*** Tuesday | Ziek's Bedroom | ZIEKS POV!!
It was 7:00am when I woke up, rolling over to shut my alarm off. I sat up, noticing Ayden's messages. My face felt hot thinking about how to reply, unsure about his suggestion. Could I even do that? Choosing the shots from now on...?
E: Idk if I can do that tbh... I'm like- horrible at making last minute decisions đ„Č and I don't wanna make you uncomfortable :(
Another reason was I didn't want to get more attached and interested in him than I already was.
I sat staring at my screen as I reread the texts over and over again before setting my phone back down onto the bedside table. A few minutes passed before Ayden's notification popped up, my phones screen lighting up in response. As I glanced down at the message I felt curiosity and nervousness creeping over my shoulder.
A: don't worry already got a plan
A: ill explain at school đ
It wasn't much of a surprise to think Ayden's thought of a fool proof plan for almost any and every situation. I couldn't help but let a small chuckle escaped my lips as I shook my head.
E: when do you not loll? đ€Ł see you there emo boy.
I stood up setting my phone back down on the bedside table, walking over to my closet. I tugged on the sleeve of my maroon sweater tiredly as I watched it slip off of the plastic hanger before slinging it over my shoulder. My eyes landed on a pair of black jeans hung up neatly in the corner of my closet. I quickly grabbed the jeans along with a pair of black converse; slightly worn but still in fairly good condition. Once dressed I headed towards the bathroom gazing at myself in the mirror. Something felt off about today and it wasn't just the fact that Ayden kissed me in front of Phoenix. It wasn't long before I heard my mom's voice coming from downstairs.
"Sweetheart your breakfast is ready!"
Mom made me breakfast sometimes before school if she had the time to before work, which I was always grateful for to say the least. She always put so much effort into everything she does, it was quite admirable.
"Coming!" I called out shortly after, ruffling my already disheveled hair before shutting the bathroom light off and dashing down the stairs.
Laid out on the dining room table was a plate of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. I felt my mouth water as I examined the food before taking a seat in front of my plate. My head turned towards my mom as I gave a small nod and smile. "Thanks mom, it looks amazing," I say, shoving a syrup-drenched triangle shaped piece of pancake into my mouth. She gives me a small nod and a chuckle before ruffling my hair. "Of course honey, I'm heading off to work now, have a wonderful day at school," She pauses as she grabs her purse and keys from the table, turning her head back towards me once more. "and don't be late to the bus." The front door shuts behind her and the house is mostly quiet besides the sound of metal on glass and my own chewing.
As much as I would've loved savoring this meal a little longer, there wasn't much time for me to work with so I quickly scarfed the rest of my food down before rinsing my plate off in the sink. I rushed back up the stairs grabbing my guitar case from the corner of my room, my backpack and my phone which was still plugged into the charger. I slung my bag over my shoulder before checking the time. 7:47.
I headed back down the stairs as I made my way towards the front door. The cold air bit at my nose and fingers as I sped walked to the bus stop. As usual Mr. Bullock was there on time; ten minutes before eight. It was a silent ride to the school as I zoned out into my own thoughts whilst staring out the window at the passing cars and blurred trees. When we'd arrived at the school the warmth from the bus was almost impossible to leave, but nonetheless here I was walking up towards my usual spot to hang out before class started. I still had about fifteen minutes until class so I fiddled with the latches of my guitar case, staring intently at the writing etched into the hard plastic. 'Eziekiel Tate Carter' I flipped open the case and my hands reached for the guitar before my mind even had the thought to. 'Nobodies around..' I thought for a moment as I placed my fingers on the cords, strumming gently as I tuned them. I strummed the first part of Wonderwall with ease, tuning out almost everything but the sound of the melody. My fingers danced along the strings as I played making me forget just for a moment â where I was and what I was doing.
"Not that good huh?"
My hands froze on the strings as I glanced up towards the familiar voice.
"Sounds pretty good if you ask me, sweaters." Ayden takes a seat next to me as he glances towards the guitar and then back at me.
