Sade's POV
I didn't want to go out.
Only the perimeter of our neighborhood felt acceptable.
Any place where I could meet his manager again felt too risky.
"Are you sure this is appropriate for where we're going?" I asked V, showing him the new dress he had bought for me.
He hadn't mentioned the place we were visiting, only that I would get to experience eating a fruit directly from a tree.
"To be honest, I'm not sure. I've never been," he replied. "But you look great. I'm sure we'll be fine," he said, giving me a reassuring smile.
He had opened his satchel on the kitchen counter and was filling it with bottled water and snacks.
"Do we need all of these?" I asked, surprised at the number of snacks he was bringing.
"Oh, that, yes," he answered with a small smirk. "We're going out of the City."
My eyebrows shot up.
"To the oasis?"
"No. Another place," he smiled enigmatically.
"Outside the City?" I wanted to confirm again.
"Well, technically, it's still within the territory of the City..." he added with a thoughtful look. "But it's beyond its walls, that's for sure."
I couldn't believe my ears.
We took the loop in the opposite direction until the very end of the line. From there, we took a GlideCab. V needed authorization for us to go to that station.
At the end of this other line, the trip was still not over.
As we stepped out of the GlideCar station, I realized we were already beyond the City limits. In the distance rose the Wall, a bright white against the horizon. All around us stretched dunes upon dunes of sand, like the landscape around the oasis, but different. Here, the desert felt tamed, as if shaped by human hands.
I suspected we were somewhere in the United Nations Belt, the place I had spent my whole life. Between clinics, factories, warehouses, and more buildings, there didn't seem to be much to explore. What did V want to see here? There was no wild nature here, only sand and dirt roads.
"We're close. Just about half an hour," he mentioned as we waited for our next ride.
My jaw dropped in surprise when the next vehicle appeared. It was a car, a minivan to be exact, similar to the ones the clinic used to move us around. I hadn't seen one ever since they dropped me off at Love Machina Inc., a bit more than a month ago. The vehicles I had seen with people from Tardigrad were different, looking more robust, built for the dunes rather than the man-made roads here.
A man with a grey uniform appeared. A bar code was printed on the left side of his chest. He didn't look us in the eyes and opened both passenger doors in the back before stepping back behind the wheel.
"This is a very ancient kind of vehicle," V began to explain, interpreting my surprised look as if I was seeing a car for the first time. "We don't have any of these in the City anymore. They were very dangerous. One of the highest causes of death back in the days."
I slowly nodded, feigning that I was just learning about cars.
He helped me step into the vehicle and pulled on my seatbelt to help me fasten it. I pretended I was not familiar with this at all and observed as he wrestled with his own belt. He hadn't expected the belt to jerk to a stop when he tugged on it too fast. I held the smile on my lips, quietly enjoying seeing him out of his comfort zone for once.
It only felt wrong that I couldn't show him. I couldn't give him back the same grace he had given me over the past weeks, teaching me how things in his world worked. I had to pretend all of this was new to me when in reality, it was the closest thing to my reality.
A reality I'll probably have to go back to, even if my whole debt was repaid.
"Aren't you going to tell me where we're going?" I asked when the man behind the wheel began to drive us away from the station.
I looked outside the windows but couldn't recognize the landscape. Now that I took a better look at it, it didn't look so much like the Belt. The road was well-maintained, and the small gardens along it were similar to the ones found in the City.
"You will see soon enough," V smiled. "Now, if you don't mind..."
He pushed his glasses up on his nose, and I noticed the usual glare on the screens.
"I get sick in this kind of transportation. So, I got a new app to eliminate sensory mismatch," he closed his eyes after tapping on his tablet, and I noticed the arms of the glasses vibrating against his temple.
He leaned his head against the back, both of his hands on his stomach, his lips tight as if he was already feeling sick.
This time, I didn't hold the smile on my face.
I looked back at my window, leaning my forehead against it. He must have felt the same way I felt the first time I took the loop.
It felt so strange to be in a car again. Everything felt so familiar, and yet, so estranged. The smell of the gas hit me first. My brain usually associated it with something good, knowing I would be driving to a new facility and maybe see something new in the world.
