I knew what he was referring to now; it's what we were here for. He'd been planning things that far back… further even.
"You feeling better, Doll?" Even after that, he'd still stopped me to ask if I was okay before we went back to the party.
He'd kept an emergency thermos of oil on hand at all times just for me. He'd been on me in seconds when I'd had that overheating attack that day to give it to me. When it wasn't enough, he slit his own hands to give me more of his own. He cared . That was an objective truth. There was no deception, no omission, no lies about that. He cared about me. Wanted to help me. Wanted me to be safe. Wanted me to be happy.
I remembered the time during cuz's 10th Birthday that we fell to the floor against each other because we were both laughing so hard at cuz tackle hugging Liz.
I remembered the time I first used my Solver. When I'd saved Liz from that fall. I'd been so terrified she was gonna be hurt, I'd reached out, knowing that Joe wasn't gonna be fast enough to catch her, and then something changed and I'd caught her in that red sigil and she was safe .
I overheated seconds later. Joe had another thermos on him. He'd taken control of the narrative. Part of that had to have been to spin the entire scenario to his benefit, but it had also unequivocally helped me, cemented everyone's trust in me rather than let fear and suspicion of my Solver brew.
I remembered the absolute joy on his face when I'd given him that [EDIT]ed entrenching tool. "You made me a CNT Reinforced CrCoNi entrenching tool with your Solver?!?" He'd hugged me, and it'd felt really nice, and then he picked me up and spun me around, acting like he was actually a kid, and that felt even more nice, and he kept telling me how much he loved it, and then he told me in Russian, and I was grinning as much as he was, and I'd be so genuinely happy that I'd made him so happy.
I'd gone and talked to him at Andrew's funeral, about my fears about what the Solver was doing to me, and that I couldn't poop anymore. And I don't think he'd overclocked to figure out what to do that day. Because he'd just gone and hugged me instead. And that said more than any words he could have told me ever would have.
He'd known about Mama and Papa the whole time. He told cuz. But they both kept quiet. They didn't judge. He went and smuggled Mama and Papa to his own hab that same night. Kept them safe for eight months. No questions asked. I now knew they both wanted to keep Mama safe as part of their desire to bring her back, but that only drove it in harder that they were literally willing to help me hide bodies.
Hold it together Dolly.
Do it for your parents.
You got this. I believe in you.
I don't think I could have forced myself past my limits to hold Mama and Papa out of view that night without Joe's encouragement. He'd… he'd really believed I could do it, and I remembered that I hadn't wanted to let him down.
He'd carried me the rest of the way after he and Liz took care of me overheating again , while also pushing Mama and Papa along. He'd told me, in Russian, when I'd asked him if we really did it, on the verge of passing out again, " Yeah, Dolly. They're safe. You did great. "
He was there before I even woke up the next morning. Waiting for Uncle Khan to come and go. Held me as I cried in his arms. "I got you, Dolly." He'd ran a thumb on my back. "You'll be fine as long as I can do anything about it." He was telling the truth there too. "I got you. I'm here." He was. He always was.
The next night, when I came to his hab, when I made that promise. He said he had nightmares before he got rid of his dreams entirely. I knew enough now that I could make an educated guess that those nightmares were about what would have been our fates without him. How… how bad was my own death, that he didn't even wanna tell me? "I should be asking you that, Dolly." But he still prioritized me over himself.
Uncle Khan, even though he'd nearly found Mama and Papa, had started caring about me more as a result of Joe's actions. I'd been living under his roof. Joe suggested things to Khan to idiot-proof the Doors, and that had probably saved the colony. I had no idea if that event was supposed to happen on my 11th birthday, but Joe had headed it off far in advance regardless.
He went and shot V. Burned her. Blew her up. Made her hurt, over and over and over again. Was that all for me? Did he think of me when he pulled a trigger or hacked at her chassis? He got me her stinger as a birthday present. Opened himself up to a ton of scrutiny and put a clock on having to say everything he was hiding. He still did that for me , though.
There were the compliments as I improved with my powers. The ever present encouragement. Willing to listen to all my ideas, provide feedback.
When I'd gotten nanite acid on my finger, my first thought had been what would Joe do in that situation. And that… that led to the entire chain of events here and now. Joe gave me my Mama back. He did all of that for me, and here and now, the only thing he was asking for was that I don't kill V. A dark part of my thoughts realized V had regeneration. I could get a lot more payback on her without killing her, now that I thought about it. The Solver traumatized her. I had it. I could be possessed. But V didn't know I was still me. I could use that …
But first…
(LINE BREAK)
I came back out of my thoughts, Joe looking increasingly agitated and even hunching in on himself as Mama still yelled at him, but that small smile as he looked at me still desperately clung to his lips. And I thought about my desire to kill V one more time.
V broke me . But Joe put me back together . He helped everyone else, but still went above and beyond that to help me heal. V was broken too, according to what Joe said. But she never had anyone to save her from her own V. From the Solver . I… I didn't think I could let go of my hate that easily. V still killed Papa… took Mama away from me for three and a half years. But Joe pulled me back from becoming like V. And showed me that I could be better than her. And I realized that I could rub that in her face .
I lost everything that day, but thanks to Joe, I didn't become a monster like she did… and I pitied V, right then and there. Because again, V never had anyone who could have helped her heal and move off that path… not without getting their memories wiped, anyways. I did , because of Joseph. And everyone else too, but all of that still boiled back to Joe. Because of Joe , I didn't end up like V.
I could get my revenge without killing V. By moving on. Being better . Showing V that she didn't break me. And also by fucking her up a few times. Because that was absolutely still on the table.
"Thanks for trusting me, Dolly," he'd told me. "I… regardless of anything else, thank you so much for trusting me. It means more to me than you'll ever know."
My trust meant the world to him. He'd wanted me to know that before he'd told me any of the truth. Joe thought I was going to hate him. He wanted me to know before now just how much he cherished that trust. My mind hadn't changed from when he told me he'd known he could bring Mama back for so much longer than just today. I'd never hate him.
I looked Joe right in the face. That smile was still there on his face, smaller, threatening to break, but still there. He was still hoping. And despite everything he's said since we got here, my trust was still there, too. He believed in me. He defied fate to give me my Mama back. I was gonna believe in him. And I'd defy his expectations and show him that hope wouldn't lead to disappointment this time.
