Atikom's nose twitched. He was still asleep, but his senses of hearing and smell awakened first—the clatter of pots and pans, the fragrant aroma wafting through the air. He knew someone was cooking breakfast. That someone had to be Anupap.
Anupap was making breakfast for him.
The young officer opened his eyes. He needed confirmation that his thoughts were correct. Slowly lifting his head from the soft sofa cushion, he peered over the backrest toward the source of the sounds and scents. Anupap stood at the stove, cooking, his face wearing that familiar calm expression.
He loved this man beyond measure. Some inexplicable charm in Anupap held his heart captive. A charm he couldn't define. He only knew that now every breath he drew was filled with thoughts of this sharp-featured young man.
Anupap's instincts must have sensed someone watching. He looked up to find Atikom gazing at him with sweet eyes.
He maintained his usual serene expression, allowing a slight smile at the corner of his mouth before lowering his head to continue preparing the special breakfast—the first and only meal he would serve to a drunk person.
"Smells wonderful," Atikom made a show of inhaling deeply.
"Captain, please go wash your face. Come eat this special meal."
'A special meal... Khun Nu made a special meal for me. How nice.' The young officer smiled faintly, still unaware of his fate. His hangover-addled brain wasn't quite sharp yet. He forgot that Anupap called him 'Captain' and forgot his hypothesis that 'Captain' was used when Anupap was irritated, 'Major' for normal moods, and 'Officer' when angry. He forgot how those eyes could easily extract confessions from him.
He forgot momentarily that Anupap had tremendous power over him.
"I'm hungry already. Can I eat now? I usually don't wash my face or brush my teeth before breakfast anyway."
Anupap looked up, sending that calm gaze as if asking 'what's the problem?'
Atikom's consciousness began returning. His deeper awareness started betraying him.
"Yes, yes... but I don't have a toothbrush."
"I prepared one for you. The bathroom is over there." Anupap's face remained impassive as he nodded toward the guest bathroom.
"Are we using the same toothbrush?" Atikom shuffled along, still asking questions. "Just washing my face and brushing teeth should be enough, right?"
Anupap shook his head at the troublesome officer. He couldn't help smiling. Would Atikom be like this every day if they had to live together?
Live together. Have I already thought that far ahead? Anupap paused, surprised by the new thought that had just emerged in his mind.
Anupap thought back to that night when Atikom confessed his love. He had just stood there in silence. His trump card worked every time. When uncertain, when unable to think, stay silent, survive the moment. He called it strategic withdrawal without having to physically move.
***
Atid washed the soap from his body, running his hands over his skin. He couldn't help thinking about last night, even though his memory wasn't sharp due to his intoxicated state. But he could recall enough of the pleasure he'd received.
In his heart, he reproached himself for letting everything happen. He blamed the alcohol, blamed his libido for seizing the opportunity, blamed loneliness, disappointment, sadness. But deep down, he wanted to blame himself most for being so confused he couldn't control himself.
What would Anupap do if he knew? How would Anupap feel? In one night, he had been unfaithful.
Unfaithful or... no... he hadn't been unfaithful. He was drunk, and besides, he and Anupap had never been anything to each other, and probably never would be. How could it be called unfaithful…
Most importantly, he and Tongrob were on the 'same type' A top versus a top. No way. He needed to be with the opposite side.
Really? Who decided that. If he couldn't live his life with Anupap, then who? Trin? Trin was also the same pole. Mark was also a friend, a straight man. And everyone else who had ever pursued him seemed to be on the same pole as his too.
Why had he never gotten what he wanted. Just one thing. Just one person. Anupap. P'Nu.
***
"All done. Can I eat now?" Atikom walked back with a toothy grin.
The young officer sat on a stool beside the kitchen counter, looking for a dining table but finding none, so he spoke up. "Khun Nu, don't you have a dining table?"
Anupap nodded. He always ate at the large kitchen counter.
"Hmm, I'll buy you one sometime."
"..."
"But this chair is quite comfortable," Atikom made conversation since the chef remained silent, ladling a large bowl of fragrant shrimp congee and placing it before him, while serving himself from a smaller bowl.
"Atid bought it as a birthday gift," Anupap teased.
Atikom's smiling face immediately fell. He shifted as if touched by hot coals.
Anupap smiled as he spooned congee into his mouth.
"Cruel, trying to make me lose my appetite," Atikom pouted.
