Black Zetsu: "???"
Ah Fei: "???"
The two of them looked at the group of White Zetsu kneeling before them in complete confusion, unsure of what had just happened.
"Wuwuwu! Lord Black Zetsu, it wasn't us! It was Ah Fei who took the money! We're innocent!"
"Lord Black Zetsu, we're your most loyal subordinates! Please, don't kill us!"
"That's right! This was all because of that traitor Ah Fei! He's the one who incited everyone to betray you!"
Ah Fei turned to look at the White Zetsu who had just spoken, his body trembling with disbelief. His eyes were wide, and his fingers shook violently as he pointed at them. "You bastards! You sold me out to save yourselves?! After everything we've been through together?!"
He had truly not expected that the White Zetsu, who once looked up to him with admiration and begged for advice on the best way to poop, would betray him at such a critical moment.
Hearing his sorrowful accusation, all the White Zetsu lowered their heads in shame, burying their faces deep into the ground. None of them dared to look Ah Fei in the eye.
Ah Fei let out a deep sigh, slowly closed his eyes, and forced a bitter smile. Then, with a tragic resolve in his voice, he said solemnly, "Forget it... even if I die today... I will die as the creator of the perfect poop!"
He fell silent after that, calmly waiting for Black Zetsu to deliver punishment.
Moved by his words, the White Zetsu's eyes turned red. Tears welled up as they recalled the good times they had shared with Ah Fei. They remembered those strange but oddly joyful moments of experimentation and unity. But survival had forced their hands—they had no choice but to betray him. Though painful, it was a decision they had made in desperation.
Ah Fei had truly been a good leader. But now… he was about to die.
"We respectfully send off Lord Ah Fei!" the White Zetsu shouted in unison, bowing their heads.
Black Zetsu stood there silently, his mouth twitching.
Was this some kind of bizarre drama troupe?
"Who said I was going to kill you?" Black Zetsu suddenly spoke, his calm voice cutting through the emotion in the air.
The White Zetsu looked up with wide eyes. "Master Black Zetsu, you mean… you're not going to kill us?"
Black Zetsu nodded. "Even though you worthless traitors embezzled 2.6 billion from me, I'm willing to give you a second chance."
Ah Fei, who had been waiting for his end just moments ago, opened his eyes in shock.
He hadn't expected forgiveness, not after what they had done. That Lord Black Zetsu was even willing to speak to them kindly now was unthinkable.
"Thump!"
Ah Fei dropped to his knees with a loud thud and kowtowed repeatedly, sobbing. "Wuwuwu! Lord Black Zetsu, I was wrong! I shouldn't have misused public funds! I just… just wanted to know what it felt like to poop like a normal person!"
The other White Zetsu stared at him, their expressions conflicted.
If it had been just Ah Fei who used the money to modify his body and experience human defecation, perhaps Black Zetsu wouldn't have taken it too seriously.
But Ah Fei hadn't kept it to himself.
No. He had shared the experience with everyone, generously encouraging them to experience "the joy of synchronized bowel movements" together. And eventually, every last bit of the 2.6 billion was gone…
Earlier, when Black Zetsu had suddenly returned to the base, they'd all panicked, standing frozen and unsure of what to do.
But Ah Fei, who had long escaped, had actually turned around and come back to warn them to flee.
If he hadn't come back, he might've gotten away clean.
Though Ah Fei had always acted unserious and focused on bizarre things like poop research, he had brought them laughter and unity. He was undeniably a great leader.
They had betrayed him… and now they felt ashamed.
Suddenly, a White Zetsu slapped himself across the face. "We're not even human!"
Another replied, whispering: "You do remember we literally aren't human, right...?"
That line cut deep, piercing the hearts of everyone present.
Black Zetsu watched them emotionlessly, then spoke again in a calm voice. "Alright. All of you, get up. I've decided to give you a chance to redeem yourselves."
The White Zetsu slowly stood, relief washing over them. Tears of gratitude streamed down their faces.
Black Zetsu then began to lay out his plan.
"I want to build a powerful intelligence organization. We'll gather intel from across the entire ninja world. Then, we'll sell that information to whoever's willing to pay—villages, missing-nin, warlords. Anyone."
The White Zetsu nodded along, clearly impressed.
Black Zetsu went on. "To make sure you stay loyal this time, I'll implement a reward system. For every piece of intelligence that sells, the one who discovered it gets ten percent of the profit."
If you want a horse to run fast, you must feed it well. Black Zetsu knew that without incentives, they might once again disappear the moment they had cash in hand. That mistake wouldn't happen twice.
As expected, after hearing the offer, the White Zetsu were pumped with enthusiasm.
"Understood, Lord Black Zetsu! We will complete the mission!"
After all, not only had he spared their lives, but now he was offering a generous share of the profits. And even more than that—he believed in them again.
The White Zetsu's eyes glimmered with ambition. Each of them vowed in their hearts to rebuild their trust and show Lord Black Zetsu that they could be valuable assets.
Their future now depended on whether they could establish a true intelligence empire across the ninja world.
Black Zetsu looked around. "Alright, all of you—move out! I want information from every corner of the continent. Leave no detail behind."
Ah Fei straightened up proudly. "We won't let you down again, Lord Black Zetsu!"
Soon, the White Zetsu dispersed like shadows, spreading across the ninja world.
They recorded everything: how many piglets a villager's sow had birthed, the results of school exams in the Hidden Cloud, the frequency of a certain Jonin's bathroom visits. Nothing was too mundane.
"After all," one White Zetsu said, "you never know who might pay for what."
—---
Konoha Village, Hokage Building
The Third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, was drooling as he watched the scene inside his crystal ball.
Completely absorbed, he didn't notice the White Zetsu standing silently behind him, scribbling with a pen.
"The Third Hokage is spying on the women's bathhouse," the Zetsu muttered as he wrote. "I wonder how much this info is worth?"
Suddenly—
"Who's there?!" Hiruzen snapped, turning around sharply.
But there was no one.
"Huh. Must be my imagination," he muttered, returning his gaze to the crystal ball. "Hehehe... what a view!"
Outside the building, the White Zetsu exhaled. "Whew, that was close. We were almost discovered."
Similar events began occurring across the entire ninja world...
From the Hidden Mist to the Land of Iron, in dark corners and lively towns, the White Zetsu collected every scrap of gossip, scandal, and military data they could find.
Some data was comically mundane, like the fact that a civilian in the Land of Rivers had just confessed to his crush using a potato.
Others were shocking—secrets involving betrayal, corruption, even forbidden techniques.
As the days passed, the intelligence network grew rapidly.
And Black Zetsu, now seated inside the hidden base with a glass of wine in his hand, smiled as he watched the steady stream of information flow in.
His gamble had paid off.
They were no longer fools obsessed with bowel movements.
They were businessmen now.
And the ninja world… was their market.