So I opened my mouth. " Stop. " I said in a firm voice. The whole room went quiet. I took in a breath I didn't need. That… I kinda understood why Joe did that so much. It was kinda calming. Grounding. " I don't want to kill V anymore ." I held up a hand, Solver alight, before anyone could start talking again. " I want to maim her. Kick her shit in. Smash her head open. Rip her guts out. Make her bleed . Make her FEAR ME like I felt fear that day, " I said, fanged teeth bared as I let that hate burn in my core. " But I don't want to kill her. That's too little revenge. I'm gonna be better than her. I'm gonna live , and show her she didn't break me. That I won't be like her and let my trauma control me. That I'll be better than what I was supposed to be without the second chance Joe gave us all. That fate's design is not destiny. " I saw, for just a moment, a flicker of red static on the wall behind Joe. But it disappeared in an instant, and I rationalized that it was probably my Solver acting up after I'd been so emotionally charged all day. Then I took another breath and tried to calm myself down. " Also, Joe's right. Even assuming we get it right and don't spawn an Eldritch Horror, that might send the Solver here early, which would be really bad , because whatever plan Joe has, he clearly doesn't look ready to enact it yet. "
I got a DM ping.
Isekai_Protagonist: Thank you, Dolly. You have NO IDEA how much this means to me.
Кукла: Joe.
Кукла: You gave me my Mama back. I don't think YOU realize how much that means to ME.
Mama tapped my shoulder, and I glanced to her. " Doll, you can't-- "
I grit my teeth. " Mama. I still hate her. I don't know if I can ever stop hating her. But… she can apparently be better. I'm going to force my demon to confront her demon. And before that, we can still hurt her. "
"I have repeatedly stated that beating the everloving shit out of V for all the parent murder is still completely on the table," Joe piped in.
"I shot out her wings, her tail, her legs, her arms, screamed at her and mentally broke her over what she did to my parents, and then dumped over half a dozen las-shots into her face," Rebecca remarked.
"Yeah, she was literally crying," Darren remarked. "V is well aware she's a monster and I'm pretty sure we've made her thoroughly haunted and psychologically scarred by what she's done."
Cuz was silent, staring at the floor with… guilt ? I went to open my mouth, but then Emily started talking. "So we've already established that killing V sends her back to the Solver, which means that she suffers a fate worse than death, sending her right back to the abuser who made her like this. And besides not killing her, you want to turn her."
"Yeah," Joe confirmed.
"I don't like her," Emily said. "At all… but that's just not right, doing that."
"Emily--" Thad went to argue, but the cyan-optic'd drone stood up and cut him off.
"No Thad! If she can do penance for her sins, then God would want us to try ! We'll make her turn on her abuser, make her have to live with the guilt of what she's done every single day, spending the rest of time striving for redemption, but I will not agree to sending her back to that demon !" she shouted, resolute.
"Also," Trevor piped up, "The fact that she can regenerate means we can probably really mess her up without lasting consequences. And Joe has repeatedly said he's not stopping us from getting our pounds of scrap as long as they aren't lethal."
"I mean, I can't weigh in on the emotional perspective because I have no clue if she actually killed my parents or not," Penny said, "but if Joe says that we can turn her on the Solver in the future he saw, then from a logical perspective, more bodies against the Solver is more bodies against the Solver."
"We…" cuz started, "We might be in an AU…"
"What?" Kelsey asked.
"So is everything you know useless then?!?" Thad shot at Joe.
Joe flinched. "V's supposed to be shorter than N. Kelsey's supposed to be older. And… Doll's parents were supposed to die outside ."
"Outside?" Liz asked.
"Joe went through part of his memories of canon again this morning," Uzi said. "The flashback scene were cuz saw Aunt Yeva and Uncle Mikhail die took place outside . Joe said he saw trees and snow in the background."
"That's a really big change!" Liz said, concern in her tone.
"Everyone's personalities before I did anything were still perfectly on track to canon though," Joe said. "Pre-canon events have still tracked as well. Like Khan's public 'Doors are my real daughter interview' a while ba--"
" KHAN DID WHAT?!? " Mama screamed.
" Joe punched Uncle Khan in the face right after that, screamed at him for nearly ten minutes straight, and that apparently finally straightened him out. He fixed things up with cuz, actually started being a good father, straightened out all the bullying problems in all the schools in the Outpost, he… Uncle Khan really got better after that Mama. I promise. "
" Khan was getting bad , Kukolka, are you sure --"
"I can promise that dad sorted himself out after Joe decked him," cuz said.
"Kinda wish I didn't have to crack his visor, get arrested the next day, and then have him so depressed by the realizations I hammered into him that he pardoned me, but he did get better," Joe added.
"We can all attest to that," Liz stuck up for cuz by defending Uncle Khan as well. It felt really nice that she did that. She really was my bestie.
"Look, we keep getting off-track," Joe cut in. "Despite the changes to canon that I've noticed, my memories have still checked out for the vast majority of everything. Personalities, background knowledge, context, the whole works. Hell, even regardless of the height difference, V's still farsighted--"
"She's farsighted?" Kelsey asked.
"The irony isn't lost on any of us," Rebecca said.
"When I threw you being nearsighted into her face, she seemed particularly hurt by that realization, by the way," Joe remarked. "But again, digressing. The timeline still seems on track enough that my meta knowledge is still very applicable. After all, what I knew about Solver Cores was what let me conclude bringing you back was plausible in the first place, Yeva. So it's still completely on-track to turn V on the Solver. Uzi's already reasonably confident that she can jack their admin privileges--"
"What?!?" Lizzy asked.
"Yeah, I'm just literally a genius like that," cuz bragged, looking a bit more confident than she had for the past few minutes. "I can just outhack god--"
"Oh my robo-god that's why you two were so insistent on that mind-jacking program!" Penny blurted out. "That was practice !"
" Uzi ," Yeva asked with a tone that literally made me shudder from the parental disappointment in it. " Did you steal someone's sentience from them ?"
"In her defense, she needed the practice to outhack a god, and this time, Joe made sure she didn't permanently light someone's head on fire," Darren said.
"YOU LIT SOMEONE'S HEAD ON FIRE?!?" Thad screamed.
"Permanently. Somehow. Without actually hurting them. Braidon's head was just burning for years ," Joe said.
"You're insane," Thad muttered while staring at Joe with hollow optics. "We're fighting a god and our last best hope is a guy who's insane," he said in a hollow tone.
"I am unhinged , not insane, thank you very much," Joe remarked.
"Also, nice reference, Thad," cuz added.
"Oh robo-god," Thad said, putting his hands in his face. I went to ask if he was okay again, but then Liz spoke up.
"So just to be absolutely clear, like when you went over her being sapient while we were waiting for Dolly earlier--" I raised a digital eyebrow, but I trusted that Joe literally only said that much while I was breaking down with Mama in my arms, "--as long as we don't kill her, we can fuck V up still, right? Like, you wanting to turn her doesn't change that, right? Because I still need to pay her back for what she did to Dolly." She glanced over to me, and flushed for a moment… she did that a lot. And now I was really wondering why she did that. "But, you know, I'm gonna wait until Dolly pays her back first."
"As long as it doesn't damage her core in her upper torso, it's fair game," Joe said.
"Well, as long as being able to make her hurt hasn't changed, I wanna stab her in the face," Kelsey said without a second's hesitation.
"I wanna melt her legs with her own nanite acid," Trevor said.
