(Serial Designation J)
It was a bright morning outside, and I was just finishing some late day work on putting some numbers in for the quarter. I sighed as I finally sent it. Nothing quite like good paperwork for the Company to ease my nerves. I saved all my work, shut down my computer, sorted all my branded pens, set them all parallel to one another, and then winged up to a higher spot on the Corpse Spire to where I slept. The damn dissident toasters hadn't been seen for a while, though we'd spotted tracks in the city that indicated they were still slinking around. I wrapped my tail about a steel beam I'd looted and impaled to the ceiling in my quarters, I checked around to make sure no one was watching, and pulled out a big black bow to cling to. I don't know why , but when I'd found it in a store when I was hunting workers, I couldn't stand the thought of leaving it. It brought me comfort. Made me feel safe . Let me enter sleep mode more easily. And… I was off-shift, now, so it wasn't like the material comforts mattered towards the job anyways!
I snuggled up to the bow, wrapped my wings about myself, and got ready to enter sleep mode… peacefully drifting off, hoping for that good dream, with the branded pens, and that human technician, who told me she cared… her name was just out of reach--
A guitar and drums playing heavy metal at volumes entirely above city ordinances started blaring outside the spire and shocked me back to wakefulness. I heard N yelp and then a crash from where he was, and then V screaming, "WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THAT?!?"
Feared your control and excessive greed!
Abuse of your power dis-graced me!
You want war, you got war!
More than you, bargained for!
A quick search of the Company's internal databases pegged the song as Powershifter by Fear Factory, a song from over a thousand years ago. I felt an eye-mote twitch.
I damn you and leave defiantly!
Cut you out and take it all with me!
You want war, you got war!
More than you, bargained for!
Oh that damn communist toaster. This had been what he was doing the past few days! "J!" V screamed. "I can't see the speakers outside! That defective toaster prick hid them behind something!"
Always question authority!
Control my own Destiny!
Forcing change, breaking free!
From the gears, of the machine!
I was pissed . This Scrapper had interrupted my sleep mode, to blare obnoxious music with lyrics targeted at insulting the Company, outside my Corpse Spire, and waited until a bright and sunny day so we couldn't do anything about this violation of sound ordinance! The audacity! The nerve! The gall! That no good, defective, sub-sophont, socialist menace !
Changing my world so I can live!
Ex-e-cution, powershift!
Changing my world so I can live!
Ex-e-cution, powershift!
Powershift! Powershift!
POWERSHIFTER!
"I don't care!" V screeched. "I'm shooting missiles outside!"
BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!
There was a series of explosions outside, that drowned out the music for a moment, but didn't actually knock out any of the speakers.
I will forge a place in this time!
Con-ten-tion is sharply refined!
I will expose you and force your demise!
To take control of what is truly mine!
N suddenly fired a laser out the Spire, and the music got slightly quieter. "I got one!" he shouted. "I looked outside really carefully, and saw some snow getting disturbed by the soundwaves!"
Changing my world so I can live…
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo…
Changing my world so I can live…
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo…
I blinked a few times, because I hadn't thought of that. I carefully hid the bow away, and then winged back down to the base of the Spire, where N was sitting with a proud smile on his face, tail wagging, and V had an eyemote twitching as she stared at him.
Always question authority!
Control my own Destiny!
Forcing change, breaking free!
From the gears, of the machine!
"...Good Job, N," I told him, honestly.
"Thanks, J!" He said, beaming , and I felt a twinge of guilt.
"V, check the other side of the Spire for any disturbances in the snow from soundwaves, I'll do it on a third side. We'll see if we can take out enough of these dissident propaganda devices to actually get to sleep," I told her.
V snapped a glare at me, but stalked off, complying with the order, muttering something I didn't quite catch past, "...lucky I have good distance vision, you…"
I leveled a glare at her back, but chose not to address it. We were technically off-shift, after all.
Changing my world so I can live!
Ex-e-cution, powershift!
Changing my world so I can live!
Ex-e-cution, powershift!
Powershift! Powershift!
POWERSHIFTER!
I spotted two, V found two, and N found another three . The music, while still audible, with a final refrain that felt ominously prophetic before it queued up to another song by the same band, was quiet enough that I could ignore it if I stuffed a few looted pillows over my audials. I… stopped to recommend to N and V both to do the same. N thanked me for it, and V looked at me like I'd grown a second head, and that hurt , but I shrugged it off as I used the black bow to tie the pillows around my head so I could get back to sleep. My thoughts drifted and became hazy as my systems entered low power mode, and the bow keeping the pillows on my head let me rest upside down like I preferred. It felt like ( Boss was still hugging me… like she was still watching me, even now. Thanks, Tesxx ) something I couldn't recall, but it brought me happiness as I finally drifted off.
________
Later that night, I was using a paint-brush attachment… that we had for some reason… on my hands to paint over yet another example of dissident propaganda, that same hammer and torch framed by a gear that that defective scrapper and his sniper were putting up everywhere. I stepped back as I cleared the last of that disgusting socialist agenda from this city block, and admired the clean white wa--
--I came back online a few minutes later, with some kind of automated message from some snarky technician at the Company telling me that I was an idiot who'd gotten killed, and with a splitting headache to boot. A quick system's diagnostic and an examination of the wall revealed that I'd had my cranium annihilated by a projectile travelling at Mach 8 similar to the rounds the sniper used during the previous encounter. But… none of my parts had been stolen. Had… had they just shot me and then left ?!? The nerve of those toasters! I seethed.
CRACK- BOOOOOOOM
The sound of the sound barrier being shattered by illegal, home-brewed weaponry, echoed out across the dead city, and I got an alert that V had been offlined.
My eyemote twitched. They… they were literally sniping us for sport ?!? I seethed. "You chat-bot descended, profit-sinking, communist toasters !" I screamed out to the city.
I launched into the sky, intent on reaching V and finding these terrorists to lay them off from existence , rapidly closing on the sound barrier myse--
--I woke up to another snarky automated message concerning my death, no other parts damaged or stolen besides my head being taken off a second time, and I wordlessly screamed to the heavens.
_______
(Serial Designation N)
I was flying about my section of the city on my routine patrol a nice clear night the day after J and V had been shot at a few times, and I'd just gotten another two workers earlier tonight, and J had told me that she was gonna give me a Company branded pen at the end of the week for sure! I was so excited! I didn't know what changed, but J had gotten a lot nicer all of the sudden, and even V actually remembered my name now! Nothing could get my mood dow--
YOU'RE DEAD
[IDIOT]
--I woke back up on the ground, a bevy of notifications on damage reports accompanying that downright mean message from my impact with the ground. I stumbled to my feet and shook my head. "Ow, that hurt," I muttered. "The heck hit me?" I wondered aloud.
I got a systems ping that V was coming for my location, and I perked up as I saw her closing--
CRACK- BOOOOOOOM
--a streak of light lanced out from the distance and took her head clean off. Oh , I thought, that's what hit me . And then the realization also hit me! "V!" I called out, launching up into the skies to try and track where that shot came from, looking in the direction I saw the sho--
YOU'RE DEAD
[IDIOT]
--and there was that rude message again as I woke back up with another pounding headache. ( Almost reminded me of that time I bumped into V back in thx Xxxxx ). I grimaced as I felt a spike of pain in my processors, and then shook it off as I focused on where that other shot gad come from. And it had come from a different direction… so I needed to tell J that the workers had a second sniper rifle, and that both of them could use it! I flared my wings to zip back to the Corpse Spire… and then thought about that. Open skies means they're more likely to shoot me , I thought. I should stay closer to the ground, use the buildings as cover. It'll take longer, but it's safer! Oh! I could tell J that too! Maybe she'll give me the pen today for that and the fact they have a second sniper! And maybe V will find it really impressive too!
