The next day. Director Fury's office.
Dante had been lounging on the couch for a while before Fury strolled in, humming some lazy West Coast melody like he had nowhere to be.
"Oh, you're here early, Agent Dante. Heard you went on a date yesterday?" Fury's one eye locked on the slightly slouched Dante. "Truly dedicated. Watching the aurora in Finland last night, and back for an 8 a.m. shift this morning."
Dante really wanted to jam Fury's eyepatch somewhere anatomically improbable.
If this one-eyed bastard hadn't called him, he wouldn't even be here for this ungodly early meeting.
And now he was throwing shade?
"So, you stayed out by Lake Inari all night?"
You can take the man out of espionage, but you can't take the gossip out of the man.
"I didn't. Obviously." Dante shot Fury a glare that could cut steel. "I haven't even finished talking, and you're already running background checks? I just wrapped a reality distortion event, and now you've got me back in here for overtime?"
"Cough, cough. Do I look like someone who exploits his own Agents?" Fury cleared his throat, then tried to look official. "This isn't a mission. It's about our Federal Bureau of Investigation Academy's upcoming public welfare event…"
"I understand every word you're saying, but put together like that? I have no idea what the hell you mean."
Dante ran a hand through his hair, still messed up from Ada's overly aggressive fingers the night before, and gave Fury a side-eye like he was re-evaluating the man's sanity.
Right on cue, Goose the Flerken stirred from his corner bed, waddling over like a small fuzzy tank.
He took one look at Fury, one at Dante... then made his choice.
"Meow~"
Goose leapt up beside Dante and let out a groan disguised as a purr.
Dante picked him up without hesitation.
"Morning, you stinky cat."
"What's with the sulky face?"
"Where's your morning spirit?"
After being properly smooshed and manhandled, Goose gave up and settled into Dante's arms, questioning his entire cat life.
Until... he felt something poke near his butt.
He whipped around.
A tiny black cat was halfway out of Dante's waistband, craning its neck to sniff the Flerken's rear.
Of course it was Ebony.
Dante reached down, grabbed the demon cat, and plopped both cats at the far end of the couch.
Let the beasts sort themselves out.
Once the cats began their strange little meowing duel, and Dante seemed to relax, Fury continued:
"So, as you know, when Professor X and I rebuilt the Federal Bureau of Investigation Academy, we recruited a bunch of new students through open enrollment. Together with Xavier's own students, they now form the New S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy."
"Yeah, I know that much. So how does that connect to your so-called public welfare event?"
"It's very connected." Fury cleared his throat. "Since we're running a legitimate school now, with official enrollment records and everything, tomorrow's going to be the Academy's Public Welfare Day and Parents' Day. We've invited all the students' parents to attend."
Dante blinked.
"What happened to us being a mysterious Agent organization? We're raising future Superheroes and we're... notifying their parents?"
"Nonsense. We are Agents, sure. But a school is a school. We can't just kidnap kids to the Bureau and not tell their parents. If they go cry to the World Federation, we're screwed."
Fury wasn't even trying to dodge Dante's sarcasm anymore.
This Parents' Day had been cooked up by Professor X, and every branch of the Academy was already on board.
But, as it turned out, Fury and Professor, known for their airtight planning, somehow forgot to notify two key teams.
Coulson's Team. And Dante's Star Team.
"I thought you were handling that," said Fury, rubbing his temple.
"I've been in charge of the Academy side. I assumed you told Coulson and Dante," said Professor X, somehow looking even paler than usual.
These two teams were the Bureau's elite. The closest thing they had to full-on Superheroes. Ideal for making the parents feel safe.
So now? Crisis mode.
"So both the Star Team and Coulson's Team need to show up, right?" Dante asked flatly.
"Exactly. But don't stress. Treat it like a school fair." Fury unrolled a diagram. "Look, the students even designed their own booths and built a temporary commercial street."
He handed the diagram over.
Dante stared at it silently.
"After the HYDRA infiltration," Fury continued, "the Bureau's been under a black cloud. Especially the Academy. Some of these kids lost friends to betrayal overnight. They grew up fast. Too fast. But I'm not trying to raise dead-eyed killers. I want heroes. Okay, I want both, but these kids... not yet."
"So you're staging a school-wide celebration to heal some trauma," Dante said, handing the diagram back. "Fine. I'll do it."
"I knew you'd say yes. But since you're already involved... there's one more thing..."
"Fury, I swear to God—can you say everything at once for once in your damn life?!"
"Cough, cough. It's... a little awkward," Fury said, rubbing his hands together, his smile apologetic and completely unworthy of a high-ranking government official. "You know how teenagers get. Full of hormones and curious about... relationships. And you're kind of the star of the Bureau, so…"
"So?"
