My reaction to what I'd just heard was exactly the same as Kushina's - one eyebrow raised, with that look that says, "Did I really just hear that?" Well, it happens to the best of us. Let's just pretend it never happened.
I picked up the kettle and, playing the gracious host, topped off everyone's cups with hot water, all under Mezumi's watchful gaze.
"You're just going to ignore what your big sister said?" she asked, not even touching her cup.
And even though I was almost a hundred percent sure there was no one else in the room, I still glanced around, half-turning, trying to figure out who this girl was talking to.
Kushina followed my gaze with interest, but in the end her eyes landed on me.
Now both of them were staring at me.
Nani?
When did we get so close that she's calling me her little brother? I mean, Naruko could call me "big brother Akira" and it'd make sense - we're close enough for that, I think. But Mezumi? I know the lady who owns the bakery on Main Street better than her.
"You know Akira?" Kushina decided to step in.
"How could I not? We always slept side by side as kids. I'd recognize my little brother anywhere." She propped her cheek on her hand and looked at me again.
"Ooh, I see," I nodded. "It's a pretty hot day, Mezumi-san. You really shouldn't be out without a hat or an umbrella. I'll go get some cold water and maybe grab some medicine. Tell me, is your forehead burning up?" I asked, already half-standing.
Mezumi's expression didn't change, but something about her - the veins pulsing at her temples - told me my concern for her mental health wasn't exactly making her happy.
I turned to Kushina, hoping for a clue on how to handle this.
*Don't provoke her, just smile.* She spelled the message out with her fingers under the table, channeling chakra. Pretty slick, actually.
I decided to take her advice and went back to my original plan - just pretend I hadn't noticed our guest's weird words.
And if you think about it, there aren't any mental hospitals here... But there are psychiatrists, whose job is basically to make sure people - mostly shinobi - don't decide to check out early. As for PTSD[1], OCD[2], depression, split personalities, and all that, I bet they just hand out the usual advice: eat more fruit, get some fresh air, and go to bed on time.
Jokes aside, I remember reading somewhere that up to fifty percent of soldiers returning from Iraq or Afghanistan have PTSD. I'm pretty sure the local shinobi suffer from all sorts of disorders at the same rate, if not more. Modern armies at least have long psychological training, but here... it all depends on your sensei. Look at Kakashi - he's burned out, and now the only thing that interests him is porn. Gai, as funny as it sounds, is sick too - no normal person could train at that pace, even with death on the line.
Tsunade's got a gambling addiction and a panic attack at the sight of blood. Orochimaru, who's basically Voldemort, is terrified of death and will do anything to become immortal. Canon Naruto, with his massive attention deficit, has so many issues that the possible death of someone close gives him panic attacks. Sasuke - well, that's obvious. And Sakura, for some reason, has a split personality - and that's before they even went through a war.
So... in a way, the villagers are right to be afraid of shinobi. You never know when someone's going to snap. In public, all shinobi wear one mask, with family another, and sometimes even they don't know what's really behind all those cracked masks.
I was getting way too deep in my own thoughts. Maybe this Mezumi girl is actually normal, and it's just a joke I don't get? I'm not exactly an expert on local customs.
"Hah... I thought you'd believe me right away." She sighed, putting the interesting folder back into the seal on her hand. Then, bringing her fingers together, she went on, "I'm almost a hundred percent sure you're my long-lost little brother. The fact that you say you've lost your memory only makes me more certain."
Well... in that context, it makes a bit more sense - she has, or had, a little brother who went missing, and for some reason she's convinced I'm him. Actually, that's kind of funny. I almost wanted to ask, "And what's your proof?"
"Oh, well, you're mistaken. I'm not your brother," I said, and couldn't help glancing at the door, as if to hint that if she came here just for that, she could leave.
"You look a lot like me, physically," she replied calmly.
My gaze, damn it, got stuck on her chest - a solid D, maybe even E cup - and then dropped to my own obvious flatness. Of course, I knew she meant facial features and other details, but my eyes and brain just couldn't help focusing on two very different details. Yeah... even Mikoto's helping hand wouldn't be enough here.
I heard a stifled snort from the side, and Mezumi just raised an eyebrow, continuing her truly fascinating speech.