I took off at a slower speed, keeping below the ruined skyline as I went to ping my squad leader.
C-9/SD-N: J! They have a second sniper! I got shot twice, and the second shot came from a REALLY different angle!
C9/SD-J: Are you sure?
C-9/SD-N: Positive, J!
C-9/SD-V: What are you two talking about?
C-9/SD-N: Oh V, you're okay!
C9/SD-J: N pointed out the extreme likelihood that the Scrapper that's been jumping us is in possession of a second long range anti-material weapon.
C-9/SD-V: So they have another sniper?
C9/SD-J: It's a long range anti-material weapon.
C-9/SD-V: Second sniper, got it.
C-9/SD-N: Also, I've been using the buildings as cover, and I haven't gotten shot again. It's longer to move around, but safer!
C-9/SD-V: Yeah, like that'll make a difference.
My train of thought got disrupted as I heard another CRACK- BOOOOOOOM in the distance.
C-9/SD-N: V?
C-9/SD-N: V are you okay?
C9/SD-J: She got downed by the long range anti-material weapon again.
C-9/SD-N: Huh?
C9/SD-J: SHE GOT SNIPED, N!!!
C-9/SD-N: Ooooooh! Sorry, J! I'll remember that!
I got the impression she was sighing on her end.
C9/SD-J: I'll stay below the skyline. Good call, N.
C-9/SD-N: Thanks J!
There were a few more seconds as I got closer to the Spire, and then I got pinged one more time.
C9/SD-J: When we get back to the Spire, I'll give you a branded pen.
C9/SD-J: You've… earned it.
I squealed with joy mid flight!
C-9/SD-N: You're the BEST, J!
C9/SD-J: But I want you do your BEST hunting tonight, got it?
C-9/SD-N: You got it, boss!
C9/SD-J: N?
C9/SD-N: Yeah, J?
C9/SD-J: Don't… call me "boss." It… doesn't FEEL right.
C9/SD-N: Sorry.
C9/SD-J: It's… not your fault.
C9/SD-N: Still sorry. And… you're also right… it FEELS wrong for me too.
C9/SD-J: Thanks… N…
C9/SD-V: I'M GONNA RIP THAT FUCKING SCRAPPER LIMB FROM LIMB!!!
I went to send a message on squad comms, only to get a direct message from J.
C9/SD-J: Maybe… hold off on messaging V for now.
C9/SD-J: She's… not in a good mood.
Huh. That made sense, actually. She probably had a nasty headache, after all. I'd be mad, too!
C9/SD-N: Got it! Thanks for always looking out for me, J!
C9/SD-J: Just do your best at your job, and I'll keep it up…
Despite all the annoyances tonight, I was still in a happy mood as I closed on the Spire-- Oh! Caught my tail just before I could sting my wing. Man, maybe this was my night!
_________
(Serial Designation J)
Finally! A couple workers, perfect to make up for losses that damned Scrapper had been incurring ever since he started picking a fight with us from the shadows like the coward he was. I flew down, slamming in front of the group, unfurling my claws, looking forwards to getting some personal catharsis finally. The terrified workers screamed at the sight of me, turning and fleeing, the hunter's cross on my face striking terror into them as it should --
" Vaffanculoooooooooo! "
I whipped around to the shout from behind me, seeing the oncoming flash of metal--
My view tumbled end over end a few times, rolling to a stop, and I saw an oil-stained entrenching tool in the hands of a worker dressed in winter camo as he flicked it to get the substance off. He gave me a mocking grin, fangs of all things visible (I could add after-market modifications to the list of laws broken by this defective toaster), and a two finger salute given to me as my headless body tumbled into my field of view. "I do believe," he said, voice some weird blend of New Yorker mixed in with an Italian accent, "that the lot of you could use some more durable necks. I legit expected some kinda resistance to my entrenching tool when I swung it at ya!" He chuckled to himself. I glared at him as my severed head started to lose power and subsequently awareness. "Ah well, time to liberate your parts to redistribute to the workers. I got a couple ideas for ways that your corporatist forms can be made to benefit organized labor…"
"Youuuuuuuuuuu… comuuuuuuniiiiiist…" I crackled at him as my visual feed lost power.
"I am an Anarcho-Syndicalist , madam Murder Drone," he drawled, and that smugness pissed me off , but before I lost my hearing too, I also heard, "And I do believe that your Company is in some dire need of reorganization of management… "
When I regained awareness a regenerated head, as well as oil reserves that were low enough I was actually concerned and resolved to top off on our reserves at the Spire, my damage report showed that he'd taken my head, both arms, my tail, my entire lower body, and both the wings I'd had deployed. Over 60 percent of my body stolen by that damned Scrapper!
N touched down, V in tow, but before I could open my mouth, N said. "He had some kinda jammer, so we didn't actually know you were in trouble. You just lost signal, so I followed Company protocol for that, rendezvoused with V, and then came here, but we stayed below the skyline in case the sniper was trying to get us.
V looked around. "Jugging by the footprints, he was hiding behind a storefront. The other workers were probably just bait that he was stalking and waiting for one of us to show up before jumping you."
I raised a finger. "Hold that thought, V." I looked at N. "Since when did you know the protocol for that?"
"Well, you gave me that pen, and actually looked proud, and there was all those compliments and stuff, so I didn't wanna disappoint you, J, so I went digging in the pod and found a Company Handbook! And I read it! Cause we got a job, and I wanna do it good!"
"Wow," V muttered, actually impressed.
"I'm… actually impressed, N. You've shown, remarkable improvement this quarter," I told him.
"Oh!" N said suddenly, and reached into a pocket and pulled out a little metal skull insignia that he pinned onto his cap. "I also found this, and it fits on my hat perfectly . I was the pilot for the pod!" He said, sounding genuinely proud of himself. Then he slumped. "I mean, I crashed, ruined everything, and my memories have been all messed up ever since…" he trailed off as V's facial optics went hollow and she flinched. "But Spaceship Pilot! Origin Story!" His facial optics flickered to a set of pixelated yellow sunglasses as he shot finger guns at V, "Pretty cool , right V?"
V took a step away from him, still looking vaguely haunted. "Right… cool… N…" she just barely added his name to the end. She shook her head, and seemed to refocus. "The stuff he used to jam was surprisingly advanced, but Company decryption is something else. We had it broken in a bit over a minute, and now we're keyed into the general cipher schemes he was using, so I doubt he'll try it again."
"Profit void Scrapper went and taunted me," I seethed, grimacing as I thought back to it. "Said he had ideas to use our parts, and that he wanted to," I shuddered, "and I quote, 'reorganize management,' end quote."
V froze for a moment. "We should… watch for them a bit harder," she said, slowly. "We don't want C-Corporate to get involved, after all."
"How was he hiding behind the storefront by the way? My thermal sensors should have caught him," I asked V.