Now, I could only remember how starved I was.
Not for food, but for the world, and everything there was to discover.
Any minimal change of scenery felt like a victory for me. The Sade of today felt pity for that Sade of the past. Back then, I truly had no idea of everything I was missing out on.
The engine's low growl vibrated under my feet. Every sensation here felt so harsh compared to the silent hum of the city's transit. The seatbelt felt too stiff on my chest, the fabric of the seats too harsh, the air too dry.
I had not realized how quickly I had gotten used to the simple luxury of the City.
A part of me realized I'd better get used to this again soon, since I will probably end back here at the end of my mission.
Somehow, it made me realize how much I should cherish my time in the City. I couldn't believe I had spent most of the past week indoors when there was so much to explore. The fear of meeting the manager again had held me back, but I couldn't let it affect the chance I had to experience the City.
We must have been driving for an hour when we finally arrived. I felt the car slow down and leaned to my side to watch between the front seats. In the rearview mirror, I met the eyes of the driver before he looked away. That was strange. Clinic's drivers would usually be very warm and welcoming.
"We're here? I didn't even notice. This sensory experience really worked," V said, taking off his glasses and rubbing his temples. He jumped out of his seat as soon as the car stopped and walked around to open my door.
We had arrived in front of a sandy dune with iron stairs going up the hill. V took my hand and led me up the stairs. At the top, I watched in awe at the wide valley unfolding beneath my eyes.
Hundreds of white, rectangular-shaped structures stretched across the yellow sand. My eyes blinked fast on them, blinded by their bright white under the shining afternoon sun.
"What's this?" I asked, shielding my eyes with my hands to see better.
"Greenhouses."
I glanced at V. He smiled before looking back at the vastness in front of us. These greenhouses were quite different from the ones I've seen in pictures at the library. First, they were not green or made of glass at all.
We walked down the stairs on the other side and walked toward them. They were much bigger than I had expected them to be, from far away.
"Dionne got me an authorization to come here," V explained, mentioning the Recipe Creator, and probably the only one we knew who could have access to this kind of place. "This is where they grow food for the City."
We passed through a container room, which announced Sanitization in Process as we walked through it. A fine mist got sprayed all over us, and we followed the instructions, washing our hands up to the elbows. I tied my hair back as the drawings on the wall directed.
V pulled open the door of the first greenhouse, and we both looked up. Towers upon towers of greenery stretched toward the ceiling. Lush leaves hung from each plant, and I noticed that every one was rooted in a small pod attached to the tall towers. I recognized lettuce, spinach, basil, kale, oregano, broccoli, arugula, cilantro, and mint.
"Can we touch them?"
V nodded with a smile, and I wrapped my hands around the head of broccoli, fascinated by its texture. So these were the tiny dots that would later appear in our food. I then let my fingers brush over the velvety spinach leaves, my nose smell the mint, and my eyes wander over the twisted kale stems. All my senses were overwhelmed.
We walked to the end of the greenhouse and exited through the opposite door. V studied his tablet as if it were a map, then pointed the way. I followed him, walking for some time.
"Ready?" he smiled as if he couldn't contain his excitement.
I smiled back, and he opened the door for me.
This time, the towers of greenery stretched horizontally, rather than vertically. Tiny dots of red speckled all over the lush leaves.
I brought my hands over my mouth. I was seeing whole strawberries for the first time in my life!
I walked around, as if hypnotised, touching the little stems of green and their red jewels hanging on them.
"Here."
I turned around to V's voice. He was holding a strawberry between his fingers, angling it in my direction. I had expected that moment for so long.
"Are we allowed?" I asked, suddenly fearful.
As an answer, he placed the berry in my hand. He picked another one for himself and put it in front of his lips, his small smile waiting for me to do the same.
So, I did.
The juice burst in my mouth, flooding my nostrils, my throat, and even my gums, which tickled a little. We locked eyes and smiled, sharing the moment. We laughed. How such a simple thing could bring us so much pleasure?
We kept on feeding each other strawberries as we walked down the green rows.