"Besides, my missing brother should be sixteen now." I allowed myself a small smile and cut in, "Well, there's your first mistake: I'm over eighteen - probably - and as for looks... you know, Mezumi-san, in a world this big, it's not surprising to meet a few people with similar features." I looked at her, waiting for her to process that. She handled it pretty quickly and went on, "My little brother was really into art as a kid." Oh, right, we first met at the art center.
"All kids love drawing. It's the easiest way to create and explore the world." Come on, girl, let the isekai guy explain why he's not your "brother."
"Yeah... you always loved to argue with me, but you know, Akira," she paused, smiled a little more genuinely, and pointed at Aika, who was lying off to the side, "when I gave you a cat for your birthday, you named her Aika, after your favorite play. Aika - Song of Love. And she was snow-white too." She finished, a little sadly.
So... either she's lying, or this is one hell of a coincidence. But why would she lie? If she were just some random girl, I'd get her trying to convince me we're related, but if Kushina's right and she's a semyo, then she's got more than enough money.
Well... I guess coincidences like this do happen.
"And, you're not over eighteen, you're almost seventeen. So there's no contradiction." She hurried on, not letting me finish my thought.
"What?" I was surprised at how confident she sounded.
"That's right. Why do you even think you're over eighteen?" she asked, curious.
"Well... after my so-called 'awakening,' it was hard to judge my age, and I thought I might have even underestimated it."
"No, you're not quite seventeen yet. How do I know? Simple - I read your file. That folder I pulled out earlier had your medical records too. You've already been to the hospital, right? You think it's hard for med-nin to figure out someone's age?"
What the hell? That was my file? It's as thick as War and Peace! I glanced at Kushina, and she looked somewhere between "surprised" and "holy shit," and I couldn't tell if it was the size of my file or the reveal about my age. Not that it matters much if I'm two years older or younger - it's all the same to me.
"Uh... can I see it too?" I reached out toward Mezumi.
"Sorry, village law says you can't see your own analytical data. Well... except for the Hokage, I guess, but I don't think that was ever standard practice." Mezumi winked.
"Yeah, she's right," Kushina chimed in.
Alright, but back to the main point... She really does believe I'm her little brother?
As if reading the question in my eyes, she reached for her hand again, and this time a sheet of paper appeared on the table - standard A4.
Hooking my finger under the edge, I pulled it over and started reading the table, full of terms I didn't understand in both columns. What really caught my eye was the bottom, where it said in bold: CONCLUSION, followed by:
[Based on the results of the analysis of the above genetic systems, biological kinship between Zoldik Akira and XXX cannot be excluded, as they share 20 informative loci. According to the Shikimitsu system, the kinship is 47.34%, which on average corresponds to close relatives.]
So... okay, in theory, they could have gotten my genetic material and kept it for some reason. From what she's saying, it's clear who "XXX" is, but then two questions: what was the point of this whole performance, and how did they run a DNA test so fast? Doesn't modern medicine need at least a week? Or is that just for regular people? Maybe here, with chakra and all the unique clan genetics, DNA tech is way more advanced.
Catching a glimpse of Kushina pretending not to be interested in the paper, I couldn't help but smirk. I silently handed her the sheet, then looked at my "sister."
Maybe this body really did belong to her little brother somehow. I have no idea who or what created it, or where it came from - I always assumed mine was made from scratch. Or maybe the entity in charge of souls just rewrote reality so I wouldn't pop into existence out of thin air. That would explain her brother's so‑called disappearance - "taken" early to prep for my arrival - and all those coincidences, like the same pet names and that supposed love of drawing.
But... even if they gave me this weird "alibi" for existing in this world, I'm still not her brother, no matter what she thinks. I could play along, sure, but I'm not used to using people who think of me as family to get what I want. And honestly, I don't want to get used to it. I've got enough sins on my soul as it is. Alright, let's try to do the right thing.
"But you have to understand, I don't remember anything about you, so whether I'm alive or not doesn't make much difference." I switched to the familiar "you" as if it was the most natural thing. The phrase, after a bit of thought, made Mezumi's lips twitch slightly.
"Well, maybe..." She raised a finger, about to say something I really didn't want to hear.