"I'd have to assume he correctly guessed our headbands have more than standard visual sensors, and developed some kind of camo cloak that can mask thermal signatures," she said.
"Assume?" I groused.
"Well, we don't exactly have anything in terms of actual evidence for what this insane worker is up to," V shot back.
I grit my teeth and growled. "This is getting aggravating ," I said aloud, not directed towards anyone in particular.
"V and I got some extra workers on the way here," N offered.
I looked at him. "Six of them?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"That's how many escaped me when that Scrapper ambushed me," I explained. "Good job on that, you two." V looked at me like I'd grown a second head again… which was technically true for the night, but still, strange and moderately rude. Regardless, her numbers were still better than mine, so I'd let the eccentricities slide. N started talking about how fun it was to get to work with V, who got increasingly uncomfortable as his pining got more and more blatant, and I finally decided to step in. "N?"
He cut himself off. "Yeah J?"
"No fraternizing on shift," I told him in a neutral tone, and then, added. "It's not professional," in a more conciliatory one.
N actually looked mollified. "Sorry J… and… sorry, V."
V looked at him, haunted for a moment before shock replaced it so fast I wasn't sure if I actually saw it. "Thanks… N," she said, some hint of actual compassion just barely seeping into her tone, before she turned and left.
N stared after her, confused. So did I.
_________
(Serial Designation N)
Another night, another hunt. I still had the worst numbers on the squad, but they were getting better , and J seemed happy with that, and V actually remembered my name now, so even with all this annoying Scrapper stuff, things were looking up ( Why did I feel like I thought like this before? Like I was optimistic about J and V before? ) and I really liked my dapper emblem on my hat. Spaceship Pilot! I thought, grinning to myself. I looked down, and saw a worker's body, lying down in the snow. It looked kinda suspicious, so I shot it in the head just in case it was filled with explosives, but nothing happened, so I risked heading down to investigate.
As soon as I landed, there was an electric crackle, and the body flew towards me, clunking on as my systems shorted and I went limp and woooooooooooooooooooooooooow, I was woooooozy , I thought, any idea of activating a distress signal lost in the fuzzy feeling in my processors. Diiiid that body have an electr--el--elec-- zappy-maaaaaaaaaaagnet? I wondered. I vaguely heard boots crunching in snow, and blearily looked up. Up above, I could see a worker in winter camo looking down at me, bemused.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii," I went. The sky was spinning.
"Man, I'm glad I splurged on the EMP and regular magnetic protection too," he muttered. "And while it's on the wrong side of the card, I guess I can cross 'weaponize making people high' from my "What the Fuck Even is My Life?' Bingo card…" He fished into his pocket for something, pulling out a little stick thingy with a bulb on top. "If it's worth anything, given how fucking high you are right now, I am actually sorry for this." There was a flash--
--I woke up a while later, head clear, and with a damage report that said the Scrapper had stolen my head, entire lower torso, and all my limbs minus the wings I'd retracted, including my tail. I sat up, concerned at my low oil reserves--
I glanced up, because right in front of me were some jerry cans that my sensors were telling me were filled with oil. I chugged two of them immediately before I paused and was terrified that the oil could have been poisoned or laced with explosive chemicals or something. I used my internal scanning suite to check a third jerry can in detail… but it was just regular Omni-purpose Industrial Liquid, and nothing else.
I drank a third can on the spot, and then pocketed the other two. I wondered why the Scrapper would have left me oil of all things… but I wasn't gonna complain if he did… but… maybe I wouldn't report this to V or J. I got the feeling they might get mad …
__________
(Serial Designation V)
I exited sleep mode, and the first thing I was aware of was the warm body next to me. I glanced to the side, N still holding my hand even while he was still out. I smiled, gently brushing aside a few stray hairs on his head, and untangled my hand from his. Last night… the tender care, going at a pace I felt safe with, being able to open up about everything , it had been all I wanted with N and then some. Still, I felt a blush creep up on my visor, as I realized my oil reserves were a bit low. We'd been going at it for a while , and there was biting involved… I'd just skim a bit off the reserves , I thought.
Leaving that amazing handsome man to his sleep, I slipped out of his quarters, passing by a J who was just staring at me in an uncomprehending manner, and went and got some oil. It was only after I finished downing it that she finally found her voice. "Why did you come out of N's quarters?"
My oil ran cold in my synthetic veins. No. Please no. Not again . Please not again , I begged in my thoughts. J didn't remember. J didn't remember . I turned around, terror gripping my core as I saw a yawning N walk out of his quarters, take one look at me, stare at me as if he was seeing me for the first time again , and then go, "Wooooooow, you're pretty ," before his facial optics went hollow, and he blurted out, "Uuuuuuuuuuh, I mean, Hi! My name's N! It's nice to meet you!"
I ignored the both of them as I unfurled my wings, choking back sobs as digital tears spilled from my eyes. They'd probably get mem-wiped from this anyways. I rocketed out of the Spire, not paying attention to where I was going beyond away as an anguished scream erupted from my vocalizers. He forgot me again. He forgot me again . And J got a partial wipe too, I thought, crying and sobbing as my core broke all over again, pleading with the universe as to why I had to remember and couldn't even have just this one thing , why I couldn't look at the man I loved and have him actually recognize me--
MESSAGE FROM ADMIN: CYN INCOMING…
I froze midflight as a terror even more primal than what I was feeling earlier locked me in place.
Hello V :]
Since you did not. Get the memo. The first two times. I will tell you now. Getting together with Big Brother N. Helping him. Start to remember . Is not part of your job. I know you remember. The deal. You do your job. And I leave you and N alone. BAD JOB, V . Have fun. Being the only one. Who remembers this. Again . Sadistic giggling.
I snapped back to the present atop a building, crying here and now because that memory was the third time that had happened, and I couldn't bring myself to have my core broken a fourth time. I tried my best to repress the pain from that memory by being mad at J for forcing me to acknowledge N again, because J got to have her memories partly wiped from the times I tried to be together with N but I still have to remember. And now I have to interact with him again and I was terrified that I'm not going to be able to hold myself back and everything will get reset again and my core will break again . I shook my head and buried my sorrow, launching off the building and flying about to look for workers, the one that's been attacking us in particular, because that Scrapper (and how odd for J to pick such a fitting name for that nuisance ), the catalyst for all the pain I've been going through recently, needed to die before he ruined everything . I was just trying to do my job , and this asshole was gonna make Cyn come to Copper 9 eventually if he kept this up. Not for years at this rate… but it was gonna be an inevitability. Our numbers are already slipping. Barely , but the numbers don't lie. Time lost to these ambushes is time not spent killing workers. Doing our job , so She leaves us alone . We're still the top squad, by a massive margin, but J's been getting increasingly stressed as time goes on… but oddly enough, she's been making a conscious effort to not take that out on N.
And… the new attempts at positive reinforcement had been doing N wonders. He'd even been showing initiative , in a way that reminded me of how he'd sometimes come up with better ways to do chores at the Manor. Just last week, N had suggested setting up a firing range as a "stress relief measure to improve employee morale," and while J had looked curious at the idea, it had been clear she wasn't gonna go for it until N also pulled out "We can improve accuracy with practice and therefore improve performance overall. Combined with improved morale, it'll help our numbers go up!" J had actually stared at him gobsmacked, something that brought back a memory of that same expression on her face when N suggested getting a modified zamboni to polish the ballroom floors between galas, because the idea had been ridiculous but was actually more cost and labor effective than tying up dozens of drones for hours doing it manually. That expression had stayed on J's face in the present right up until he added, "Did I do a good job randomly throwing together corporate buzzwords, J?"
