Ocean City – Royal Barracks (Secret Meeting Room)
The flickering torches cast long shadows on the stone walls.
The room was dim, quiet, and smelled of incense and sea salt.
Lan Jinhai sat at the head of a long table, arms folded, deep in thought. Next to him, a scroll lay open, displaying a rough sketch of Hei Long's face with the words:
"Name: Unknown. Cultivation: Strong. Aura: Smug."
His fingers tapped the table in annoyance.
"He made my sister blush," he muttered.
"He stole from our auction. He left a sarcastic note. And now... she's defending him."
He gritted his teeth. "I need a countermeasure. Someone with burning jealousy. Someone who hates this bastard as much as I do."
Just then, the doors creaked open.
"You summoned me?" said a cocky voice.
Lin Fan strolled in, hands behind his head, trying his best to look cool.
He failed immediately by tripping over the carpet and nearly face-planting, but recovered with a weird twirl and finger gun.
"Sup," he grinned.
Lan Jinhai blinked. "You're... Lin Fan?"
Lin Fan puffed up.
"That's right. The number one future genius of my Sect. Handsome, talented, irresistible to women—"
"Stop." Lan Jinhai held up a hand.
He studied Lin Fan.
"...They say you know Hei Long."
Lin Fan's cocky expression turned sour. "Don't get me started on that guy."
"Oh?" Lan Jinhai leaned forward. "Do you hate him?"
Lin Fan slammed his fist on the table.
"Of course I do! Every time I try to talk to a girl—boom—he's already flirting with her. My master? He flirts with her. Bai Luoluo? She listens to him. Even the Sect Leader—wait, I probably shouldn't say that part."
Lan Jinhai's eyes sparkled.
He slammed his hands on the table. "You're perfect."
"Huh?"
Lan Jinhai stood and walked over to Lin Fan, placing a hand on his shoulder dramatically.
"Lin Fan. I, Prince Lan Jinhai, hereby officially recruit you as my champion. My Anti-Hei Long."
"...Anti what now?"
"I will provide you with weapons, resources, training, and royal backing. In return, I want you to destroy Hei Long."
Lin Fan's eyes lit up.
"You want me... to become stronger than him?"
"Yes."
Lin Fan blinked. "Does this mean I get a title?"
Lan Jinhai nodded solemnly. "You will henceforth be known as—'The Spear of Salt.'"
Lin Fan blinked again. "...Why salt?"
"Because you're salty and I need you to channel that."
"...Fair enough."
Lan Jinhai turned and clapped twice.
The doors opened. A group of armored guards wheeled in a massive training dummy carved with Hei Long's face.
"Your training starts now."
Lin Fan walked up to it, cocked his arm back... )
...swung...
...and broke his own wrist on impact.
"AGHHHHHH!"
Lan Jinhai sighed.
This was going to take a lot of work.
.....
Cue overly epic music
[♫ Intense Cultivation Rock – Playing Way Too Seriously ♫]
"Meditation"
Lin Fan sits cross-legged on a rock in the middle of a koi pond.
Narration (Lin Fan's voice):
"To defeat Hei Long, I must master my mind, my body, my soul..."
A single koi fish leaps out and slaps him in the face.
He falls backward into the water with a splash.
"Weight Training"
Lin Fan lifts two massive boulders, veins bulging. Dramatic close-up.
Lin Fan (grunting): "I... will... surpass...!"
Cut to wide shot: It's revealed that the boulders are hollow.
They break apart like papier-mâché. Lin Fan blinks and falls backward with a yelp.
"Sword Practice"
He slashes at a straw dummy.
Lin Fan: "HAAA!"
He swings too hard. The sword flies from his hand, ricochets off a tree, and stabs into his foot. He screams.
"Speed Drills"
He runs laps around a training field, yelling at full volume:
Lin Fan: "I am lightning incarnate! I AM—"
Trips over his own shoe. Faceplants. Chickens peck his head.
"Mental Fortitude"
He sits under a waterfall.
Lin Fan (shivering): "I... must not... think of women..."
A fish swims by. It has huge cartoonish lips. Lin Fan screams and runs out of the water. "WHY EVEN THE FISH?!"
"Ultimate Sparring Dummy"
He faces the Hei Long dummy again.
Lin Fan: "Not this time!"
Charges in. Punches. Kicks. Headbutts.
Dummy is untouched.
Lin Fan's head has swelled up like a watermelon.
He collapses in slow motion.
[♫ Music cuts abruptly ♫]
.....
Meanwhile... Royal Garden Balcony
Lan Yinyin, sipping tea and listening from above, turns to her maid.
Lan Yinyin:
"Did I just hear my brother say 'The Spear of Salt'?"
Maid: "Yes, Princess."
Lan Yinyin slowly sets her teacup down.
Lan Yinyin: "He's trying to recruit that... that Lin Fan... to go after Hei Long?"
Maid: "Yes, Princess."
Lan Yinyin (muttering): "Why does he always embarrass this family..."
She narrows her eyes and smiles wickedly.
Lan Yinyin: "Very well. If big brother wants to play games..."
That Night
Lin Fan's training dummy is missing. Replaced by a note.
"Real men don't use dummies. They use their tears. – A friend."
His sword is replaced with a fish.
His pants? Replaced with ones two sizes too small.
Lin Fan: "WHO IS DOING THIS TO ME?!"
Lan Yinyin was sipping tea again, laughing softly.
"Let's see how long he lasts."
.....
Lan Yinyin stepped gracefully through the grand halls, her long blue hair flowing behind her like a wave of the ocean itself. we(bn)ovel.c om
Her piercing light-blue eyes surveyed the place with the cool confidence of someone used to every knee bowing before her.
Nearby, Lin Fan spotted her from across the room and immediately puffed up his chest, attempting to look like the future conqueror of hearts—and Hei Long's rival.
"Alright, Lin Fan," he muttered under his breath, "this is your chance. Time to charm a princess."
He strutted toward Lan Yinyin with all the swagger he could muster, which unfortunately looked more like a newborn deer on ice.
"Uhh... Princess Lan Yinyin!" Lin Fan blurted out awkwardly. "I—I heard you're visiting your brother. Thought I'd, you know, say hi."
Lan Yinyin raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.
She glanced down at his disheveled clothes, the unmistakable aura of a hopeless flirt, and smiled thinly.
"And you are?"
"Lin Fan," he said, puffing his chest again.
"Future legend of the sect, master of many things. But today, master of charming you!"