"Kinda already sorta did that, but more just splashing her acid all over her," cuz admitted.
"So? I can do it again," Trevor countered. "And then cave her head in with a shock maul."
"Hey Joe, do you have chainswords in that armory?" Emily asked.
" Based ," Joe and Uzi said in perfect sync, followed by cuz saying, "We got plenty. Joe had you specifically in mind when he was making them."
"Want an eviscerator?" Joe asked.
"I wanna carve her arms off ," Emily said, steel in her voice. "Hold a gun to her head and make her know what it felt like, then shoot out her knees and leave her there because I'm better than her sins."
"I mean, I don't have a personal stake, but I'm down to shoot her and help Stockholm her into turning on her abuser," Penny added.
" I already said what I wanna do to her ," I spoke up.
Mama finally spoke up from her spot on my shoulder. " You're right. I hate that you're right, but you are. We can't send her back to the Solver and risk that thing coming to Copper 9 early. But I can still express my own hate towards her without killing her. I'll make her beg me for death and I still won't give it to her. "
Joe sucked in a breath. "Yeva? We… kinda want to keep you in reserve."
" What ." It wasn't a question, and that tone made me nervous. I started thumping my leg idly.
Joe looked her in the eyemotes regardless. "No one else knows you're alive. That we have a Patched Solver Drone with us. You're a secret weapon right now. You fight V, and she remembers killing you, and that might have her panic enough to report that to the Solver. And also, you going out is likely to make Doll panic right now."
He was right. Of course Joe was right. I'd already frozen stiff from the prospect of Mama facing of that mo--... V … again. " I… I just got you back, Mama, " I whispered.
Mama hugged my head again. She stayed there, single eyelight closed for a few long seconds, before she sighed. " Oh, Kukolka… I'll wait here for now, just for you, then. "
I teared up. " Thank you, Mama --"
" That doesn't mean I'm not upset that you still want to go out. "
"Ironically, Doll's likely to send V into less of a panic. She'd be the vengeful daughter of one of her previous victims, with the Solver, but not something that might trigger her so badly as to run back to her abuser," Joe commented. "Also, I got plenty of toys to give you all later for our campaign against Robot Cthulhu Satan. Been keeping everyone in mind while stocking that armory."
"Hey, Joe?" Liz asked. "If you know stuff from your first life, can you give us more context on the Solver?"
"The Murder Drones used to be workers before the Solver got to them," cuz said, and I stared wide-eyed at her. That… I was really struggling to reconcile the mental image of that.
I got an invite to a new chat group. The Totally Not Paranoid Apocalypse Preparation Thread. I blinked at that. Joe was absolutely the one who came up with that name, I thought. I accepted the invite. There was an entire data packet posted there by Joe.
"I'll run through the story verbally, but I thought I'd just put it all in text for you all to reference later, too," Joe said.
" Can I get an invite? " Mama asked.
Joe blinked. "You can still connect to things wirelessly right now?"
"Cybernetic Core, not an organic one. And yes, I still have wireless connection, but I have no clue how I have it, " Mama said.
"Sending an invite," cuz said as she took the initiative.
Babeatron-Queenthousand: Joe came up with the name, didn't he?
Darkxwolf16: LMAO
TotesBestGirl: Oh he totes did.
Isekai_Protagonist: Davvero?
Dress-to-Impress: It's funny.
Horror_Movie_Survivor: Robo-Jesus I can't believe you had the lugnuts to use that as your username Joe.
Isekai_Protagonist: Slipped it by everyone besides Uzi for three years, didn't I?
KayKay: I hate that you're right.
TheLastCrusade: You were so using overclock to hide your laughter when you came up with that, weren't you?
Isekai_Protagonist: Absolutely.
Babeatron-Queenthousand: Never change, Joe.
Isekai_Protagonist: Thanks Liz.
DarrenToDream: Hey, since you're finally in on things, did you all know that Joe named the first chat group after the title of a fanfic he read whose premise he was trying to emulate by getting us all together?
Thad_the_Chad: I swear to robo-god Joe, you're literally insane. Are you even taking any of this seriously?
Isekai_Protagonist: Do traumatic flashbacks to canon deaths count as seriously? Because I legit THREW UP when I had one for Doll dying in Episode 7.
Кукла: Are you okay, Joe?
Isekai_Protagonist: Eh, I'm in Murder Drones. Trauma is a constant of life. Basically replaces taxes. Death, Trauma, and Thad being cool, the three constants of Murder Drones.
I got up and walked over to Joe and gave him another hug. Cuz joined me. Mama kinda just sat on my shoulder awkwardly. Joe let out a slow, shaky breath.
Isekai_Protagonist: Thanks. I…
Isekai_Protagonist: I'm tired. I'm scared. That I'm gonna fuck up and get someone killed. That I'm gonna ruin everything. That I can't get the happy ending I want for EVERYONE. Except the Solver, because FUCK THEM. But still…
Матрёшка_гамает: Joseph.
Everyone glanced at Mama.
Матрёшка_гамает: I feel like I'm missing a lot of context. I know you'll explain it later. But… Everything you've said so far makes it seem like you're trying your very best with what you have, and trying to follow your core as much as you're trying to be logical about things. I still don't know all the details, but you've helped my daughter immensely. She trusts you. So I'll trust you too.
Joe sucked in a breath.
Isekai_Protagonist: That… That means SO MUCH from you, Yeva.
Isekai_Protagonist: I'm going to do my best to not let you down.
Joe started to pull back, and everyone went back to their seats yet again. "Right… so… this story begins at least about a decade and a half ago, if not longer, on Earth. In a place called the Elliot Manor… maybe in Australia? But I'm not sure…"
I kinda tuned Joe out as I took another look at him as he started talking, becoming a bit more animated, making gestures to accompany his words, still trying to move forwards with everyone despite how tired and stressed he looked, despite the hollow-eyemote'd glare Thad was giving. Joe… Joe really was someone else compared to the average person. He really didn't have to care about me so much. He could have done the bare minimum. He didn't have to try to save anyone else. Didn't have to try to save Liz from herself. Didn't have to try to save me . He still went out of his way on that very first day he met me to try and help me. He helped Liz be a better person who would care about me, and helped her grow so much closer to me. I cared about Liz so much. I cared about Joe so much. They were both really cool against my chassis when I hugged them. It was really nice. Like that time I kissed him on the cheek. Or the times when I held Liz's hand. Or when I held Joe's hand while I was saying goodbye to Papa. Holding hands felt nice too. And… and they both looked really nice, and Joe looked really pretty that one time he crossdressed, and hugging both of them at the same time was really nice, and felt like the hug I gave Mama's Core when Joe brought her back a little less than an hour before now, all full of love and-- oh…
I flushed. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh… Oh robo-god, I'm the dense anime deuteragonist. I think I like them both … romantically.