The slump of her shoulders had let me know that it had ruined the moment for J, but she'd still approved of the firing range idea regardless. I'd… yet to use it herself, because I didn't want to reveal I was farsighted, because Cyn had never actually fixed my damn optics even after turning me into what I was now, and she wiped N and J's memories of me being farsighted to boot. I slipped off the building I was atop, idly scanning for workers as I still kept myself lost in memories, but this time, more recent ones. That… Scrapper had fangs when he'd jumped me. I'd been terrified at the time that it had something to do with Cyn choosing to torture me more , but he hadn't used any Solver abilities, hadn't talked like Her, and according to N, the UV light he used hadn't affected him--
There were a series of puffs and clunks from below me, and I looked down to see some pieces of metal flying into the air at concerning speeds towards me, and I engaged in evasive maneuvers, only for the ones closer to me to change course as I felt a slight magnetic pull from them, and when they got close enough they blew up into clouds of hot shrapnel.
There was burning, and pain , systems reports on damage indicating I was perforated by Tungsten Carbide, and I lost altitude and control and more of those airburst bouncing betty mines started launching out of the snow-covered streets below, and I barely directed my mangled body to crash into a building on the side of the street instead of in the street, and I sent a distress ping on the squad comms to N and J, curling up into a ball with my wings around me, terrified because some of that shrapnel had pinged off my upper torso, only the more durable housing up there keeping my core safe, and sent a message over squad comms.
C9/SD-V: Scrapper set up a FUCKING MINEFIELD with magnetic bouncing betty airburst mines. I'm injured but online. Be CAREFUL coming in. Will need help to disable the minefield. No clue how large it is.
C9/SD-N: On the way, V! Might be longer, I'm staying below the skyline in case they have a sniper and are using you as bait.
C9/SD-J: When we get into that Bunker, and I get my hands on whatever toaster is illegally modifying their code and putting in aftermarket modifications, I swear to Corporate I will rightsize their EXISTENCE!!!
C9/SD-J: I'm also on the way, V. I'll bring you some oil.
C9/SD-V: Thanks… J.
It took them almost 30 minutes to reach me. J nearly got hit by several mines herself, but N had the idea to fire missiles and trigger a few to detonate that way. Unfortunately, the missiles would take way too long to get every mine that way, so we had to spend the next few hours painstakingly creeping along the mined area on foot. J had attempted to remove a mine she found without destroying it, but this Scrapper was a paranoid fucker, and had placed anti-tampering measures that caused them to explode if unearthed for longer than 5 seconds without a remote override code being input. And his override code apparently involved 64-layered CAPTCHAs, which none of us had any clue as to how a worker was able to break those because they were hard-coded to find a CAPTCHA that complex as nigh impossible to break. And if a single mistake was made in trying to break the encryption, the mine would also go off. Cyn could break that if She wanted to with the Solver, but I wouldn't involve Her ever if I could help it. Still, we lost an entire night to getting rid of the whole minefield, and I was terrified that they could set them up faster than we could take them down.
_________
(Joseph)
Well, spring break had certainly been some effective time spent thus far. I had, like, 4 full bodies (minus upper torsos) of DD parts in containment in Vault 2 (I'd added a lot of redundant warning and automatic Acid Release systems in case things went to shit, but everything seemed fine thus far), but my crowing achievement (besides getting footage of V eating shit from the minefield, and Doll being over the moon from getting to see it) had to be the literal heads I'd stolen from J and N… or more specifically, the spit in their mouths, which while gross , could neutralize nanite acid. I… honestly expected to have way more trouble with it, but given that we also had nanite acid we were excessively careful with to experiment on, it took Uzi the whole of three days to successfully reverse engineer the stuff to be able to mass produce nanite acid neutralizers. Which was a massive fucking weight off my back, let me tell you. We've both started carrying three vials on us at all times outside Outpost 3, and I've been carrying one even inside the Outpost, because I'm a paranoid motherfucker. Darren and Rebecca had both been upgraded to freshly assembled combat frames, and were still getting used to being able to overclock and be so much stronger, faster, etc. They were loving it though, and were now as much up to speed as Uzi was. Speaking of, she'd shown them both all the clips I'd shown her from canon by now. And speaking of that , Uzi had recalled the fact that N's spit also healed her hand instead of just neutralizing the nanite acid. So now she was starting further , and was trying to see if she could configure the neutralizing nanites to be outright regenerative nanites instead. Which, given that DDs had actual regenerative nanites, could very well lead to her inventing the equivalent of Mass Effect's medi-gel, but for drones.
As for our newest recruits for the Isekai Bandwagon, we'd also been kitting them out with their weapons of choice. Besides the myriad of upgrades and gadgets and stuff Uzi and I had packed into the combat frames thus far, they also had all the standard external gadgets such as grappling hooks, UV light sticks, bootloop lights etc.
Darren had taken to shotguns like a fish to water, and had a backpack connecting a bandolier of war crime shells to the feed of the gatling shotgun we'd given the guy. Man, someone was gonna have a capital Bad Day once I felt comfortable taking those two up on surface raids. For melee weapons, he'd picked up twin electrified CrCoNi Messer shortswords, which really reflected his character development in this timeline. He'd gone from having the situational awareness of a brick to… not being the sharpest tool in the entire shed, but he was sharp enough , and cutting blades to reflect that instead of a blunt instrument felt really thematically appropriate for Darren. He'd been putting in the hours training with them each night he was in the lair as well, to a point where I was genuinely impressed with his progress.
As if to complement the up-close and personal CQC style Darren was aiming for, Rebecca chose more refinement and elegance, picking up one of the lasguns Uzi had made (which now shot purple lasers instead of red), as well as an electrified CrCoNi estoc, for extra reach with a thrusting weapon for the precision, but still being able to manage slashes in a pinch. And while her ranged weapon wasn't a true sniper, Rebecca was terrifyingly accurate with it at middling ranges. I could already see her being the DMR wielder in the god-slaying party I was slowly but surely building, and she'd definitely fill the niche for the girl who eliminates priority targets in the mid-range distance.
They both did a pose next to one another with their melee weapons out and guns on their backs as they asked me to take a "Like, totes romantic badass BF and GF apocalypse warriors pic," as Rebecca put it.
Uzi was walking by as I was doing it, and took one look at the both of them, and then turned to me and gave me a look , and asked in a deadpan, "Did you just recreate Kirito and Asuna from Sword Art Online?"
I looked back at Darren and Rebecca, who both paused as they looked it up themselves, and then I facepalmed. "Holy shit, I did ," I muttered.
Uzi started laughing, and Rebecca visibly cringed, " No , Dare! We're an anime reference!!!"
Her boyfriend just gave her a hug as she bemoaned how cringe it was, and I kinda just stood there as I watched the three of them and it clicked that Yeah, these are the people I was gonna fight a god with. And I smiled at the thought, because I wouldn't have it any other way.
"So, Joe," Darren asked me as Rebecca complained about how Uzi was gonna tease her about this over the TNPAPT for weeks over this, "What have you been up to lately?"
