...
"Mmmfff!! 'What the hell is going on here?!'"
Iori twisted around furiously. Wasn't he about to expose Kamishiro's lies just now?
Why was he suddenly tied up?!
Snapping out of the nightmare of being swarmed by musclemen, Iori began struggling again.
He had no idea why he was the one getting bound up!
"Mmmfff! 'Why am I the one tied up?!'"
No one responded, so Iori looked toward his trusty sidekick beside him.
They couldn't speak, but true bros didn't need words!
He activated his Mind Link Jutsu!
"Mmmfff! 'Don't you dare drag me into your drama!'"
Seeing Iori awake, Mitarai's face contorted with rage.
So was this all because he made one honest comment earlier?! Is that why the spotlight shifted to him?!
"Mmmfff! 'My topic?'"
Iori looked confused—he didn't yet realize that he had become the discussion group's main subject.
"Mmmfff! 'Exactly. Why do you have a girlfriend?!'"
Mitarai still couldn't figure it out. In his eyes, Iori was way below him in every metric. Why the hell were they both bound together in the corner now?
Σ(っ °Д °;)っ
"Mmmfff! 'You mean...'"
Iori was a smart guy. Judging from the situation, it seemed they'd pulled a question about him.
As for the specifics...
He saw a slip that Kamishiro had conveniently placed near him.
(?ò?ó)
He was starting to understand how Yamamoto felt earlier. Being a battle god on land, it was perfectly normal for a girl to like him!
Even if it was fake. (*?????)
Wait a minute—
Why wasn't Kamishiro tied up? Why was he still participating in the discussion?!
Iori looked down at himself. Kamishiro, the notorious player, was free—yet he, a pure virgin, ended up like this?!
His fury and injustice made him thrash even harder~
But what he didn't know was... a certain "digital eye" was secretly recording him~
Beneath the table, Kamishiro was frantically snapping photos.
He'd been burning through his stash of embarrassing Iori pics too quickly. Time to restock! (λ?_??)
...
Thud—
Iori, now totally drained, slumped down like a dead fish.
"Mmmfff! 'Help me! I have important info!'"
He didn't know how Kamishiro had slipped through the cracks, but if he spilled all of Kamishiro's dirt and ex-girlfriends, maybe the topic would shift!
"Mmmfff! 'Forget it. All we can do now is wait for them to come over.'"
Mitarai rolled over and became a fully cooked salted fish.
His only hope was that when Yamamoto and the others came by, they'd at least give them a chance to plead their case.
Surely the "accused" deserved some kind of defense, right?
...
It really might be possible!
Thinking of how despicable those guys could be, Mitari suddenly got scared. The calm he had just moments ago vanished, and he looked at Iori with a face full of hope.
"..."
(???)
As expected, everyone in their little group really had no bottom line.
Letting out a quiet sigh in his heart, Iori decided to look for a new way to save himself.
Using the idea he had earlier—if that method didn't work out, then just switch to another one!
Sometimes the process isn't that important, especially when it involves becoming a caterpillar...
Since he couldn't speak, he had to get someone else to speak for him.
After all, their group had a total of seven people—such a huge number—yet only four were actively talking right now!
There was still one crucial person not participating!
Iori's gaze shifted to Kohei, who was sleeping soundly next to the group.
This—
This was his chance to turn things around!
"Although using poop is actually a good idea, it's a bit inhumane. As the person who suggested this theme, I have a proposal," said Yamamoto, putting Shiro's suggestion on hold.
Realistically, poop was not easy to get in such large amounts in Japan, and if they dirtied up the school, they'd definitely get punished.
"Hmm?"
Everyone turned to Yamamoto, waiting for his proposal.
After this recent incident, he no longer dared to underestimate anyone in this group. He did respect Yamamoto's abilities!
"We have to include the rule: 'Must finish them off after humiliation!'"
"No problem!"
"Exactly what I was thinking!"
"I was going to suggest that myself!"
Yamamoto's suggestion got full approval from everyone. These guy's fate had been sealed from the very start.
