Then I ask for my daughter to be given a home here, she cherishes those she calls aunt and will one day wish to visit without her parents."
"I refuse, you're all family of the mountain and again a home is your right. Come on now, be selfish for once in your damn life, what do you want man?"
"I have everything I want in my family and my goals, the only other thing I would ask, will not be so easy a favour."
"We won't know until you speak it."
"I want these stupid walls between races to fall. I want to breathe life back into the stout-folk, bring the demi-human races to equal footing with the humans. I have done so with the demons, but that is not enough. I also want to see this continent defended against a common threat even my family can't afford to face alone and can think of no greater allies, but how can I ask so much of family I harmed?"
"Simple and easily done on the second, I'll fight any war you ask me to. The first, you are far greedier than I expected. If you want those races to be equals they would need kingdoms of their own."
"Luckily the humans lost half the continent to the demons, and building on bloodied rubble is a good way to remember how horrible war is."
"You already have a plan. Oh, I can't wait to see this. I don't know when you plan on telling the humans that you want the other races to take over that land, but I want to be there when you do."
"I'm glad you said that, I will be crowned king of a new country on the south eastern peninsular called Eden, in the near future and I would be honoured to have you attend as to sign an official treaty. Then we will have the entire continent in a pincer grip if the humans ever do something stupid and we have to knock some sense into them."
"This may sound strange from a dwarf, but do you really think they're that stupid?"
"One tried to hurt Quatal. In front of me, Eve, two deva, a phoenix, an ex-general of the demon army and a town that loves her to pieces... Underestimating their stupidity is not a mistake I will make again.
"When you put it like that, you make a good point and I don't want to see the mountain erupt, so let's say it's set in stone, or at least I'd like to say that, but if I'm not mistaken the formalities aren't finished yet."
"Of course, which tale? The Gemn-"
"Sorry it seems even dwarves change over years as many as yours. Art only, poem, song or number, whichever you desire..." He stood and began to circle as he worked up the others. "... We are artisans at heart, and so the stout-folk live on art, so to earn your seat will cost a bardic feat."
"Then between them I choo-"
"He chooses a song, he has one I wish to hear, now he has no time to think of another." Eve interrupted, not knowing what she'd done.
"Fine, but milk-drinkers must leave, it's vivid to say the least." I chuckled before necking another bottle for courage, then ushered Quatal and an embarrassed Cosmael, who knew what was coming, through a portal.
"If it's rowdy enough for evacuation, I can only imagine how it will be." Ogrith laughed.
"Trust me you can't even do that." I chuckled with a bashful groan, before doing a round of the tables and slapping each one to get them to keep the beat. I then conjured a guitar and enchanted it to play to my thoughts using magic to give it a chaotic amplification.
I took a deep breath ready to begin, then chicken-out and downed another bottle, grimacing to myself with the knowledge of the immediate future.
"Fuck it.. Here we go."
Now gather round
Sit yerselves down, cos I got a song-t-sing.
I then took the opportunity to share the burden with my loving wife by suddenly pointing an accusing finger at her.
You gotta body built for sin girl, and I'm the king of sinners, So let's pop down to hell, where all the sinners dwell.
I want you at my side, let me be your sinful guide.
Have you seen my throne? It's not all-alone.
I got one for you right there. They say the devils seen it all, inside these-stone-walls, but if you take my hand, we can prove that wrong, I swear.
As the music lulled briefly, I fell into a conjured chair, running my fingers through my hair as I patted my knee making eye-contact with Eve, who was already blushing wildly, though that could have also been the gradually rising temperature.
Take a seat my dear, It's just a knee and I keep-it-clean, I just want you near.
Now you're-close, I have-to-know, where'd you buy your clothes?...
They'd look great on my throne room's floor, so why don't we lock the door...
You, can, push, me, back. No, need, to, cut, me, slack.
As the blood drains from my brain, feel free to moan, since we both know, that-it-ain't from pain.
You can strip me bare and take the time to stare, at the monster that you made.
No need to be shy, while I'm laid between your thighs.
I need you to explain...
Have I gone insane?
Can it really be?
Surely it's a dream.
You slayed the king of sinners
Now I'm on my knee, you have to be my queen.
You're the only one please see.
"Eve, Will you marry me?"
Obviously, that wasn't the real version, but actually a highly edited version I hastily through together as a way of not driving us to make our children orphans when embarrassment killed us.
The song was rough and unpolished, but passable luckily even though Eve refused to play along with any prompts after throwing me to the wolves.
I addressed Ogrith first, who was red face from laughter. "Apologies, I know my song is shoddy song is a poultry offering to the mountain's memory."
"What...In the apparently unspeakable name of our dear mountain possessed you to write a song like that." He scarcely managed to ask through faltering self-restraint, before bursting into fresh hysterics.
"It was "zeitgeist" he said, "anarchy" he said. Words I wished I understood better apparently." Eve grumbled in our shared humiliation.