The realization hit me over the head like Joe's entrenching tool. And so did the next one… that all of Liz's blushes and being embarrassed and flustered around me and wanting to hug me and hold my hand all the time weren't her being a really affectionate friend. She was crushing on me so obviously it wasn't even funny and I didn't fucking notice . Holy shit , she was into me for years . Liz had a crush on me that was horrifically down bad and I missed it ! My optics ringed out, as I blushed worse. And… and Liz was still like that even today , after she and Joe agreed to date when she was old enough, so she still liked me, and Joe probably knew that because he'd figured out Liz's crush on him, which meant he was apparently okay with Liz wanting to date me while she was already dating him… Did Joe like me too? Was he okay with polyamory? Could all three of us be together?
My blushing got worse and I buried my face in my hands. I was so blinded by my trauma I missed all those obvious signs for years ! It took literally bringing Mama back from the dead to lift the curtains on my perception. This was humiliating ! Cuz was never gonna let me live this down! And… oh robo-god, what is Mama gonna think?!? I thought.
"Dolly?" Liz and Joe asked in perfect sync. "Are you okay?"
I shot up straight and Mama yelped as she nearly lost her perch on my shoulder. " Sto bene! " I shouted.
"That was Italian," Joe remarked, nonplussed.
I choked down a mortified scream. " Didn't you say that you were gonna tell us multiple things we were gonna hate?!? " I tried to deflect.
The mood instantly sobered. Joe and cuz looked at each other. A split second later, Joe sighed. "Of course I lost the rock paper scissors," he remarked, and I realized another overclocked conversation just went by. "Right, I'm just gonna rip the bandage off then."
He stood up, and took and let out another breath. "So!" he started. "I'm just gonna be blunt as fuck with this: In the show, Uzi ends up dating Serial Designation N, one of the Murder Drones up topside, by the end of the last episode, since he completely turns around on the whole genocide thing, realizes how fucked up it was in the Pilot, doesn't kill a single person for the rest of the show, he and Uzi save each other's lives multiple times, they have a whole confession scene while falling from orbit as the Solver is literally eating the planet , and they and V beat the Solver together. It's actually a really wholesome relationship and they both make each other happy in the show. Uzi is a genre-savvy weeb though, so she figured out it happens on her own from context clues I gave her about the show, confronted me about it, and then realized that here and now, she has a crush on N already, and has since flirted with him a couple times already too."
I glanced over to cuz to see her pulling down her beanie over the top of her face as she blushed even worse than I just was. I blinked. Blinked again. Blinked a third time. And I kinda realized that however much I wanted to be pissed, that I had just agreed not to murder V, and that I had way less problems with N by comparison, and I also had no right to criticize cuz over romantic interests, especially when she seemed to be actively pursuing hers while I'd literally just figured out the blatantly obvious crush Liz had had on me for years .
"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?" Thad screamed. "YOU'RE CRUSHING ON A MURDER DRONE?!?"
Cuz flinched, and curled in on herself.
"Not gonna lie, I can respect the ambition, Hot Topic," Liz said. "Like… bag yourself a Murder Robot. Not my cup of ethanol tea, but you're shooting high."
"You owe me a shoulder massage, Dare," Rebecca said.
"Damnit," Darren muttered.
Thad whirled on them. "DID YOU TAKE BETS ON THIS?!?" They both flinched. "They're committing genocide on us and you're taking bets on how we'd react to Uzi wanting to date one?!?" He turned back on cuz. "What the hell, Uzi!"
" Uzi Doorman! " Mama shouted. " Those things killed your freaking MOTHER!!! "
Joe sucked in a breath and visibly fought to keep his mouth shut.
"I KNOW!!!" Uzi suddenly stopped tugging her beanie down and ripped it off, tossing it next to her as she shot to her feet and shouted, still blushing and tears threatening to spill from her eyemotes. "But he's a brainwashed slave and he's gonna get me and just seeing him already makes me happy and I wanna save him and spend time with him and he's adorable and the way that he acts like a sapient golden retriever is really cute and-- and--" cuz's voice started to choke up, and she sniffled. Then she snapped from sad and overwhelmed to angry in a split second, yet another example of Joe's overclock program at work now that I knew it was a thing, and shouted, "I love him, okay! YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME WHO I CAN DATE!!!" She stood there, panting, and then her optics hollowed out. "I- I- I'm sorry, I--"
" Cuz ," I spoke up before anyone else could. " N… everything Joe's saying about him is true? He really doesn't know what he's doing is wrong? " I had to know for sure before I said anything else. Cuz nodded, and then winced and looked away. She flopped back into her seat and started to spin the fidget spinner Joe had made for her years ago, by now. Just another reminder that Joe was looking out for everyone… and that made me like him more.
"He literally doesn't think we're sapient right now," Joe confirmed. "Dude is that dense that he's genuinely gaslit himself into believing that."
" You… you've been working to make my life better, cuz. I'd… I'd be really selfish to deny you happiness if N really needs saving from what he is ," I told her.
"I mean… unlike V, N doesn't actually know what he's doing is wrong, right?" Emily asked.
"Yeah, from what we've seen of the dude, he really is a total loveable idiot who just so happens to have been remade as a genocide robot and was told he's killing defective sub-sapient AI," Rebecca remarked.
"He's actually that naive that he buys it," Darren said.
"I've personally talked to the dude, canon Uzi turned him in about 20 minutes, and I'm positive we could do the same as soon as we crack his self-delusion… he's just… reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaally dense, and that it's probably gonna take some serious work to do it," Joe said.
"Well, if he doesn't know he's sinning, and is likely to stop as soon as he learns as much, shouldn't we try to help him overcome those sins?" Emily asked. "And if he repents, then doesn't Uzi deserve a chance? Only if they both like each other, but still…"
"Can I make clothes for him?" Penny asked.
Cuz sputtered, and Joe started to chuckle. Thad was clenching his fists.
"I mean, we were already planning on turning them," Kelsey said. "And they're literally brainwashed, right?"
Trevor leaned back, still holding Emily's hand. "You know what? I'm fucking tapped out at this point. You wanna rizz a Murder Drone? Just go for it, Uzi. We very obviously left any semblance of sanity behind when we brought Doll's mom back from the dead and Joe turned out to have an unironic username."
"I'm gonna date an Isekai Protagonist," Liz said. "I don't think I have any grounds to call you out on your own romantic interests, Hot Topic." Liz rolled her eyes. "Besides, it's not like you also wanna date V at the same time, right?"
Cuz's optics thinned to pixel thick rings. Joe was quiet. Darren and Rebecca were quiet.
The rest of the room went quiet.
"WHAT THE FUCK , UZI?!?" Thad screamed.
"She killed my parents!" Kelsey added.
"She killed my dad!" Trevor shouted.
"She made my dad kill my mom and then killed him too!" Emily protested.
Penny just stared with wide, hollow optics.