"Waaaah! Just a second ago, weren't you all talking about ethics and morality?!"
Mitari kept squirming—these people had clearly thrown out everything they said earlier like it was garbage!
As he twisted around, he suddenly felt something was missing. Looking back, he saw that Iori had already squirmed over to Kohei and was preparing to ram into him to wake him up.
BAM~
"Pft…"
Kohei slowly opened his eyes after taking a full-force hit to the stomach.
"Is… is it a monster attacking? Σ_(???」∠) urgh"
"Wuuu!"
Iori let out muffled sounds, unable to speak, and instead stared meaningfully at Kohei.
(′｀;)?
Kohei looked dazedly at Iori—clearly not fully recovered yet. The brainwaves weren't syncing.
But thanks to their long-time partnership, the two still had great chemistry.
After resting for a bit, Kohei fully understood the situation.
And, of course, he also understood Iori's most desperate wish:
Get him untied and drag Shiro down with him!
But Kohei... was too experienced for that level of trust.
Now that he had the full picture, he looked at Iori with eyes full of mischief.
A golden opportunity to screw over a friend—how could he possibly let it go?
Of course, Kohei wasn't a complete devil. He was kind enough to peel off the tape covering Iori's mouth.
As for dragging Shiro into the mess, he figured the idiot Kitahara could handle that part. Kohei would just sit back and enjoy the chaos.
What a genius I am!
While he was patting himself on the back, Iori—now able to speak again—whispered angrily, "Stop grinning and untie me already!"
"Huh?"
Kohei looked at him, amused, then crouched down and patted his head gently. "Revenge is best served by your own hand, you know."
"You bastard!!!"
Iori instantly understood what Kohei was up to, glaring at him and cursing under his breath.
Kohei didn't respond. He just casually walked over to the group where Shiro and the others were.
"Alright, I'll share my opinion first."
Shiro looked surprised. "Oh, you're awake? I thought you'd be out until class was over."
"How could I miss a moment of judgment? Also, have you forgotten how I passed out in the first place?!"
Kohei's forehead veins popped. Why was this guy pretending to be innocent? He was the reason Kohei fainted!
"Wait!"
Yamamoto raised a hand to stop Kohei—not because he wasn't welcome.
Kohei didn't have a girlfriend, so he was on their side of the war.
But there was still one important matter to handle!
As everyone gave him confused looks, Yamamoto declared:
"As the one who initiated this proposal, I have another suggestion!
Everyone must raise their hand and get my approval before speaking."
"We need permission too?"
"Isn't this going a bit far?"
"This is way too formal, isn't it?"
It suddenly felt like they were in a courtroom. And Yamamoto's authority seemed a little too strong—so strong even Shiro looked interested in stealing his role.
"Heh, dictatorship?"
Yamamoto smirked. "This isn't just a discussion. This is a trial."
Everyone suddenly understood.
"Ohhh… I get it now!"
"Totally makes sense!"
If it's a trial, going formal is totally justified—it was a life-or-death matter, after all!
And as the "Speaker," Yamamoto would definitely not show any bias toward the accused—Iori and Mitari.
"Is our death a foregone conclusion?"
"This is totally like a witch trial…"
Iori and Mitari trembled on the side, voices barely above a whisper.
Why does getting a girlfriend end in a death sentence?!
"Mr. Speaker!"
"You may speak, Nojima!"
Nojima couldn't hold it any longer and whipped out a bag of cement.
"After we speak, can we immediately dispose of them?"
"Approved!"
The Speaker gave the go-ahead without a second thought!
"Absolutely worthless!"
"Our lives are worthless?!"
Iori and Mitari were falling apart.
What happened to a fair trial?! This was a straight-up death penalty!
Watch some legal dramas, you psychos!!
"You guys can do whatever you want with Mitari, just please spare me!"
Iori, driven by his survival instincts, tried to trade his friend's life for his own.
After all, if they could all play together like this, none of them were really decent human beings.
They were practically asking to be "mercifully erased" by society!