"Well," I told him, "I was checking through the city, kinda just getting a feel for the place to properly know the terrain, because seeing it all on a map and walking through the corpse-strewn ruins are totally different things, and I came across a department store. I remembered that Penny's birthday is coming up, so I thought to go check out the women's section. They had a lot of in-tact dresses and stuff, so I got a folder in my memory banks with about 1200 pics of dresses to pass onto her later."
"Ah man , that's a gift she'll love , dude!"
"Yeah," I said, a grin on my face. "Looking out for all my friends, you know." And then I took a look at Rebecca, still sad over being a SAO reference, and I rolled my eyemotes before adding, "For the record, Rebecca, I feel like you're slightly closer to a Weiss Schnee than an Asuna."
Neon Cyan optics looked up at me? "Really?"
"Yes, really," I told her. "You have that 'slight tsundere but not to stereotypical degrees of it' vibe down pat."
"Like… thanks," she said.
"Oh, take away my fun, why don't you!" Uzi mock-complained to me as she stomped up to me and jabbed a finger in my face.
"Like you aren't gonna tease her about this regardless," I shot back at my favorite gremlin.
"Okay you're right," Uzi admitted. "But it's the principle of it!"
I started laughing, and so did Darren. "Fair enough, emo grape," I drawled.
"Bite me!"
"No, you'd taste like angs--" Uzi leg-swept me before I could finish the sentence, but caught me by the wrist and hauled me back up before I could hit the floor.
I blinked a few times, shocked, and then Uzi turned around and started jumping up and down and cheering. "HA! I got you, Joe! I finally got you! WOOOOOOOOOO !!!"
I started laughing even harder myself, and Rebecca joined in as we all let Uzi celebrate. And fuck me in a non-sexy way, I could not get my grin off my face.
_________
(Serial Designation V)
Two nights after the minefield incident, I got another distress ping from J while we were out on patrol.
C9/SD-J: I just got jumped. They have some kind of grenade launcher! It has an EMP effect, and shorted out my wings completely.
C9/SD-J: FOURTH QUARTER PROFITS, that Scrapper is rushing me in a melee!
C9/SD-N: On the way, J!
I diverted my course immediately.
C9/SD-V: Two minutes out!
C9/SD-J: HOW THE COMPANY LEADERSHIP RETREATS IS HE KEEPING UP WITH ME?!?
I pushed as much speed as I could into my wings, keeping an optic out for that damned sniper, slowing down a bit when J got offlined, and despite the emotional duress it caused me, I sent a message to N.
C9/SD-V: Meet up with me before we go to J's last location ping. We should go in together.
C9/SD-N: Together?
C9/SD-N: I mean, YEAH! Coming to you first!
I flinched at the reminder of a crush he still remembered despite everything, and waited impatiently below the skyline for 37 seconds before N came in. "H-Hi V!"
I didn't look at him. I wanted to, but I didn't. "Let's go," is what came out of my vocalizer in a gruff tone instead.
A minute later, we closed on J's location, and I got a view of the Scrapper tearing J's last wing off her body, both arms and the other wing missing, and tail shattered with a sizzling puddle of nanite acid a few feet away. Bastard must have shot it out during their fight, somehow. I heard music coming out of some speaker he had hidden nearby, guitar and drums going off in an upbeat tone, but I was still trying to analyze the lyrics as I came in. Despite not facing us, he whipped around as I came in at 100 miles an hour, entrenching tool swinging as he glared at me, fanged teeth barred in a grin despite that, and twisted the momentum of my oncoming claws to the side as he redirected me to his left. My claws scrapped into the concrete of the street, carving a furrow as I bled off my momentum, and I looked up in time to see him engaging N in a melee, giving ground, ducking around his stinger, deflecting a swing from a sword hand with some kind of wrist mounted blade of his own, that entrenching tool lashing out and drawing oil as it scraped against his chassis of N's lower torso.
Ooooooh, are you ready girls?
Ooooooh, are you ready now?
Whoa, yeah!
Kickstart my heart, give it a start!
Whoa, yeah!
Baaaaaaaaaabyyyyy!
Whoa, yeah!
Kickstart my heart, hope it never stops!
Whoa, yeah!
Baaaaaaaaaabyyyyy!
He was playing Kickstart My Heart by Mötley Crüe on that speaker. Another song older than a millennium blaring loud enough to wake the dead, and judging by the wide grin on his face while he kept up with N -- how the hell could a worker keep up with N?!? I thought-- he was vibing to the song like it was the last night of his life. I'll be happy to grant that . I launched forwards at him again, but he disengaged from N without looking back, ducked my lunge, reached into his pocket, and I felt something puncture into my lower torso as I just went over him.
"Alright then, amica !" He mockingly called out as I sprung back up and he put some kind of firearm back into the many pockets his coat had, "I'm going to shit yourself !"
Skydive naked from an aeroplane
Or a lady with a body from outer space!
I went to charge at him, only to suddenly double over and cry out in agony as I feel the worst abdominal cramps I could ever recall wrack me, I collapsed to the ground, only barely aware of N's panicked shout of "V!" as I screamed out in pain as another wave of cramps hit me. It was like I was still a Worker Drone, trying to use my waste ejection port, but I didn't have that anymore, and completely redundant systems were trying to violently expel waste that wasn't there . I blearily forced myself to look down, and saw some kind of virus jack embedded into my lower torso before another wave of cramps debilitated me again. Did this fucker make a virus designed to make people shit themselves ?!?
My heart, my heart,
Kickstart my heart!
Say I got trouble, trouble in my eyes,
I'm just looking for another good time!
My heart, my heart,
Kickstart my heart!
I only got flashes of the Scrapper dueling N and still keeping up even if he was on the backfoot compared to N's sheer strength, he was taking advantage of his smaller size and somehow faster reaction times, but I was far more focused on the violent cramps, the--
CRACK- BOOOOOOOM
--of J evidently getting her nearly regenerated head eviscerated by that sniper, who was just letting me suffer , and trying to claw this damned virus jack off of me. How the hell did Cyn not have an antivirus for something this fucking stupid ?!?
Ooooooh, are you ready girls?
Ooooooh, are you ready now, now, now?!?
I finally got a claw on the thing, had to bite my tongue hard enough to bleed to not lose a grip by the latest waves of cramps, and then crushed it in my talons, taking a few seconds to shake off the aftershock of the effects, that damned song blaring all the while.
Whoa, yeah!
Kickstart my heart, give it a start!
Whoa, yeah!
Baaaaaaaaaabyyyyy!
Whoa, yeah!
Kickstart my heart, hope it never stops!
Whoa, yeah!
Baaaaaaaaaabyyyyy!
I went from faking being prone to airborne in an instant , moving as erratically as I could and trying to search for that damn sniper , only to freeze as I heard N scream behind me. I shouldn't help him, I should keep looking for the threat, I shouldn't help him, N can handle himself, I shouldn't help him, I can't hurt myself again by trying to reach him--
I whipped around to see N still screaming as the Scrapper backed off with a crucifix emitting UV light at him, before he pulled out some kind of ridiculous looking bulky pistol and snap-shotted N's leg off at the knee. I started to move towards N, only for a--
CRACK- BOOOOOOOM
--to miss me by inches , rupturing my right audial from the volume of its close passage, and I turned back around, seething as I traced the contrail from the hypersonic projectile and locked onto barely visible purple optics framed by purple hair and a beanie, and I fucking went at that little shit !
