Somewhere in the One Piece world…
A poor, boob-obsessed bastard—known professionally as Kaito "Isekai Reject" Asami—was seen pacing back and forth, his face puffed up like he just lost a round with Mike Tyson and got a free makeover from a bee colony.
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME?! Why is my jade-like face swollen like a pig's butt and itching like I rubbed poison ivy on it?!"
"Damn insects! Whoever did this—I'll grill your 69 generations and throw a barbecue party for every rat, monkey, and ghost in this cursed jungle!"
After this Oscar-worthy rage rant, our MC calmed down like a true professional.
"Dear audience, what did we learn today? Isekai dreams are great… until reality slaps you harder than your Indian mom during exam season."
"No food, no shelter, giant titans playing volleyball with your body, and after all that… mosquitoes! Imagine dying just to get molested by bugs."
He looked at the imaginary camera like he was giving a TED Talk for isekai survivors.
"So kids, please study hard. Chase that MBA. Respect your mom. And remember—someone's garbage life might still be your dream, so don't wish for truck-kun until you're ready to get eaten by a gorilla in heat."
Ahem.
"Alright enough. Villain arc loading… Now that I've stocked up on coconuts and water for three days, it's time for training! First target: those bastard apes that disrespected this jade beauty."
He grinned.
"Time to learn Rokushiki! I've seen enough anime and wiki entries—I can figure out some of the moves. Shave? I'll fake it 'til I make it. Kami-e? Already mastered thanks to dodging flying rocks and thirsty monkeys."
"Also: Sword training. Because what's cooler than slicing someone and whispering, 'You're already dead' in Japanese?"
"Blindfold training too—for Observation Haki. That one I can train myself. Armament? No clue. Conqueror's? Heh. Come on. This young master was born to trample mongrels and build a nation of beauties and brats."
"Down to earth, Kaito. Step by step."
And so began the villainous hero's training arc… which would last until his stomach yelled for help again.
⸻
A Month Later
A new sight to behold: A beggar-looking guy, dirtier than Luffy after Marineford, hiding in a dark cave corner while crying like a kindergartener who lost his ice cream.
"MOMMY! GRANDMA! PLEASE HELP ME! I've had enough of this demonic jungle! I've been eaten alive, slapped by female chimpanzees, and bullied by human-sized rats!"
"This isn't the isekai dream! That damn gacha machine didn't send me to a village with kind farmers and a blonde tsundere! Noooo, I got stranded on Ape Island of the Damned!"
"Coconuts? Yeah. Until I found out monkeys hoard them like bank accounts. I nearly died again, chased all the way back here! If the cave opening was even one inch wider, I would've lost my V-card to an orangutan!"
"WOOO WOOO, MOTHER! YOUR SON HAS SUFFERED A GRAVE INJUSTICE!!"
Still, not all hope was lost.
"BUT! I've gotten stronger. I can outrun those baboons now. My half-baked Observation Haki works! And dodging chimp tantrums gave me natural Kami-e training! HAH!"
"Also, I could use the 'Explosion is Art' perk now. Just one problem: I only get one use per month. Do I waste it for vengeance… or save it for a Sea King booty-chase sequel?"
"Hmm… let the universe decide!"
He picked up a stone. One side light grey. The other black.
Light grey = BOOM.
Black = chill and wait.
"Here we go. Gambler instincts: ON."
Toss.
"It's grey. Hehehe. That's fate, monkeys. Prepare to meet Buddha."
⸻
Operation Monkey BBQ Begins
"Target: river monkeys. Five of them. Big. Ugly. Aggressive. Denied me water for weeks. Today, vengeance shall be served with coconut sauce."
He grinned like a man who'd spent way too much time alone.
"Let me remind you simian rejects: this young master is very generous. I shall now reluctantly reunite you with your dead brothers in the sky."
He crept up, activated all 2.3% of his brain, and began executing a plan that was 50% tactical genius and 50% anime villain monologue.
⸻
[PLAN: THE GREAT MONKEY BAIT & BOOM]
Step 1: Walk into the open and yell,
"Hey banana brains! Your mamas all look like Donkey Kong in a bikini!"
Step 2: Drop pants halfway and moon them.
"You wanna piece of this? Get in line behind the Sea King!"
Step 3: Do the chicken dance while making monkey noises.
The alpha ape roared like he just got called ugly by a gorilla influencer.
"YES! TAKE THE BAIT, YOU FURRY BASTARDS!"
They all rushed toward him.
"Come closer… just a little more…"
Then…
BOOOOOOOOM!!!
A 42-meter-wide explosion erupted, incinerating everything—monkeys, trees, regrets. A crater was left like a budget nuke had gone off.
⸻
In Limbo Space
"Phew… now that was satisfying. Sweet monkey revenge."
[24 HOURS UNTIL RETURN]
[YOU HAVE DIED]
[GIFT: You will be ALWAYS HUNGRY for 48 hours]
[BONUS: Enhanced energy and strength during this time]
"…I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or eat my own leg."
"So I'll be starving no matter how much I eat… but get OP buffed too?"
Back on the island, he looked at the battlefield.
"WOAH. This time, the monkeys didn't turn to ash. Their charred bodies are still here. Jackpot! Enough meat for 2 days of gluttonous suffering."
He sniffed.
"Explosion range has increased too. Maybe 2 more meters? Nice. One day I'll nuke a Yonko like this."
Surveying the area, he confirmed no other giant beast lived here—it was monkey turf.
"I should stay out here and cook the bodies. If I drag them to my cave, I'll attract flies and maybe another angry gorilla cousin."
"Time to grill these bastards with some style. Monkey ribs, monkey steaks, monkey jerky—I'm eating like a jungle king!"
And with that, our chaotic bastard started his post-explosion feast, muttering:
"Today, monkey. Tomorrow, world domination."
⸻
TO BE CONTINUED…
————-
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