Dante was clearly not following the pivot.
Fury winced. Then took a deep breath and blurted:
"So the kids are all shipping your CPs."
"…Come again?"
"The brats! They're shipping your character pairings!" Fury closed his eye like he was bracing for impact. "Not just one, either. They've got entire factions. Fan clubs. Some of them even have posters."
Dante's face was completely blank.
"Hey don't die on my couch!" Fury rushed forward.
But before he could reach him, Dante grabbed him by the collar.
"No. You mean to tell me... this Bureau. This Bureau, which was infiltrated by HYDRA for decades—I forgave that. Everyone has an off day. I even supported founding the New S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy so you could train your own super-powered Agents. I believed in the mission."
Dante's eyes were full of disappointment.
"But now you're telling me the organization's turned into a CP-shipping cult? How are you still functioning?!"
Dante started lecturing him on professionalism and the collapse of moral fiber, while the Internal Affairs Agents dropping off documents quietly acted like nothing was happening.
But Dante's hearing?
Not Kansas-level Big Guy hearing, but still damn good.
He clearly heard the two female Agents whispering the moment they stepped out:
"See?! I told you there was something between Agent Dante and Director Fury!"
"Right?! The way Dante looked at him? So wounded! Fury must've betrayed him! That's why he grabbed his collar like that! Ugh, what a scumbag!"
"Totally. One-eyed scumbag! Come on, the elevator's— Oh! Agent Coulson!"
Dante instinctively turned.
There he was. Phil Coulson. Bald, smiling, and walking in with calm, smug confidence. Like a cello melody with legs.
The two female Agents squealed silently and pretended to fix their clothes, suddenly having no plans to take the elevator after all.
"Coulson's here too! Now it's a full-blown love triangle!"
"Wanna hear the latest fanfic? It's so good."
"What? No, tell me!"
"Okay. So Dante is madly in love with Director Fury. But Fury's obsessed with Coulson. And Coulson? He only has eyes for Dante. It's tragic! A triangle of heartbreak!"
Every word landed like a knife in Dante's eardrums.
He regretted everything.
He regretted having super hearing.
He would pay to have heard none of that.
Fury had understated the situation.
It wasn't just the Academy.
The entire Bureau had become a shipping warzone.
And Dante? He was the main dish.
Coulson was still blissfully unaware, strutting into the office, humming some classical tune like everything was just dandy.
Dante's smile was cold.
Feeling great, aren't you, middle-aged man?
Let's see how long that lasts.
"Morning, Director Fury. Dante? What are you two— Wait, don't move!"
Coulson pulled out his phone, opened the camera, and snapped a photo of Dante gripping Fury's collar.
Click.
"Perfect. So... what's going on? Bonding moment? Or sparring session?"
"Bonding? Bonding my ass." Dante turned to both of them, utterly unimpressed. "You two have any idea the entire Bureau is shipping the three of us?"
"Shipping?" Coulson blinked.
Dante and Fury rolled their eyes in sync.
Who brought this precious, clueless uncle into their nonsense?
"Don't worry about what it means. Just know that, according to some female Agents, the three of us are in some twisted multigenerational love triangle."
Dante gritted his teeth and recited the fan theory he'd overheard.
Coulson's cheery demeanor shattered like glass.
"Me? You? Fury?" He collapsed onto the couch, holding his head. "Let me process this... Wait. They're nuts, right?"
Dante ignored him and turned to the two female Agents pretending to be admiring the scenery outside.
"You two. Drop the act. Get in here."
The Agents flinched and hit the elevator button like their lives depended on it.
But unfortunately for them, the elevator was still stuck on the first floor.
"I know your faces now. Get in here or kiss your bonuses goodbye."
Reluctantly, the two women shuffled back into Fury's office—looking very different from the lively fangirls they'd been moments ago.
Dante stared at them. Both were attractive.
One blonde, tall and slim.
The other dark-haired, curvy.
Both clearly very pretty.
And this was how they spent their talent? Shipping CPs?
Honestly... if they were going to ship him, fine. He was hot.
But why not ship him with Ada Wong, or Harley Quinn, or Hela?
Even a sibling dynamic with Skye. Or a father-daughter vibe with White Canary.
But this? A geriatric love triangle with Fury and Coulson?
"Would you mind introducing yourselves? I don't know such... excellent Agents."
Dante bared his teeth in a grin that didn't reach his eyes.
The women glanced at each other, then stood at attention, resigned.
"Internal Affairs Level Two Agent Caroline Channing, reporting."
"Internal Affairs Level Two Agent Max Black, reporting."
(To be continued.)
***
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