"Wrong!"
With a dull thunk, a kunai buried itself several centimeters deep into the wood of the next table. The girl, who clearly had no idea where she was or who she was dealing with, nearly fell out of her chair from the shock - and from the kunai that landed right next to her hand.
Holy crap. Now that's what I call a teaching method, I thought, sitting up a little straighter.
The other students, all here for their first class in the medical-nin training course, looked just as stunned. A few even twitched nervously.
Dorothy-sensei, who clearly wasn't impressed by the girl's answer, turned out to be an extremely expressive man - maybe a little too much. No one expected that after an hour-long lecture, he'd immediately start firing off questions. And not just to see if we'd been paying attention, but questions that demanded actual logic - sometimes not even tied to the lecture at all.
"You! I don't like you - way too pretty. Planning to boost the village's population? Go do that somewhere else. Last thing I need is half my medics quitting because they got pregnant. We're already short-staffed as it is."
Yeah, Dorothy was nothing if not direct. You could see at a glance that, despite his profession, he'd seen war - maybe two. That leaves a mark, especially on medics. Sometimes they end up more messed up than the soldiers, just from the sheer number of bodies and half-dead people they see in a month.
I had no idea how to respond. I was basically getting chewed out for no reason.
"So... what's your name?"
Dorothy didn't even wait for an answer before heading back to the desk, flipping through the attendance book. No introductions, nothing. The moment he'd walked into this little classroom, he started lecturing about the queen of the medical arts.
"Hmm, Zoldik Akira, right?" Dorothy looked up at me. Not that he really needed to ask - out of the twenty-three students, only three were guys, and he'd already kicked out two. One for dirty clothes, the other for yawning too much during the lecture. Honestly, it seemed like Dorothy's goal was to purge all the men so he could personally handle the village's birthrate.
"Hold on a second!"
I barely had time to blink before the fifty-something man dove under the desk, rummaging through a cabinet.
Oh, so that's how it is, I realized. Maybe I wouldn't have to butt heads with this guy after all.
"Hmm, Zoldik Akira," Dorothy muttered, flipping to the last page of a book and reading the author's name out loud, then glancing back at the attendance sheet, then at me. "Ahem, fine, you can stay. BUT!" He raised a finger for emphasis. "Don't make me regret it. Now, tell me - why is heat harder to handle in humid climates than in dry ones?" He pulled out another kunai from who-knows-where and twirled it idly.
How is that even related to today's intro to bones and muscles? Whatever... not a hard question.
"The less water vapor in the air, the faster sweat evaporates from your skin," I answered.
"Hmm. Correct." He sounded either pleasantly surprised or slightly disappointed. "And at what temperature does the body start sweating heavily?"
"When the ambient temperature exceeds body temperature."
That one was even easier. Honestly, anyone who finished high school could handle these.
"Alright... and what's the advantage of warm-blooded animals over cold-blooded ones?" Dorothy kept playing with the kunai.
"They're less dependent on environmental conditions," I replied right away.
"That's it?" Dorothy arched a brow.
"Well... warm-blooded animals are less prone to fungal infections," I added.
"Hmm, right. Most fungi can't survive above thirty degrees, so those infections are much less common than bacterial or viral ones. Good. Don't get cocky." He set the kunai aside with a sigh and picked up a piece of chalk. "Now, back to the lecture..."
To everyone's horror, class went straight through to noon, after which we were finally released for lunch.
"Hi, I'm Shikanuri..."
And then my worst fear came true - my desk was surrounded on three sides. The tables here seated eight, arranged in rows, so a full encirclement wasn't possible - but it felt like it.
The girls wanted to get to know me, inviting me to join them for lunch in the hospital cafeteria, where food was free for all staff - though technically, we weren't staff yet.
On the one hand, I wouldn't have minded hanging out with a bunch of young women, joking around and enjoying their flustered reactions. But right now, I just wanted some peace and quiet. Unlike the others, I'd been laser-focused on the lecture, memorizing every word - and honestly, without my new and improved memory, that would've been impossible. The downside was predictable - after cramming that much info, I always got a headache. Not as bad as after dispelling five or six clones, but still noticeable.
So I decided to kill two birds with one stone - eat in peace and enjoy good company. Luckily, Hayana's office was a short walk away.
I found her mid-bite at her desk.
"Hey, you got any tea?" I asked as I let myself in, eyeing the rice stuck to Hayana's lips.