She discarded her sniper, some kind of railgun , but she dodged my initial lunge at her, and then I cried out as she came out of her roll and threw freaking ninja starts at me , a few biting into my chassis but most deflected by my claws swiping them out of the air. Black combat boots, purple and grey striped socks, some kinda dead battery and crossbones hoddie, and another fanged grin met my gaze even if they were a little blurry due to my stupid fucking farsightedness . My hunter's cross narrowed as I barred my own fangs at her, and for just a moment, I thought there was a blush creeping up on her visor before it disappeared just as fast.
Kickstart my heart…
When we started this band, all we needed, needed was a laugh!
Years gone by, I'd say we've kicked some ass!
When I'm enraged or hitting the stage,
Adrenaline rushing through my veins!
And I'd say we're still kicking ass!
I shifted my claws to blades and let out a giggle as I lunged at her, and she blocked both of them with the revving teeth of a fucking chainsaw sword !!! WHAT THE FUCK WERE THESE WORKERS DOING IN THAT BUNKER?!? I stabbed at her, and she backhand slapped the side of my sword to push it out of the way, swinging at me and forcing me to block. I jabbed my stinger at her face, and she opened her mouth and chomped down on the tip , stopping it between her teeth, grinning at me, before I felt a leg sweep against my own. I hit the ground, and rolled to the side as revving teeth punched through the concrete floor, the worker yanking the chainsword out in a spray of chips of the stuff as I flared my wings and forced her to back off before she could follow up with another.
I say, ooh-ah
Kickstart my heart, hope it never stops
And to think, we did all of this to rock
I retracted my wings because the room was too small, shifted my hands to their chainsaw configuration, but the worker just grinned wider and we engaged again. Sparks flew as my twin chainblades met her singular one, and she fucking laughed back at me. "Not so fun to feel the weight of your sins used against you, huh?" the gremlin asked me.
Whoa, yeah!
Kickstart my heart, give it a start!
Whoa, yeah!
Baaaaaaaaaabyyyyy!
I was thrown off because I heard a different word there for a moment, and was put on the backfoot as I had to block several swings from the purple worker. She ducked out of the way of another jab from my stinger, and then let go of the chainsword with her left hand to sock me in the face. I went reeling, barely blocking another swing from her chainsword as she pressed against me.
Whoa, yeah!
Kickstart my heart, hope it never stops!
Whoa, yeah!
Baaaaaaaaaabyyyyy!
I tried to shift the tempo by coming in with an underhanded slash, only for her to grab my wrist , and tug me towards her, slamming her own face against mine, and I cried out as I felt my visor crack from the impact.
Whoa, yeah!
Kickstart my heart, give it a start!
Whoa, yeah!
Baaaaaaaaaabyyyyy!
I stumbled back again, and refocused in time to see the worker pull out some kind of taser with way too many custom modifications visibly added to it, and then she shot it at me before I could dodge. I screamed again as an agonizing amount of volts ran through my body, and I could feel my core twitching inside its housing. The worker dropped the chainsword, and pulled out some manner of pistol that resembled a human Desert Eagle, a single shot barking out before I felt more agony as the bullet ruptured my tail and nanite acid splashed all over my back. I fell down in blinding pain, thinking I might actually die and have to see Her again…
Whoa, yeah!
Kickstart my heart, hope it never stops!
Whoa, yeah!
Okay boys, let's rock the hoooooooooooouuuussseee!
"You may be weirdly hot , but you killed my cousin's parents, so you can bite me !" the worker spat out, and I had to take a moment to push through the agony and verify that yes , she actually just said that, before that pistol barked out a second time and I knew the blissful peace of unconsciousness as it went through my processors.
I woke up a few minutes later. There were no signs of the Scrapper or that gremlin, and any weapons, even the actual ninja stars , were all gone as well. N and J must have still been regenerating after the Scrapper looted even more parts from the both of them, because they were still offline but I didn't see anything about a Mat Collection protocol activating. I was the first up, and… why wasn't I dead ?!?
I remembered that my own nanite acid had splashed all over my back, including right over where my core was, but… it was all still intact. There was no acid damage at all … How… I checked my damage readouts, and someone neutralized all the acid that had splashed onto me , but none of the rest, because I could see plenty of holes in the floor where it had eaten through. But… if it wasn't N or J… did… did that worker girl do it? But how ? And… why ?
And why the fuck did she flirt with me?
__________
(Serial Designation N)
"...that deficit inducing, red-line trending, stock-crashing, useless waste of an investment portfolio!" J screamed as she paced and ranted inside the Spire. "How in the Company does this Scrapper keep making a mockery of us?!? There's two of them !!!"
I glanced to my side, and V was sitting on a pile of dead workers and staring blankly ahead with hollow eyemotes. J… seemed to be venting her frustrations in a semi- conductive manner, so I quietly shuffled over to my crush. Alright N, I thought. Don't be obvious about it, because we're still on the clock. You're just… offering professional comfort to an emotionally disturbed coworker! Yeah, J will buy that!
I put a hand on V's shoulder, and she flinched , looking scared of me, and that kinda hurt ( I didn't want her to hurt, I wanted to be able to comfort her like how I used to back on Exxxx ), but I pushed through it, and tried to keep my own nervousness out of my tone. "Hey, V… Uh… I'm just checking to see if you're doing okay. From a purely professional standpoint, ha ha!" I nervously laughed at the end.
She looked at me, the fear still visible in her gaze ( because I knew her well enough to recognize it at a glance by now ) even though she was doing really well at hiding it. "I… I… I'm doing a little better… N," she said in a small voice, the mention of my name making something twinge in my processors, but I pushed it down for once.
"I'm glad to hear that," I told her, and then removed my hand because I ( knew ) think she was getting uncomfortable from the continued contact.
"V!" J suddenly cut off her own rant. "You engaged the sniper! What can you tell me about the Scrapper's co-investor?!?"
"J," V told her, "You need to cut back on the buzzwords. They're literally socialist, co-investor doesn't apply to them--"
"I will not acknowledge corrupted revolutionary dissidents!" J shot back.
V gave her a deadpan look, swapping one of her hands out for a little flag that read "Are you serious RN?" but before J could possibly literally blow a fuse, V spoke up, "Edgy Emo. Dressed like she lives in a Hot Topic," she pinged squad comms with a memory file showing the fanged grin of the worker as she locked a chainsaw sword against V's claws. "Possibly as unhing-- defective as the Scrapper, acted like a complete and utter gremlin the whole time we fought. She had some kind of hypersonic railgun , that's what she's been shooting us with, but also had a taser, ninja stars, a heavily modified Desert Eagle pistol, and possibly more gear besides that. I think I saw a combat pickaxe on her hip that she didn't use. She was as fast and as strong as the Scrapper apparently is," she finished.
"You got nothing else from that encounter?" J asked. " Anything at all to hint at why these defective toasters are literally farming us for parts like animals ?!?"
"She fl…" she cleared her throat for… some reason… "She said I 'killed her cousin's parents, so I could 'bite her?'" V finished, clearly confused.
"Those sub-sophont scrap piles are forming family units down there?!?" J screamed. "That violates so many Company policies!"
I glanced to the side at V, who did the same to me, and just slowly shook her head while mouthing "don't say anything." How did I know she was mouthing that? I wondered.