"We only have an hour left before we have to leave. What else do you want to see?"
We walked to more white houses and tasted cherry tomatoes, raspberries, grapes, and even dragonfruits on their spiky leaves. V himself had never experienced these fruits in the City. We had tasted all flavors of ice cream, smoothies, juices, and syrups, but somehow, we had no idea how heavenly a mango could be when picked fresh from the tree.
"Did it live up to your expectations?" V asked with a knowing smile as we left the last greenhouse.
"Even better," I widely smiled back, squeezing his hands in mine as we strode down the path. "Oh, wait-"
We had walked to the farthest edge of the sprawling houses. I spotted a building that felt familiar, one that looked exactly like the greenhouses I had seen in illustrations.
"Could we check it quickly?"
As I realized later, V couldn't say no to anything I asked.
This greenhouse was old but beautiful, its glass walls misted and framed with curling vines. Sunlight filtered through the dusty panels, casting a soft golden light over the lush, overgrown plants. Here, everything felt quiet, warm, and alive, as if the space itself was gently breathing. Even though it was still man-made, it reminded me of the quiet atmosphere of the oasis.
This was what I had imagined when I looked up the definition of a greenhouse.
When I turned around, I realized I was left alone.
"V?" I called behind me.
Had he not followed me inside?
A shout ripped through the air behind me, and my heart leaped in my throat. His hands grabbed around my waist, and I immediately felt relief, meeting his wide, teasing grin.
I laughed, turning around to wrap my arms around his neck. He swayed us gently, side to side, following a melody only we could hear whenever we touched each other.
"It's so good to see you laugh again," he said, smiling brightly, his hand coming to brush some hair behind my ear. "You look like you feel better."
"I feel so much better," I replied, sighing in content.
I looked at him and he kept on smiling. He looked as if he were the most content man on earth. A hand on my waist, the other one kept on brushing the wild hair behind my ear, but it was pointless. Whatever product Love Machina Inc. had used to tame my wild hair was starting to wear off. His fingers got around my ponytail and softly pulled on the tie, releasing my hair. In the humidity of the greenhouse, my hair grew bigger already.
"You're just so, so, so beautiful," he said, his fingers caressing down my hair in the back.
He could have been reading my mind.
I was just thinking how more handsome this man could be, admiring his long lashes, the way his kind eyes were looking at me, the soft folds on his cheeks.
He found a fallen flower on the shelf near us. He picked it up and held it up close to my face before slipping it above my ear.
"Even more beautiful now..."
He admired me for a long time, his fingers tracing slowly the shape of my face. He was radiating with love, and in this moment, I could feel my heart rising and growing bigger inside my chest.
It just felt so natural to do so.
Too natural, like an instinct.
My lips kissed his. He seemed surprised for a second, his shoulders tensing up as I closed my mouth on his.
The next second, I was already pulling away, my heart so big in my throat, as I just realized what I had done.
I looked at his face, just as his eyes closed, then flicked open to check on me, only to close again.
He leaned in and kissed me, too.
A force seemed to take over us both. I felt it in every fiber of my body. Our lips parted and found each other again, as if we'd been waiting so long for this moment, we were now both starved for it.
When I pulled back to catch my breath, V didn't stop. His lips traced the corners of mine, slid to my jaw, glided over my cheekbones, brushed my temples, and finally rested on my forehead. My hands cupped his face as I let him kiss my skin relentlessly.
I could have cried from the intense emotions rushing through my veins.
But instead, his lips came again for mine, and I pulled him harder against my mouth. I could have swallowed him whole. My fingers knotted in his hair, pulling at him. His hands traveled down my back, pressing my body against his.
We could both feel each other's desire for the other.
Panting for air again, I broke our kiss, pushing his face into my neck as I inhaled for air. He devoured me, tracing every inch of my skin with his lips, nipping at that tender spot below my ear, all the way down to my collarbone.
When I found my breath again, I took his lips once more and pecked a kiss on them.
He pecked one more kiss, the creases I loved so much appearing on his cheeks.
A soft ploc resonated above our heads.
We both looked up to the roof.