"I'm not going to the Yamanaka." I cut her off right away. She puffed out her cheeks a little in response.
She pressed her long finger to her chin, tilting her head in small circles, clearly thinking hard, judging by her raised eyes.
"Got it! I read a story once about a guy who lost his memory, and after spending a few years at home with his family, he managed to remember some things." Well... looks like they know the basics of memory recovery here, and I've already seen how well-read my "big sister" is.
"I'm not planning to leave Konoha anytime soon, let alone for years." I shot down her idea right away.
"Hmm, yeah... you've got businesses here and in Tanzaku." She shot a meaningful look at Kushina, apparently marking her as another reason I wouldn't leave the village - and honestly, she's right.
"Yeah, so don't worry and just go back to your lands." She looked down at her hands, thinking, and I went on, "I have no intention of claiming your power. If you want, I can write a document right now giving up any inheritance or authority from our parents. You don't even have to mention you have a brother, and I'll do my best to keep our relationship a secret too." Come on, just agree. Getting dragged into big politics is the last thing I want for the next twenty years.
"I've decided!" she announced, raising a finger. "For now, I won't rush back to the prefecture. To manage things, all I need is to get reports and give orders."
Yeah... I don't like where this is going.
"Given your reluctance to leave Konoha, I think it makes sense to maximize your memory recovery under the current circumstances."
"Meaning...?" I prompted.
"You choose: you live at my place, or I live at yours." And it didn't look like she'd accept a third option.
****
"What do you mean, a semyo is going to live in our district?" The district was still closed off, so any outsider's presence had to be cleared with Mikoto herself.
I caught her just as the clan council meeting was ending - I hadn't made it in time, or rather, I hadn't wanted to. As soon as the last clan member left the house of one of the late elders, I grabbed Mikoto, who was about to be the last to leave that not-so-fragrant place.
She was surprised, squirmed, and only after a quick glance around to make sure no one was watching did she let herself relax in my arms. A two-minute kiss, with a squeeze of Mikoto's right butt cheek, had to be cut short because I was getting a little too excited, and now was not the time to deal with that.
So, I told Mikoto that a semyo - my sister - would be living at my place. It was definitely unexpected news, so I had to give her the short version.
"But... your house is empty," she remembered.
"Yeah... I was planning to go furniture shopping with Kushina today, but who could've guessed Mezumi would show up and want to help decorate too. Maybe she just likes doing that stuff, or maybe she just wants an excuse to spend time with me. So, plans got pushed back two hours, and now there's a new participant - or rather, participants, since Mezumi brought her personal maid."
And... honestly, I wasn't even needed. With three women, we got to the house, the adorable Nekorin pulled a cushion, a small table, and a thermos out of her storage scroll and started setting up, while Mezumi and Kushina wandered around the house, whispering and giggling. Yeah, they hit it off way too fast.
And then... turns out my little sister has a ton of servants, but as if six people weren't enough, she borrowed a few more from her dear relative - Torio-sama - and put everyone to work finding and buying specific things or people.
The worst part was when they started asking my opinion on every decorating idea. Sure, I'm glad my opinion matters in my own house, but after half an hour, I was already regretting my "brilliant" idea of decorating together.
Having so many extra hands did have its perks - by nine in the evening, the house was ready to move into. The servants were super efficient - honestly, I wouldn't mind having some myself, but there's nowhere to put them, and clones are way more useful and... loyal.
All in all, it was a pretty eventful day, and I didn't even realize how weird it all was at first. I went to bed in one of the new rooms, which still smelled faintly of varnish. Through the thin paper walls, in the next room, was a stranger who turned out to be my sister, and we'd only known each other for half a day. I had no idea when she was planning to leave, but she'd definitely made her room nicer than mine.
Yeah... I'm still not sure - is this all some kind of joke? The whole situation seems nuts, but Kushina, Mezumi, and I never even tried to bring it up again. Every day, my life just gets weirder...
***
[1] PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening, or distressing events. People with PTSD often relive the traumatic event through nightmares and flashbacks and may feel isolated, irritable, and guilty.
[2] OCD - Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is characterized by recurring, persistent, unwanted thoughts, urges, or images (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) that people feel driven to perform to reduce or prevent the anxiety caused by the obsessions.
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