"So… they think they're emulating humans by seeking revenge on us?" V carefully posited. Ooooooooooh! I thought. That makes sense! They aren't smart . They don't hate us! They're just copying humans! Even revenge and stuff! Man , their code had to be getting really deviant behind those indestructible doors.
J started ranting again, and V sighed as she settled in to wait it out. But still, even though I was pretty sure that those workers were just malfunctioning really badly… I wondered…
Why did the Scrapper leave me oil?
________
(Uzi)
With four drones in combat frames to build stuff, and 2 IGMPs to print parts as needed, Joe, Darren, Rebecca, and I finished the 3rd IGMP in record time, and now we were cracking away at Vault 1's 2nd house-sized CF reactor. Joe himself has started up work on a Vault Six , which meant the nutcase must have built a Vault Five somewhere right under all of our noses without telling anyone. Totally in character for the dude, but still, he said once he was done with Vault 6, he'd be helping us build a CF reactor for Vault 2.
Penny finally made and gave me that gag gift she said she came up with, which was an almost identical copy of my hoodie, but around the raven printed on the back were the words "Rizz 'Em" above it, and "With The 'Tism," below it. And I fucking loved it !!! Perfect for my own plans to bag two Murder Drones! I was gonna rizz the hell out of N and V, dammnit! Almost as hilarious as the gift was what happened right after. We'd all been hanging out at Rebecca's hab when Penny had brought it in, and Joe had just taken one look at the back of it, and after three entire minutes of laughing his shiny metal ass off, finally recovered and just said, "Fuck it, that's funny enough that I'll give you your birthday present early, Penny." Evidently, our resident human ghost in a robot body had passed through a clothing store on one of our surface runs and took a ton of photos of dresses, and compressed them all into a ZIP file to send to Penny. Penny just froze for a few seconds as she looked through it, realized Joe took the time out of whatever he was up to on the surface to do that just for her because he knew she liked fashion, and then lunged forwards and hugged him while crying tears of joy.
I laughed at the memory, the sound ever-so-slightly off because of the new internal cooling fans and heat-sinks Joe came up with and installed in my frame last night. I'd told him that he was getting kinda ridiculous with all the stuff he kept packing into us, and he just gave me a look and replied with, "That's the point , Uzi! We're fighting a god , so I'm cheating at everything ! We're going full Stellaris Modularity Ascension on this shit!"
I'd laughed in response, and so had Darren and Rebecca, and I shook my head as I smiled at the memory, before swapping over to the recording I took of V having horrific abdominal cramps because of the Dysentery Dart. Cuz was gonna love seeing that, damnit! Might even make her a little less mad that I found the woman who killed her dad and sorta (hopefully only ) half-killed her mom really hot , because like… she literally had her ass out , and those hips , and the ash white bob-cut, and that fake psycho personality that masked someone who genuinely cared kinda did things for me-- Oh, holy crap , I thought. Is the 4th Wall watching me right now?!? Joe told me that they have no respect for the privacy of our thoughts! Go away, you assholes! My fantasies about hot Murder Robots are for me only ! You don't get to know about how I find N being a metaphorical sophont golden retriever robot really adorable, or how his happy-go-lucky attitude makes me feel all warm inside, or how his messy hair is cute, or how I like that he's way taller than m-- AH, I'M DOING IT AGAIN!!! GO AWAY 4TH WALL!!!
I decided to do something really drastic to distract myself from my thoughts, and check on what Joe was doing right now. He'd told me earlier that he was starting to make progress on exosuits and power armor, and he even had ideas on a drone-sized spacesuit so Solver infected drones could go out during the day. And today, he was putting some final touches on a hoverbike prototype without the baked-in backdoors the now-dead human police had to brick them. I got to the end of Joe's own corner of the lair, where he had set up an honest to robo-god vehicle bay (that previously only housed forklifts), and had spent the past month whenever he wasn't maintaining a social life or on the surface or building other stuff working away on this.
Rebecca and Darren were outside the room, and when the former saw me, she DM'd me.
TotesBestGirl: SSSSSSSSHHHHHH! This is HILARIOUS!!!
What? I thought, but I walked up to the door and peered around the frame like they were.
Joe… was literally jamming out and bobbing his head as he tightened some bolts on a mostly done-looking hoverbike. I could hear the music playing, and he was singing along.
I was not created for the viral!
[CALLBACK PING]
Set myself upon a downward spiral!
[CALLBACK PING]
Never chose to be an idol!
[CALLBACK PING]
Amalgamation of mechanical, primal!
[CALLBACK PING]
I couldn't help myself. Actually, I could have via overclock, but I didn't care to. This was too freaking funny not to burst out into laughter. Darren and Rebecca stopped hiding their laughter themselves, also giggling at the sight. Joe looked up, startled, pausing the music, and then started laughing as he took in the three of us staring. We all just took a minute to laugh at the fact that we caught the normally unflappable (due to cheating at life via overclock) Isekai Protagonist himself just doing something so… human , and then being actually surprised that we caught him doing it.
After a minute or so and all of us finally calming down, I asked him, "Murder Drones Fan Song?"
" [CALLBACK PING] by AxisRouge," Joe said. "Dude made a fanfic that was fucking Into the Liam-Verse and then also made MD fan songs on top of that. Absolute legend , Uzi," he told me.
"Can you like, share his other songs?" Rebecca asked.
"Yeah, you were jamming to that one, even if it's literally a theme song to the final boss of this crap."
Joe laughed again. "Yeah, but just because it's the theme song to the final boss of my Isekai Adventure doesn't mean that it doesn't slap. Just… some of the songs have spoilers, so they're audio only, and don't share them with Uzi or Doll unless we get our hands on 2.1.8."
"Damn it!" I barked out. "Stupid Robot Cthulhu Satan trying to possess me and keeping me from the cool stuff from beyond the 4th Wall!"
Joe started laughing again, but walked up and put a hand on my shoulder. "Hows about I show you some of the other stuff I'm working on? I can always test the hoverbike later."
"What else are you working on?" Darren asked.
Joe grinned, eager to grandstand, "Right this way, ladies and gent!" he said, gesturing forwards with his entrenching tool before reupholstering it. We took a minute to walk over to the other end of Joe's workshop in Vault 1 (he'd told us he was gonna start moving all the stuff he had here to his personal workshop in Vault 2 next week), and he showed me some kinda wrist mounted contraption with a spike and what looked to be a shaped concussive explosive charge built into it. " This ," he started, "is one of my first physical iterations of a Pile-Bunker, a weapon I'm copying from the Armored Core franchise. I've done a couple tweaks, like sharpening one side of the stake so I could use it like the Doomblade from Doom Eternal, but I still got a shaped concussive explosive charge in the back that I can use to launch the thing to it's full length at fuck-off velocities just like in AC. This shit'll punch right through any legitimately hostile and not just brainwashed Solver host and their core!"
I frowned for a second, getting this weird feeling like it was a batman "I prepare ways to kill my friends because I'm that paranoid," thing, but… Joe was paranoid, but he trusted us. And the look on his face as he showed it off… no he was just showing off a cool sci-fi weapon he copied from more than one video game, and he'd only ever use it on the Solver itself.
"Everything okay?" Joe asked.
I looked up at him and smiled, "Yeah," I told him. "Stupid angst things. You wouldn't be paranoid enough to make a means to kill me or Doll, you're just doing this because you're a nerd."
