In the blinding white void, Kaito Asami stood frozen, staring in disbelief at the floating screen in front of him.
"The hell is this?! Even Deidara's jutsu is better than whatever this 'broken' roulette spat out!"
A soft chime echoed, followed by a mechanical, overly cheerful voice.
"PERK 1: ART IS EXPLOSION
User can die a glorious death. Worry not, young one — whoever wants your life will pay in blood. Upon death, triggers an explosion.
Radius: ??? (Depends on how strong your body is)."
Kaito blinked slowly.
"…I'm speechless. Is this a curse? Are you cursing me, you damn malfunctioning gacha machine?! WOO WOO! There goes my dream of becoming a smug, domineering young master who looks down on peasants."
He sighed dramatically, arms crossed.
"It's okay, it's okay. Two more draws. I still have hope. All is well. All is—OH GOD PLEASE NO MORE SUICIDE BOMBER SHIT!"
He raised his arms, praying in every direction.
"Great God, Devil, Kami, Buddha, Alien Overlords, please — let the next one be something OP! Give me an Infinity Gauntlet! Or an Omnitrix! I'll even take Light Yagami's pen!"
ROLLING…
The wheel spun. Fast. Glorious lights flickered.
TENSEIGAN
OPI OPI NO MI
WOOD RELEASE
Kaito's eyes sparkled.
"Oh-ho-ho-ho… These perks are so shiny they're blinding me! Here it comes — my luck from ten past lives! Hee hee! Watch out, world, here comes Papa—!"
MASTER OF POKING
When it comes to seeking death, no one does it better than you. You're a natural at infuriating people. You can make even bald monks remember their dead mothers just by poking their pride.
+10 Agitation Aura. No off switch.
The silence could kill.
"…What. The actual. F—."
"GRANDMA. GRANDMAAA! This devil roulette is TOYING with me!"
He fell to his knees, sobbing dramatically like an Oscar nominee.
"I don't want this! I mean, yes, I wanted to be a young master, but my thousands of hours reading Chinese cultivation novels told me the loudmouths don't live long! I know how this ends — face slapped into reincarnation speedrun mode!"
He suddenly paused.
"Okay okay, maybe I did commit a few sins… I crushed a line of ants with a hot iron rod, drowned a rat once for chewing my hoodie, and maybe—just maybe—called my boss a hairless orangutan on Twitter…"
He looked up at the void.
"Dear Rat God, if you're up there, I apologize. Truly. Please revoke my karmic debt. This machine is making me into a suicide-bomber-clown hybrid."
PERKS ARE PERMANENT ONCE GRANTED. NO REFUNDS.
Have a nice day~
"YOU'RE NOT EVEN A MACHINE! YOU'RE THE DEVIL INCARNATE! YOUR CREATOR IS PROBABLY A LOLICON WHO WORSHIPS CARDBOARD WAIFUS!"
Kaito gripped his head, breathing heavily.
"…At this point, I don't even want the third perk. I shudder to imagine getting something like 'You climax every time you insult someone.'"
He stared at the wheel.
"But… it's do or die. I've already died once. Spin it. Spin it, you bastard."
ROLLING…
FACE-FACE NO MI
LUCK-LUCK NO MI
HEALING QUIRK
RYUJIN JAKKA
…
"DEATH"
The room fell silent.
"…Wait. Wait wait wait. WHAT?!"
A new message blinked into existence.
You have exhausted 69 lifetimes' worth of luck to obtain this once-in-a-lifetime ability. Congratulations.
Perk 3: DEATH
Grants user limited semi-immortality. You may return to life once a month. If you die more than once in 30 days — you're dead. Forever. No retries. No loopholes.
Each death may bring a reward… or punishment. Depends on your luck. Good luck, sucker.
Kaito just stood there. Numb.
"…I can't even process my emotions right now. It's like being squeezed between two big, glorious melons… and then realizing they belong to your overly affectionate American bro-friend with jugs bigger than Angela White."
He wiped a tear.
"…This perk solves one headache, but that final line just gave me trauma."
The screen flickered again.
USUAL PROTOCOL COMPLETE. TRANSFERRING UNLUCKY SOUL TO NEW WORLD.
"UNLUCKY?! Who are you calling unlucky, you busted slot machine?! You're the real sucker here, you—"
Before Kaito could complete his righteous outburst, the void twisted into a vortex. Reality folded in on itself.
He was yanked into a wormhole faster than he could scream.
⸻
Hehehehe… let's see where this poor soul lands.
⸻
TO BE CONTINUED…
————-
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