In the Heavenly Realm's Office of Celestial Debts, a glowing scroll flickered red.
"ENTITY WHISKERS – OUTSTANDING DEBT: 700 YEARS' WORTH OF CELESTIAL PROPERTY TAXES"
Somewhere, in a tower made of golden calculators, Tax Magistrate Qiang Tu, Supreme Auditor of Realms, adjusted his glasses and grinned.
"Azure Cloud Sect. You've dodged my forms long enough."
He snapped his fingers. A storm cloud appeared beneath his feet.
He descended.
Part II – Arrival at the Sect
Magistrate Qiang Tu arrived like a thunderclap.
Robed in contracts, armored with quills, eyes glowing with inked law. Floating behind him were seventeen ledgers and a spirit beast certified stamp golem.
Disciples screamed.
Elder Mei fainted.
Xi-Xi caught him mid-air. "IT'S A TAX GUY!"
"Where is the beast known as Whiskers?" Qiang Tu roared. "He owes seven centuries' worth of realm fees for his divine shrine!"
A disciple whispered, "He doesn't even own it. He sleeps there."
"Then he's subject to the Divine Occupancy Clause!" Qiang Tu snapped.
Whiskers appeared.
He yawned. Sat. Stared.
"You are accused of tax evasion on seven planar levels," Qiang Tu began.
Whiskers tilted his head.
"I have legal authorization to seize property, spiritual assets, and excessive pillows."
Whiskers licked his paw.
"You have the right to appeal through heavenly channels, but only if—"
bat
The magistrate vanished.
Part III – The Toy Incident
When he reappeared, Qiang Tu had shrunk to the size of a squeaky dumpling. His robes were now soft felt. His hat was knitted.
Whiskers picked him up by the scruff.
Xi-Xi shrieked, "MASTER TURNED HIM INTO A TOY!"
Whiskers batted him down the mountain stairs. The disciples watched him bounce like a fuzzy stress ball.
The sect cheered.
Part IV – Legal Repercussions
Up in the Celestial Realm, chaos erupted.
"He turned the Auditor into a chew toy!"
"Is that even legal?!"
"Well, technically he's divine, and the property was never actually titled—"
By the time they sorted out whether Whiskers had the right to reject taxation via metaphysical rebuttal, it was too late.
Qiang Tu was purring.
He now lives in the shrine. Occasionally gets flung into walls when Whiskers is bored.
Still keeps the books balanced.
Part V – The New Tax Policy
In a panic to avoid further "rebuttals," the Celestial Bureau released a public statement:
"The Cat Known As Whiskers is Now Considered a Tax-Exempt Natural Phenomenon."
"He may not be audited, charged, fined, or approached while napping."
"Property tax applies to all non-feline residents of the Azure Cloud Sect."
Whiskers curled up in a sunbeam.
"Too much noise for a bill."
Elder Mei brought grilled fish and said reverently, "You've defeated bureaucracy, Master."
"No," Whiskers replied.
"I ate it."