"She's way less hot than Doll!" Liz yelled out. The whole room paused to give Liz a look , and I just blushed, mortified. "What?" Liz said. "It's true!" Holy shit , how did I miss Liz being into me for THIS long, I thought.
I swallowed. That… Uzi had a crush on the… the person who killed Papa. Who killed so many of our parents. That… I didn't have words to say right now. But Uzi did, apparently. She shot back to her feet. "Oh, so that didn't matter on letting her live, but it does when I like her?!? The hell is that hypocrisy?!?"
"There's a difference between not wanting to kill her and being okay with you asking the person who killed half of everyone's parents out on a date , Uzi!" Thad shouted.
"It's like you're just brushing aside that she killed our parents, Uzi--"
"I'M NOT!!!" Uzi screamed, cutting Kelsey off. "I haven't forgiven her at all! I've shot her! I've burned her! I tased her! I spilled her own nanite acid on her ! I've blown her up! I've hacked at her with a chainsword ! I blew her head off over a dozen times, and watched her scream in agony because of things I did to her !" There were tears flowing down cuz's visor. "And… and I hate doing that, but I need to get through to her that we can beat the Solver, that we can save her and N and even J! That she doesn't have to live afraid of that fucking DEMON anymore! Because I know she can be better! I know she can direct that violence into protecting others, that she's hiding someone sweet and caring inside, that she's passionate but hurting under the yoke of the real monster that's responsible for everything, and--"
" SHE KILLED MY HUSBAND AND YOU WANT TO SEDUCE HER?!? " Mama screamed from my shoulder loud enough to make me flinch away. " HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND, UZI?!? "
Cuz flinched and shrunk back. "I--"
" SHE LEFT ME IN A COMA FOR THREE AND A HALF YEARS !!! THREE AND A HALF YEARS I MISSED MY DAUGHTER GETTING TO GROW UP! THREE AND A HALF-- "
" SHUT UP!!! " Joe screamed in Russian, bolting to his feet and physically placing himself between Mama and cuz, holding his arms out. " È colpa mia! " he shouted in Italian. "It's my fucking fault! " this time, in English. He was panting, optics ringed out, digital sweat pouring down his visor, and I realized that this was raw . No overclocks, no planning out his words, he was speaking straight from the core. He continued in a strained but clear tone. " I made a half-joke back when we were seven that the Murder Drones were hot, because I was biased and wanted a ship to happen. I didn't know Uzi would internalize that and it would grow into an actual attraction over the next few years, but I should have , and it was wrong of me to manipulate her like that! It's my fault, not hers! Yell at me , not her! And none of that changes the fact that despite her leash being loser, V is still a slave to the Solver! Yes, she did what she did fully cognizant of her actions and with a sadistic glee, but she did it to bury her own horrific guilt at every atrocity she was committing to protect the man she loved from the same thing that's pulling her leash. The thing truly responsible for everything. It doesn't excuse what she did, but she's a victim too , and we've been punishing her for over half a year by now…"
"Joe like, has a legit montage of all the times they've shot, stabbed, blown up, or otherwise maimed V, and over half a dozen recordings of V breaking down crying, most of them on the spy cam in the library that V frequents because it has a copy of a book N liked," Rebecca added, standing up and walking over to Joe's left. Joe… he looked genuinely shocked. Like he didn't expect Rebecca to stand up for him. And… I think… I think Joe actually didn't expect that. Like… he didn't see himself worth that effort. But… he was . He was worth something. He was worth everything . He helped me live because he wanted me to be happy. He gave me Mama back for that same purpose. He was willing to stand in front of Mama and everyone else so cuz could be happy… I wanted him to be happy… and I was beginning to think that what would make him happy was if everyone else was. And that… I think that was worth letting go of a bit of hate. And besides, Joe and cuz both had repeatedly told us: beating the everloving FUCK out of V was still on the table. If they'd tried to deny me that , I would have had a problem. But as it was… I owed them both a lot… but letting cuz date V was gonna be her next two birthday presents, without a shadow of a doubt. Maybe even three .
Darren stood up too, walking over to Joe's right. Joe looked even more nonplussed at his arrival. "They've been making V pay for what she's done. Over and over and over again," Darren said. "None of them are stopping any of you from messing her up! They just don't want you killing her. And… Joe helped me get together with Becca. What kinda guy would I be to not return that favor and help out him and Uzi?"
Joe took in and released a breath, arms, still splayed out, finally returning to his side. "And besides," he said, "You could cut your niece a little slack, Yeva. It was Uzi who even had the idea to bring you back in the first place--"
" What? " I asked, my own thoughts crashing to a halt. I stood up, and walked closer, but stopped when Joe flinched. That… that didn't feel nice… then I realized Mama was still on my shoulder, and he was probably scared of her rather than me, which felt better. " I thought you had the idea with your meta knowledge ," I told him.
"Uzi was the one who asked me if it was possible for Yeva to regenerate when I was telling her everything. I'm a literal miracle worker, apparently, but even with overclocks, I can't think of everything. I set things up for this, yeah. I set the whole scenario up today. I had the oil for it that I manufactured here. I had the know how to know it was possible to do at all, with the way Solver Cores worked. But that idea didn't occur to me before then. It might not have occurred at all to me, or only years later. Uzi was the one to bring it to my attention. She had the idea. Tonight is on her just as much if not more than it is on me."
I stood there for a few moments. Cuz had the idea to bring Mama back. Mama, who alienated her. Who made me ghost her for years. Who nearly drove a permanent rift between us. I… I understood now that Mama hadn't been in a good state of mind in the wake of Aunt Nori's death, that she realized what she'd done was wrong, but she hadn't had the time to fix that before it was too late. And then Joe brought cuz back into my life, and despite how much Mama hurt her, she still had the idea to bring her back as soon as she learned there was even a chance it might have worked. Because cuz knew it mattered to me . I turned around, the room quiet as I walked back to my seat and gently grabbed Mama and put her down on it. For the first time since I got her back, I ignored what she was saying entirely, flaring my Solver and teleporting past Joe, reappearing in front of cuz, who was still visibly tense and using her fidget spinner. Before she could react, even as Joe was already whirling around behind me, I leaned in and wrapped her in a hug.
I sniffled, tears of joy pouring down my visor. " Thank you, Uzi, " I told her. " Thank you so much… "
"You don't… you don't hate me?" Uzi whispered.
" I'm mad, and a little hurt, " I admitted, because that was the truth. " But Mama's here because of you just as much as because of Joe. And I owe you for that. And I could never hate my cousin, even when she's an idiot simping after a genocidal basketcase. So as long as I can fuck her up first , I'll let you try to date her. " I pulled back and then gave her a deadpan glare. " Don't ask me for a birthday present this year, though. Or… or the next two after that. "
Despite everything, cuz snorted. "That's totally fair," she conceded, voice raw and vulnerable. I let go of her, standing back up and turning to walk back to Mama.