It had started to rain.
A single drop, then another, and soon the greenhouse was filled with the sound of rain. The old frame wasn't fully sealed, and water began to drip in a few spots.
Puddles were forming quickly on the greenhouse floor. V led me to a slightly more sheltered spot, where large leaves hung low, catching the raindrops that slipped through the leaky roof.
"We should wait a bit before heading out," V said.
I couldn't help but admire the surroundings. It was the first time I had seen rain fall since arriving in New Yuan City. In the weeks I'd spent here, even though everything looked like perfect tropical nature, I had never once seen the sky turn grey and rain fall.
"It's beautiful," I breathed out, mesmerized by the tiny circles of rain falling on the ceiling.
V didn't answer. I could feel his eyes on me. I looked back at him and smiled. The puddles had grown bigger, and the water slowly reached our feet.
We settled on a table that looked like a picnic bench. V lifted my legs onto his lap, while he propped his own feet on a small overturned pot to stay dry. I looped my arm around his left, as his right hand rested on my knees, gently pulling them closer to his chest.
"Are you not cold?" V asked, glancing down at my bare legs as the temperature had indeed dropped a few degrees.
I shook my head and nestled closer into his warmth. His right palm rubbed along my legs, easing any shivers away.
For a moment, we simply took in the atmosphere around us. I rested my head on his shoulder, comforted by his soothing presence beside me. When I lifted my gaze, I noticed he looked deep in thought.
"What's on your mind?" I asked.
He brushed two fingers against his lips, a pensive look on his face.
"I'm thinking of a theory I have."
"What theory?"
He smiled for himself, then turned to me.
"The theory on why you're so perfect for me."
I couldn't help but smile.
"Why we're perfect for each other, actually," he added, his sad eyes looking at the dripping rain on the windows.
"Why so?" I was so curious to ask.
His left hand grabbed my right one, and he pressed the back of my hand against his chest while his right hand was gripping around my calf, the tip of his fingers stroking slowly on my skin.
"We're both anomalies."
I stiffened, and he must have felt it because he squeezed my hand in his as if to reassure me.
"Let me explain. We're both built, not born. All my life, I felt like a fraud. I wasn't meant to be here. I was taking someone's place. I always felt unworthy... I thought that getting a Love Machina would show my flaws. I wanted to prove that even something programmed to love wouldn't be able to complete its command when faced with the hollow soul I was."
His words turned my blood cold
The hollow soul, he said...?
"Do you think I have no soul, too?" I asked quietly.
He paused.
"To be honest... I don't know what a soul is. Or what exactly it is I'm missing. I just know that you and I... We both feel incomplete. Not completely human. Like something fundamental was left out when we were made. And for the first time..."
He exhaled longly, a strange smile still on his face.
"For the first time in my life, I'm starting to believe that... It's okay."
I looked at him, heart tight in my chest.
"Because of you."
He was wrong.
And I hated that he believed this.
I didn't want him to find comfort in the idea that we were both defective.
He was not defective.
Maybe I was.
But he was surely not.
I pulled my hand back, gently. Not because I didn't care, but exactly because I did.
I had never, ever, wanted to tell him the truth so badly.
That yes, it did feel like we belonged together.
But not for the reason he thought.
Not because we were both "built" and not born. But simply because we both carried the weight of aching loneliness.
We both had unusual beginnings... But we shouldn't let these circumstances define us, or even the love we had for each other.
I wasn't going to, at least.
My eyes found his, thinking of the only thing I could allow myself to tell him in this moment.
"I don't think anything is missing in you."
He closed his eyes, a small, reluctant smile tugging at his lips. He looked away, shaking his head, already dismissing my idea that he could be whole.
That he could be perfect the way he was.
But I reached up, touched his cheek, and guided his face back toward me.
"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."
Again, he averted my eyes, as if shying away from the weight of my words.
I wanted to tell him: You are not the monster you think you are.
I wanted to say: You don't need me to make you feel whole.
But I didn't. I just watched him, my heart heavy.
New ideas appeared in my head like twinkling lights.
