Note from Elder Mei:
"None of these were actually taught by Whiskers. But they are widely believed anyway. Please do not form cults. Again."
1. "The Way of the Nap is the Highest Dao"
"To be still is to understand all movement.
To nap is to transcend time.
To transcend time is to escape homework."
—Taught at five separate sects. One includes compulsory hammock training.
2. "If You Cannot Win, Sleep"
"Battles are temporary. Sleep is eternal.
If they challenge you—yawn.
If they persist—bat them off a cliff."
—Motto of the Azure Cloud Disciplinary Hall.
3. "The Dao Is a Fish"
"The Dao swims.
The Dao has scales.
The Dao is grilled with honey glaze."
—Debated by philosophers for 300 years. Turns out Whiskers was just hungry.
4. "Staring at Things Makes Them Obey"
"Want to levitate a sword? Stare.
Want to grow a flower? Stare.
Want to stop your enemies? Stare while licking your paw."
—Led to an entire martial art called "The Unblinking Claw."
5. "Kill With Kindness. Or With Claws. Whichever Is Funnier"
"Forgiveness is divine.
Unless they touch your blanket."
—Used to justify three duels and a passive-aggressive bake sale.
6. "The Dao Tree Is My Fan"
"It rustles for me.
It drops leaves for me.
We do not speak, but we understand."
—Sect gardeners now plant offerings for the tree. The tree has not confirmed anything.
7. "I Am the Law of Fluff"
"Do not defy fluff.
You cannot punch fluff.
Fluff contains secrets of space and time."
—Inscribed in gold above the new Cultivator Lounge (which is shaped like a curled cat).
8. "Screaming Loudly Can Be Cultivation"
"The phoenix chick is proof.
She chirped a flower into enlightenment.
Volume = Dao?"
—Inspired the "Loud Voice Cultivation Sect" which exploded five weeks later.
9. "The True Headpat Is Internal"
"Don't seek approval. Seek the purr within."
"No pats given. No pats needed."
—Beloved by angsty teen disciples. Frequently quoted in moody poetry scrolls.
10. "Don't Try. Just Be. And Maybe Slap Something."
"Effort is irrelevant.
Be still. Be smug.
Deliver justice with one (1) casual paw tap."
—Final philosophy of the Sect's Guardian Path.
⚠️ Final Warning: Do Not Build Shrines Without Permission
The last time someone made a golden Whiskers statue with lasers for eyes, he peed on it. It exploded.
All spiritual devotion must go through Approved Offerings Council (Chairwoman: Xi-Xi).