No wonder Dante found those two so familiar…
Aren't those the two poverty gods from that popular sitcom?
Dante instantly let go of Fury and set him back down.
"Fury, be honest with me," Dante said, pressing a hand on Fury's shoulder with the most serious look he'd ever had. "Is the Bureau going bankrupt?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Fury looked genuinely thrown off. First he was manhandled, now interrogated? "The Bureau? Going bankrupt? Don't joke. Even if the Government collapses, it wouldn't hit us first."
Dante listened, still half-convinced it was a setup, but slowly relaxed.
That's right. The Federal Bureau of Investigation was backed by the World Federation. As long as they were stable, the five major General Bureaus across the five rogue nations weren't going anywhere.
"Our Bureau isn't at risk of bankruptcy," Max chimed in without a hint of hesitation, slipping into the high-level conversation like she belonged there. "But a lot of our outsourced partners have been hit lately."
Max had that "I'll die when I die" comedic character energy as she rolled out the intel.
"Some companies under Wayne Enterprises are struggling. The Wayne Group's already planning to start a round of industrial integration."
"Stark Industries has similar issues. But they're looking to sell instead of merge."
"The Quinn Group's doing a bit better, but the economic downturn in Star City has made their outlook foggy."
"As for smaller companies, we're still compiling data. But the trend is clear. It's going downhill. Fast. Pathetic."
Dante stared at Max as she rattled this off and watched Caroline nod seriously at each point. His alarm level spiked.
"Hold on. What do you two actually do in Internal Affairs? You're not just communications liaisons for outsourced partners, are you?"
"Yes, we're in the External Liaison Division under Internal Affairs…" Caroline sniffled suddenly and pulled out a tissue. "Oh my God, Agent Dante actually cares about little old us internal Agents."
"Girl, stop it." Max rolled her eyes. "He obviously just remembered your disaster-level luck. Not everyone has resistance to your curse like I do... wait a second. I lost thirty-six bucks last month—was that your fault?!"
Dante rubbed his temples, feeling a migraine coming on, and waved the disaster duo away.
He really hadn't expected that the Internal Affairs Department had two literal sitcom deities in disguise.
As the saying goes, never measure comedic characters by combat power.
Because when you break it down, each of them is basically a conceptual god.
But this time, it didn't feel like just the Poverty Sisters' curse at work.
This felt... deliberate.
There wasn't a major economic crisis going on. No global meltdown.
And yet the Bureau's partners were suddenly all taking hits?
Something stank.
"Haha, that Agent Max is hilarious. Her mouth is almost as sharp as Dante's," Coulson said, chuckling.
"As for Caroline," Fury added, "I don't know why, but when I look at her, I instinctively want to grab my wallet. Like it's about to sprout legs and run away."
Unlike the increasingly grim Dante, Fury and Coulson were just treating the whole thing like a comedy skit.
"Fury. Coulson." Dante stared at the one-eyed spymaster and the balding diplomat like they were idiots. "Could you two maybe stop laughing for one second?"
"Huh?"
They exchanged confused glances. What, did he not enjoy the show?
Dante sighed.
Right. He had the unfair advantage of being a transmigrator.
Fury? He was a top-level strategist, a puppet master. Coulson? Elite special ops and tactical diplomacy.
But neither had experience with economics.
No wonder they missed the signs.
"It's nothing. Go back to your laugh-fest."
Dante waved them off and slipped into thought.
Who the hell was targeting the Bureau this time?
HYDRA had already been broken. Sure, a few leaders had slipped through, but none of them could shake the system.
As for the only one who could theoretically hit the Bureau's economy hard, Gideon Malick?
He was off chasing Hive through the Kree Monolith and had zero interest in Bureau drama.
Honestly, when HYDRA pulled that whole "change the world" stunt, Gideon's crew probably just phoned it in.
The old-school HYDRA and the Nazi-born World War II version had clearly split paths long ago.
So now Dante was stuck.
The enemies with motive didn't have the means.
The ones with means had no motive.
"Fury, didn't you think what Max said sounded off?" Dante turned to him. "Someone is obviously targeting the Bureau, but they're playing it safe, starting with our outsourced partners."
"The Wayne Group, Stark Industries, even the Quinn Group. These corporations have always had steady growth. How are they suddenly facing minor collapses?"
Fury and Coulson finally sobered up, their faces turning serious.
"You think it's some external force moving in?"
"I can't say for sure. But something about this is off." Dante shook his head. "Tell Internal Affairs to dig deeper. We need to know who's behind this."
It wasn't that Dante feared the Bureau going bankrupt...
He feared something huge was creeping up on them and these were just the first signs.
This universe was getting more unhinged by the day.
Even the comedic characters were becoming key players.
There was no longer any such thing as a predictable plot.
Take Storybrooke Town, for example—who the hell expected an ancient elder god to be behind that mess?
"Yeah, that checks out. I'll have Maria get on it…" Fury nodded, then added with a smirk, "But don't forget. Tomorrow is the Federal Bureau of Investigation Academy's Charity Parent Day."