Joe was standing there, frozen, shocked, before I saw the tension visibly leave his frame. "Thanks, Dolly," he said in a low voice.
"I'm not…" I started in a low voice, and then changed my mind, speaking loud enough to be heard by everyone. "I'm not happy with either of you right now. But… I've realized that the only person I'd want to condemn to the Solver is the Solver itself. V… if she can turn around, she deserves that chance. And… I still want to be better than her. If I'm giving her a chance, I'm giving her a full chance. Yeah, I want to beat V's ass, make her feel the same terror I did that day, and to borrow a turn of phrase from Emily, I want to make V repent for her sins by having her fight the Solver with us and literally face her own demon, and then have to live with the guilt of what she's done for the rest of time. And… cuz, you're as much of an idiot as I was, but you were still willing to help hide Mama and Papa's bodies with no questions asked. So… I can forgive you for this, and I can let you try it." And that was all the truth, spoken from my core. I didn't like this. But I wanted to make cuz happy. I wanted to make Joe happy. So… I could live with this… "But only after I beat the fuck out of V. Multiple times. Or maybe just one really good beating. Especially to drive it in that if she breaks your core, I'll break her! And that's a promise!"
" Wow , that was profound," Liz muttered. And then added something under her breath that caused Joe, cuz, Rebecca, and Darren to give her a look , which gave me the feeling that what she said was some kind of variant of " And also hot ." Which… I'd process Liz simping over me as much as cuz was simping over Murder Drones later . "But… if Dolly's fine with it, I'll trust her judgement."
I blinked twice. I have to give credit to Joe for not taking advantage of Liz being so down bad for him. He could have totally abused that, I thought.
"Doll's right," Emily said. "Uzi's an idiot--" I saw cuz slump, but she accepted it, "--but if we're giving V a chance it should be with no conditions besides the obvious 'don't murder or maim innocent drones' and similar."
Trevor glanced at his girlfriend for a few seconds, and then sighed. "You know what? We're this far down the rabbit hole of whatever the fuck plan Joe has to commit deicide. As long as I can bash V's head in with my shock maul, I can get past this. I'll pay V back for what she did to Mom and I, but I don't think my dad would have wanted me to completely lose myself in revenge. So as long as you wait until after I've maimed her to ask her out, I'll deal."
"I…" Kelsey paused. "I… I wanna hurt her. I wanna look her in the eyes. I wanna make her know what I felt when I woke up with damaged vision, my parents dead, my home destroyed, and Andrew and his parents dead too. I wanna see the fear in her eyemotes as she realizes I can send her back to the Solver right then and there. Then I'll call things even."
"Go for it, Kelsey," Uzi said.
Kelsey nodded back. "I won't have a problem if you try to date her after that."
"Can I still, like… flirt?" cuz asked. "Like… I got her a bunch of glasses in her prescription--"
"Uzi," Joe cut her off.
"Sorry, I--"
"Just don't ask her out until after we've all fucked her up," Liz said. Kelsey hummed an agreement, and Trevor and Emily nodded.
I glanced over to Thad, who had an impassive expression as he was staring dead at Uzi, fists clenched. I wanted to ask if he was okay--
"So were N and V a thing before the Solver?" Penny asked. "Because you said that V was protecting the man she loved, and N's the only guy in that squad…" she trailed off
Joe snrked . "Yes, they were a thing. The Solver reset N's memories though, so he doesn't remember that, but he still has a crush on her, because said crush was that intrinsic to who he was. It was sorta implied in the show that V tried to get back together with N on Copper 9, but the Solver reset his memories again, possibly more than once, so she was just stuck interacting with a man who loved her that wouldn't be able to remember her if she ever got close to him."
"Okay, I can kinda understand the whole thing with her trying to lose herself in being a murderous psychopath," Penny remarked. Then she glanced at cuz. "But you're also trying to get together with the guy you bagged in canon and reunite him with his ex at the same time and date that ex too ?"
"Y-yeah?" cuz said.
"Based," Penny said, as if it was a matter of fact. And in a vacuum, even though I didn't want to admit it… it kinda was based.
" Doll… " Mama said, actually sounding hurt , and I flinched. " You… you're going to forgive that monster for killing your father? "
I emulated Joe again, because taking breaths actually was calming… I wondered if that was something programmed into us by JCJenson, or if that was another result of my body changing because of the Solver. " Mama… it's been less than a day for you… but it's been three and a half years for me. I spent weeks borderline catatonic. I… thought about killing myself at some points. "
"Dolly!" Liz shot up, and I held out a hand to stop her. Joe was looking at me with blatant concern, and I just gave him a small smile.
"I had Joe and Liz help pull me out of that. Joe got Uzi back in my life. I had… I had three and a half years to come to terms with you and Papa being… dead… I… I know I didn't cope with it in a healthy way. I lived with your bodies for most of that time… but cuz, Joe, Liz, Uncle Khan, who ended up letting me live under his roof, all my friends… they helped me realize that I could live again. That I could be happy. And… cuz is an idiot, and I'm still gonna FUCK THAT BITCH UP, but I wanna give Uzi the chance to be happy too… And they have been making… V… pay for what she did. For months. They showed me footage… though I wanna see that montage…" I admitted. "But… they even got me V's tail as a birthday present. They've been making her pay for what she's done. They're still letting us make her pay too without trying to stop us… but that gift led to me being an idiot and spilling nanite acid on my finger and that's why I discovered that I could regenerate and that lead to them bringing you back Mama… so… in a really roundabout way, V is also… technically responsible for that. But… it's been three and a half years for me, Mama. I can let go of enough of my hate to let cuz try to be happy, because you wouldn't be here without her."
" Kukolka… " Mama trailed off, staring at me, looking lost . I think… I think she was realizing that I grew up without her, and that I finally recovered from that day. " I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you… "
I walked over, picked her Core up, and hugged her to my chest. " You're here now, Mama. Because of Joe and cuz. And that's all that matters. "
"Sooooooo…" Joe said. "I got a clip from Uzi's point of view where she landed a really snazzy 360-No-Scope on V with a railgun. Cool enough that it could stand separate from the montage."
"Wait, you actually have a montage?" Trevor asked.
"You should know I wouldn't bullshit about that by now, Trevor!"
Trevor snorted. "That's fair, dude."
Joe went over to a previously unused TV screen on the wall, turned it on, and then a second later, it showed cuz's POV, and I watched Joe engaging V in a melee with his… he was using my gift to-- he just slammed V in the face with it. I grinned. I giggled. I froze when V lashed a wing out at Joe, but he dodged as fast as lighting and flicked my gift with just a jerk of his arm before slamming the pick into the mid joint of the wing hard enough to shear it off with a shattering of metal. He pulled out some kind of cross that shown with a brilliant purple light that caused steam to erupt from V as she screamed and stumbled back--
"Is that my cross that you reforged?" Emily asked.