She didn't look thrilled about having her lunch break interrupted, but she didn't kick me out either - just gestured toward her stash of cookies. But I wouldn't be me if I didn't carry sweets in my scroll and, of course, a thermos of tea. Still, I decided to try Hayana's blend for a change.
We sat in companionable silence. I enjoyed the break - and her legs, half-visible under the desk. Not that I had a foot fetish like Tarantino. If anything, I was more of a thigh guy, but from this angle, below the knee was all I got.
Hayana noticed my gaze and pressed her knees together, which made me smirk.
"You know, I don't have Byakugan, so I can't see through the table."
Hayana ignored me and went back to her bento, legs still neatly pinned together.
Suddenly, my heart started to race. My head spun, my temples throbbed like someone was hammering inside, my stomach twisted, and my throat tightened.
I lurched up and made it to the trash can in the corner, dropping to my knees.
What the hell?! I thought, genuinely scared as my stomach turned inside out.
Hayana, appetite gone, watched me anxiously as I kept retching.
"You okay?" she asked, coming closer.
"Blugh - " was all I managed, wishing I could come up with something sarcastic.
Even after I was done, my body kept trying to squeeze out every last drop for another thirty seconds.
"Ha..."
With a loud exhale, I slumped against the wall. I must have looked terrible - sweat pouring down my temples like after a hard workout, face pale, eyes a little unfocused. Yeah, not my best look.
For Hayana, who'd seen more corpses than she could count - in every stage of decomposition - and delivered babies that rarely looked as magical as the stories claimed, the scene didn't faze her. She was just worried as a doctor.
She handed me a roll of napkins to wipe my mouth, plus a glass of water, then opened the window and sealed the trash can with a storage scroll.
"Did you eat something bad this morning?" she asked as I caught my breath.
I was already running through the possibilities.
Maybe those pastries I just ate had spoiled cream? No... if that were it, I'd be sick the other way, and not now. What else did I eat this morning, before heading to class?
I remembered waking up with Mezumi, who turned out to be just as much of a late sleeper as I was. At eight sharp, both of us were woken by the maid, Nekorin, who had her own room in the house. The morning was pretty uneventful - everyone shared first impressions of the new place, and the only real complaint, which I shared, was the damn mosquitoes. Those little monsters woke me a couple of times, making me lie in wait for the next attack, ready to kill on contact.
Honestly, I still didn't get why my "sister" wanted to live with me for a while. Even if I was her brother, we had no shared memories. I had my life, she had hers. And she had way more on her plate, running an entire prefecture. Her hope of "helping me recover my memory" felt more like an excuse to get closer.
But then, why bother getting close to a lost relative who doesn't remember you at all? Maybe she was just lonely, or missed having family around - she lived in a palace surrounded by servants, and only saw her cousins in the capital or other prefectures. What her relationship with them was like, I still had no idea.
If I were her, I'd get rid of a relative who could legally claim my power and everything I'd built. Could she have poisoned me this morning?
I dismissed the thought immediately. If she had, I'd have to question her intelligence - and nothing about Mezumi screamed "dumb." In fact, if she'd had my university education, she'd probably outdo me at anything.
So who would want to poison me? And why? I'm not exactly a big shot. I step on some toes, but I'm not out for blood.
Lost in thought, I didn't answer Hayana and just drifted back to the couch.
"Maybe you got heatstroke?" she guessed, aware of my training habits.
"No, I didn't work out today," I said, still sorting through causes.
Mirroring my thoughtful look, Hayana went to the cabinet and rummaged through a small box.
"Here."
After a moment, she handed me a pack of pills and a glass of water. "Activated charcoal. One tablet for every ten kilos of body weight," she explained, catching my raised eyebrow.
These looked different from what I was used to - more like compressed pellets.
"And how many do you take?" I asked, already gulping them down.
"I haven't had food poisoning since I switched to medical-nin. Wait... is this your sneaky way of finding out my weight?" Hayana stared at me, poking her sides.
"Hehe, don't worry, you look great," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. "By the way, good tea. I can taste the mint."
Just what I needed, I thought, pouring another cup to wash out the taste in my mouth. The tea was already a bit cold, so I downed it in one go, rinsing my mouth with the last sip.
There were still forty minutes left in the lunch break, so I decided to ride it out in Hayana's office. Unfortunately, my headache only got worse.
At least I've got a top-tier medic right next to me, I thought, about to ask for a little Mystical Palm - but then...
Again?!
I rushed to the scroll on Hayana's desk, where the poor trash can was sealed.