I can barely seem to form the words as I quickly put my guitar back into the case and latching it shut. How long had he been listening? "I didn't think anyone was.. around." My eyes can't meet his gaze and for a moment and the silence is deafening.
"If it makes you feel better I just got here, I barley heard anything, but even if I'd been there the whole time I'm sure you'd still sound just as good." He chuckled a little as he scratched the back of his neck. "Anyway," he clears his throat slightly. "about the plan.." He pulls a stack of index cards from his bag before turning to face me completely. "No questions, no hesitation, pick a card."
He gestures towards the spread out stack in his hands. Part of me wants to question where this is going but that's the whole point of this 'plan' Ayden had in mind, wasn't it? 'Fuck it.' I shut my eyes as I picked a card from the middle holding it out in front of me as my eyes opened slowly. On the card written sloppily with a black pen says 'Hold hands for 5 minutes' My free hand immediately goes to my mouth as my eyes shot up toward him. "What.. is.. this-" I mumble against the palm of my hand as I glance towards the note card and then back at him.
"You told me Phoenix doesn't give up easily, right?" He tilts his head to the side slightly. "Well neither do I, and like I always say the only way to fight fire is to extinguish the flame." He smiled a little, clearly proud of himself for coming up with this plan. "Whatever weird obsession he has with you, it'll surely be put out when he sees how close we've gotten." He looks off for a moment and then turns back towards me before continuing. "Besides you said yourself that you're not the best at making decisions and what better way than to randomly pick a card and act it out, it's kinda like improv you know? We gotta make our relationship believable otherwise this plan probably will backfireâ which just so you know I am willing to do this because I wouldn't have come up with this plan otherwise," He clears his throat slightly. "..but it's no pressure honestly, I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything."
The cogwheels were turning in my brain at this point. Where does he come up with these plans? And why was he so willing to do all of this? "Okay but like.. publically? People are gonna think we're together for real-" My heart is pounding out of my chest. The cold didn't even matter at this point because by now I was sweating with nervousness. Ayden chipped away at the black nail polish on his fingernails as he responded.
"The way I see it is people either already think we are or they don't give a fuck, and if they do who cares, they don't know us or what the situation is." Ayden moved to fiddle with a piece of string dangling from the holes in his jeans as he sighed. "You can't let the way everyone reacts or treats you dictate the way you live your life Ez."
His words hit me a lot harder than I expected, but nonetheless he was right. When was I finally going to stop caring what people think? When the bell rang I basically scrambled to get my stuff together. Ayden stuffed the cards into his bag before he stood and slung his backpack over his shoulder. "So whatcha say sweaters? Five minute walk to class, five minute hand hold." He inched his hand out closer to my own which made my heart skip in anticipation. "A-are you sure you're okay with this..?" Without hesitation his hand was interlocked with mine. I watched as his fingers curled over my knuckles before mine had done the same to his. "It doesn't bother me," He paused for a moment as he stared directly into my eyes and I can feel the heat rush up to my cheeks. "I promise."
Ba dum Ba dum Ba dum
My free arm instinctively goes up to cover the never ending blush spreading across my face. 'God, why does he have this effect over me..' I take a sharp inhale before nodding a little. "Alright, let's do this."
Ba dam Ba dum Ba dum
We're really doing this. This is insane right? I couldn't help but wonder as we started to walk towards my first period hand in hand. As we walked to my class I couldn't help but focus on how rough Ayden's hands wereâ not in a bad way necessarily, just more worn; usedâ like they had stories of their own to tell. I glanced up quickly at Ayden's face to catch any sudden change of expression, but yet there was none. Did he really not care? How was he so selfless?