"Yep!" Joe confirmed, pausing the playback for a moment. "Fed the material into one of the IGMPs and reforged it as a holy talisman to brandish against the Sky Demons--"
" That was what Nori called them ," Mama said.
Joe and cuz looked at one another. "We'll get over to Nori soon," Joe said, and then resumed the playback before I could fully register that.
My eyes widened as Uzi leapt out the window she was watching from, spun in a full 360, and then no-scope-domed V, her head getting erased in a burst of metal and fire. Uzi touched down in a classic three point landing after dropping six whole stories, and then stood back up and walked to Joe, giving him a high-five before the recording stopped.
"Those combat frames you built are ridiculous ," Liz remarked.
"You'll be in them soon enough," cuz said with a grin.
"And by the way, Yeva, we already chewed Dolly out over fucking around with nanite acid. Really thoroughly. You don't need to add to that, and it leads to you being here anyways…" Joe trailed off.
" I… I know I messed up with that Mama… "
" I… you've grown up without me, Kukolka, " Mama said. " I… I'll trust that you know why that was stupid and that you won't do it again. "
" Liz said she'd make cuz beat all my scores in Tetris if I did something that dumb by myself again, " I told her. "I definitely won't do it again. "
" Lizzy? " Mama asked, and… one of my crushes… perked up at the mention. " You're a smart girl for that. "
"Thank you, Ma'am!" she said.
" Call me Yeva, Lizzy ."
"Thank you, Yeva," Liz replied, beaming, all teeth, somehow terrifying even without fangs. I… I really needed to make sure I didn't scare Liz like that again , I thought, optics hollowed. But… I kinda liked when she went full Machiavellian girlboss… I blinked. Liz was gonna have fangs once she got a combat frame… Liz with fangs… I pictured that grin with fangs… oh wow …
Mama turned back to Joe. "I am… very upset… but… maybe I do need time to grieve. I… I don't handle trauma well. Especially after I lost my sister… I… I've been so lost without Nori." Cuz visibly swallowed, and I got the sinking feeling I was gonna learn something about Aunt Nori that I wasn't gonna like on top of all of this. "Also, the gamer in me has to concede that that was a really good 360-No-Scope, Uzi."
"T-thanks, Aunt Yeva," cuz said.
"There's also the time I made V shit herself!" Joe remarked.
We all went quiet again.
"You know," Kelsey remarked. "I really should stop being surprised that you manage to outdo yourself on just how absolutely unhinged you are."
Thad's jaw was hanging, his own deteriorating mood currently forgotten as he processed that information. "You… made V shit herself ." It wasn't phrased as a question. It was more just stated in an effort to make it sound less insane. I don't think it worked.
"Trevor?" Emily asked. "I think I also just hit my suspension of disbelief."
"I think Joe just thinks different," Trevor replied.
Penny just started giggling.
" But I can't poop because of the Solver, " I said, confused, and then flushed because I just admitted that out loud.
"Okay," Joe said, "In actuality, the result is kinda more like giving a Solver infected drone debilitating period cramps, but the Dysentery Darts-- and yes, I actually named them that --work by sending a brute-force code string along anything it can travel along, self-duplicating at every junction, that just constantly broadcasts the code used to make drones crap. Since the Murder Drones don't have assholes anymore, it just gives them horrific cramps as vestigial organs from when they were workers try to shit to no avail. I banked on the Solver being lazy and not changing that part of their now vestigial worker drone programming, and not thinking that someone would try something that downright retarded, and I was completely right to do so!"
" You gave V period cramps by trying to make her crap herself? " I asked, just to be sure.
"Yeah!" Joe said, like that was something perfectly fucking normal . I paused for a second. I fell in love with a completely unhinged nutcase , I realized. That… that somehow makes me like him more…
Joe put on the TV screen again, and this time showed Uzi watching from overhead with that railgun she used in the last clip with as Joe fought a male Murder Drone that was apparently N-- okay, not my personal preference, but I can see why cuz is into him if he has the personality they claim he does --in melee while playing a Mötley Crüe song. He ducked under a lunge from V without even looking at her, Uzi's perception slowed down, I saw Joe shoot her in the abdomen with a virus jack gun of some sort while ducking the lunge, V came back up, and then in a manner I could only describe as stereotypically Joe , proclaimed, "Alright then, amica! I'm going to shit yourself! "
V doubled over and started screaming in agony as she clutched at her stomach, and I started to laugh, because they really were making her suffer for what she did to Papa and everyone else's parents, and Liz was starting to laugh, and so was almost everyone else, and I heard Mama start to laugh, but it sounded a lot more sadistic than my own, which I understood but it still kinda made me uncomfortable to hear it from Mama, and--
"ARE YOU JUST TREATING THIS LIKE IT'S A FUCKING GAME ?!?" Thad screamed. The recording paused. We all looked over. Thad was standing there, fists clenched and shaking, glaring, genuinely glaring , with hollow eyemotes. "You're running around playing rock and weaponizing period cramps and diarrhea! Do you actually give a shit?!? "
"Thad?" Joe asked.
"NO!" he screamed. "BECAUSE APPARENTLY I'M THE ONLY PERSON CALLING YOU OUT ON HOW INSANE THIS IS!!! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE THIS IS ALL A FUCKING GAME TO YOU WHERE YOU CAN JUST ABUSE FUTURE KNOWLEDGE TO MAKE CHOICES THAT LEAD TO OUTCOMES YOU WANT. THOSE OUTCOMES ARE OUR LIVES !!!"
"Thad--" he cut cuz off.
"YOU'RE TREATING THIS LIKE ITS A DATING SIM WITH FUCKING GENOCIDE ROBOTS!!! WE HAVE A GOD COMING TO KILL US ALL AND YOU'RE SIMPING !!! I DON'T HAVE WORDS FOR HOW FUCKING INSANE YOU ARE!!!"
"Thad," Joe was getting agitated, moving to place himself in front of cuz again. Thad turned back to him again.
"YOU WERE GONNA KEEP HIDING THIS FROM US FOR ANOTHER FUCKING YEAR , IF THIS HADN'T COME UP!!! WERE YOU GONNA TRY TO WINGMAN UZI AFTER YOU WERE THE ONE WHO GOT HER INTO THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE?!? TRY TO SET HER UP ON DATES WITH FUCKING MURDER DRONES?!? "
"Thad," cuz said, coming up next to Joe, "I get that you're mad--"
"YOU'RE FLIRTING WITH THEM AS THEY'RE ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL YOU!!!" he screamed. "YOU'RE LITERALLY TRYING TO DATE MURDER DRONES --"
"OH MY ROBO-GOD!!!" Rebecca suddenly shouted, and I wasn't the only person to glance at her as she cut Thad off. " Oh my robo-god ," she repeated, "I just overclocked and caught your ass blushing for a quarter of a second when you said that!" She put up the screenshot on her visor, and I'd missed that, but it was right there on the screenshot, clear as day. "You hypocrite ! That's your darkest fetish that you didn't wanna say at the truth or dare game?!? That you're totes into Murder Drones?!?"