I wondered if loving V pulled him further away from the very thing I wanted him to believe in. Was I truly helping him if my own abnormality was comforting him in the idea that he was an anomaly?
I wanted him to stop thinking of me as a machina. I wanted him to see me like a real human, a real woman.
But I couldn't.
I looked around us. The rain had stopped outside, and we only heard the small plopping of the drips around us.
I wanted him to see me. The whole me. Just like I saw him.
My hand got on his face again. He looked reluctant, as if he expected me to contradict his theory again.
But when I pushed my lips against his, he was the one eager to find me.
One of his hands surrounded my waist. I pushed my tongue against his and swallowed as much of him as I could.
"Sade..." he sighed my name in between our hot kisses.
I shivered, not from the cold, but from all the sensations he was making me feel. He pulled me to completely sit on his lap, pushing our bodies ever closer together.
"V... I wonder..." I kissed his lips, his chin. "Does this...," I spoke between kisses, "...have to make sense?"
I breathed out, looking down on him, perched on his lap. Why try to rationalize something that felt beyond reason?
"For me..." he murmured, pecking soft kisses on my lips. "...everything has to make sense."
His nose brushed against mine. His breath drew me in, and I parted my lips slightly, wanting again to close any small distance that could ever be between our mouths.
"And when I'm with you," his voice dropped to a whisper, his lips hovering over mine, "everything does."
I pressed my forehead to his and stayed quiet, hoping he could feel all the things I didn't yet know how to say to him.
We stayed close until the rain had fully stopped and the light softened into dusk. We left the greenhouse hand in hand, without speaking much.
We were both exhausted, as if the intense emotions of the day had emptied us. In the quiet hum of the GlideCab ride home, we fell asleep and our heads leaned toward each other, lulled by the vibrations.
We ate a light dinner, and later, freshly showered and in my own room, I found I couldn't settle.
An idea had rooted itself in my mind and refused to go away.
I paced for a while, listening for the sounds coming from his side of the house.
When I heard his office door close, I stepped into the hallway and went to knock.
"Yes?" he opened the door, looking surprised when he saw me standing there in my pajamas.
"I was wondering, maybe..." I hesitated before finding some courage. "Could we... maybe... sleep together tonight?" I asked, my voice low. "I... I haven't slept well the past few nights, and..."
It was true. My mind kept looping between the tall figure of his manager grabbing my dress at the library and the image of his brother floating in the water. Too many secrets were weighing me down.
"Is it because of the nightmares?" V asked, his eyebrows knotting together with concern.
I gulped.
Indeed, that had been my justification over the past days, the lie I was using to justify my mood.
"Yes," I lied.
His expression softened instantly.
He didn't hesitate. He followed me back, and a minute later, he was sliding beneath my covers, adjusting to the familiar shape of the bed.
His bed, actually.
A silence lengthened between us.
We were both on opposite sides of the bed. My fingers reached for his hand below the covers, and he didn't resist. I held his hand in mine, pushing it in the crook of my neck and finding comfort in his touch.
"Did you have a good day?" I heard his voice whisper in the dark.
"Mhumm," I murmured, already feeling so sleepy.
There was a pause before he spoke again.
"You're not worried about what happened with my manager anymore, right?"
I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter. He didn't know the full truth, and I wasn't about to tell him.
"Hmhum," I answered with a soft sigh, already drifting toward sleep.
His hand squeezed around mine.
"Don't worry, Sade. I'll find a way to keep you, even after the contract ends."
I said nothing. I pretended to be asleep.
All along, I wanted him to think he could love. But in reality, I had only been reinforcing the very narrative I wanted him to turn away from. The one thing that could change his mind, the truth about my identity, was the one thing I couldn't reveal. Or could I?
I succumbed to sleep, imagining a world where we were both free, picking fruit from the trees and kissing in the rain.
FINALLLLLLLLLLLLY ❤️
🗓️ Next chapters: this Monday, September 29th 🗓️
PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO VOTE 🥺
Thank you for being here ❤️ We're about to enter the last weeks of updates (I will post more chapters every time) and your support since early July matters a lot to me 🥺 Thank you, thank you, thank you.