*** English
"Well, here we are." Ayden turned to face me as we stopped at the door of the classroom. "See that wasn't so bad now was it?" He let out a soft chuckle before glancing down at our hands. For a moment he lingers there, letting a moment of silence stretch on. It gave me time to realize my hands weren't the only ones that were sweating. Was Ayden nervous or was his hand just hot because of mine? "Oh- right. Sorry." He released my hand quickly, stuffing his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "I'll catch you in second period okay Ez?" I gave him a small nod as he walked off when the bell rung which cued me to head inside. As I sat at my desk I couldn't stop my thoughts from wandering. 'Did Ayden really come up with all of this since this morning? Last night? What else did he write on those cards? ...and was he just as nervous as I was?' I felt myself blushing again and I immediately glanced downwards to the worksheet on my desk. My eyes landed on my right handâ the one Ayden had been holding. His grip had been firm to an extentâ not enough to hurt or cause discomfort of course, more likeâ it felt like he was protecting something sacred to him. There was a certain kind of softness and gentleness in his grasp; even with the callouses layering his fingers and palmâ it didn't bother me.
I felt a thump against my shoe, darting my eyes over towards Dakota who'd been resting her chin against her palm as she stared at me with curiosity. "Hey uh, did something happen? You've been pretty quiet today." She asked as she brushed a strand of her bangs out of her eye.
Things were at least easier now that Kota knew what was going on. I could freely tell her about things and trust that she'd keep things to herself. That counted with anything and everything. "I'll tell you about it at lunch, I promise." It was too risky talking about things like this around others especially since nobody outside our friend group knew it wasn't real and if they did it would jeopardize everything. She nodded a little as she sat back into her desk. The hour was long and uneventful, but I'd completed the paper needed before the bell rung and that's all that mattered to me. Ayden was propped up against the wall as he waited for me to exit the classroom.
"How's it hangin, babe?" Ayden teased as a small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth followed by an amused laughâ both reacting to his own comment and the reaction it gave me.
I blushed a deep shade of red as I started to scurry to our class together. I knew Ayden was playing along into the whole fake dating thing and it made not only my heart pound out of my chest but it also made me extremely nervous. I could feel myself getting more and more sucked into my desire for him. I stopped in my tracks just before entering the classroom. Ayden wasn't far behind me of course and I could feel my heartbeat in my ears for a moment before I felt the warmth of his hand starting to seep in through the fabric of my shirt as it rested against my shoulder. He turned me to face him and without warning his arms are around me in an embrace. 'Huh?' My face is buried against his black hoodie which smells faintly of weed and cologne. I can't bring myself to say anything but before I do Ayden's voice speaks up, barely audibleâ muffled in the mess of my hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was teasing.." His voice was sincere yet somber, a completely different tone than it had been prior. "That was probably a bit much, I apologize I won't do it again. I promise." He pulled back from the hug but kept me at arms length, each hand grasped onto either side of my sweaters sleeves. "Please tell me if I'm ever being too much, I don't... want to lose you." Those big blue eyes stared straight into my soul and I had to remind myself how to breathe again.
"...It's okay it just caught me off guard is all, you're not gonna lose me and you're not being too much." I looked down for a moment, before muttering something underneath my breath. "I just get so nervous.. I've never had a boyfriend before, and now I have to learn how to fake having one.. it's a bit overwhelming at times." I sighed a little. Part of me wanted to stop this whole fake dating thing in general, but the other part was scared of the outcome and what Phoenix would say or do once he found out.
Ayden's eyes lingered on me before he nodded understandingly. "Yeah. I get it. I'm not used to this either, I just wanna help make things a little easier for you but sometimes it feels like I'm making it worse." His grip on my sleeves tightened a little before he dropped his arms to his sides. "I'm sorry Ez. Maybe.. maybe this wasn't a good idea in the first place. Maybe we should talk about alternative ways to get him to leave you alone."
I stared back up towards him, giving him a slight nod. "I think we should take some time away from each other.. I know we haven't known each other for very long but all of this is really messing with my emotions," I took a deep breath, gripping my guitar cases handle. This conversation in itself felt like a breakup which made it much harder to express how I was feeling. "I.. really like you Ayden, but not being able to have you in the way I'd like, and for it to be actually genuine, makes it hurt a lot more knowing its just for show.. if that makes sense." I took a step back, staring down at my feet. I felt a lump forming in my throat as I tried to swallow the pain in my voice.
"I.. understand." Ayden answered, his voice sounded hallow as he spoke. "I'm sorry." I expected him to say something more but that was all that he said before I turned my back towards him and walked into the classroom.