The whole room went quiet again. But… I saw green just starting to creep up on the bottom of Thad's visor.
"Okay, that is really hypocr-" Liz got cut off as Joe burst into laughter.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" He bent over and put his hands on his knees. "You're into Murder Drones!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He actually started to tilt over as he kept laughing, and I instinctively reached out with my Solver and caught him. He still kept laughing. "Holy fucking shit that's hilarious !!!"
"Fuck off, Joe!" Thad shouted. "I'm ace but still heteroromantic, but I can at least keep those romantic interests under control , because I know they'd try to kill me , where it's your fault that Uzi is actively flirting with them while they're trying to kill her! "
Joe suddenly sobered up instantly, and I realized he probably used an overclock to speedrun several minutes of more laughter in less than a second. I let him go and he landed on his feet and stood back up. "Wait, you're ace but heteroromantic?"
Thad blinked. "Yes?" he said, actually a little nonplussed.
"How has that not come up before now?" Rebecca asked.
"No one asked me!" Thad shot back.
"Look… Thad…" Joe said. "Can I… can I just talk without getting interrupted?"
Thad grimaced. "You'd better have a good fucking explanation dude. I am not happy right now."
Joe sighed. "I get that. And…" he paused for half a second, and Thad started to get annoyed as we all realized he overclocked for this, but before Thad could get properly mad, Joe started talking again. "I get the crashout. Unlike the rest of us, you had a normal life, normal family, minimal trauma, and there was no groundbreaking moment where I helped you with trauma, because you didn't have any. No moment where I vastly improved your social life, because it was already fine. Yeah, you're friends with all of us, and you're probably happier for it," Thad was still glaring but he gave a single nod at that, "but you were already so well adjusted that there was never an opportunity for me to do something big enough to cement in your mind that despite all the lies and the whole 'Uzi is crushing on two genocide robots' thing, that I still care and I'm looking out for you all first and foremost."
Kelsey suddenly stepped forwards and said, "You gave me closure with Andrew and kept getting me better and better glasses, and never judged me once for that." Joe froze, visibly surprised, evidently not having expected anyone to actually speak in his favor. And… it made me sad that he really thought that poorly of himself.
" You helped me with my trauma and oil and Solver and my parents and worked with cuz to bring back Mama, " I added.
Liz stepped up. "You helped me have genuine emotional and social connections in my life, helped me with helping Dolly, and let me live my fantasy of being a popular girl while not just not being a stereotype, but also doing so in a based and unique manner. And… you just… really turned my life around, Joe."
"We… I wouldn't have ended up with Trev without you, Joe," Emily said.
"My mom gave me dating advice for Emily, and she straight up told me that you said we were good for each other and that got her to realize that too." Emily squeaked and blushed, "I… I definitely wouldn't have ended up with Em without you, Joe." Joe himself blinked, looking nonplussed, the news evidently new to him.
"And… I'm really happy with him," Emily added, reaching out to hold his hand and give him a smile. "I became friends with everyone because of you, and I'm not that weird shy religious girl that no one wanted to hang out with. You… you made both our lives way better, Joe."
Rebecca and Darren both walked up, also holding hands. "You directly got us both together," Darren said.
"Even if you did ship us since day one, you only tried to nudge it instead of force it right up until it was blatantly obvious we were both into each other. And like, I'm kinda miffed at that, and I'm totes gonna tease you and Liz when you date--" I felt a pang in my core and wondered about that myself "--but I still wanna thank you again for making sure I didn't turn out a bitchy skank of a stereotypical #3 in a popular girl group while giving me Dare as a caring boyfriend."
"And thanks again for getting me to work on my situational awareness, while also helping me and Becca get together" Darren added.
"I…" Penny spoke up, nervous at first, but after a moment, she shook her head and came back more confident. "There's a direct chain of events between Joe helping me get that dress to Uzi and just how many people at school have come up to beg me to make them clothes." She turned to Joe specifically. "You're the reason I've gotten to break out of my shell and pursue my passion so much, and grow as a person. And… I really appreciate it! Not, like, romantically! Just platonically," she clarified, with a smile and a laugh.
Joe visibly became more nervous as he blinked a few times, and I realized he stopped overclocking again. "I… I didn't have the most altruistic of motives for any of that… I mean, they were there, but…" he trailed off.
"Dude, in this case the results speak way more than the intent," cuz told him. "So what if you wanted to not die and have me better equipped to fight Robot Cthulhu Satan? My entire social and familial life would have been shafted without you," she flatly said, "and that I'll always have your back because you went out of your way to get me friends and fix my family for no other reason than because you had the power to do so. Yeah, I know you well enough to know you had self-serving motives, but I also know you well enough to know that you also did it because it was the right thing to do and because you cared about me, Joe. Just like you do about all of us."
"Fuck me in a non-sexy way," Joe muttered, and then he sighed. "I really don't deserve any of you…" He slumped for a moment, and then steeled himself before looking back at Thad. "Thad, you never had any problems that I needed to fix. And that's not a bad thing!" Joe clarified as Thad stared at him impassively. "It's just that you don't have that personal, 'Joe directly made my life objectively better than it would have been otherwise,' which is probably why me not telling the truth for so long stings so much, right? Because there's nothing I directly did for you that would have completely overshadowed that."
Thad clenched his fists harder, and then slowly started to ease off. "Fucking… fuck … you're right…"
"I… I understand if you don't trust me. I'm gonna try to be as transparent as I can be now, and I welcome you reigning in my more stupid impulses. After all, that's the reason I wanted you on board in the first place. Because I know you're sane , and I trust you to keep me in line. I already had 184 different project ideas I scrapped because I realized you would've been disappointed in me or gone ballistic at me if you found out I tried something so dumb. Especially the handheld nuclear rocket launcher. The fuck was I thinking with something that dumb?!? So glad the fact that I knew you'd scream at me for even trying it kept me from actually trying it, Thad."
The tension slipped out of Thad in a second as he stared at Joe. He sighed. "Handheld nuclear rocket launcher and the mere thought of me yelling at you for it made you stop, huh? I don't want to know what else you thought of that you scrapped." He pinched the nonexistent bridge of the nose he didn't have. "I… I really can't walk away from this, huh? Because I'm the only person that can keep you on the unhinged side of the fence instead of the insane one… I'm the grounded guy who keeps you all from crossing the line. And that's literally why you wanted me here in the first place."
Joe gave a grin. "I have been planning everything since day one, you know?"
"You… you really just woke up that first day and chose deicide , huh?" Penny asked suddenly.
Joe snrked . "You know, the thought to run and hide literally didn't cross my mind that first day. I woke up, realized that the Solver was gonna be an issue, and my first thought really was 'How do I kill a god?'"
"That's based," Penny said.
"Thanks," Joe told her.