He just hoped… after they erased the rest, they wouldn't come for him.
"No no no, please spare me! My girlfriend isn't even as pretty as Kitahara's! Kotegawa is the school's top beauty—Iori deserves death way more than me!"
Mitari wasn't about to back down either. He tried to gain the upper hand by comparing girlfriend attractiveness.
Watching the two of them accuse each other, Shiro's eyes filled with pity.
"How pathetic human nature is... We should just wipe both of these guys out. For the good of humanity."
Killing these two losers would lower the planet's garbage quota—it was basically saving the world.
"You jerk!"
Iori shot a death glare at Shiro.
Why was the biggest degenerate of them all allowed to sit on the judgment panel?!
If that's how it is…
"Yamamoto, Shiro he—"
"I said you need my permission before you speak."
Yamamoto rested his chin on his hand, a dark shadow across his face. His gaze was icy sharp as he glared at Iori.
He was clearly completely immersed in this roleplay.
Iori gulped.
He could feel the killing intent.
"Mr. Speaker!"
"You may speak—anything except begging for your life!"
As a just and fair Speaker, Yamamoto was willing to give the accused a chance.
But begging for mercy? Not allowed. ╮( ??ω?? )╭
"Thank you so much!"
Iori was thrilled—what he was about to reveal was way more effective than simply begging for mercy!
Seeing Iori's excited expression, Kamishiro's eyelid twitched. He had a strong hunch that letting this guy continue talking would only lead to something very bad.
Damn it.
A criminal should behave like a criminal—just accept the punishment quietly!
Kamishiro stealthily pulled a white handkerchief from behind his back. It was time to start a tense and thrilling game of tag with a twist.
However, just as he was about to make his move, a figure conveniently stepped in front of him.
Kohei!
After a few dodges, Kohei still remained squarely in his way. Kamishiro finally realized—this guy was doing it on purpose.
(?°?д°?)
"You bastard! You're doing this on purpose!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about~" Kohei shrugged innocently. Everyone knows that when two people are face-to-face, it's easy to end up dodging in sync.
Hmm…
If it weren't for the obvious teasing glint in Kohei's eyes, Kamishiro might've actually believed him.
Grinding his teeth, Kamishiro finally decided to rope Kohei into the game as well.
But Kohei had already been on guard the moment Kamishiro took out the white handkerchief and immediately stepped aside.
Of course, that didn't mean he was admitting defeat—his goal had already been accomplished, so there was no need to continue!
Under Kamishiro's horrified gaze, the "criminal" Iori began to speak.
"The chairman is targeting just the two of us right now. But can you really say that we're the only ones here with girlfriends?"
!!!
Upon hearing that, the three judges on the tribunal broke into cold sweats.
Nojima and Fujiwara immediately understood Iori's real purpose in saying that.
Guys like them—handsome and confident (in their own minds)—should naturally have beautiful girlfriends!
But the truth was…
They didn't!
Not only did they not have girlfriends, they didn't even have female friends. Some of them hadn't spoken to a girl in ages!
Now, that bastard Iori was trying to make Yamamoto suspect them of being the traitors!
What a vile strategy! It left them utterly unable to prove their innocence. How do you prove you don't have a girlfriend!?
"No, those two aren't suspicious at all."
Yamamoto's decisive tone immediately broke the two smart guys.
"At least… at least leave a little room for possibility, right!?"
(*?????)
They were being trusted, sure—but somehow, it just didn't feel like a good thing.
"What about Imamura and Kamishiro then? Those two are pretty handsome, maybe they've had several girlfriends already!"
Mitari shouted, catching a glimpse of hope for himself!
Whoosh!
All eyes turned to the trembling Kamishiro and the unfazed Kohei.
Noticing everyone's gaze, Kohei scoffed, slammed his foot onto the desk, and dramatically declared his true beliefs (his XP):
"Hah! Don't look down on me, you bottom-feeders!
My girlfriend isn't even in the same dimension as yours!"
"Innocent!"