"Actually, I wasn't joking. That sofa was bought by P'Bud and Pojanee. This bowl I'm eating from was Mark's birthday gift. Anek gave me the phone table. Joe bought the Teflon pan. Arisa bought the cutlery set. P'Poom donated the bookshelf because he saw I had too many books and he wasn't using it anyway. As for the refrigerator, it was Khun Trin." Anupap spoke at length, couldn't help ending with another tease.
"Ha... this refrigerator... that's extravagant," Atikom observed the large refrigerator, never thinking anyone would buy a refrigerator as a gift.
Anupap was very close to his friends. He seemed happy being surrounded by them. But Atikom wanted the young man to be happier being close to him instead. When you have a boyfriend, friends have to come second.
Boyfriend? Anupap hadn't accepted him yet. He had confessed his love, right here, right where he was sitting on the chair Atid bought for Anupap. Though it hurt his feelings somewhat, it was bearable learning about it after the fact.
Or maybe Anupap was just teasing him.
"So what did you buy for yourself, Khun Nu?"
"I bought this condo and the car, the car that the officer rear-ended."
"Oh... Khun Nu... let's drop that old matter." Atikom made a pleading face, feeling guilty, but his eyes sparkled. "Cruel, bringing it up again and again."
Anupap didn't respond, spooning congee into his mouth while alternately watching Atikom enjoy his meal.
"Last night, Captain was very drunk, completely out of it..." Anupap began when he saw Atikom had eaten some.
After washing his face and feeling refreshed, Atikom's consciousness began returning to normal. He remembered the 'old issue about rank addressing.'
"Let me finish my congee first. It's delicious."
"Is it good? Then have another bowl, Captain. Eat your fill because you might not get another chance." Anupap's face remained impassive, showing no emotion, but the police officer who had become the defendant began feeling uncomfortable.
"That damn Tongrob is terrible, troubling you like this. Someone else could have taken me home. Actually, he should have been the one to take me."
"Captain Tongrob had important duties to attend to."
Tongrob's important duties... What duties could Tongrob have if not... Atid...
Atikom felt doubly uncomfortable, afraid he might accidentally reveal secrets. If Anupap knew he was the one who assigned Tongrob that mission, he'd be in serious trouble.
"What duties could he have? What missions could that flagpole have if not..." Atikom caught himself, stopping just in time. "Anyway, someone else could have taken me home."
"Let me imagine. Everyone was probably dead drunk. Captain Tongrob seemed no better, but could still walk and speak coherently. In that condition, what mission could he accomplish? Not very believable."
Anupap pretended to look thoughtful. How could he not know that Tongrob deliberately followed him to pick up Atikom. Both were equally cunning, close friends, cut from the same cloth. Unlike Awoot, three soldier tigers. But then again, he didn't know Awoot well enough. But from what Atikom had told him and their two meetings, Awoot probably wasn't cut from the same cloth as these two.
"Oh Khun Nu, it's a rare occasion. I don't get promoted every month. It's been years since I moved up even a little. Next time when I'm Police Lieutenant Colonel, I promise not to get this wasted. I'll invite you to sit and watch, to supervise my behavior."
"Didn't Detective Awoot take you home? He shouldn't have been drunk."
'No no... not Awoot. What does Awoot have to do with this?'
Warning signals rang in Atikom's head. The image of the excellent Awoot. He was afraid Anupap might admire him. Even though he admitted his old friend was supremely perfect, but he was jealous.
"That guy left at seve. Good people with proper girlfriends don't stay drinking with friends." Atikom shrugged. His subconscious drove him to lie to Anupap to 'eliminate' Awoot from the picture, trying to prevent Awoot's image from entering Anupap's mind. Actually, Awoot never drank, and he was slandering his friend to make Anupap think Awoot already had a girlfriend.
But at that moment he realized his mistake. He had thought completely wrong.
"Ah... Detective Awoot has a girlfriend already… no wonder..." The young man nodded, looking understanding.
"Khun Nu, it's not like that. I have a boyfriend too, but I accidentally drank too much. The alcohol was strong."
"You have a boyfriend? I didn't know." The one who refused to acknowledge being a boyfriend got up and walked to the refrigerator.
Atikom felt flustered, cursing his traitorous thoughts.
Really crazy... If he were a suspect, he'd already be in jail. Anupap should be an interrogator rather than anyone else, or a lawyer, or a judge...
But Atikom couldn't help feeling pleased. It seemed Anupap was tacitly accepting being his boyfriend.
***