When we loaded into the new area, I expected palm trees and chill vibes.
What I got was a sunscreen vendor screaming in binary.
Welcome to Sandoom Shore™
New Area Unlocked: Sandoom Shore™ – Sponsored by GibleGrub™️ ChewsWeather: Constantly looping summerGlitch Risk: ModerateVibe Index: Highly Suspicious
We stepped out of the fast travel portal and into what looked like a paradise rendered on a corrupted Nintendo 64.
The water? Too blue.The sun? Smiling ominously.The sand? Flickered between "golden" and "help me."
Amber blinked behind her glasses. "This entire biome is procedurally generated, but it's been left on for too long. The sand is self-duplicating."
She kicked a grain. It yelped.
Karen floated in on a pool float shaped like a Metagross. "I claim this beach for the Vibe Empire."
Midnight Daddy emerged from a shadow puddle, already wearing aviator shades.
He looked like the final boss of a summer blockbuster.
Beach Party: Save File Style
We decided, despite the nightmare terrain, to pretend it was an actual beach day. For morale reasons.
Amber brought a PokéBall-shaped cooler. Chadlax immediately belly-flopped into a glitch lagoon and fell asleep floating on six inner tubes. BEBOSS began selling suspicious "potions" from a stand made of coconut husks and copyrighted disappointment.
Karen summoned a sandcastle the size of a cathedral and declared it sovereign.
I tried to fish.
Caught:
A Magikarp with sunglasses
A Tentacool that spoke Morse code
A briefcase containing the concept of "July"
Midnight Daddy patrolled the shoreline like a lifeguard who also moonlights as a hitman.
This was… nice?
Until it wasn't.
When the Ocean Hates You
Around mid-snack, the ocean glitched.
Visibly.
The waves began rolling backwards. The tide turned into a progress bar. And then, crawling from beneath the sea like Poseidon's weird uncle, emerged:
Glitchmon Lv. ?? – "Surfscream.exe"Type: Water / Sound / RegretAbility: Lag Current – Slows all enemy actions by 3 turnsCry: Wet Screech
It rose from the ocean and roared.
Amber spat out her soda. "That's an unreleased regional variant from an April Fools' dev prank. WHY is it alive?"
Karen blinked. "I think the ocean's procedurally generating boss encounters now."
Midnight Daddy stepped forward, dropped his shades dramatically, and vanished.
When he reappeared, Surfscream.exe was gone.
Like, not defeated.Gone.
"Where'd he send it?" I asked.
Karen checked a scroll she summoned from her beach bag.
"'The Unfolder Zone,'" she read. "Huh. That's outside continuity."
That Mysterious Trainer Washes Ashore
Just when we thought the weirdness was capped…
A voice called out:"HELP! I COME FROM A DIFFERENT FANFIC!"
We ran over to the shoreline, where a figure in half-ripped cosplay washed up dramatically. He wore a trench coat, a thousand-yard stare, and a team of Level 100 legendaries locked in Master Balls that glowed ominously.
He coughed sand.
"Name's Blaze," he rasped. "Protagonist of Pokémon: Darkness Requiem X Omega Blood Moon."
We blinked.
Amber leaned in. "How edgy is your backstory?"
"I once evolved my Charizard using the tears of my dead rival."
Karen nodded. "Respect."
Midnight Daddy sniffed him and narrowed his eyes. He did not like this guy.
Neither did I.
Meanwhile, BEBOSS Opens a Juice Stand
As Surfscream.exe's shadow faded and Blaze was aggressively ignoring our plot arc, BEBOSS had set up a booming fruit stand labeled:
"JUICE FOR YOUR SOUL. OR FOR 5 POKÉ."
Chadlax was now napping on a sentient lounge chair. Amber was wiring new anti-glitch measures into her swimsuit.
Karen had crowned herself "Princess of Summer Vibes" and declared us legally relaxed.
And for once, there was a moment of actual peace.
I turned to Blaze.
"You sticking around?"
He stared at the sky. "I sense my fanfic being deleted by Wattpad mods as we speak."
"Cool," I said. "You can hold the beach umbrella."
Foreshadowing: Incoming Disaster
But just as things were settling—
Midnight Daddy stood stock still.
A ripple passed through the sun.
And a new notification appeared in my interface:
INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM: SAVEFILE_Y"Hope you're enjoying your vacation. I just released something into the Safari Zone. Something that… doesn't obey type advantages."
Amber's eyes widened.
"Oh no."
"What?" I asked.
She turned the PokéDex to face me.
NEW POKÉMON ADDED: Typelessmon
Type: None
Strength: Infinite
Weaknesses: Narrative Inconsistency
Moves:— Plot Hole— Data Drain— Deus Ex Machine Gun
I sighed.
"Looks like vacation's over."
Midnight Daddy slid his shades back on.
Karen crushed her coconut drink.
And Blaze cracked his knuckles. "Finally."
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