The chairman granted clemency to all girlfriends from the 2D world.
Now—
Only one person remained.
Everyone's gaze silently shifted to Kamishiro…
"Ahahaha... Chairman, you know me. Actually, I have gynophobia! Otherwise, I wouldn't have turned down so many girls who confessed to me!
That's right!
I'm just like one of those domineering CEOs in romance novels!
To be honest, I even have a doctor friend with a mysterious past, and a butler who always says, 'Young master, it's been a long time since you smiled like this!'"
At first, Kamishiro sounded a bit guilty. But as he built up his persona, he became more and more confident—eventually grinning like a villain in a webcomic!
"..."
(???)
Everyone stared at Kamishiro in silence. They weren't stupid—they obviously didn't believe a word he said. Sure, Kamishiro was rich.
But how could someone who hangs out with them possibly have a butler saying corny lines like that!?
You're the most chaotic one here, dude!
As for the gynophobia…
Nope. They weren't buying that either. Again—someone who willingly hangs out with them couldn't possibly have gynophobia.
However…
They did sort of believe that Kamishiro might be innocent. After all, they'd seen him reject love confessions from senior girls more than once—and very decisively, too!
"Temporarily trustworthy!"
Chairman Yamamoto gave his ruling once more.
Then he turned his eyes back to Iori—this time, it looked like the moment of judgment had truly arrived.
"Wait, Chairman!"
Iori wasn't flustered at all that Kamishiro had slipped by. He had a secret weapon.
"Please allow me to open my phone!"
Gulp.
Kamishiro suddenly had a very bad feeling. Kitahara… had been really into photography lately…
"Chairman! I don't think we need to listen to a criminal—let's just proceed with the punishment!"
Grabbing a bucket of cement, he charged toward Iori!
!!!
Seeing the cement, Iori's pupils dilated. He dropped all pretense.
"My phone has intimate photos of Kamishiro with girls!"
Clap clap clap!
In an instant—
Three extra hands somehow appeared on Kamishiro's body...
"Kamashiro-kun, I think we should respect the criminal's wishes~"
"Innocence is important, after all."
"This is a trial, remember!"
The three judges grinned wickedly, dark auras radiating from their backs.
{{(°△°; "}}!
Kamishiro looked at the cement in his hands. Wait… was this for him now?
Yamamoto and the others snatched Iori's phone. It was filled with photos of Kamishiro flirting and goofing off with various girls!
Kamishiro and Azusa
Kamishiro and Mafuyu
Kamishiro and Kiyoko
Kamishiro and Sakurako
Kamishiro and Kiyoko and Sakurako
Kamishiro and…
Crack.
Maybe because the person holding the phone was too angry, Iori's phone was completely destroyed.
Kamishiro was destroyed right alongside it~
"You scumbag!"
"Die! You're the one who deserves to die!"
"Sink to the bottom of the ocean!!!"
"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!"
Much later…
On a cement-splattered floor, Kamishiro lay face-down with a broomstick sticking out of his butt, his rear twitching slightly.
Kamishiro – DECEASED
Watching Kamashiro Shirou like that, Iori gave a victor's smile.
Unfortunately, the smile didn't last long—he spotted the three others approaching like demons.
"Wait! This isn't fair! If you had given me Yamamoto's question, I'd have ended up just like him!"
The three, freshly vented, tilted their heads and dug out the paper with Yamamoto's question—then made some edits.
"You mean, like this?"
'Kitahara Iori's virginity!'
Seeing that, Iori nodded with satisfaction. "Yes, this way you won't have to punish me anymore."
"Time's up—let's wrap this up with a final statement based on the current topic."
Just as Iori finished speaking, the old man on the stage announced the end of discussion.
"..."
Iori looked at the paper in his hand and quickly reached for a pen to change it.
However!
A powerful old man radiating authority grabbed his wrist mid-motion.
"We'll use the current topic… for your statement."
"..."
That day…
The top trending post on the Izu University forum was—
"Kitahara Iori is a virgin! Kotegawa remains untainted!"