"If you hadn't reminded me, I wouldn't be thinking about blowing up your office right now!" Dante snapped, yanking Ebony who was currently grinding his lower back on Gus the Flerken off the couch. "If I hear one more insane CP pairing, I'll tear your desk in half!"
He plopped the sulking Ebony on his shoulder. "And you, stop staring at me like that. You're literally a magic-based energy creature. You can't have babies with a physical cat!"
Dante opened a portal, waved at Fury, grabbed Coulson, and warped them both back to base.
Coulson: "What the hell, are you insane?! I just drove here from base!"
Dante shrugged.
"Leave the car. Pick it up later. Right now, what matters is tomorrow's Charity Parent Day."
"...I've been meaning to ask, what is that, exactly?"
"Short version?" Dante sighed. "It's a big celebration Fury cooked up to calm down the parents and boost morale. He called us in today to make sure both our teams show up."
"Makes sense," Coulson nodded, taking it in stride like a proper S.H.I.E.L.D. director-in-the-making.
Some people were just born with that upper-management brainwave.
Dante opened his terminal and accessed the exclusive comm lines of both teams.
"Broadcast full frequency: All members of the Coulson Team and the Star Team, report to the combat briefing room. Immediately."
"Emphasize: Everyone."
"Especially that one shrink and her psych patient girlfriend who likes to oversleep. And that lazy old Captain!" Dante added, then looked at Coulson. "Any slackers on your end?"
"Not really. Just gotta push Barry Allen a little. That kid's great at everything—except he's too slow."
"Good... and Barry Allen! Wake up! Run! Run, Barry, run!"
With the energy of a drill sergeant during finals week, Dante finished his command and headed for the combat briefing room with Coulson, waiting for the grumbling herd of Agents being summoned on their day off.
The first to arrive… was Hulk.
"Hulk, why isn't Banner here?"
"Banner stayed up all night in the lab. Said not even death would make him show. So Hulk came instead."
Ever since Dante had beaten him using the red and green rings, Hulk had been surprisingly obedient.
"But what does "early morning meeting" mean?"
His giant green eyes were wide and innocent.
How was Dante supposed to explain something that cursed?
He sighed.
"It's nothing. Go play."
After Hulk came in, more members started to arrive.
First were the three Asgardian siblings. With their physical stats, sleep was basically optional.
Surprisingly, Hela, who usually didn't give a crap, walked straight over and sat next to Dante.
Her two brothers followed as usual, only to be sent packing with a single glare from her.
Coulson subtly scooted away to a far corner of the room.
He could feel the divine pressure radiating from Hela, Goddess of Death.
Better to live long and stay far.
Next, the Coulson Team arrived, led by Captain America. They came in formation, all present and accounted for.
Even Barry Allen showed up.
Strangely, today, the Star Team was unusually well-behaved.
Everyone showed up within five minutes.
Even J'onzz, who just got transferred to Human Resources, came straight after clocking in.
The only hiccup was Ada and Harley getting into a silent war over who got to sit next to Dante.
Ada whispered something in Harley's ear.
And just like that, Harley sat down beside Ada, grumbling, "Damn it, I lost."
For some reason, Dante turned and looked at Hela.
She was frowning.
The Queen of Death, who's been commanding and ice-cold ever since breaking out of her prison was frowning?
Her green-gray eyes narrowed, hiding something unspoken.
And for a brief second… Dante swore he saw a faint glint of light flash in them.
Gone in a blink.
"All right, Agents," Dante clapped. "Dragging everyone here on a holiday wasn't my idea. You can thank Fury, that Black Egg, and Professor X, that White Egg. If you have complaints, take it up with them."
"But we've got business. Tomorrow is the FBI Academy's Parent Day. And those two eggs told me both our teams have to attend—"
"What's a Parent Day?"
"Oh, Hulk. Don't worry about it. Go play. Just come with us when we leave tomorrow."
"Okay. Hulk wants to play arcade games!"
And off he went, radiating raw gaming bloodlust.
Oliver Queen, watching with a twitching eyebrow, elbowed Deadpool.
"Why does Hulk look like he's about to murder someone over a video game?"
"Bro. If you died 300 times to Malenia, you'd look like that too."
"...That's actually pretty restrained. He didn't even throw the controller."
"He didn't throw the controller. But the console's already on its tenth replacement."
"...I take it back."
Even among all the side chatter, nobody dared argue with Hulk leaving.
They got their answers. No one wanted to push their luck with the toddler-brained rage monster.
"In short," Dante said, "we're attending as the Bureau's top force. Both to provide stability and to reassure the public."
"There will be plenty of civilians from all walks of life. Our job is to make sure tomorrow's Parent Day goes smoothly."
At first, Dante didn't think anything could go wrong.
But after realizing someone might be targeting the Bureau…
Now he wasn't so sure.
Tomorrow…
Was probably going to be a complete disaster.
(To be continued.)