Joe started laughing. "I mean, I have like six different non -lethal means to counter you or Doll if you go feral, but yeah, for all I act like Anarcho-Syndicalist Batman, I'm not that paranoid." He gave me a pat on the shoulder. "Thanks for trusting me, Uzi. I really appreciate it."
"I like, know you're gonna get together with Liz once she's legal," Rebecca cut in, and Joe sputtered but calmed slightly when she added that last bit, "but are you two sure there's nothing going on betw--"
I scowled at Rebecca, "We're not dating!" we both shouted at her, and Darren started cracking up immediately.
"Jinx!" Joe said.
I looked at him, betrayed! "Damnit!" I stomped my foot. Darren started laughing harder, and Rebecca joined him. I let them laugh it up for a bit longer, and then they calmed down."Besides," I muttered, "I'm gonna bag me two Murder Drones anyways."
Rebecca gave me a look , and rolled her optics. "Still annoyed at you for that, because having the hots for the chick that murdered everyone's parents is totes not cool, but after seeing the up close footage you have from fighting them… they are kinda hot," she admitted. "I'm, like, fine with Darren, but, you know, objectively, they are hot."
She glanced over at Darren, actually looking guilty, right up until he said, "I'm only into you, but I totally get that. I mean, those hips , dude!"
Rebecca looked so relieved at that admission from her boyfriend, and then said, "And the legs on N! Like, damn !"
Joe added his own two batteries. "And J has garters painted onto her, and V just has her ass just out there , all the fucking time! Like, bitch, I'm leaving her for Uzi, but fuck's sake, I'm staring respectfully! Fucking shit , Cyn had to be a horny little fucker!"
"We're all freakin degenerates, aren't we?" I asked.
"Oh, totes," Rebecca agreed.
"Absolutely," Darren said.
" Completely unrepentant," Joe remarked.
"Right!" I called out. "Changing the subject!" I ignored the snickers around me, and kept going. "I had some breakthroughs with my SAHMPA--"
"Your what?" Rebecca asked.
I blinked, but speedran my being nonplussed via overclock and continued with, "Right, didn't go over that with you. You know that Sick As Hell Rail Gun I built in canon?"
"Yeah?" Darren said.
"Building an easier to assemble version that kicks less ass but I can invent sooner. Sick As Hell Magneto-hydrodynamic Particle Accelerator. Flings a stream of ionized liquid mercury at frick-off velocities. Anyways," I continued, grinning, "I had some breakthroughs with the thing that put me way ahead of schedule, I actually have a prototype ready, and I was wondering if anyone wanted to see me test it?" I looked up as I finished, hopeful that Darren and Rebecca would be interested. I already knew Joe was, and half the time I wondered if he was on the spectrum but just never bothered to find out before his Isekai (something he'd told me he wondered about himself every now and then), but I was hoping they'd be into a side of my personal passions that I hadn't been able to really show off to anyone besides Joe prior to now.
Darren shrugged. "I'm down."
Rebecca raised an eyemote. "You built a death-ray ?"
"Pretty much," Joe said.
Rebecca grinned. "Sure!"
I had a beaming smile on my face as I ran to grab my prototype SAHMPA and then meet them at the firing range. I went through all the safety checks and clearing of the range as fast as I safely could, and then aimed down at a target, a dad-grade wall behind it, and tightened my finger on the trigger. There was a blinding green flash and a roar as a beam of green liquid death lanced out and cored the target drone shell we'd set up, and then splashed against the dad-grade backdrop and actually dug a few inches into it before the gun stopped firing.
"Holy fuck ," Joe said, staring ahead at the carnage.
"And this is the less ridiculous version of the thing you were trying to make?" Rebecca asked, jaw hanging.
"That was awesome ," Darren whispered out.
"Oh yeah!" I bragged. "I'm gonna work out the last kinks in this, but then I'm gonna get to work on properly building as close as I can to the sci-fi nonsense that super works that I did in canon, and yes!" I barked out, "I'm aware I paraphrased my future self, thank you!"
Joe started snickering anyways, but he was constantly dealing with existential dread, so I let him have that. But then he stopped laughing, and his optics flickered for a 400th of a second as he ran through something in overclock. "Hey, so you know how we took some really small remote control drones with mics and cameras and slipped them into the Corpse Spire during the day remotely?"
"Yeah?" I said.
"So I coded up a program to let me know when interesting stuff happens--" Joe said.
"You got gossip on the Murder Drones ?" Rebecca asked.
Joe rolled his eyemotes. "I got gossip on the Murder Drones," he confirmed.
"What'd you learn?" Darren asked.
We all got a ping on the TNPAPT , and saw that Joe shared a file.
I watched through the video with the rest of them, and saw J ranting about Joe and calling him a Scrapper, N and V actually interacting, V talking about me (and I sounded like a total badass the way V described me), and I totally caught her stopping herself from saying I flirted with her, ha ! And also… J not being an asshole to N?
I looked over at Joe. "That's different from canon," I remarked.
"We're still a bit under five years before it," Joe countered, "Plus, this is probably a butterfly from us. From our surveillance equipment, N's actually been doing a better job recently, this isn't the first time we've caught J using positive reinforcement, and she has someone besides N to be mad at."
"You mean, you , right?" Rebecca snarked. Joe just grinned at her.
"Yeah, totally you, 'Mr Scrapper,'" Darren added with a grin of his own.
"The title kinda fits since we're literally farming them like freakin Monster Hunter for their parts," I remarked.
Joe put a hand to his chin. "You know… " he trailed off, actually thinking about something in real-time for once. "I kinda like that name," He said, nodding to himself. "I'm the Scrapper , the anomaly in the timeline scrapping everyone's carefully laid plans…" He chuckled to himself. "And if they're gonna give me that as a title , I may as well not just embrace it, but do my best to live up to it , am I right?"
"All hail the Scrapper," I theatrically proclaimed, "The Only Thing The Murder Drones Fear!"
Joe started cackling aloud. " YES !!! They will learn to fear the nights that the Scrapper hunts!"
"Oh my robo-god you actually have an evil laugh," Rebecca remarked.
He rounded on her. "When did I say I'm the good guy?!! I am literally planning to traumatize (with Uzi's permission) some weirdly hot genocide robots into helping us commit deicide!"
"Hey!" I shouted at him, but I wasn't actually mad.
"You know, that's a valid point," Darren said. "You only said you're here to get everyone through this alive and with a relatively low amount of trauma, not that you were gonna be nice about it."
"Oh, I'm being nice to you guys… and nicer to N…" Joe remarked.
"Oh, we get that," I told him, "It's just funny that you aren't even trying to be morally upstanding or grandstanding, and just embraced being a little shit as soon as you ended up in a world where you could do so with minimal consequences."
"It's totes hilarious, Joe," Rebecca said.
Darren chuckled. "Yeah, you earned that Unhinged Maniac title, Scrapper!"
"And I will obtain a great many more!" Joe theatrically declared.
We all started laughing again, just enjoying getting to be friends plotting to save the world. I… I just hoped we could bring everyone else in sooner rather than later, and that they'd handle it at least as well as Darren and Rebecca did. But still, we were kicking ass out there, and I had actual hope for the future. This was a better timeline than canon already, and I was damn determined to help Joe and everyone else keep it that way!