And there I was again, hunched over it, pale and retching - though there was nothing left to throw up, just tea and water mixed with charcoal.
Now Hayana was seriously worried. She set a hand between my shoulder blades and channeled the Mystical Palm Technique, scanning my digestive tract for inflammation - though she'd already seen those areas plenty during massage sessions with her Byakugan. My chakra system and source were fine too. So she moved on to my head, checking for trauma or circulation issues.
So it really is intoxication? she thought, stepping back as I finished.
"Check... the tea," I managed between breaths, my body still in shock.
"My tea?" she asked, confused, but went to examine the herbs stored in her wooden container.
The dried Gensako tea leaves looked perfectly normal at first glance - the same she'd been brewing for years. Just tea.
While she examined them more closely, I tried to compose myself, describing the symptoms that hit me right before I got sick.
Pharmacy and poisons weren't Hayana's specialty, so even with Byakugan, she couldn't spot anything strange in the leaves.
"Alright, I'll send a sample for testing, but I doubt that's the problem. I've been ordering this blend from the Land of Tea for ages, so I trust the supplier. To figure this out, you'll need to get some tests done," she said, heading to the cabinet.
"Fine... you going to take my blood?" I asked, eyeing my empty teacup.
"Oh, no, we need something else."
She pulled out a 100ml glass jar.
What a coincidence, I was just about to head to the bathroom, I thought, grabbing the jar and ducking out.
****
*Wow, his kidneys are working overtime,* Hayana thought, holding the jar up to the light.
As a medic, she knew exactly what "amber liquid" was supposed to look like in the lab. But this was almost completely clear - something she'd rarely seen.
*Is this just water?* she wondered, suddenly suspecting I might have tried to swap my sample - a common trick among shinobi suspected of using banned substances. Not wanting to overthink it, she unscrewed the lid and took a cautious sniff.
No smell at all. Not even a hint... Alright, I'll rinse my mouth right after this.
She dipped her pinky into the jar, barely touching the surface, and started to bring it to her tongue.
"Oh, right, almost forgot!"
I burst back into the office, scroll in hand. Startled, Hayana's hands jerked - a third of the liquid spilled onto her neck and chin, trickling into her not-so-deep neckline, which made her hands twitch even more.
I watched in silence as the jar shattered on the floor.
Hayana, blushing furiously, stood frozen, wishing she could vanish.
"Ahem, what a coincidence - I was just about to give you a present."
I unsealed a box tied with a ribbon and set it on the coffee table, then quietly slipped out.
As soon as she was alone, Hayana - for the first time since giving birth - swore out loud, running through every curse she knew.
****
What a wonderful woman, I thought as I headed back to class, which was now being taught by an elderly woman named Katsura. Her topic was histology - the study of the structure, function, and development of tissues. Her style was the opposite of Dorothy's - patient, precise, almost motherly.
Honestly, with the way they've learned to transplant other people's DNA here, it's no wonder the medical field is so advanced, I thought, listening and nodding along.
These classes are interesting, sure, and I'm learning a lot, but... college in my past life killed any desire I had to sit through lectures. I'll stick it out for a week, then start sending a clone. No way I'm spending six hours a day at the hospital. And now that the house and basement are ready, I need to start my fuinjutsu experiments - preferably while Mezumi's out.
****
"What?! Akira-san is only sixteen? You're kidding!"
Naruko stared at her mother, trying to figure out if she was joking.
"No, I was just as surprised when I found out," Kushina admitted, spreading her hands. The day after meeting Akira's sister, she'd decided to share the news with Mikoto while visiting her. Naruko had tagged along, knowing Mikoto always made amazing oyakodon on Thursdays.
Mikoto's face changed a little when she heard the news - something Kushina definitely noticed. She'd already heard the story about Akira's sister from him, but what really shocked her was his real age.
*Oh, Kami... the age gap is even bigger than I thought. I could be his mother!*
And to her horror, that last thought sent a little thrill through her.
*Wait... am I into younger guys?*
Kushina, for her part, didn't look thrilled about Akira's age - unlike Naruko.
*Oh yes! Akira-san and I are almost the same age! I've got a real shot at getting him to notice me.*
Not long ago, Naruko had realized her life goals were starting to shift. Graduate the academy, become a strong kunoichi, finally earn recognition as Hokage - those used to be her dreams. But ever since she'd discovered a new way to... relax, her daydreams had started to include much more risqué scenarios - ones she'd never dare say out loud.
