Inside a dimly lit secret base…
"It's gone! It's all gone!" Black Zetsu screamed, clutching his head in despair. "Every last coin, every single tael—gone!"
His voice echoed through the empty cavern.
This wasn't just money. This was the result of sleepless nights and endless anxiety. Money hard-earned through clandestine means—specifically, stealing from the Hidden Leaf Village.
Yes, he made billions in just two nights, but no one knew the pain behind it. The fear of being discovered. The terror of being chased down and beaten to death by Konoha's elite.
It was a miracle he even survived the operation.
But he did it all for a reason.
He did it for his mother.
A thousand-year-old woman, imprisoned on the moon, betrayed by her own children. She had been thrown into eternal isolation—and only Black Zetsu had remained loyal. Only he had dedicated his life to rescuing her.
For centuries, he had tried everything. Seals, forbidden jutsu, ancient relics—nothing worked. Then, a stroke of luck: a mysterious "big shot" promised to help him for a price.
That price? Forty billion taels.
Black Zetsu had been so excited he hadn't slept for days. He paced around, unable to contain his joy. Finally, a real chance to bring his mother back.
But where would he get that kind of money?
Legal means were out of the question. So, he turned to the skills passed down from his mother—specifically, his ability to pass through any object.
Using this, Black Zetsu infiltrated Konoha's vault. There was so much money he couldn't carry it all alone. That's when he thought of Uchiha Obito, a tragic fool he'd once met in Kamui.
It didn't take long to convince Obito to help.
Together, the two of them raided Konoha's treasure hoard in just two nights, making off with more than 5 billion taels. After splitting the money evenly, Black Zetsu entrusted his half—2.6 billion—to his most trusted companion, Ah Fei, for safekeeping.
Then he and Obito traveled to the Land of Lightning to scout for the next heist.
When Black Zetsu returned… the base was empty.
No Ah Fei.
No money.
No White Zetsu.
Nothing.
His chest tightened. His vision blurred. He collapsed to his knees.
The grief and rage were indescribable.
He pounded the stone floor with clenched fists, crying out, "Why?! Why is this happening to me?! I gave everything! My trust, my loyalty—and this is how I'm repaid?!"
Slap! Slap! Slap!
As his fists hit the ground, he suddenly noticed something… off.
The texture beneath his hand wasn't stone. It was soft… elastic. Like jelly.
He paused and looked down.
His face twisted in confusion.
A puddle of… white goo?
No… no way.
He leaned closer—and his eyes went wide.
"It can't be…" he muttered.
The more he stared, the more it resembled…
Poop.
Specifically, White Zetsu poop.
Black Zetsu stood up abruptly and looked around. To his horror, there were more puddles. At least a dozen. All over the base.
"Wh-What the hell…?" he whispered.
Then a horrible thought entered his mind.
"Ah Fei… was he attacked?! Did someone kill him and… and beat the poop out of him?!"
Tears welled up again.
"Ah Fei, you poor soul! You died so horribly!"
But then… something didn't add up.
He rubbed his eyes and looked closer.
"There's no body. No blood. No signs of a fight…"
He suddenly froze.
"Wait a second…"
He stared at the poop again.
"How… How can a White Zetsu poop?!"
He knelt down, carefully inspecting one of the piles.
"No, this doesn't make sense. White Zetsu physiology doesn't even have digestive systems… their biology makes defecation impossible!"
He stood back, shaking his head violently.
"No… no way…"
Then, a name popped into his head.
Peter.
The shopkeeper near the Fire Nation border. That man could do anything. If anyone could make a White Zetsu poop… it was him.
Black Zetsu looked back at the mess all over the floor, eyes wide in disbelief.
"Did… did Ah Fei take the money… and use it to ask Peter to modify him so he could poop?!"
He staggered backward.
"No… NO WAY!"
But the evidence was right in front of him. The base hadn't been ransacked. There was no sign of enemies. It was clear: Ah Fei had willingly taken the money and left.
And the poop?
It was proof.
He collapsed again, screaming into the cavern.
"AH FEI, YOU BASTARD!!!"
He grabbed a handful of his hair and sobbed. "Do you have any idea how hard I worked for that money?! That was for MOTHER! It wasn't for poop projects!"
His shoulders shook with grief.
Then, something wet and cold touched him.
He looked down.
He had sat directly on a fresh pile of White Zetsu poop.
"…."
He didn't even react.
"Mother…" he whispered, "even White Zetsu betrayed me…"
---
Meanwhile, Somewhere Else in the Fire Nation
"Ahahaha! Look at my masterpiece!"
Ah Fei stood triumphantly, hands on his hips, proudly presenting something on the ground.
"Come! Come and admire my heart-shaped poop!"
White Zetsu surrounded him with gasps of awe.
"Wow! So beautiful!"
"Master Ah Fei, you're amazing! I didn't know poop could look so… elegant!"
"I'll never achieve this level in my life!"
"How did you do it?! Please, teach us, Master!"
Ah Fei grinned like a celebrity. This was the moment he was born for.
He nodded and began his grand lecture.
"Well, listen up. Making poop like this is an art. It takes precision, posture, and patience."
He raised a finger.
"Step one: Posture. You must find the perfect squat angle."
He raised another finger.
"Step two: Core control. You need to squeeze evenly, from start to finish."
"Step three: Breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Just like chakra training."
The crowd of White Zetsu nodded solemnly, hanging on every word.
Inspired, several White Zetsu began to experiment.
Some tried the angle. Others focused on breathing. A few, in their excitement, fell over mid-process.
But slowly… after several failed attempts… success began to emerge.
"Look! I did it!"
One White Zetsu shouted, pointing at a lumpy but vaguely heart-shaped pile on the ground.
Cheers erupted.
Then another succeeded. And another.
Soon, a dozen piles of artful poop decorated the clearing.
The forest echoed with applause.
"Master Ah Fei, you're a genius!"
"I feel like I've been reborn!"
"This is more than poop… it's culture!"
Ah Fei wiped a proud tear from his mask.
"Gentlemen… we are making history."