*Clones are great and all, but I want the real thing...*
Naruko sighed dreamily, a silly smile on her face.
A few minutes later, Sasuke burst into the kitchen, sweaty and out of breath.
"Sorry I'm late for dinner," she said, nodding to the guests. "Kushina-san, dobe," and sat down to finish her soup in a few gulps.
Thanking everyone for the meal, she slipped out of the kitchen - and the house - as fast as she'd arrived.
"What's up with her?" Kushina wondered.
"Oh, that's because of Akira," Mikoto explained right away, skipping the dramatic pause. "After he got back from his medical-nin classes, he stopped by our training field to watch the instructor run the kids through extra physical training. When he found out our fighting style focuses on leg attacks, he suggested a game that would improve agility, balance, body control, and leg strength - all in a fun way."
"What kind of game?" Naruko sprang up, instantly interested.
"It's called football - futtobōru. It's a team game where the goal is to move the ball into the opponent's zone, but you can only use your feet," Mikoto said, sharing what she'd seen.
"Doesn't sound that fun," Naruko's interest started to fade, and Kushina nodded in agreement.
"Oh, it might sound boring, but it's actually really fun to watch - and the kids who played it, all of them, were just thrilled," Mikoto smiled, remembering how happy the instructor had been, saying the kids ran and jumped for hours without showing any sign of getting tired or wanting to stop.
"Really? I want to try it too!"
And with that, Naruko ran off after Sasuke.
"Should we go too?" Kushina suggested, happy to take a walk through the evening district.
Mikoto agreed, and the two of them strolled toward the training field, chatting about everyday things, until Kushina suddenly asked:
"So... did anything ever happen between you and him?"
The question didn't really surprise Mikoto - they'd known each other forever, knew each other's habits, expressions, secrets. If it were any different, they'd be ashamed to call themselves shinobi. No hidden village would ever send a spy to impersonate someone with close friends or family - even a genin could spot the difference.
(Author's note: but of course, if it's an isekai protagonist, nobody notices a thing.)
"So, where did I slip up?" Mikoto didn't bother denying it. Kushina sighed and answered:
"Try not to smile so much when you mention Akira. So... how far did you go?" she asked, a little sad and a little jealous.
"Kissing," Mikoto replied, rolling her eyes like she was remembering something wonderful.
"That's it?" Kushina grinned. "I thought... wait, you're holding something back." She squinted.
"Well... I helped him out once. With my hand."
And as if reliving the memory, she unconsciously squeezed her fingers a few times, like she was gripping something.
"Ooh, and how did that happen?"
And so began the interrogation - so full of traps that Ibiki Morino would've offered Kushina a job in the T&I department on the spot.
"Wait, wait, wait. So after sparring with him - which you almost lost..."
"Hey, I totally underestimated him and wasn't fighting seriously at first. And who knew he'd throw sand in my eyes..."
Kushina cut her off just as rudely:
"Yeah, yeah, so then, knowing Sasuke was home, you went into the bath with him, and if I'm right, Itachi came back from her mission that same day. You're telling me nobody noticed how long you were in there with him?"
And then Mikoto's memory betrayed her, flashing back to Itachi catching her and Akira at the worst possible moment. Kushina saw the flicker in Mikoto's eyes and her own eyes went wide.
"Damn... is there anything I can't get out of you?" Mikoto grumbled.
"Hey, you don't have to spill all your secrets, but just know - I'll keep a few of my own, too."
That's the strength of a friendship built on total trust - and this time, it held. Mikoto told her everything.
For some reason, Kushina found the whole thing hilarious. Really hilarious.
"Hahaha, wait... right as the door opened? Oh, I can't. I'd give anything to see that, dattebane."
Of course, what she found funny was the situation Mikoto had ended up in.
"Kami, I'm going to die laughing. Did you at least wash her panties, or just throw them out?"
Mikoto decided not to answer that one.
It took Kushina a full minute to stop laughing and wipe away her tears.
"Oh... I can't. And here I thought I was a terrible mom. Now I can sleep easy."
Unable to resist, Mikoto smacked her friend on the butt so hard that Kushina yelped and nearly jumped.
In much better spirits, they finally reached the training field - and to their surprise, it was packed.
More than twenty women stood or sat on the grass, watching as their kids - or someone else's - tore across the makeshift football field.
The goals were wooden - two logs hammered into the ground, with a three-meter plank nailed across the top as a crossbar. There was even a net made from fishing nets knotted together. The field, marked with regular paint, was filled with twelve kids yelling for passes.
Not far from the field, they spotted me, lounging in a chair I'd somehow gotten my hands on, sipping what looked like mojito and petting Aika, who was curled up in my lap. Next to me sat my sister, also in a comfy chair, sipping a cold drink through a straw. Mezumi's maid stood behind us.
Kushina and Mikoto headed straight over.
"Oh, look at that - angels sent from heaven," I greeted them, giving both women an appreciative once-over.
"Cut it out," Kushina waved me off, pleased despite herself. "Any chance you've got extra chairs for us?"
"Do I look like a furniture store?" I asked Mezumi, who'd asked for a chair a few minutes earlier.
"He's got more," Mezumi ratted me out, smiling. "Hi, Kushina-chan, Mikoto-san."
Noticing Mezumi was more familiar with Kushina, Mikoto said, "Hello, Mezumi-san, you can just call me Mikoto."
"Oh, good, then you can call me Mezumi too," she replied with a smile.
"These aren't chairs, but they'll do," I said, pulling two stools from my storage scroll.
"You carry around two chairs and two stools?" Kushina asked, settling onto a stool.
"Three stools, actually. I recently met someone who opened my eyes to the world of comfort and relaxation," I said, remembering a Nara clan member who always had a few stools with him.
"Hmph," Mezumi chuckled beside me.
"And I suppose you've got tea, too?" Mikoto asked, sitting down next to Kushina.
"Nope," I shook my head. I'd had enough tea for one day. "But Nekorin's got cold water."
*They really hit it off fast,* Kushina thought in surprise. *If I didn't know they'd just met yesterday, I'd think they'd known each other forever.*
Nekorin, standing behind her mistress and me, noticed it too - but unlike Kushina or Mikoto, she knew why.
*They're so much alike. They get each other instantly... like twins. Both smart, both a little lazy, even their sense of humor matches. You rarely see that, even between sisters who've lived together all their lives. My lady did the right thing, deciding to get closer to her lost brother. She looks so happy now, even if it's not obvious on the surface.*
And together, we all watched the game. I'd never been a football fan - in my past life, I'd only watched a couple of matches, mostly because of my dad. Well, except for one kind of football I liked - a cartoon called Galactic Football. And while shinobi football wasn't as dynamic as that, it was a hundred times more interesting than anything I'd seen in a stadium.
Sasuke, for example, could leap over opponents' heads with the ball and score from any position. If someone fell from a collision or a trip, nobody faked it, and there were no yellow or red cards. Some of the kids even had bruises and scrapes - no mystery how they got them. Naruko had just kicked someone who stole the ball from her. But the main thing was - the kids were having fun, and Mikoto noticed.
*They're just glowing with happiness, like everyone else watching... I haven't seen my clan this happy and carefree in ages. Is this all... because of Akira?*
Mikoto couldn't help glancing at me. I seemed to enjoy the kids' laughter and shouts just as much.
Half an hour later, other parents and clan members showed up and took their kids home - but that wasn't the end. Some of the women decided to try scoring goals themselves, and soon the rest joined in, from the youngest to the oldest. Before long, the women were playing a few matches, and the game got even more dynamic - and a lot more entertaining.
I watched with delight as some of the women's chests bounced while they ran, or their skirts rode up to reveal the tops of their thighs. The first group quickly realized, thanks to the spectators, that they were flashing a little too much, so by unanimous decision, thirty-four women, three men, and two teenagers were asked to leave the field.
"What about him?"
The last teenager, a young genin, didn't want to leave.
"Are you kidding? That's Akira-san, our clan advisor," one woman called out.
"And he's the one who gave us this game."
"Akira-san is a gentleman, unlike you. He's not going to look where he shouldn't."
Unable to argue with the women, the teenager slunk off, grumbling about the unfairness of the world.
Why watch sweaty, hairy guys running around when you can watch beautiful women bouncing around?
I realized women's football was seriously underrated in my world - especially beach soccer, where the uniforms were minimal.
A little later, Kushina and Mikoto decided to join in too. The sound of women's laughter echoed across the makeshift field until nine o'clock, when she showed up:
"Oh, look, they're about to cry," I said, nodding toward Itachi, who'd come to see what the noise was about.
And my words were almost prophetic. In three fifteen-minute games, NO ONE managed to take the ball from Itachi. And no one got past her without losing the ball. With Itachi on the team, it was a one-sided slaughter.
That night, nobody left the training field without a smile - except for the men, who'd been kicked out.